Saturday, January 26, 2008

Super Lazy day...

ahhh... the best laid plans of mice & (wo)men. I had so many plans to get up, be really active, productive, etc., but here it is, almost 11:30 and I just got showered & dressed.

Oh well... the good news is that I'm finally feeling back to my old self. Wait, my *new* old self who is active & healthy. Doesn't mean I bounded out of bed to do a 3 mile walk. But one who knows she's going to Oregano's for dinner with a friend and is busy perusing the menu to be sure to make healthy choices [side note: darn this SP mind set... Oregano's, like Claim Jumper, doesn't have any nutritional info on their web site... makes one cranky and *know* that means they have something to hide.. especially with a lot of their dishes having the words 'huge' 'smothered' and 'cream sauce' in the description... erg.]

I spent about an hour getting my quicken stuff up to date (note to self, do that more often than every 3 months... oops). and officially have little money to spend on groceries today, but I'll be making my list, checking it... a few times, and scouring the ads to save money and get healthy stuffs for lunches & dinner for this week.

One thing from the last week that I've come to realize is that my body really is changing. Some of it's for good, some of it not so much. After 2 beers this weekend (just 2... and they weren't that big!) I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. I *know* it's not good for me, and it really effects the scale when I have a drink. More importantly, because I'm not used to it anymore, or at least don't have it as much as I used to, it really kicks my CFS/Fibro into gear. I couldn't quite figure out why I felt so icky and worn out... and that's about the only thing that I did *really* differently last week - the alcohol. Yes, eating different did it too, but that was a big contributor.

So now it's a matter of thinking 'is this drink worth feeling crappy for the next 2-3 days?' Sometimes the answer will be yes (like during war in a couple weeks) but most times it will be no. *sigh*

Oh, I also made a decision... I got a renewal thing from Bally's for $99 for the year. I hemmed, I hawed, I waffled, but then decided that 1) my health is worth $99, even if I use it 1 time a week (it works out to $8 a month, which is $2 a week), and 2) I really want to get back to using an elliptical trainer, and while I would love one in my house, there's no room, and I can't get a good one for $99. So I have it on my calendar to do it after I get back from the event so I have a wee bit of money built up for it. Yay

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

It's Cranky Thur-Wednesday

The short weeks confuse me. It's Wednesday, but yet it's Thursday, only a day away from the weekend...

And I was all ready to resign myself to a grumpy, apathetic week and then the stoopid PTB did it again... From the Healthy Reflection "Happiness is a state of mind, not a way of life or a destination that you'll reach one day. Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, and we cannot let them ruin our days."

Meh...Well, I'm gonna whine anyway, then get over it, K? k.

So I didn't get much sleep last night, despite my best efforts, and woke up kinda late this morning feeling out of sorts again. Not in a bad mood persay, but just... blah, and kind of apathetic.

This morning it was really bad. My honey sent me the info for his friend's wedding. They've been friends for a really long time , she's a really neat lady & she's going to be in our wedding. Just have been mildly annoyed that she got engaged after us and are getting married before hand... sort of like 'no one I know is allowed to have a wedding till after mine'. Not logical, but... yeah, whatever. It's sort of the whole worry that, if I throw a party, no one's gonna show up so why even bother? And *especially* if there's other stuff to go to, people aren't going to want to come to *my* thing... no matter if none of the same people are involved.

Then the kicker came - they're asking guests to wear Victorian era clothing... ok, I'm all for period style dress - do it all the time. But I hit that tailspin feeling of not being able to find anything , or feeling really embarresed going to a costume rental place and being too fat for any of the clothing, so again, why bother. Maybe I'll just send my honey without me and I'll wear a mumu for our wedding.


And with the tired and the mood, instead of getting me fired up to kick butt, I feel rather shot down.

Why yes, I'd *love* some cheese with my whine... but be sure it's lower fat, k? Thx.

There's a lot going on right now and I'm feeling very overwhelmed, and Veruca's big sister (She really needs a name!) is basically doing the 'we can't do it so why bother' attitude. I think lunch time will be spent with making a list and looking at my calendar to put things in perspective *and* prioritize so we can turn it around and prove that there's a reason to bother. :)

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Yeah...this will be an interesting week and need to get back on track. The couple days off have gotten me a bit distracted... not completely derailed, mind you, just going to have to kick it up several notches to get refocused again. It's amazing to me how old habits are so easy to slip back into when you're not... what was that phrase I've heard before... oh yeah, IN CONTROL!

Going on auto pilot is not a good thing and even when I don't do *too* bad in general, it definitely shows up on the scale later on...

Oh, and learned an important lesson - beer good... beer in the afternoon, very bad for my mood. Either I need to not have it, or keep drinking enough so the buzz continues till I got to bed. ;) Otherwise, I get sooooo cranky. meh.

I just really need to give myself an attitude adjustment, but feel like my positive vibe got burned out last week - aka Veruca & her big sister both are tired and grumpy and needs a bit of rest before we kick it in again. But I think I'll treat them to a nice stroll over to the rose garden at lunch time... no pressure, no power walking, just enjoying the day and the scenery. Yes, I think that will be loverly...

Just a brief update - went for the walk, rose garden was closed (doh!) but I did enjoy the time outside. Have just been out of sorts all day and then 2 thoughts hit me: The first is "that which we resist, persists"

Basically, there's been lots of stuff going on and instead of kicking back, enjoying it, trying to fit exercise in where I can etc., I've been focusing on what I *can't* do and getting annoyed about it. Yes, I had a great stride the last couple of weeks, but sometimes life happens. So instead of getting really annoyed and focusing on that part, resisting the change or down time, and not really enjoying the time I get to spend with my honey, I need to make peace with it, do the best I can, and get to work after he leaves for his next trip...

The second thought is, "Anyone can be positive when things are going well."

Yeah, kind of self explanatory. If it were smooth sailing all the way, what am I really going to learn? Not a lot... It's those darn F.O.G. times (F-ing Opportunities for Growth) that really prove a person's worth, and increases the one's inner strength. So, things aren't going my way right now... so what?!

I'm not going to let inconvenience derail me.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008


I was (am) really excited about my loss this week... over 2 pounds is great! and apparently I'm doing things right. I'd made a deal with my honey that if I got to 190, we could have sushi, so we went tonight... not only was it not as good as I'd hoped, I feel all bloaty from the sodium. Eeesh... so tomorrow is definitely a walking kind of day.

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

And now for today's ::flick:: in the head.

After the writing and thinking about control, taking responsibility, being in the moment, I read today's Healthy Reflection...

"The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.

- John Maxwell, author and public speaker"

::flick:: ow. Ok, fine, I get it. I need to grow up... I need to take responsibility. I need to live in the here and now.

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My Breakfast is evil

I just entered all the stuff for breakfast/snack and it totaled up to 666 calories! LOL! Now if I can just get rid of my headache, all will be good and right with the world. Hopefully my walk will help clear it up.

After more thinking and re-reading of ECKHAM05's blog, I decided that I'm a control freak. I think we all are to a point if we're here. Problem is, I gave up the control a long time ago and went on subconscious auto pilot. I skated through the days, not really paying attention to what I was eating, doing, what ever. The house, body and mind gets more and more cluttered - physically or emotionally till the perfectionist control freak comes out and wants an all or nothing magic pill to make it better.

But sadly there's not. And that's where the emotions come in - the anger, the defensiveness, the frustration, being tired, being vulnerable, etc. I had an email conversation with a friend yesterday who told me her co-worker was going to the coffee place to get goodies for her. I got annoyed, frustrated, defensive.

For the rest of the day I had some of these thoughts floating through my head (why I spent so much time & energy on it, I don't know): She's in a similar boat with needing to lose weight - although less than me - so why is it ok for her to eat stuff like that and not me?! I mean, I used to be the kind of person who would just eat whatever and not care or worry about the calorie or fat content. And darn it, why is it so bloody easy to go outside the ranges, but really difficult to stay in them?!?!

And then the reason for all this mulling came out: I HATE BEING IN CONTROL ALL THE TIME!!


Wow. Ok, that stopped me in my tracks. I had a Dr. Phil moment after that: Soooo, *not* being in control all the time... how'd that work for you? It got me fat, it got me cranky, it got my house messy, it made me a door mat, etc. My life turned into 'someone else's problem', but *I* was the someone else. So why would I want to give up control? Isn't being in control infinitely better than not? ::whimper:: yes, it is... I'm just not used to it. But the good news is that I have opportunities all day, every day to exert control. *I* am the only one who can control my actions, my attitude, and most importantly, my reaction.

I think it's more a matter of fear, though - fear that I can only maintain this level of control over my life, my diet, etc., for so long before it goes away, and then where will I be? I keep saying I don't want to go back to where I was... but if I can't keep it up, I might as well not even try.

But that's also why I'm here. I have found an amazing support in the people here who lift me up when I fall. They're my cheerleaders who don't see the bad, only the good. We can cheer each other's successes. When my resolve falters, I can use theirs, just like they can use mine when theirs falters.

And as ECKHAM05 says, I won't let my fear derail me.

And as Veruca says: I decree it! :)

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Friday, January 18, 2008

Food for thought

Got this in one of my flylady/workout emails...

"It's the little choices every day that take us in the direction we want to travel. This does not mean to beat ourselves up (or worse stop moving completely) if we stumble on the path but to follow the trail at our own pace, slow and steady, loving ourselves and using babysteps. Do not think about what you regret doing, think about what you never regret doing. Then DO those things, Those are the victories. "

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Friday Dance of Joy!

JonMChris - the pic is for you. ;) Although it looks like my kitten, Muggins. Hrmm... maybe *that's* why the rum is gone in the house!

Yay! I made it through the week with only minimal battle scars, *and* I met my weightloss goal for the week (first time evah!) so I gets to have a Sushi date with my honey. ::happy dance:: Haven't had sushi in ages and haven't had a date night in a long time, either.

So apparently I was tired again because I fell asleep around 9:30 last night while listening to my meditation thing - I think the kittens turned on the major sleep motors - I didn't even budge when my honey came to bed. I guess I needed it. I'm feeling a lot less melt down-ish today.

Been thinking about ECKHAM05's blog and realizing how tiring this whole process is. Having to constantly be mindful and aware of what you're eating, what you're doing, how much you're moving, etc., it takes a lot out of you. Yes, the pay offs are huge, but it's also an extreme excercise in delayed gratification. It's not like you work out for an hour, eat in your calorie range and *poof* you're a size smaller.

It's the little things that you notice after a few weeks, like putting on a freshly washed pair of pants and not having to do contortions to zip them up. Or running up stairs and realizing you don't sound like you're having an asthma attack. And it's also the realization that the yogurt with frozen fruit tastes better, sits better in the system, and is more appealing than the fresh donuts someone brought in to work that morning.

But my inner brat, Veruca, can't quite see that sometimes. She wants to just say "Heck with it! Lets eat an entire pizza instead of messing with getting a salad ready! And have ice cream for dessert!" We're slowly working on comprimising, and looking better in my clothes is helping with the convincing. Cuz above all, Veruca (and I) want to look S-L-A-M-M-I-N!

Although it's interesting, I thought I had it all figured out with my one inner brat. Then I realized, I actually had a second one - she's a lot quieter, but is the rebellious teenager - she is, for now, un-named. The one who is really strong willed in both good and bad ways. She's the one who comes out when there's something to prove, but unfortunatley, she's been using her powers for evil. It's the 'I'll show you how fat/lazy/disorganized/antisocial I can be!' I'm working on it though, to turn it around so we can prove how strong, fit, and slammin' we can be.

I know, in some circles, this is considered a mental illness, but we like the arrangement just fine. ;)

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Resolutions... I has them

This picture was too cute...had to. :)

So yeah, today's been a day. I got woken up when my honey got home around 2 and couldn't get back to sleep, and it didn't really hit till about noon when I almost had a mini-meltdown for a minor reason. I think it's a combo of some of my subscriptions (I have too many issues, so it's cheaper this way. ;) rearing their ugly head, several nights of interrupted sleep, and just being worn out in general.

I've also been doing a lot of introspection after reading ECKHAM05's blogs the last couple of days. I'm sure I'll be writing more on it later, but a lot of what I've been thinking about is my relationship with myself and my connection (or lack of) to others. Just sort of in a weird brain place right now, and think tonight is going to be 'quiet brain' night - take a nice long hot shower, do some meditation and cuddling with the kittens. that always helps. It's just weird, though, how I can do really good at taking care of one or two things, but not several things at once - I do too much introspection, my brain is quiet(er) but my body gets neglected. I focus on food and exericse, and my brain gets neglected. I focus on the house and the other stuff falls apart. :/

OH! And then, when I'm starting to feel good about myself, and thinking I'm looking good, I notice there's a poster up in our area of a group walk thing we did last year... and the photo is of me, my honey & a co-worker... UGH! It's just not that flattering of a photo, and to look at it every day is really not that great. I keep trying to remind myself that it's a good 'before' photo.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

That's it...

I'm going to stop bringing my lunch to work. This is the _3rd_ day in a row I've gotten lunch offers that I can't refuse. And tomorrow is a lunch meeting. blah.

But again, I had things planned out and did a quick recalc and will only be marginally outside my calories for the day.

I was bummed I didn't get in a little extra workout last night - my honey is so cute, but such a dork and forgot a lot of stuff they needed for their presentation so had to drive it to him in rush hour traffic. That killed over an hour and I really needed dinner by the time I got home. So tonight I *have* to get that workout in.


Edit/Update: I loves the Internets. It's such a wealth of info that the healthy-type person can plan their meals accordingly. I decided that tomorrow I'm going to not eat at the meeting, and will eat the lunch that I brought for today. I realize that tomorrow is my higher calorie day, but after looking at Jason's Deli's page, there's no way.

The info that the web site had on the wraps that we usually have catered - very very tasty ones - made me go o_O. None of them are less than 500 calories (even the light one) or under 2,000 mg of sodium. *sigh*

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Holy derailment, batman

I loves my honey... happy that he's home and all that, and he brought me pretty flowers today. Yay! But yesterday & today, when I've had my lunch in the fridge and have food all planned out, he calls and says "wanna have lunch?!"

uh, lemme think. I haven't seen you for 2 weeks, and won't see you again for 2 weeks... yes!

But the good thing is that I had enough time and warning of where we were going to adjust my food tracker so that I'd still be on track. And today's lunch jaunt... still under my calorie range. ::happy dance::

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Monday, January 14, 2008


So the healthy reflection today really hit me over the head, especially with the entry from last week about working with my issues. It's so easy to let our personal limitations shut us down, or use them as an excuse. Making peace with ones limitations is a difficult thing, especially when those limits are constantly changing. But every baby step gets you closer and closer to your end goal.

Know your limits...but never stop trying to exceed them.

- Anonymous

Overcoming your personal "stop signs"

Many of us use our "limitations" as a stop sign for reaching our goals. While knowing our limits can safeguard us against injury and embarrassment, too often we use them as avoidance methods in our lives. What is holding you back from reaching your goals? How can you push beyond your comfort zone in a healthy way? Many dieters experience such limitations in on their weight loss journeys. Our bodies and minds are capable of overcoming much more than we could ever imagine if we just try. Today set new goals that may push you a little. Overcoming your personal hang ups and fears may be one of the most rewarding choices you'll ever make!

Edit: So I decided to overcome myself today, and push a little bit - I did a 15 min walk when I got home and did my 'firecracker circuit' for some strength training - 2 sets of lunges, squats, push-ups and crunches. I've got a goal for this week, and being a bum today wasn't going to get me any closer to it. HOpefully getting the juices flowing will help ease up the soreness from yesterday.

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I'm too old for this

Ugh. So I'm happy to help my honey out, and bring a bit of extra income into the house, but this standing for 6+ hours at a bridal fair in dress shoes thing is sooo not working for me. My body is so sore again today, not as bad as last week because thankfully, this was only a 1 day fair, and we had carpet instead of just concrete, but still... ow... and ::yawn:: The Tucson fair was way more fun than the Phoenix one... much smaller percentage of 'manufactured beauty' and a higher percentage of "real" people/couples. I had a lot of fun talking with the folks, and in general felt a lot better about the whole industry. Not to mention it reinforced why I like Tucson more than Phoenix.

The nice thing is that he got home last night and will be home for the week. Hope we got enough leads to keep him busy for the week. :)

Oh! And I had someone ask how much weight I've lost - not the 'have you lost weight?' question, but the 'I *know* you have so don't try to say you haven't.' Whee!

Ok, time for more coffee. oy. will be an early night, me thinks

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Friday, January 11, 2008

No Thank You...

It's starting to become a habit now, when ever anyone offers me something that I shouldn't be having in the first place, my instant response is "No thank you." I don't make a big deal out of it, I don't make a grand announcement that proclaims my will power by stating that I AM ON A DIET, nothing like that. Just a simple "Nope, I'm good, thanks."

mmm... nummy fries, you want some? - No thank you.

have some cake! - No thank you.

There's a couple of bagels left over, you want one? - No thank you.

Want another Rum and Coke? ... o_O uuh... yeah, ok!

Ok, didn't say I was doing it *all* the time, but 80-90% of the time is better than nothing, right?

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Getting better all the time.

So the antibiotics are getting into my system, my sinuses have decided to give in a little, and now I has the runny nose. It's a good thing but still is annoying.

I did get up and do my work out this morning- it was a rather low-key participation on my end, and my friend already gave me the mom finger shake of not exercising while sick, but whatever... :P I'm still working on my endurance... granted the work out kicked my butt still, but it was a good feeling.

One thing that I'm I'm still struggling with is minimizing the post-work out 'malaise'... Being hypothryoid I have some of the fibromyalgia symptoms, and having mild chronic fatigue, exercise isn't always the best thing - sometimes it can make things worse. I still remember signing up with a personal trainer before I really knew about all this. After 1 work out with him, I was off for the next week because I literally couldn't move. It wasn't the 'good sore', it was the 'arms and legs full of lead and literally have no strength'. I was lucky to make it to work the 2 days afterwards. After trying to explain to the trainer that I couldn't do as much as he was pushing for, and him all but saying I was just being a weenie, I cancelled the workouts with him.

I watch things like the Biggest Loser and the workouts they do, and have mixed feelings - there's a big part of me that want's to do even 1/2 of what they do, but there's the part of me that would be ready to quit before starting because I know how horrible I'd feel after.

Basically, there's a fine line between challenging one-self and pushing too far, and unfortunately the line moves around so you don't know until it's too late. But I'm working with it - I know I have more energy in the morning so that's when it's best for me to do my more 'intense' workouts (ie-vigerous walk, low impact areobics, etc.) and, if I'm up to it, doing yoga or pilates a couple times a week at night when I get home from work. I can't do 2 sessions of areobics in a day, or 2 long-ish walks in a day, but I'm learning my limits and working to nudge that very fine line a little further and further out.

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Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Not sure what's worse: the disease, or paying for the cure.

Between my co-pay and the prescription, it's $100 to take care of this sinus issue... ok, I guess it's an infection since I have a prescription for antibiotics. HOpefully these won't make me sick like the last one did... In fact she'd just written me a prescription for what I had last time and I told her I couldn't take it - made me dizzy and nauseus, must make note of it to make sure I don't get that again.

On the upside, my NP did hook me up with lots of samples for allergy stuff, so that will help later on.

I was so annoyed/upset about the cost of things that I was soooo tempted to grab a pizza & coke at the mini-pizza hut at Target, but I resisited. I'm having my lean cuisine pizza instead. Although I still want the coke. Darn that aversion to artificial sweetners!

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Cranky Wednesday

Sooo tired - had a huuuuge moving truck show up outside the house at 11 last night to move my new neighbor in to the place next door. Really stinks because I was *almost* asleep when I heard the *crash* of the trucks gate going down and the person's car alarm going off... then the banging around which sounded like it was in *my* living room. Freaked me out a little bit. My friend is only allowing me to be grumpy about it for the next 2 hours, and being really tired because of it, I may take the full time! LOL! And I told my honey I'd be grumpy for him so he could have a good day and make lots of sales! :)

Ever have those days when you just *want* to be grumpy? About that kind of day for me.

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Tuesday, January 8, 2008


I broke down and made an appt at the doctors. My sinus thing isn't quite clearing up, even with the stuff I'm taking, and I need to get an inhaler anyway for next month's event. I go in tomorrow and hopefully treating the sinus thing will take care of my headache.


Update - I allowed my honey to have a 'told ya so' moment, as he was teh one who has told me since Friday to go to the doctors... he was just surprised that I actually made the appointment. I'm worse than a boy when it comes to going to the doctor! LOL!

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Feeling a little better than yesterday - There's still residual soreness and grumpiness, but I'm at least in a way better mood! I got to bed around 9:30 and decided that, instead of turning on the tv and getting sucked into Enterprise, I'd just read a little and go to sleep.

I did get myself up and fumble through the workout (OMG I'm uncoordinated today!). It really stinks at how long it takes to build up stamina & such, but how little time it takes to lose it. I mean, I only took 2 weeks off, why can't I just jump back in at the same level I was?!

*sigh* fine... so this week is dedicated to getting back into the swing of things and building that momentum and stamina. I got some Tart butts to kick! LOL!!

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Feeling a little better than yesterday - There's still residual soreness and grumpiness, but I'm at least in a way better mood! I got to bed around 9:30 and decided that, instead of turning on the tv and getting sucked into Enterprise, I'd just read a little and go to sleep.

I did get myself up and fumble through the workout (OMG I'm uncoordinated today!). It really stinks at how long it takes to build up stamina & such, but how little time it takes to lose it. I mean, I only took 2 weeks off, why can't I just jump back in at the same level I was?!

*sigh* fine... so this week is dedicated to getting back into the swing of things and building that momentum and stamina. I got some Tart butts to kick! LOL!!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Double Meh

So this weekend I was feeling all fat and frumpy. I was surrounded by late teen, early 20 year old 'girls' who were too skinny, had too big of boobs and too perfect hair & skin... it was a bridal fair and at one point I had the thought that the whole industry is geared towards making you feel bad if you don't 'look' the part and spend the billion dollars to have the 'fairy tale' wedding.

It really didn't help when I realized that I was totally PMS-ing as well (AF showed up today... meh.) because I used it as an excuse to eat badly and have *another* rum in coke.

Then I checked in with my team and feel like I'm already miles behind everyone... :whine whine:

Yep, it's totally a monday. It's very, very tempting to throw in the towel, drop out of the challenge, say screw it all and not care. But I know that won't make me happy either.

I did get up and do my yoga for the morning, and that helped my legs feel better. I need to go grocery shopping, too, but will get my list together tonight and go tomorrow, although not sure what I'm having for lunch or dinner today. Bleh... It was great to see my honey, but being gone all weekend put me off track around the house.

Pretty much today is going to be a super low key day, and I think a pampering evening - oooh, a nice bath and going to bed early. That'll help with the mood, I'm thinking.

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Saturday, January 5, 2008


Yeah... that's about it. had a good then kinda crappy day that hasn't ended well food wise. So hoping to get to bed reasonably soon because I dont' deal well with being super tired and having too many people around me.

Glad I'll be home tomorrow night and sort of glad it's just gonna be me - I miss my honey when he's gone, but it's hard to have quality couple time when he's in work mode, and since I'm literally the 5th wheel right now (it's me, him, and 3 of his work people in the hotel room) it's hard to have any down time, esp with just us... looking forward to a quiet night with my kittens.

Just feeling mopey, I guess...

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Friday, January 4, 2008


I thought Fridays were supposed to be good days? Woke up with my head filled with cement, and it hurts my teeth when I breathe. Gonna get some decongestant at lunch time and hopefully it'll clear that up.

Otherwise it's been an ok day so far. The scale dropped down a little bit - ok it took a BIG dip when I first weighed myself... and again when I had to be sure. Then it went back up after I took a shower (I had to see it again) but was still down from where I was on Monday. ::happy dance::

It'll be interesting to see how things go this weekend. I'm working a bridal show with my honey which means standing for 2 days but not much walking/exercise... wonder if the hotel has a workout room *and* if I'll have a chance to use it.

I also decided that I really want to get an elpitical machine for home. Noooo idea 1) how to afford it and 2) where to put it, but think it's a good goal to work toward. Maybe it will be my reward for the 1st 20# gone.

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Thursday, January 3, 2008

I know what I'm up against now...

I decided to take a semi-logical approach to this (it happens once in a while - but still surprises me)

I was able to locate a general sizing chart for most bridal gown designers, and to fit into my dress I need to have the following measurements:

Bust: 41.5
Waist: 32.5 (this is the 'natural' waist where it curves in under the rib cage)
Hips: 44

Where I'm at now (I measure once a month on the 15th, so I'll update in a couple weeks):
Bust: 44
Waist: 36.5
Hips: 45

ok, I can do this... only 4" off the waist and 3 from the bust in 5 months...


No, I can do this. Guess I *will* be taking that walk *and* doing the pliates when I get home. Gotta get movin.

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Day 1 again?

In the effort of looking at each day as New Years, it's been ok... got slept by my kittens and honey this morning, but considering my honey left a bit ago for a job in PHX for a week, the extra snuggle time was welcome. And since it'll just be me, I'm doing my work out & a bit of yoga when I get home.

I was very proud of me yesterday, though - I had to run an errand at CostCo yesterday that took longer than expected (no surprise there!) and my honey kept commenting 'oooh, the pizza smells good... we can just have dinner here... I'll buy.' But I resisted. Then we had to stop by a friends house who just made dinner - bacon, sausage, potatoes - and of course offered us some... I declined. Went home, made dinner (thank heavens it was quick!!!), and even though we ate in front of the tv, I took the time to *watch* what I was eating, and ended up hitting 'full' a little before I finished.

As this is my first week back really on track I didn't want to slide so early on. Not to mention it's my first week focusing on my calories and using the cycling ranges that CCshere got together for me, so I'm almost hyper focusing on food... Speaking of which, I need to go shopping soon!

I was also proud of me for remembering to wear my pedometer today - but my skirt took some adjusting. It showed that I'd walked about 6k steps in the last hour or so, but my waist band was a little lose (oh darn) and had to scrunch it down a little to make the pedometer more stable.

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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

An interesting exercise...

I've been thinking about REDSHAVEMOREFUN's entry about mindful eating, and I tried something at lunch. Instead of leafing through a magazine and mindlessly shoveling my lunch in my mouth, I looked at my plate each time I got a bite of food...

Instead of being distracted and having the 'did I eat?' feeling, I actually felt full, and enjoyed the meal. Will have to try that again to see if it still helps, but I think it falls under the same philosophy as 'eating off a plate' instead of 'grazing/picking at food'. It creates a full sensory connection - I see the food, smell the spices, feel that I'm eating, tasting the food, etc.

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Ok, so 2008 actually started with a *whimper*. Got slammed with a monster migraine around 11, kept getting worse till we got home and around 12:30 could barely see straight. So glad my honey was driving. Took many meds, finally got to sleep, and woke up feeling mostly better.

It was a nice day yesterday - we went and got photos taken (my honey won a sitting and free photos with a good photographer) and spend the rest of the day watching the Biggest Loser season 2 marathon, oh, and eating badly... yeah, sort of a contradiction, no? I did realize that I can't eat that way any more - not just nutritionally, but also because I felt like poo afterwards.

It was really good to watch the show - and am recording the new season, too - because it put some stuff in perspective. Yes, they work out for hours on end, and yes, they are secluded and have nothing else to focus on, but it's the determination and inner strength they find that keeps them going and pushing themselves. I really identified with Andrea - she was just going through the motions, trying to keep afloat, but hit the point where it was either sh*t or get off the pot, and she totally kicked butt and looked awesome. It made me think of what was I doing? I *say* I want this or that, and put some effor into it but am worried or scared I'm going to push *too* far... but what does that mean? It means that I'm either going to hurt myself - ok, that would be bad, but I would recover. But worse: it may mean I would succeed. It may mean that I will discover that I *am* a strong person inside and out, that I *am* a beautiful person inside and out, and that I can start living instead of making excuses

This morning, after arguing with myself for about 10 min, not to mention struggling against a cat that was determined to snuggle sleep me again, I got my butt out of bed, and did my best effort with my work out. I have my pedometer on today, to start charting my progress on the walk to Rivendell. I will treat every day as New Years Day - an opportunity to make smart choices, to start fresh, and get to my goal.

But for now, I get some work done. :)

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