Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Stress eating in 3... 2... 1...

Yeah, interesting how these things can sneak up on you.

Going back a couple of weeks I had my monster freak out about a couple of issues... ok, I'm always having a monster freak out about issues... that's beside the point.

Anywho, this one in particular is money related, which corresponded with some random and intense personal cr@p and I did my crazy meltdown dance then eventually calmed down. The personal stuff was a no-win situation, so we put it in a bubble and let it go. The money stuff, well, it was just a heads up on the potential for things to come... soon.

That day was today.

(Taxes, in case folks were wondering)

Thing is, 1) it wasn't as bad as we thought, and 2) I'd made peace with it and had already started working on a sustainable plan.

Or so I'd thought. The weirdest thing was, as soon as I got off the phone with the hubby & our accountant, I had the worst craving for peanut butter! I had to fight every urge to dig through my change purse and hit the vending machine for a peanut butter cup!

What the...!?!?!

I didn't have the food cravings hit at all the first time around, why now?!


I don't understand my body at all.

All is better now - I got distracted, I got to breathe, I had some carrots & hummus... life is good. :)

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Monday, March 30, 2009

The sweet irony...

Yes, that's a muffin next to the Atkins book.

I know! Me, of all people having a muffin! LOL!

Ok, seriously, I ordered the book from the library as part of the planning for the Art of War: Know thy enemy.

That's a joke... sort of.

But not really.

For some reason this Diet (aka a short term eating plan that's only sustainable by .01% of the population) has persisted in sticking around and I wanted to know why... and I also wanted to be able to speak intelligently when people defended their bacon and cheese lunch and/or ask why it's not working for them. I'm trying to keep an open mind while reading this book, and loose basic principles are nutritionally sound (get protein at every meal, eat your veggies, get enough fiber, and go for nutrient dense food over fast food) I gotta say - the first chapter made me want to throw it across the room (Fight sugar cravings with VEAL(?!) Seriously?!).

Anywho, back here on Earth, I had an interesting weekend. The Monkey Mind was running rampant but I was able to focus it a little bit at a time.

I got some cleaning done around the house - mostly dusting and a little decluttering after being tired of dusting all the little things we have. I decided that I need to dust more often (aka, more often than never!) due to my allergies and also need to vacuum/swiffer as well... so it's on my calendar to dust one week, and vaccum the next. Not as much as some would do, but it's a better plan that I had.

I also got a bit of writing done for myself, and one of my groups. There are many changes going on with it, and I wanted to get as much of a handle and focus on it as I could early on...

Making the decision to be part of this Mental Cleanse has been very interesting - I find myself not only trying to keep myself positive and encouraging others, but also am finding that I'm making ripples in an otherwise calm pond. I mentioned last week that a co-worker called me 'passionately pi$$y'... that sort of bothered me but then I realized that I was speaking out against other people being snarky. For that *I* was being considered pi$$y...

To which I now say, "Thank you!"

I've also observed some changes in people around me... Once I got serious about my health, I stopped talking about it and started just doing it. Now that the results from my efforts are showing, people are asking questions. I tend to be a little... passionate, but have been working on keeping myself dialed down a few notches and offering information when people ask... excluding the whole "don't make me cram chicken down your throat" discussion of a gentleman who is doing P90X, not eating any protein, and barely eating 1,200 calories... a story for another time.

Lately I've been hearing people make comments about the little changes they're doing... I actually heard someone say, "You know, I finally realized I didn't have to eat the entire bowl of ice cream!"

Lead by example.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

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Friday, March 27, 2009

Haven't we been here before?

My life is measured, not in minutes or hours, but cycles - high energy, low energy, motivation, rest, focus, randomness, etc.

Right now, in that "pent up awesome energy that's a really good thing but coming through as frustration" cycle.

I blame the equinox.

Serious - the first day of spring was a week ago, and pretty much since then (aside from the self-inflicted semi-bonk state) I've been ready to jump out of my skin and if I could figure out one of those wacky brain wave typewriters from the Tommyknockers I'd have about 50 bazillion blog posts done, instead of the ideas knocking into each other leaving me in a state of 'what was I going to write again?'

And if that run-on sentence wasn't proof enough, I don't know what is.

As I mentioned yesterday, times like this not only lower my tolerance for cr@p, but it also makes hyper aware of it.

I also blame the 'Mental Cleanse'... because I really think the low tolerance is tied to pushing out the negative to make room for the positive.

I know a couple of you have asked about it, so here's a little info on it. In essence, like any undertaking, it's making the commitment, for the next 30 days, to allow nothing but positive thoughts, words and deeds in your life.

It means stopping the tape that plays in your head that tells you that you can't do something, that you're not good enough so why bother, that you're destined to be fat, or you don't deserve to be happy.

It also means not griping about every little thing, not joining in the office gossip, and only using empowering, encouraging words to people - including your family (had to include this! How many times have we treated total strangers better than we treat our own family?)

Easier said than done, no?

Taking baby steps, it can be done. Trust me... granted it took me a long time to realize I needed to do it, and then some time to figure out what worked for me, but eventually, it came together.

One big thing that helped: No news is good news! I turned off the TV news, switched the radio station when the news came on, cancelled my paper subscription and never looked back.

Find what makes you happy and focus on it - Do you love music? Play it!! Loud! (well, loud-ish, depending on the situation) Start your morning with your favorite song! Do you love to read? Pick up that book (heck, you're not watching the news, so you have time ;) Got an iPod - there are TON of awesome pod-cast! Drop me a line for a list of my faves... Affirmations!!! Even if it's one, put it on a post it note and start saying it to yourself over and over - out loud or in your head. Before meals, use it as your prayer.

I'll wrap up by pulling an 'old school' quote out for you:

Turn on, Tune in, Drop out!!!

Loves that Timothy Leary! Granted, his methods were... unorthodox at best, but he had one thing right:

Turn on your brain, tune in to the world around you, and drop out - stop relying on others for your happiness, and explore your singularity.

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[Insert witty blog title here]

It's been... well, a week, and definitely a day. There's many contributing factors to said 'week' but the biggest one is the pre-AF angsty ADHD mania that seems to kick in some months but not others... since it's not as regular as her visits, I don't see it as part of the warning signs but it's there, none the less.

The good thing that comes of it is that it drastically lowers my tolerance for cr@p... ok, it's a good thing for me, not so good for others, hence the 'passionately pi$$y' comment from a co-worker again today.

To which I say: Whatever.

Add to that a feeling of general discomfort and that's where I'm at.

In reality, this mood hit a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn't quite as evident as it is now... I noticed small differences. In posts I'd write - I worked very hard to avoid any wording that indicated failure. I stopped eating in the lunch room because I was tired of hearing the same griping and snippiness from the same people (one of whom made the above comment.) Then the hubby shared a podcast he'd listened to last week about doing a '30-Day Mental Cleanse'. That was it! My brain, my subconscious, the Powers That Be, whatever - it had already taken over and was clearing out the cr@p and I didn't realise it.

I know it's time for change - it's spring! The perfect time for growth.

Speaking of pushing and change... oy did I get put through the wringer last night. My trainer had me lifting seriously heavy and doing stuff we hadn't done before. It rocked! And I hated it! All at the same time.

Ok, hate is a strong word. It was very challenging mentally and physically... maybe some of my Iron Maiden Sisters can answer this for me: Why did I get all sorts of panic-y doing the really heavy stuff?!

At no time was I in danger of getting hurt, I was being spotted all the time - did the chest press w/the olympic bar, skull crushers w/the E-Z bar and about 15# on it, Dumb bell curls up to 15#, etc. My arms were shaking from effort and from fear of freaking out. I was sweating... well, that's normal. ;)

Steve even commented a couple of times that he kept the reps down so I wouldn't get scared - not in a derogatory way, but more matter-of-fact, which makes me think this happens a lot. What is that?! Is if fear of being strong and powerful?! Or of feeling weak? Dunno...

It was definitely uncomfortable but now I can look back and say Heck Yeah I lifted that!

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Yeah, it's been a few days and while the brain is whirring away with different ideas and thoughts, just haven't been in a good headspace to write anything. Well, I /could/ it would just come across as snarky and elitist.

I've been resting (mostly), I've been afflicted with sinus & allergy issues from heck (worst cosmic joke: it's the most beautiful time of the year her in AZ and the most deadly to me... I want to be outside, I want to have the windows open at home, but if I do, I'm miserable. bah!), I've been stressy and over all just feeling... meh.

Wacky fun times in my part of the world.

No, things aren't all doom and gloom, and yes, I'm still working on maintaining my positive attitude about things in general...

Oh, wanted to share something interestesting that happened this weekend:

I saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a long timeand got a LOT of complements... (The Once and Future King made me blush BIG time!!!)

I did have one lady stop me and ask what I was doing. I did my usual response: "It's this really radical and out there thing that I'm not sure it's safe but wow am I getting results!"

She waited in anticipation to hear the magic bullet I'd found!

"It's called the 'Eat Real Food and Exercise' plan."

She looked me dead in the eye and said, "No, really... what are you doing?"

I said, "Really... eating better, eating a LOT of real food, and exercising... "

"Oh. Well... you MUST be spending hours in the gym, right?"

"Yep, at least 2-3 hours... [insert look of relief] a WEEK [incredulous look]"

"No, that can't be right... oh well, you look great anyway."

She wandered away and I was left shaking my head.

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Friday, March 20, 2009

In theory...

I'm less than 10 pounds away from being 'healthy'! LOL!!!

Ok, I think I'm healthy regardless of my weight, but according to the BMI calculator I'm less than 10 pounds away from a 'healthy' BMI...

Now, there's the usual shtick about how it's not an accurate reflection of my total body composition. At the same time, it's cool to see it corresponding with my overall health and changes I've made.

Also 'in theory', I've added 2# of muscle and lost 5# of fat since 3/1... As I've said, I've had very conflicting results with measuring things, but at the moment I'm looking at the overall changes - the weight on the scale is slowly but steadily dropping, the body fat measurements are also dropping (meaning I'm keeping/building muscle), the actual body measurements are getting smaller... everyone's on the same page for once. :)

In update from earlier this week, I found my limits, ignored them, and got reprimanded for it.

In a 24 hour period, I got 2 hours of intense exercise and burned way over 1,000 calories (even more if you count the "after burn" of doing HIIT and weights). While I have my thyroid under control and haven't had issues with my adrenal fatigue in a while, things like this tend to give my endocrine system a total pounding. On top of it, the emotional toll of some of the stuff that hit this week knocked me down another few notches. (I'm thinking the word 'shredded' sums it up nicely ;)

Looks like another 'active rest' weekend ahead of me.

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

If pain is my rain...

I'm about to go through a /major/ growth spurt.

The title is a phrase my hubby has been using a lot... pain, struggle, strife, they're all trials to go through for amazing self growth to feed the success that's ahead of me, etc.

Right now, it feels like a total line... but it's also the week where cr@p is hitting the fan right and left.

My usual MO is to totally freak out, want to go to unreasonable extremes which makes me want to instantly rebel against everything, then I'll shut down for a bit and eventually get back to a reasonable middle ground.

This process usually takes a couple of days to go through, but so far it's only taken a few hours to move into the numb stage, so that, in it's warped way, is promising. And the nice thing is that I've got my session with the trainer to work out the last bit of angsty stress.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

Words of wisdom...

Normally, I'd share some flash of brilliance that crossed through my brain, but it's Friday, and apparently that means brilliance has the day off... at least it does this week. However, I wanted to share someone else's flash... Namely Mother Teresa, who took a spiritual slant on a work by Kent Keith (I'm not all knowing, I just know how to Google :)

This was posted on the wall at my chiropractor's office - I'm sure it's been there a while, but I just noticed it this morning. I thought it was a great reminder for those "why bother?!" days... The message: Who cares? Do it anyway.

The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

DESTINY: Make it or take it.

Many moons ago I was in my friends wedding... sitting at the head table, we were all looking on as the best man was giving a very eloquent toast - the man could talk about bread and make it interesting, and this awesome couple made it very easy to speak to their love and their future. He wrapped up his speech by saying that their meeting and blossoming love was "destiny!"

It was followed immediately by ::kerrrbloop... kerrrbloop::

The top two tiers of their cake chose that moment to be one with the floor.

Luckily we all had a great laugh over it, and my friend took it all in stride. Now, over 15 years later, they have 3 kids and are still doing fantastic, so it apparently wasn't a sign of things to come, though we still joke about the "cake incident", just not in front of her mom. :)

Fast forward to now. I was reading one of many posts on losing those 'last X pounds' (usually a 5-10 pound range that people obsess over). In general there was some good input, but there was a comment of how /everyone/ has a pre-determined set point/weight that your body will be 'happy' at (heck, Self magazine's website has a calculator so you don't have to mess with that whole deciding for yourself thing!) I've also been hearing a lot of people saying, 'I'm meant to be this way… I was doomed as a child to be fat. I have heart disease/diabetes/cancer in my family, so why bother fighting it?'

Essentially, Zeus, Hera and all the imposing Olympian Gods & Goddesses got together and said ::poof:: "It's your destiny to look this way and weigh this amount, so stop fighting against it, and just take it."

Sorry, I don't buy that... And I'm sure I'm going to get into trouble for it.

This isn't about encouraging over-exercising/dieting, or working towards an unachievable ideal. It's about constantly challenging yourself to achieve things you never thought possible. It's about not letting other people define who you are and what you can do, about not letting other people dictate whether you have the right to make a change.

For me, there came a moment when 'losing weight' suddenly wasn't good enough. I remember, shortly before the wedding, I was enjoying my morning snack of almond butter & celery. I was asked, "Won't you be glad when the wedding is over and you don't have to eat rabbit food any more?" I was floored. Apparently the only reason to eat healthy foods and take care of your body are for a singular purpose, not for ongoing health and well being. And apparently my journey wasn't matching what this person thought I should be doing.

That is one thing that is never in short supply: People's opinions on how you're supposed to live your life. Generally, that opinion involves maintaining the status quo. If you change, it forces the people around you look a little closer at themselves which makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

Right now, I'm getting a ton of complements for how I look and the changes I'm creating in my body. One co-worker mentioned that I'm still me, but better… better attitude, better appearance.

I also know that there will come a time when those that have been oohing and aaaahing will say, "You've gone far enough."

My response will be, "I've just gotten started." There are so many distances to still travel. So many things still to discover about myself.

My only destiny is the one that I choose to create.

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Not another motivational post…

I've been having a weird form of writers block of late. There's been the usual, 'not sure what to write about', or 'don't feel like it'. That I can handle. It's annoying but expected because, really, even the most brilliant people have off days.

This particular block is different. The ideas are sitting there, staring at me, taunting me, double dog daring me to put them into words, but that's it. They are just… sitting there.

They're not doing the happy monkey dance of purpose that I'm used to. No direction, no nothing other than the idea.

Fine… I usually don't like writing with out a purpose, but I've already had my discomfort level tested and pushed this week, what's one more thing? I even asked my hubby for help with this, which is a big thing for me! Here's what's been bouncing around my brain:

Fear & Procrastination
Negative Thoughts

That's the Trifecta of success and failure, no? I mean, you have to overcome the first two to achieve the third, and with out the latter, the first two will stop you faster than you can say "Bob's yer uncle".

My self-proclaimed mission for this year is to be UN-comfortable in 2009. Well, I was reminded of the ever popular saying: Be careful what you wish for.

I got it. And it made me even crankier than I already was.

Why? Because I was afraid. Because it filled me with self doubt. Because I lost confidence.

Most importantly, it made me uncomfortable. I was forced out of my comfort zone into unfamiliar territory.

I was forced to grow… You know how much that stinks?

But that's really what IT is about, isn't it? You know, the big IT! The IT that we're all looking for: It's facing that fear, and doing it anyway.

Last night I was trying to distance myself from things but still figure out what bothered me and why it's /so/ hard to find the inner strength, to break out of the comfort zone, to charge forward - consequences be damned, and just get started?!

It hit me: When you get started, you have to keep going. And when you keep going, you have to be accountable for your actions. When you're accountable for your actions, there's so much more responsibility associated with each action. Basically, people (myself included) want it all with no responsibility. It's human nature to want the path of least resistance. And that path is usually involves something that's outside of us. Someone else's motivation, plans, goals, agendas. Someone else's limited vision.

That may help to get you started, but to keep moving forward you need to find that thing inside of you that will keep you going - your Why.
Confident people create change. The most important change they create is in the space between their ears. Most people are afraid to turn their gaze inward for _fear_ of what they might find, beacuse the biggest fear most people have is what is lurking in their own minds. There is absolutely nothing to fear, because all you will find is love! It may be buried under a few layers of doubt, and negative thoughts, but it's there.

Fear, procrastination, & negative thoughts all undermine our confidence, and they are all figments and manifestations of our mind. They are the little voices that say "No you can't do that, No don't join that business you will go broke, you're always meant to be fat, you will never make it…. etc, etc, ad nausium..."

To become confidant & successful in life, we must face & fight our fear with Faith! Faith in a simple word… YES. Yes I can do it, YES I can be successful, YES I AM WORTH IT! To find your inner confidence, you must replace those negative thoughts, the fears that creep in, with many positive, self affirming thoughts & words.

It takes work. A lot of work. It means making a conscious choice of how you will treat yourself, and consciously choosing to approach life PROactively rather than REactively. It means constantly being present in the moment, not letting yourself go on auto pilot, not letting distractions promote your procrastination.

It may mean digging up and reliving some of the pain, the failure, the rejection you've already experienced. It means embracing it and being grateful that you can use it to make you stronger, and in turn help someone going through something similar.

It is the choices & decisions we make today that will predict our future! Starting small with positive baby steps will give you the confidence to be accountable to yourself and develop personal responsibility for your actions. The words we tell ourselves today are the seeds of our harvest; whatever we sow, so it is we shall reap.

Believe in yourself, and accept the wondrous gifts you have been given!

Say YES to your Dreams, Say YES To Yourself.

WE BELIEVE IN YOU. GO for it!...

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I caved...

I got a twitter account.


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Monday, March 9, 2009


Thy name is "Drop Sets"

I should not be allowed to make my workout plan the night that I'm really tired and cranky. And I shouldn't be allowed to think, "Sure, that's totally do-able" when reviewing said plan at 5:30 am, before coffee, before food, and still half asleep.

(I did get a wee bit to eat before heading off for my tortu..eerrrr... fabulous workout, BTW)

For those not familiar with them (I wasn't) drop sets are when, on your last set, you do as many repetitions as you can at one weight, then drop the weight down to bang out a few more, then drop the weight even more to pound out another round. Basically you burn out your muscles by making them keep working past when you *think* you're fatigued.

I was smart enough to limit this mornings workout to 5 exercises but hokey smokes were my legs wobbly when I was done. That was when I realized the error of my ways... I was at the /beginning/ of my day, not the end... and I would still be needing to use my legs for the next, oh, 12+ hours.


::knocks on wood::

So far so good. I'm hoping that the fact that it was early and couldn't do near as much as I normally would at night will help keep the big soreness at bay.

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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Meet my nemsis

*sigh* just look at it... sitting there all peanut buttery and coated with the ever so slight layer of milk chocolatey goodness.

Honestly, if I were to be stuck on a deserted (dessert?) island and could only have one food, it would be peanut butter. What's not to love? It's got a nice ratio of fat, protein & carbs (ok, a little high on fat, but still) and will keep you satisfied while you're building your tree house. And when you combine it with chocolate... It's like you can hear choirs of angels singing.

Ok, I'm being a bit melodramatic, but seriously, my all time favorite candy in the whole wide world is this: Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. The original - not the trees or the pumpkin, or the heart - the classic egg shape. Now Reese's Peanut Butter Cups come in a close second, but with egg, it's like the perfect proportion of chocolate to peanut butter that makes it a little bit sweet, but not over powering, which means you can suck down about 3-4 of these bad boys before the sugar rush hits. Mwaahahahaha.


Why the obsession? It's easter, and the eggs are out-a-plenty. And these are one thing that makes me waiver ever so slightly from the goals and plan I have so carefully crafted and set out before me.

It is my kryptonite.

It also brings back a memory from, well, half a lifetime ago (which makes me feel really, really old), from my first serious work at losing weight and getting fit. I was... well, younger than now, and when Easter came around, I had made a lot of great progress. I was exercising about 30-ish minutes a day, watching my portions, all that fun stuff. I'd have my treats here and there and wasn't overly concerned with the upcoming holiday.

Now, in my family, we do Christmas stockings - always has fun pressies! - and we do Easter baskets. I had a blue basket that always had the plastic green "grass" that the obligatory jelly beans (mom /always/ got the black ones... blech! I'd usually pick out the red & purple, and dad would eat the rest. :) would all get stuck in. I'd usually have a chocolate bunny that would get a few bites taken out of it, and live out it's remaining days in the door of the fridge (next to all the left over Halloween candy) till mom tossed it - usually a few weeks before the next Easter arrived. As you can see, not much of sweet tooth in general. I enjoy it, but not a big driving force.

Well, this particular Easter, I awoke to find my basket filled with the usual treats, a few non-food gifties (probably a Moody Blues or Duran Duran CD :), and ::cue dramatic music... dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnn:: a 6-pack of the heavenly, fat, calorie and sugar laden Reese's Eggs!!!

Oh the humanity! What had I done to earn this kind of sabotage!?!?!

I probably did something seriously bratty like use my out loud voice to proclaim my displeasure when I saw them, and then pouted, then gave in and had one... I decided that there was a place for them in my life, and I allowed myself one every 1-2 weeks. I carefully avoided them, tried not to think about them sitting there, taunting me... and I have to say, when I did finally have one on the designated week, it was delish! I think I made it through 3-4 before I took pity on my dad and let him have the rest. (he's as much of a PB fiend as I am! Oooh, must make him the peanut butter crepes during the next visit!)

What brings all this up? On Friday, I wondered into the break room at work, like I do, to discover a pile of about a dozen mini Reese's Eggs sitting there. Now, the rule at work is, if it's sitting out on the table, unguarded, and unmarked, it's free game. Hence that's usually where most of the stuff I want to get rid of goes (hey, when the baking bug hits, you gotta share!!) I normally am unphased, but this stopped me dead in my tracks.

I stared down the gleaming pile of gold & orange wrappers, and I blinked first. I took a deep breath, said a silent "thanks" to the person who left them - because it saved me a trip to the store to get my annual sacrifice - and picked one up.

It's currently sitting on the counter in my kitchen. I'm still biding my time for when I'm going to enjoy it.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Curiouser and Couriouser...

I'm nearly at the point of giving up on trying to figure out my body. This is the first week of the whole letting go/minimal tracking/cutting back experiment and I'm not sure how I feel about it, because there's a whole slew of factors that went on this week to consider:

- No dedicated cardio. After tonight, I'll have done 3 strength training routines that definitely get my heart rate up, but I did no walking/running/biking/anything this week.

- I logged my food 1 day this week, otherwise I just followed my usual eating plan. I was a bit hungrier this week than I'm used to, but the times I could identify 'real' hunger (rather than 'Me... snackish'), I ate something. Also I knew on Wed and this weekend I'd be 'refueling' so didn't stress too much.

- I was very mindful of my starch intake. I noticed this week that having regular potatoes or bread at lunch didn't bother me, but at night it felt like I had a rock in my belly and felt bloaty. Having something like sweet potatoes or carrots didn't bother me later in the day.

- I did very loose carb cycling. I focused on having a bit less on M,T, Th, F, and more on Wed when I knew I'd be using it with the trainer.

- I had lots more veggies (hit at least 5 every day, most days more) and more salad this week.

- AF left town around Tuesday. :P

My results:

- Scale went down 1%!! Doode! (I know I said I'd wait till the 15th, but old habits are really, really hard to break... I *DID* resist the urge to do a body fat measurement!)

- I 'feel' smaller - I can really see it in my face and also I can start see more definition mostly in my torso, but other areas too.

- with no cardio, I feel like I'm losing my endurance... but we'll see tomorrow.

- body really, really likes veggies for the, uh, fiber aspect. :)

So yeah, I'm excited, I understand why body builders are so mindful of carb intake, but then again, my body has a love/hate relationship with it, especially starchy ones - times it's like "Yay! Carbs! Throw it on the fire!!" Other times it's "Whoo hoo! Nice, comfy, carby goodness, set it over here with the rest of the pillows."

I'm taking this week as a 'results not typical' week... but glad to see some positive changes in my body.

Next week will be more of the same, but adding in one day of cardio. We shall see how it goes!

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Thursday, March 5, 2009

Testy Thursday...

Apparently I can't have a week without a cranky day... Usually it's Wednesday's, but this week it's on Thursday. Whee for me!

Actually, I'm not really in that bad of a mood, just easily annoyed, and I blame my sinuses...

Woke up this morning all snuffy and the area around my right eye feeling like I was punched. (I'm really happy that the weather is nice and all that, but ready for the AZ winter again!) It's a special kind of fun, but I'm really grateful that for the most part I'm rather healthy. By this point I would be at the doctor begging for antibiotics for my full blown sinus infection. ::knocks on wood:: I'm not close to that yet.

Anywho, my testy moment when I realized I had to exercise a LOT of restraint and firmly clamp down the brain/mouth filter before I sounded like one of Those People. One of the departments had their monthly celebrate every March B-day meeting. The word then went out that the goodies were moved into an office and feel free to have some. I was feeling peckish and grabbed my smoothie supplies but poked my nose in the office just to see what there was...

Hokey Smokes! Cookies, cinnamon rolls, chocolate cake, donuts and bagels! My out loud voice almost chirped up to condemn the consumption of all the crap. Why on /earth/ would anyone want all that?! There's no nutritional value anywhere! Expect a blood sugar crash in 3, 2, 1. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, really wanted to be one of Those People. The person who used to eat like that but has seen the light and is holier than thou. The one that says that there's no place for anything other than 100% nutritious food in anyone's eating plan.

Luckily the urge passed. (Well, I'm still tempted to ridicule the store bought cinnamon rolls because, well, they're just icky. LOL!) But really, who wants to hear that? I'm more than happy to get on my high horse about eating better and all the benefits that come from eating food that has ingredients you can identify without a science degree... but to anyone that really doesn't care, or isn't in the same place as me, I sound like Charlie Brown's teacher.

About 5 minutes later I had a co-worker comment about how good I looked, how much weight had I lost, etc... she asked me honestly what I was doing and I gave her some info, we chatted, all was good. I kept my preaching to myself, tried to be as Rah-Rah-You can totally do it! encouraging as possible, and went on my merry way.

I did mention to her that I was studying to be a personal trainer and her face lit up... so that gave me even more encouragement that I was on the right path and to get my snuffy nose to the grind stone and plow through a few chapters this month.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009


So here I am... I desperately need a new wedding band because the "old" (being on the finger for less than a year) is too big and keeps sliding around. This wonderful ring was given to me by the love of my life, is beautiful and has taken up residence on the right hand (still flopping around, but not near as much as on the left), leaving the left hand nekkid and people are starting to ask things like, 'So... how are you doing... /really/?'

At the same time, my iPod decided to give up the ghost. I've had it for at least 4 years, and has been my companion to many, many places, and accompanied me on several trips, helped me sleep, and gotten me through many a grueling morning work out, several runs and general enjoyable times outdoors.

So... say I have $250, do I:

go to Tiffany's and get a simple yet spiffy ring to carry me over till I we find the set that we really, really want? (seriously, they have rings for under $5bajillion dollars! even under $500! Nice ones, too. I know, I was shocked! I thought all I could get was corn cob holders for that. ;)


b) new iPod?

Yeah, guess which won out...

my hubby rocks! And now I can rock out again, too!

ps. For the record, I'm so _not_ a Tiffany's type person... really. No... really. :)

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Monday, March 2, 2009

Floundering February...

I have a confession. I know I wrote a very thoughtful and contemplative yesterday. Truth is, it's really bugging me. The 'floundering' that is/was going on in my mind and body is extremely frustrating to me at the moment.

I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall and barely making a dent. I'm annoyed at myself for placing so much emphasis on the numbers rather than the physical proof that I can see.

The nice thing is that I got my flick in the head from myself and from an outside source...

Something I posted to one of my groups: "Ask yourself, "Even though I failed in relation to the target I set, am I closer to my goal now than I was before I started out on this goal?" (gotta love the straight forward questions from Dax!)

If the answer is yes, then keep on keepin on!!! If no, then you know what you were doing wasn't going to work for you anyway. Good riddance and move on from that learning opportunity."

Something I email to my friend: "I know that I'm eating the way I need to in order to maintain muscle mass, and also build it, even if it's just a tiny bit each month. I may be eating too much or too little... or I may be doing too much cardio, which could be stalling my efforts. I'm seeing progress in my physical appearance and muscle definition. My hope is that if I keep on keeping on I'll eventually (sooner than later!) hit that point where the flames I'm fanning in my
muscles eventually takes over and becomes the fat burning furnace."

And then I looked to a person that I really admire and her accomplishments. I re-read her blog about the same struggles she went through and looked at her super hawt 'after' photos' and was encouraged.

I just need to keep on keeping on. The journey is filled with peaks and valleys. Unfortunately, when you're in a valley, it can block your view of end the goal and make you feel lost and aimless. Eventually you find your way back up to the peak and you get a glimpse of what you're working so hard for. That's what keeps you moving up that hill.

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Sunday, March 1, 2009

Let March Madness Begin!

Because hokey smokes do I need it! February had me on a steep learning curve and I'm sure I didn't quite get all the lessons I was supposed to, but hey it's still early and I'm a work in progress, no? Which leads me to the most important lesson I did learn:

Progress, not perfection!

Yeah, I stole it from FlyLady, but I'm sure she's ok with that.

And another one from my fave band since High School, the Moody Blues - "admit what you're feeling, and see, what's in front of you, it's never out of your sight."

My stats pretty much drive that point home.

ALL of my measurements went down by 1/2 an inch EXCEPT for my mid-waist (basically right at the belly button.) That went down by _1.5_ inches! (does the little happy dance!!). And my flexed bicep is 3/4 of an inch bigger then un-flexed.


Now here's where the fun starts: my weight is down. YAY! But by 1#. What's even more fun is my body fat %. If I go by the calipers, it's down anywhere between 2-4%; but based on my measurements it's down .5%.

o_O huh?!

If I use the latter, that means I'm down 1.1# of body fat and up .1# in lean body mass.

My inner brats, Veruca & Stevie want to throw a hissy fit and say "ONLY 1 pound!?!? ONLY .5%?!?! But Tom V says we should be down at least 2%!!!" I really wanted to sit and pout as well, not to mention rationalize all the coulda/shoulda/woulda moments (I mean, come on... AF arrived in full force on Friday!), but instead, the semi-adult part of my brain is chanting, "Progress, not perfection... oooommmm... progress, not perfection..." It is what it is - progress. The numbers are just that - numbers, and they're moving in a direction that's acceptable to me and going towards one of the big goals I've set for myself. The frustrating part is that the numbers aren't reflecting how I feel, and the actual physcial changes I'm seeing going on with my body.

Which is why, for March, I decided to toss all this "weight loss" stuff completely out the window!


Sort of...

I am at the point in this journey where all the tracking is starting to really frustrate me beyond belief. I completely believe that, when you're starting out, recording and measuring your food is hugely important. Tracking what you're taking in, the energy your expending, is a fantasic way to come to grips with the reality of your situation and take action to correct it.

While I am not deluded enough to think that I'm now immune from the temptations that surround me, or that I'm a walking calorie/fat/carb/protein encyclopedia and know exactly how much of what I'm eating, I'm also at the point where all the tracking of everything is just plain frustrating.

Now, it's tempting to say that this frustration is part of the struggle and I must be close to a breakthrough, etc... But truth is, I'm close to something breaking, but it's more my psyche and sanity rather than some great plateau/fat loss drop. Honestly, the most progress I made in February came when I took a rest from the intense workouts and recording every little morsel of food I consumed.

So this month's goal is to re-acquaint myself with my intuition when it comes to food. I have a decent handle on what I already eat and need to learn to trust myself to continue that practice. I figure at least 1-2 times a week I'll record everything just to make sure I'm not going off the deep end in any one area, but I don't need to feed that obsession at the moment.

And speaking of obsessions, the big one is the scale. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love that it gives me feedback on what I'm doing, but since my body is so fickle sometimes it frustrates the heck out of me when it goes up when I don't "feel" like it. So alas, our time together will be fleeting this month. Again, the occasional checks in, make sure I'm headed in the right direction, but not depending so much on it for feedback.

Exercise wise I'm going to mostly continue with the same, only a little different. This month I'm going to focus on strength - 3 days worth - and 2-3 days of cardio. I'm totally digging my Saturday morning walk/run at the Rillito path and will continue that as long as the weather cooperates (and my iPod, which is starting to show it's age, and probably suffering the effects of being bounced around a lot lately.) Otherwise I figure 1-2 times a week hitting the gym for an interval workout will suffice. Again, my body seems to need a break from all the heavy duty cardio I was doing... I love my sweat therapy but can definitely get the fix doing weights. And giving myself a break at the end of the month to ease up all around and let my body recover.

That's the plan so far... I figure by mid-March I'll be able to tell if I'm successful at what I'm doing or if I need to re-evaluate. For the moment, I feel pretty good about it.