Friday, March 27, 2009

[Insert witty blog title here]

It's been... well, a week, and definitely a day. There's many contributing factors to said 'week' but the biggest one is the pre-AF angsty ADHD mania that seems to kick in some months but not others... since it's not as regular as her visits, I don't see it as part of the warning signs but it's there, none the less.

The good thing that comes of it is that it drastically lowers my tolerance for cr@p... ok, it's a good thing for me, not so good for others, hence the 'passionately pi$$y' comment from a co-worker again today.

To which I say: Whatever.

Add to that a feeling of general discomfort and that's where I'm at.

In reality, this mood hit a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn't quite as evident as it is now... I noticed small differences. In posts I'd write - I worked very hard to avoid any wording that indicated failure. I stopped eating in the lunch room because I was tired of hearing the same griping and snippiness from the same people (one of whom made the above comment.) Then the hubby shared a podcast he'd listened to last week about doing a '30-Day Mental Cleanse'. That was it! My brain, my subconscious, the Powers That Be, whatever - it had already taken over and was clearing out the cr@p and I didn't realise it.

I know it's time for change - it's spring! The perfect time for growth.

Speaking of pushing and change... oy did I get put through the wringer last night. My trainer had me lifting seriously heavy and doing stuff we hadn't done before. It rocked! And I hated it! All at the same time.

Ok, hate is a strong word. It was very challenging mentally and physically... maybe some of my Iron Maiden Sisters can answer this for me: Why did I get all sorts of panic-y doing the really heavy stuff?!

At no time was I in danger of getting hurt, I was being spotted all the time - did the chest press w/the olympic bar, skull crushers w/the E-Z bar and about 15# on it, Dumb bell curls up to 15#, etc. My arms were shaking from effort and from fear of freaking out. I was sweating... well, that's normal. ;)

Steve even commented a couple of times that he kept the reps down so I wouldn't get scared - not in a derogatory way, but more matter-of-fact, which makes me think this happens a lot. What is that?! Is if fear of being strong and powerful?! Or of feeling weak? Dunno...

It was definitely uncomfortable but now I can look back and say Heck Yeah I lifted that!

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1 comment:

Sensacola said...

Haven't experienced that fear but I can guess what it'd be for me... more of a 'Am I really... OMG... I can't be... ack!' than a 'OMG I CAN'T DO THIS' fear. Muscles are moving in ways they likely haven't in ages if ever so there's likely a release going on as well that's pumping who knows what into your system. Combine that with the 'I'm doing something new and not sucking!' adrenals you got going...all equals a 'moment' :P

Good for you!