"Forget about sticking to your routines, for it may be better if you don't even try. Your key planet Venus is emotionally charged by high-strung Uranus today. You may feel as if you are going crazy, but rest assured that you are not. Let reliable structures and suppressive relationship assumptions fall away. Everything will settle back down in a day or two and you will be able to resume your regularly scheduled activities. "Thursday, April 26, 2007
And the horoscope I get texted to me today says: "Your realistic outlook will help you to be very self-sufficient and effective today"
Wow... pretty much echoes what's going on in my little brain today. Been again with the contemplative mood and feeling out of sorts... like there's something that I know I have to do or some thing nagging at my brain, but can't quite figure out what, and it's making me edgey and unsettled.
Well, I sort of figured it out today... at least a big part of it because I'm feeling more settled. It finally hit me that there's really only 2 ways to live your life: proactively or reactively. It seems to apply to just about every aspect of life as well - money, health, home, work, etc. For me, my level of anxiety or calm is directly related to how I'm living my life.
When I'm living a reactive life, I’m always playing catch up, and or skating by to barely keep things going. The house falls back into CHAOS, stuff doesn’t get done, bills get paid eventually but there’s the “Oh crap I forgot that x & y was due… do we have the money?!?!” Time gets away from me and I’m always feeling rushed or behind. I feel vague on everything - like I know I have about X amount in my bank account, and have around 1/2 a tank of gass, and I might have an appointment this week. I get cranky, unsettled, and short tempered, not to mention less tolerant of behaviors that are like my own. I tend to be a little later into work than usual, and looking at my desk right now, it’s a mess… It's the basic idea of, if I fail to plan, I plan to fail.
When I’m living more proactively, things get done, I feel more prepared, and life in general is better… By taking a few minutes to plan meals and go shopping, then doing a few things ahead of time we have stuff for dinner & lunch and it’s not a scramble. The house is in a little better shape, my anxiety level is down, money is more manageable, and my health is a little more in order.
Thing is, I go between the two lives quite a lot and I kind of figured out why… it’s about being consistent and persistent. (gee… where have I heard that one before?!) It’s about how and where the energy and time is spent. Do I spend the energy and time now to be proactive, or do I let it slide and spend more energy and time later? With the latter, it’s a chicken/egg thing… do I let things slide because I’m tired, or am I tired because I let them slide?
I’m also realizing this is a lot of what FLY-ing is all about: Finally Loving Yourself enough to make the CHOICE to live a proactive life, and to make the commitment to be persistent and consistent. After all, isn’t that what commitment is: Doing something when it’s not fun, or easy, or trouble shows up, or other things get in the way? Finally Loving Yourself to do things for yourself and your family, even if they’re not in the same emotional place as you, to do things that need to be done… and doing those things without getting upset because it’s ‘someone else’s job’. It’s about taking that little extra time to do things so that money, food, hearth, home and health are taken care of *before* something blows up, figuratively or not. Being proactive consistently and persistently keeps my mood more stable, my home life more enjoyable, and my participation *in* life more active.
Very happy it's Friday, and very happy that I slept well last night. Just been focusing on money a lot the last few days and getting frustrated. In general, I've been on auto pilot - health wise, money, house, etc., and it's showing. Now the challenge to not play catch up, but to jump in where I am and deal with what needs to be done.
Just not fun sometimes to be an adult, and juggling all the things that need to be taken care of. Seems like the juggling goes fine for a while, a good rhythm is established, then something slips and it all gets out of whack. I just need to realize that eventually, it'll get back into that rhythm if I am consistent and persistent.
I'm also realizing that I've learned a lot from my life in Mary Kay... it hasn't made me independently wealthy by my own inactions, but I've learned about goals, about being accountable, about the importance of tracking, and how to be a good cheerleader when need be.
from this weekend, but definitley worth thinking about:
"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or you're OUT. There's no such thing as life in-between.- Pat Riley, basketball coach"
Are You Giving Your Goals Your Best Effort? Your dreams deserve better than a half-hearted effort. Meet your goals with a weak handshake and they'll soon be waving you goodbye. Since you probably don't want to look back on a life full of "almost made it" memories, it's time for total commitment. Leave it all on the field, don't hold anything back. Is there anything more satisfying than pouring out your entire being, straddling the cliff, reaching your total limit, then looking up and realizing that oh-my-gosh-I-can't-believe-I-really-did-it? And is there anything more tragic than failing and realizing you could have done more? If you feel "tuned out" of your current life, that's okay. Make your first goal to build a life that you can get "in"-to. Then don't look back. Make every day count and live purposefully, live energetically, live completely.
"After knowing Nelly (my inner brat) for about six months, I learned that she was not my enemy, but rejecting her was. By turning away from her I couldn't find peace, but tuning toward her, knowing her and embracing her as a long lost part of my self did bring me peace. Have a meeting of heads this morning and ask what's on your inner child's mind today. "
OMG isn't that the truth...
So this is Veruca, and I've been pretty much running the show for the last couple of days, but it hasn't been fun. 'Mom' forgot to take one of her meds all last week. While it was fun staying in bed for a few days instead of getting up and exercising, and the happy fun moods were great! Almost like playing... but then the house was getting a little messy... and then mom would get all grumpy or sad for no real reason... not to mention being snippy to the cute guy that lives with us - why he puts up with us, we'll never know... but he makes us very happy so we're glad he does. It's weird, it used to be fun when I got to be in charge, but now that we've gotten several routines down and what not, it was't so fun this time... kind of boring and unsettling... glad that mom's back on track.
You can make the best of judges because of your ability to be fair-minded. Still, you often have a tough time making decisions. With Mercury now opposite your sign, the scales are tilting both ways with you in the middle. You may not be able to resolve the feeling of being split in two. It will be easier if you understand that you don't have to choose yet. Stretch your mind and let the differences coexist for a while; the solutions will come to you in time. Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Makes a lot of sense for what's been going on lately - like I'm feeling equally happy and sad at the same time. So guess I just let it sit for a while and see what happens and go from there.
One thing that keeps tugging me in two different directions is wanting to just say something about the whole estrella incident, mainly because there's been some things - feelings mostly - dredged up recently. Instead of just letting the situation lay... it's done, it's over, it's a very dead, decomposing horse... I so want to express my dissappointment with the way things were handled. I know, it takes me a while to really process things, and guess I'm at that point finally with this situation.
The man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.
- James Crook
Isn't that the truth?!?! I feel like I've done this of late - turned my back on the crowd and am doing what makes *me* happy. Now I just need to figure out what that is... and I figured out the 'blue' feeling - While I'm not sad that I've chosen the path I am on, I am mourning the loss of that part of my life - for good or bad, true or illusion, it was a part of my life that is now gone and that is a loss. I know it will get better, but it's just uncomfortable for the moment.
Hmmm... feeling all... blue at the moment. I may need to run home for a hug. :/ Basically I'm feeling very left out of people's lives in general, like there's so much going on and people moving ahead and I'm standing still... or maybe I'm moving and they're not... ::shrug::
Hate it when that happens... Now I want to re-do the kitchen... :/ Usually happens that way - one of us will suggest something, the other will knock it down, then while later - week, month, 3-months, the other one will see something and go "Hey! That's a great id...e....a... yeah, you were the one who had it before... darn it." Oh well... we'll see - $3000+ for the kitchen Then at least $1500-2000 for the remodel... may be a project way down the line.
There is an inmost center in us all, Where truth abides in fullness. . . And to Know Rather consists in opening out a way Whence the imprisoned splendour may escape Than in effecting entry for a light Supposed to be without. If you listen carefully, perhaps you can hear voices, Calling to you from your inmost center. They are the voices of your own imprisoned splendour: Your forgotten wisdom Your buried joy, And your lost passion Longing to be set free.
You are no stranger to catering to other people's needs. But you may have to set firm boundaries now, as a self-centered acquaintance expects more from you than you are willing to give. Don't fall into the trap of questioning your own intentions. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't have much to offer anyone else. Thursday, April 5, 2007
Ain't that just the truth of it. After the whole deal with mom last night, this is so very appropriate.
Relationships are usually on your mind and today is no exception. But now there is something else going on, for you aren't interested in simply pleasing others. You are driven by a deep need to accomplish something of substance. You have a chance to positively impact the future and as long as you aren't selfish, you should make it happen. Wednesday, April 4, 2007
The choices you make today will determine the path that your life will take. When you sit back and look at the decisions you've made in your life, are you happy with the route you've paved? If you're not, make a change today. The next time you make a choice, ask yourself if this decision will lead you to the path you want to travel along. Set some new goals that will lead you to your dreams and then plan your course.
When you start paying attention, the PTB really get busy putting stuff in front of you that you need. After yesterday, I've really been thinking a lot about what path I'm on and were it's leading me. For the most part, I'm happy with my path. The choices of my past-good or bad- have brought me to where I am now. And the choices I make today and tomorrow will lead me to where my future self will be. Taking a quick review of things at the moment, there’s parts of my life where I’m very happy, secure, and confident of the path. Money isn’t so great at the moment, but it’s a renewable resource and will get better. There’s other parts of my life that are more of a rocky, obscure path that I’m not sure where I fit, or if there’s any sort of safe place. But I’ll pass through it eventually, and hopefully come out in a better place.
Also realizing that today is anti-procrastination day… there’s something that I’ve been putting off doing for a little while now and it needs to be taken care of. Just trying to figure out how to go about it.
My Honey reminded me last night that it's our light, not our darknes that most frightens us. So let other people dwell in their darkness - I want to step out in the light and allow mine to shine without having others cast their shadow over me.
Got an email from my Honey with his horroscope that was pretty well dead on. Mine:
April 3, 2007 At first you may not succeed, but try, and try again, s. Of course you would like to get everything exactly right on the first try, but that is not always necessarily going to happen. Don't get discouraged if things don't turn out exactly the way you want them to right from the start. Build up from where you are, and you will eventually reach the level of accomplishment that you desire. Don't feel like you need to conquer Rome in a day.
Pretty much applies to a lot of aspects of my life right now: the body clutter, the home clutter, the wedding, that kind of thing. Want it all to be taken care right now. I can be patient... really I can. Just don't wanna right now. :)
So we went for the NAMI walk on Saturday, crashed out shortly after getting home and then were general bums for the rest of the day. I think I watched more SG-1 this weekend that any person should, but feel rather caught up on it all...
Sunday was another bum around day whcih was very much needed. Did get groceries, and we went to Mirabelle's for cake tasting... loves the cakes. mmm... And we did one big thing: set the date. Finally. 7/13/08. When we first got engaged, we'd talked about this may, but it just didn't quite set in. After Emma & Liam's wedding, I think it got us both in the mindset of what we want to plan and actually starting the steps. It's 438 days away, and I need to keep myself under control and not drive us buggy with 'what about... how about ... maybe we could... '
This is me breathing and taking baby steps.
One thing is for sure - I'm totally stepping up the exercise before going dress shopping. Got a picture of me from the walk. OMG I look hideous! O_O So not a flattering picture to begin with , but... ::shudder:: just when I was starting to feel better about how I looked. :P