I hate it when Jillian's right.

Ok, those of you who have been around me for any amount of time know that I have a love, not-so-loving relationship with Jillian Michaels.

I'm getting over it.

I'm working on being open to hearing other ways of talking about things.

I'm learning to be more teachable and open to reproach (something that is a Tome in the making).

It's just not easy when she makes me want to chuck my iPod across the room during her show, but still... I'm workin' on it.

The love I do have for her is the fact that she has some amazingly insightful, motivating, passionate things to say about, and focuses on, becoming a healthy BEING...

The podcast I just started listening to (it's from the 1/4/09... so I'm a little behind, sue me. ;) is a perfect example of that, because she's talking (ok, ranting) about working on the mental things that get in your way - or looking for outside help in the form of therapy when you're constantly repeating the same self defeating, self destructive behaviors over and over again.

This is where I shall wax metaphysical for a moment and reflect on the fact that God/the universe/Powers That Be, however you want to recognize it, is always listening. The ponderings you have, the random questions that you pose in your mind when you're working through a problem, etc., they are being put 'out there'. And on the other side of that, God/the universe/the PTB are always, ALWAYS giving you answers or pointing you in the right direction... its up to you to look/listen for them.

This week (I know, it's only Tuesday) has had many, many themes, and one of them has been challenges. I commented in my CrossFit group how it amuses me that we all tend to post our workout info, followed by "OMG got my butt kicked... it was great!"

Seriously, what kind of person gladly puts themselves in a situation like that?

Um...someone like me, I guess.

You see, I'm realizing that I'm finally at a place where I welcome challenges. I see the value in pushing myself, even just a little bit. Yes it's scary, yes I look at a workout and say 'there's no way!' then do it anyway. I find a way to make it happen.

This carries over into other aspects of my life as well. This past week I've found myself doing things that are really out of character for me: opening myself up to share things with people that I normally would keep to myself, and getting amazing feedback from it; actually talking during a weekly coaching call that I rarely dial in for in the first place; getting rid of things in my house that I've held on to for YEARS... etc.

I've taken the time to slowly chip away at that wall that's blocking my path to whatever greatness that's waiting for me on the other side.

Now, back to Jillian... I actually heard the intro to 2 of her shows this morning, and both of them related to the same thing which has been another theme-o-the-week: (paraphrasing) it's not about the results, it's about the process.

See, when I started this weight loss journey, I wanted to fit into the skinny jeans, I wanted to look good, I wanted a certain number on the scale and the waist band of my pants to be a certain size.

When I started, that's all I was focused on - the measurable results. All in all, if you have to start somewhere, starting with something measurable is a good place - food, activity, scale, pant size, etc.

The more I worked on that, the more I felt myself banging my head against an invisible wall.

Thing is, once I tried to figure out what that wall was, and how to get around it, /that/ is when I got much more than I bargained for. That's where I really started to learn the self development piece of the equation.

See, for most people, the physical weight is buried under years of emotional weight, and then the subsequent supporting habits. Which is what Jillian was talking about - looking deep within yourself clearing away the issues that surround your core being, and letting it out.

Finding the value in being a healthy person on the inside will eventually translate into finding ways to make your physical body as healthy your spirit.

It's really not about the food. It's not about what exercise you do. Yes those two things ultimately help shape your physical form, but if your spirit is weighing you down, you won't get very far. You'll occasionally eat healthy, go all in with working out, but the 'stick-to-it-ness' won't be there.

Willpower will never win over ingrained habits.

If your habit is to sleep till the last minute, rush around in the morning and zoom out the door 10 minutes before you need to be at work, will power alone won't help you get up an hour earlier every day to workout, make a good breakfast and leisurely drive to work. Focusing on building your mindset and seeing the overall value of learning a new habit will.

So while I'm not on the same page as Jillian, I definitely appreciate her bringing the concept of building your best SELF first, or at least along side of building your best body.