Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Back to blah

I'm really tired and frustrated. Tired of being tired. Frustrated with my body and my health going from "Whee everything is great" to total blah and not interested in anything. Tired of having meltdowns almost weekly now, and being on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. Frustrated that the only thing that my doc does is give me more meds or increase my dosage. Frustrated that, when I try to exercise, it just tires me even more. And then my weight went up, and now I want to just eat something cuz I'm so frustrated with the process.

I totally feel like I should just stop taking everything and start over, but doing that would totally wack my system out. And I feel like my body wouldn't know how to work on it's own because I've been on one thing or another for almost 10 years.

Last night I half-jokingly commented that that's my life is like that commercial for depression medicaiton about how 'depression hurts' and 'talk to your doctor if you find that you've lost interest in things that you normall enjoy'.

I totally feel like curling up and hiding from life in general. I was just reading the healthy reflection about courage - on a Hero scale and an everyday scale. Do I have the courage to make a change and even more courage and strength to stick with that change? Right now, no, I don't. At best I feel... meh... about everything. Yeah, it'd be nice to do some A& S projects, or sewing for myself and my Honey, or be all smoochy & snuggly with him, or heck, even pick up after myself, but the drive to do that is stalled. Just sitting there going... meh.

My horoscope pretty much summed it up:
May 2, 2007
High energy and emotion will be present for you today, s. Be on the lookout for extreme sensitivity in yourself and in others. The planetary influences that are occurring will emphasize emotional reactions and the likelihood of misunderstanding. Communicate as effectively as possible and don't hesitate to ask for clarification if you find yourself feeling confused, angry or upset. Resist outbursts by waiting for another day to tackle major problems

I'm just waiting for the high energy to kick in. :P

Ok, feeling slightly better now. I just need to figure out when I can take an afternoon off in the near future to go see the naturopath and hopefully find a way to work on my health issues.

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