Thursday, August 7, 2008

What I want to be when I grow up...

At the gym last night [total side note: now I remember why I dislike going to the gym in the evenings - it's difficult enough to get motivated in the morning, but by 3/4/5:00 I'm pooped. Besides, there's so many... people! LOL! but after the snippiness with the hubby, I knew if I didn't go, I'd catch heck for it.] I saw a sign offering a special rate for 5 personal training sessions. My first thought was, "not just no, but He$$ no!" I thought about my experience a couple of years ago when I got a personal trainer and it not only about killed me - ok, small exaggeration - but it also turned me off from the whole idea of it. When I'd watch the Biggest Loser, I'd cringe anytime they were pushed and pushed and yelled at and pushed because I really don't respond well to that overall.

For me, when I was working with the personal trainer, I was in the midst of a whole slew of health problems - my thyroid was still out of whack, my chronic/adrenal fatigue was really bad (although I didn't know it) and my diet was pretty far from clean - partly healthy, yes, but definitely not wholesome. I was also splitting the sessions with my friend who has way more endurance and was more fit than I was at the time... she probably still is, but not the point right now. So I was expected to keep up with her in terms of reps, and was pushed past the point of exhaustion because I was supposed to "Challenge" myself. Thing that I didn't realize was that by doing so, I would literally exhaust any and all energy reserves my body had and then took me about 2 weeks to recover. I tried to explain the physiological aspect of hypothyroid/fibromyalgia to the trainer, but I'm pretty sure all he heard was, "blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine." I told my friend that she could have the last 2-3 sessions for herself and walked away from the money I spent on it.


After a bit of looking at the poster (I was right behind it for 1/2 an hour... whatcha gonna do? :) I realized that it didn't have to be that way. At the time it was, "I guess it'd be good to do this but not sure what I want out of it." Now I have a better idea of what my goals are, what my limitations are and how to work with/around them, what I am willing/not willing to do, and what I want to be as I go through this journey. One of those things is to grow (emotionally) anyway, into a person that isn't afraid to walk into that scary area of the gym... the one that has a 'cage' around it and mostly free weights and weird machines and only seems to be occupied by the muscle-y guys. I want to be one of those people, or at least be comfortable in that arena. I want to increase my lean body mass by 5% and drop my body fat by 5% or more by the end of the year.

I don't know if I'm ready to work with a personal trainer right now, but it's good to know that, if that time (and more money) comes, I will have a purpose instead of just going through the motions.

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