Sunday, August 17, 2008


Friday's Supah-stah! feeling didn't last (and no, T, I didn't sniff my pits! LOL!!!) and I'm blaming it on a visit from heck from AF. Yesterday I was having the lowest of low energy. I finally figured out it was partly a low iron thing, and basically my body was dealing with the usually rough start of her visit... I was worried that I was getting sick, but feeling _way_ better today. Not 100%, but good enough to do a short pilates routine when I got up.

I think I was also feeling very overwhelmed yesterday - I realized that my social life has gone from fairly active to pretty quiet. Well, yesterday that was blown out of the water to the point of having too many choices and not being able to deal with it because I wasn't feeling that great to begin with. It also brought up an interesting feeling:

'Dieting' makes me antisocial.

I mean, when your finally in a groove and have great routine of what and when you're eating, the prospect of having a major disruption to that is very daunting. I finally realized that some of it could be addressed by bringing food along (I got a spiffy little cooler just for things like that - short trips, day events, etc.) but wasn't quite prepared for yesterday. I was starting to feel resentful of the activities and invitations, to the point where I had the passing thought of "I love my friends but feel like I need ones that are sharing my same interests right now." Then I realized how fracked that whole thought process was. Here I had an opportunity to spend with my friends and I was feeling resentful because they want me to do things?! Yeah... needing to address that. I don't think I've got it completely resolved, but I'm working on it.

When I'm making progress, the last thing I want to do is stop or go backwards. On the other hand, if I'm to truly create a sustainable lifestyle, me living in my sheltered, tiny piece of reality is really not living. I've realized, too, that I've been avoiding pursuing other interests (ie my artsy stuff, sewing, and getting involved in a home based business my DH and I started before we got married). I couldn't figure out why I was avoiding it like the plague, because I had bits of time here and there to devote... then it hit me: I was worried that it'd distract me or split my focus. For right this moment, I don't want that. But I also know that it's making me very one dimentional, which can lead to me getting very bored very quick.

So over the next couple of months I am going to continue my focus on my health and fitness, but learn reincorporate the other elements in my life that I enjoy. I acknowledge and accept the fear that I'm feeling, but will do it anyway.

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