Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Twas the summer of our discon.. eh... whatever.

Nothing like AF's timely arrival and wicked monsoon heat/humidity/high pressure systems to sap all the creative life out of ya and compound normal, everyday stressy factors to new and exciting levels making a me a bit more on edge than usual.

Hence why I've been a bit quiet-I'll call it 'introspective'- this week.

And the fact that nothing much exciting has gone on, which can be a good thing.

Now that we're on the down hill side of the week, I'm making plans for my ISSA seminar this weekend. Once payday rolls around on Friday, I'll be signing up for my first aid/CPR/AED class for the following weekend, all the while plugging away at getting my PT final ready to for submission.


I have to admit that closing in on the end of this particular goal has been part of the "introspection" going on. It's like any goal you put effort and a decent amount of time towards - weight loss, getting out of debt, decluttering your house, getting a degree, starting a business, etc. You steadily plug along doing all the background work, seeing progress till all of a sudden you realize with excitement and trepidation: Holy Macaroni! You're almost at the 'end' - that place marker you set as your 'goal' is within sight and totally attainable! Usually there's just one or two final hurdles you need to leap and then, Bob's your uncle: You're done...

So now what?

Being the perpetual cart-before-the-horse gal that I am (Ok that's a lie... I'm a "cart's parked at the market 20 miles away before the horse has woken up to have it's morning coffee" type of a gal) I've already worked myself up into a frenzy of "what if's" and "why's" and have come inches away from deciding I'm going to stink at it anyway, so why bother? Just throw in the towel.

But I haven't...

I've pulled out the old 'code' and realized that this, like everything, is a 2-5 year process. Yes, I will stink at it a little... at the beginning, because everyone does at the beginning. But I'll get better.
I've also pulled out the good old EFT standby of "Even though I'm freaking out and am sure that I'll stink at it, I completely and totally accept myself now pull out that book and finish studying." (Ok, I added that last bit in there...but it's effective ;)

Sure it'd be easy to blame Stevie & Veruca for the trepidation and insecurity factors that are bubbling to the surface... but really, it's is all me this time. The grown up who's not use to being out in front of the crowd is getting uncomfortable with the possibility. The 6 & 15 year old are excited about it! Time to play, time to shine... me... I'm still learning to let my own light shine.

But I'm working on it.

Besides, I still need to write that book that will pi$$ Jillian off. ;)

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