So here I sit... I'm on the eve of the eve of my birthday where I turn the big 4-0 and honestly, I feel like that kid on the Disneyland commercial. (pssst... are you asleep? I'm too excited!)
"Don't just count your years, make your years count." Ernest Meyers
I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling this way - I guess most people look at big milestone birthdays with either dread or anticipation. It's either a reminder of things that you haven't done, achievements/goals not met, or it's a fresh slate...like your own personal January 1st to write your success story, to see the road that's wide open in front of you, ready to blaze your own trial.
Either way it's got me in a planning type mood, and looking forward to the awesome things to come!
Yes, there are a few things that I can look back on and feel that tug of regret for things undone, unseen, unaccomplished. But at the same time, I feel like I'm finally figuring out what it is to be "Me". These last many months, I feel like I've given myself the best gift I can possibly receive: A new life... and a life that is worth living.
It started with the quest to lose weight, and it lead me to that all too true, yet cliche saying: I got out of it so much more than I had planned for.
I found health. I found fitness. I found a passion that I had forgotten about. I remembered how to dream, and have slowly peeled away the layers of fear to dare to achieve those dreams. I have learned that pushing myself is difficult yet infinitely more rewarding than pushing the button on the remote. I have said goodbye to people and things from my past, and hello to an amazing future.
"The man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd." - James Crook
Of the things I'm looking forward to is my upcoming 5K (I just saw some photos and I get to run through the corn maze! Schweet!) And I'm still doing fundraising so feel free to swing by www.firstgiving.com/stephanieflagghanley and drop a few dollars in the till. :)
It's one of the markers that has made me realized that I've gone beyond the "weight loss" aspect of this journey and have moved into the "what next" part of it.
I've had the whole "it not being about the weight/the number on the scale any more" and what that really means to me niggling at my brain. It's fodder for a future entry, but for now it's just got me thinking about what I want to accomplish for the next 12 weeks that stands between now and 2010.
Oddly, one of the things I keep coming back to is the number on the scale.
You see, I have a confession: the scale hasn't moved more than 1-2 pounds since July. The Body fat % has dropped, the muscles have tightened and the endurance has improved, but the number hasn't changed. It's been between 151 and 153 for nearly 4 months. It's not that the number itself makes me unhappy, it's more the fact that the 10 pounds of fluffy padding around my midsection is preventing the world from seeing my fabu abs.
So, among other things, the goal of these next 12 weeks is to rid my body of those 10 pounds of body fat. I have to say, while I would LOVe to see the number on the scale hit the low 140's, I'd be fine with it staying where it is, and the fat taking a hike.
And yes, I fully realize that I am embarking on that goal at a time that includes Halloween, Thanksgiving (and a 2 week parental visit), Christmas, New Years and all the other (Finger quote) diet killer (unfinger quote) events that can miraculously emerge around this time of year.
Oh wait... I'm not on a "diet".
(And I'll let you all in on a secret: those events were always there. You're just hyper aware now that you're paying attention. ;)
I have planning to do for my workouts and nutrition to meet this goal, and planning for the other 2-3 goals I have on the board, but all in all, I feel confident that things will work out just fine.