It's not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
It's funny... I do this whole long outpouring of my soul, about keepin' it real, getting back to basics, being silly and then recovering from the silliness.
I had this itching desire (I know, there's a cream for that ;) to get back to the 'old routine', get the calluses built back up on my hands, to feel the lungs getting stronger, endurance increasing, yadda yadda...
But I didn't.
In clearing the cobwebs out of the way, something else happened. The discomfort settled in... big time.
In the process of healing... I actually got healed. The stuff I was doing - the suppliments, the rest, the feeding my body well - was actually working! All signs were pointing to my body systems responding really well to what I was doing.
And there was much rejoicing!?!
::gets confetti ready to toss::
*ahem* I said... There was MUCH REJOICING!
Actually, it was just the opposite - I was actually annoyed and upset, and there was much pouting on the part of my Inner Princesses.
They sang a chorus together: We were broken! We /couldn't/ be getting better! We may actually be getting worse! Lie down, I think you're hallucinating. Besides, someone might /see us/!
Seriously?! I mean... how messed up is that kind of thinking?!
Being the adult ::cough:: in this situation, I sat my dear Princess' down and explained to them how they /obviously/ were way off base, and just how messed up /they/ were.
Lets just say, I got schooled: It's about as messed up as doing a lot of hard work only to step on the scale and not believe the 2 pound drop is "real". Or studying a lot for a test that you really want to pass, and not thinking you deserve the 92% you got. Or doing all sorts of planning and prepping to get married to an amazingly awesome guy, only to wonder if he was going to show up.
Yep. _SO_ Messed. Up.
Why, after all this time, after all the personal and emotional growth I've done, would this come up now?!
Because: Things never happen the same way twice. (Just saw Prince Caspian recently... and have re-read this several times... There's some not so nice language, but really hit home some points for me... stoopid Aslan making way too much sense.)
Just because I've gone through something similar before, doesn't mean I'm the same person now that I was then. Same test, new rules, new me, new results waiting for me on the other side.
The test? And obstacle course. The obstacles? Change.
I guess my sweet little Princesses got a little too comfy being mushrooms, hiding in the dark for the last couple months... getting used to /not/ getting much attention, that the thought of getting back on the path towards that bright light full of what we're capable of... well... it's scary. It's back to that big world full of "What If's" again - what if I do something stupid again (I will)?! What if I do something smart (I hope I do)?!?! What if I don't make it (I won't)?! What if I succeed (I might)?!?!
Wait… What if...I CHANGE?!!?
Now THAT is the $10,000 question!
I used to think that it was all about the fear of success. I mean, come on: We all know how to /not/ meet a goal - especially in the weight loss/fitness arena. We set a date, we set a number, and most times (not always, but most times) the date and the number rarely match. Some just revise the date, some revise the number, some throw out both and walk away.
And we all also know how to succeed in hitting a goal: If you've ever stepped on a plane that you bought a ticket for, congratulations! you've achieved a goal. If you've made it to a doctor/hair/dentist/etc appointment on time, or before the appointment. You've achieved a goal. If you've turned in a paper/project/assignment on time... Yep. Goal met! Did you freak out? Probably not... See where I'm going?
So there's fear involved somewhere, but it's not in either end of the spectrum: It's square in the middle of the road. See, that's where it's comfy to sit... just going along, doing our thing, 'maintaining'. We're not doing too great, or too bad. Just. . . comfy.
Comfy, until we start to notice something: The only thing in the middle of the road is yellow lines and road kill (thanks Pastor Scott for that visual!) BUT on either side of the road are some pretty amazing things. The butterflies in the tummy start to stir, we start to see potential, and an idea pops in our head - "Why not?!"
Then a car zooms by, reminding you of the dangerous obstacle course that you’re going to have to maneuver through to get to the other side. There’s cars waiting to flatten you, there’s speed bumps, pot holes and (if you’re in AZ) the occasional tumbleweed rolling along that could either carry you somewhere else, or just explode in your face. LOL! Oh, I crack myself up some times.
Now, if you runreallyreallyfast, you may be able to make it to the other side in one piece, panting and wheezing, but no harm, no foul, no fanfare, little change.
You always can play it safe, and stay right where you are... again, no change needed.
Or, you can muster up your courage, and take the first step facing the obstacles that come, rolling with them rather than fighting them.
But it means you have to change – willingly, or kicking and screaming the whole way, it doesn’t matter. It means you have to face those things you’ve been avoiding. It sounds trite, and so over used, but it’s the truth: "If you keep doing what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten. If you want things you've never had, you'll have to do things you've never done."
It’s not the easiest, most comfy way to go, I know – and most times I make the process harder than it needs to be, but it’s gotten me where I am now, which is somewhere I’ve never imagined I’d be. No, things won’t happen the same way twice, but the result will be the same: Me growing, changing and evolving into the person I’m meant to be.
What obstacles are you facing? Are you still in the middle of the road or are you in the process of moving to the other side?