Why?

"You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

I've been struggling lately. Here. I signed up and got all my books and started studying for the Personal Trainer certification, and now I have doubts about it. I mean, I'm not near my goal weight, I barely know what I'm doing, I'm doubting my abilities and wondering WHY do I even want to do this? Why am I putting so much time, energy, thought, and money into pursuing this path?

Well, that's the $10M question... or at least, that's what the answer will be worth.

So, what happens when you throw a question like that to the universe? The universe usually gives you your answer, subtly at first, then beats you over the head with it. Hard. Although I figured out that sometimes you need to get really, really pi$$ed off about something to get your mind to focus and get to the heart of the matter.

My beating came from 2 sources:

1) I made the mistake of watching the Biggest Loser this wee. I honestly thought I had taken it off the TiVo (and will be doing so lest I risk a threat of divorce or being hog tied and thrown in the closet when it's on. Honest, honey. :) but there it was being recorded, and I decided to check who was still there, etc. That was when the Ms. M proceeded to hit every button I had to hit to the point that I scared the cats because I was screaming at the TV! I do respect what she has to say in terms of motivation and helping people get through emotional issues once and for all. That part rocks and I know she learned a lot of it from her mom, which is way awesome. The rest, she needs to just stop because it's crap. Yes it makes for goodtv , yes it has a small grain of truth in it, but it's crap. Just motivate people and make your people do crazy things in the gym but stop with the rest. Seriously.




I know that people totally idolize her, and that scares me. It's the fact that she may be the only fitness 'expert' that people ever see, and she may inspire or scare people away from working with a personal trainer/coach, and if they take her word as law... yeah, it just scares me.




2) I read my friend Ramona's amazing blog entry about food. It really drove home a) how far I've come in my overall relationship with food, and b) how the whole 'diet' mentality really forces unhealthy attitudes towards food. In the world of weight loss, there are so many articles on how to eat 'healthy', learn to love it, 'banish cravings', 'get rid of the junk', etc. One of the blogs that I enjoy reading is Pasta Queen - this woman literally lost more than 1/2 her body weight through changing the way she ate and exercising. She went from a total sedentary life to running marathons! Amazing!!! but she still is battling her fooddeamons. I've seen/read so many stories where someone has lost a huge amount of physical weight, but is still weighed down by food issues.




There's the other half of that same coin - the new converts that have no tolerance for people who don't eat healthy all the time, that haven't jumped on their bandwagon and/or are trying to force their lifestyle on other people.




It really goes to show me that they haven't actually learned anything. They've adopted a narrow view of how things should be and have an unhealthy attitude towards food. It's either good or bad in their minds, rather than it just being food. Behind it all there is always the fear that, on a bad day, with the stars misaligned, they'll meet their trigger food(s) in a dark alley and there will be no hope for them.

THESE are the reasons WHY I want to continue the path I am on. I am far from perfect, but I have learned a lot along the way - hello, still dealing with hypothyroid, PCOS, and probably the onset of menopause. Whee for me! I feel that I have a skill set to help cut through the crap, get down to solid nutrition, goal setting, efficient exercise, working through issues, etc., and allow people to live a healthy life. Heck, maybe learn to love themselves in the process. Yes, it's more touchy feely than me screaming at someone in the gym, but seriously?! Who does that help? I'm all for tough love, but that's just... well, tough.




And as the quote says, if I can help other people, it helps me live the life I want to live. I love to share what I know, to learn new things and to work with people that want to be better people. I've got a lot of big dreams, and want to see them grow.




So, my friends, that's why I am going to be studying like a mad woman for the next several months and workin' my tail off at the gym (barring any future BONK episodes! eesh! :)