Train Nekkid!

***Please Note!!! Before you rush to hide the kids eyes and/or clickity click the "inappropriate" button thinking I'm going to talk about some sort of sax-ay, naughty type stuff, keep one _very_ important thing in mind: My parents read this blog. So, seriously, do you think I'm gonna talk about that kind of stuff? No... this is a family show, we keep it low-ish key and mostly mundane.

Sorry to disappoint. ;)***

Ok, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, back to the task at hand.

Training nekkid...

Cuz I just like saying it. :)

I know I've been extra quiet lately, and have been in a "Hanging on the vine" mode, as the lovely Joyce Myers puts it. Sometimes ya gotta just step back and take time to heal, process, mend, and listen.

I have been healing and mending, and during that time, I'm learning to listen. Thing is, when you take that time to find a bit of stillness, you learn that the Universe is talking up a storm.

There have been lots of lessons and messages that have come my way lately, and one of them is about distractions. Holy Macaroni are there distractions galore these days! Heck, with my spiffy new phones (which is still smarter than I am, darnitall) I find myself jumping at the first hint of a vibration to see "Is it a text?! Is it a voice mail?! Is it an email?! New photo? Updates for the way too many apps?!"

One of the hubby's co-workers has a new hand implant, also know as a CrackBerry... ::whispers:: Huh? Oh, sorry... my bad... I guess they're really called BlackBerry. Whatever.

Either way, distractions are everywhere, they always have been and always will be, and now they're even more accessible than ever. I don't know how many times I've been driving on city streets to see a DVD playing in the back seat of a vehicle for not so little ones... and they live in town!

So what does all of this have to do with gettin' nekkid?! I'm getting there... and it all started with reading one of Carla's always insightful blogs.

She discusses the use (or not) and love (or not) of the fitness gadgets.

I myself am a HUGE fan of the gadgets! LUBS me my iPod and my heart rate monitor! The numbers, the tunes, the feedback, the podcasts, the fun, the shiny! When its just me and the road or the weights, it's like I have my own personal trainer on my wrist and soundtrack on my arm. I can turn on, tune in and drop out with the best Tim Leary fan around... (and yes, I'm old enough to know who that is, but young enough to have missed most of his influence. If you don't know who it is... go ask your parents. ;)

But the problem is, I've felt like I've been tuned out for a while lately... a little too connected to the wrong things. I remember a moment of panic a while back when I got to the gym and realized I'd forgotten my gadgets! What ever would I do?! How would I manage? I seriously considered not going ahead with my planned workout because it involved pretty close time checking. I decided that I was there and would make the best of it, and ya know what? The world _didn't_ end! *gasp* I know! And *gasp again* it was kind of nice.

Then there was a morning I decided to just do a walk around the neighborhood rather than an intensive training day... and half way through I realized that I, again, was technologically nekkid! What ever was I to do, how would I mana.... er, wait... I already /was/ doing and managing fine... Hmmm... I could get used to this.

With the last couple of months being focused on mememememe - my health, my well being, my mind and heart getting back to where they need to be - most training has taken a back seat to my vine hanging time. If a work out happens, it's incidental, purposefully done, and purposefully unplugged. I need to take the time to listen - to my body and the world around me on a physical and spiritual plane. My walks may not be done as quickly this way, but I actually get to stop and see the bunnies, listen to the quails, annoy the $#!%ing pigeons, and pet a few neighborhood kittens that cross my path.

Ironically, this morning I got Mark's weekly newsletter that not only touched on this very topic (told ya... the Universe speaks volumes), and it had some startling and insightful info about what all the distractions are doing to our brains (hello T-ADD, the latest and greatest development of the technology distractions)

I know that I will never completely walk away from my happy gadgets because they totally have their place for different purposes - training, progress, feedback, necessary distractions, etc. Like the scale, they are great tools, but they aren't necessary to just do, and just be.

I'm learning to be more comfortable going nekkid once in a while...

How about you? Do you ever train nekkid?

And just like that...

It's done.

Apparently... yesterday was my day for passing tests.

Not only did I overcome some personal and emotional challenges, but the nice folks at ISSA seem think that I know a thing or two about health and fitness.

As of 8:02 PST this morning, I'm an official ISSA certified Personal Trainer!



I've been trying to think of something really insightful to say about this accomplishment or something inspiring about pursuing your dream, continue working on your goals, yadda, yadda, yadda... but I can only come up with one thing:

SQUEE!

Now to spend some quality time meditating on what to do next. I'll try not to take as long with that as I did the first test. :)

Today is the day...

Oh, how many times has that phrase crossed each of our lips? That verbal line in the sand - enough is enough! Today is it!

Sometimes it's uttered in frustration, but sometimes it's uttered in a calm, serene voice. One that is echoed through ever fiber of your being. Today. You know you're making the right decision for you. You feel it from the calm in your heart and the butter flies in your tummy.

It's almost like a tiny seed, full of potential, has just been handed to you that promises to grow into something big and powerful and amazing and beautiful.

But... Yet...

Alas.

Something gets in your way. The seed is forgotten about, put aside, ignored, discarded as a foolish pursuit.

"Don't dig up in fear what has been planted in faith." - Unknown

But... yet... Maybe...

I first read those words a few weeks ago, Tweeted by my wannabeBFF Carla aka MizFit (she of the arm-licking pearl of wisdom). The words were like a ClueX4 on my soul.

You see, a couple of years ago, I was handed a seed. It was a really spiffy seed, too. I turned it over and over and over in my hand. I told people about my seed, how cool it was, and how much cooler it was going to be.

I'd set it aside, then pull it out again.

Then, a little over 18 months ago, with the help of my hubby (read: I'm making this call so you stop talking and start doing.) the seed got planted. I made the plunge: My journey to getting my Personal Trainer Certification had begun. Oh it was so exciting!

But... Yet... Alas.

The journey has had a multitude of stops and starts... ok, way more stops than starts. Many molehill mountains sprung up around me that I can even count. I did the procrastination dance to perfection on many, many occasions. I blogged about it. I whined about it. I set goals and deadlines that piled up around me like the dishes I did instead of what I should be doing.

I put together a huge shovel made up of "what if's and worst case scenarios" and headed to that proverbial garden.

"Don't dig up in fear what has been planted in faith."

But... yet... maybe...

I put the shovel aside... and got out my watering can.

Oh that shovel was still there, staring at me, taunting me any time I sat down. I never finish anything. Who am I to think I can actually help other people. Oh, and my latest favorite: I'm a horrible advocate for helping people get healthy, fit, strong! But I realize that the seed had been given to me. It was a gift that someone somewhere thought I had the talents and abilities to make grow into something big and beautiful and amazing. Who was I to question that?

But... yet...

Today...

Today is the day I saw the first sprout from that seed. The test has been taken. The essays have been written. The plans have been created. The 'send' button has been pushed.

It's now in the hands of The Powers That Be at ISSA to decide if I pass and get a pretty certificate, or fail and have to do it all over again.

Either way, I have won. I've passed a test of my own design - I left the seed right where it was, planted in fertile grown, to continue grow in faith.

Ironically… this was today’s message on my page-a-day calendar, given to me by my awesome hubby at Christmas:

“You can have seeds from every kind of tree, plan, or flower tucked away in a drawer for years, and nothing will happen. Those seeds are full of tremendous potential waiting for the right environment. The same is true for the seeds inside of you. Those seeds may have been lying dormant, but you are still full of tremendous potential.. It’s time to change your internal environment so those seeds can grow and produce the harvest for which they are intended.”

How many seeds to you have hidden away, discarded, forgotten about?

How many times have you dug up something in fear?

Is today /your/ day to plant them - or just one - in faith?

A "Blueberry" kinda day... and linky type love.

A while back... I was in a mood.

OOOH was I in a mood and everyone around me was making it worse.

I sent my fabu friend Mon an email ranting and raving about [insert less than flattering adjective here] co-workers and [insert really nasty adjective here] computers and darnitall if the sky was just too stinkin' blue that day.

She responded that I should imagine the co-workers (and anything else that annoyed me for that matter) blowing up like Violet in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - looking like a huuuuge blueberry and rolling it down a hill.



That made me giggle. It broke some stress. No one got hurt.

Now anytime we have a frustrating kind of day or situation, the battle cry to tackle it is "BLUEEEEBERRRIEEESSSS!"

Today... is sort of one of those days. Not really in a "OMG I'm cranky, get out of my way" kind of day - mind and heart are feeling clear... just having lots going on and being kept extra busy at work but feel like everything is an uphill battle.

Speaking of up hill battles... I read about this, this morning... www.mountlemmonmarathon.com/ HOLY MACARONI!!!

Though there's a part of me that says, "Hmmm... if I start training now... and convince some of my awesome running/marathon trainee/veterans to come out to Tucson and celebrate my b-day by doing a hard climb with me... could be intriguing."

And more of the linky type love to share... I lubs me the MizFit for so many reasons, and found out today she started life as a counselor like the Awesome Ramona (I dub thee Awesome, darlin'!) and that sort of prompting for being your best self comes through in all she does... Her personal motto and mantra for all is to be "unapologetically myself", something that I keep aspiring to in my own life, and release the fear of just being "Me", but that's a whooole different story for a different day.

I shared this entry with the Amazing Julee (yes, that's my name for her... no, she doesn't have a cape. Yet. ;).

It prompted a really good discussion of how each of us 'licks our forearms' (or rather, don't)... and realized we both have a long way to go in the healthy, self-soothing practice.

Please, go read and let me know how YOU lick YOUR forearms.

And to continue the MizFit love, I listened to the premier podcast of Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone

OMG LOVE LOVE LOVE! (I don't even hold it against DietGirl that she hearts Jillian Michaels. LOL!) Get thyself to the site and subscribe! And listen. Now!

And on that note, I shall leave you with one last thought in the spirit of Vince Lombardi... instead of getting caught up in the minutiae of details that don't matter... All it's doing is giving you an excuse not to get started or reach your goals. Focus instead on being brilliant with the basics. (yep, it's my theme for the day and yep it's something that I'm taking my own advice on. ;)

Dedicated December

It was hard to get out of bed this morning... a 4 day weekend of fun, frivolity and indulgence...



Nothin' like a serious sweat inducing workout to slap you back to reality and let you know how easy it is to lose some well earned ground. At least I know it's only temporary.

I'm not talking about any sort of scale movement - although that's temporary as well.

I'm talking about the less tangible, but no less real things like endurance, determination, enthusiasm, focus, and general well being.

For instance, it's still amazing to me how one to two 'off' meals can leave me feeling lethargic, out of sorts, or even just as hungry as before the meal. For me, "off" eating is not getting enough of each macro nutrient to balance a meal... like all protein but little to no carbohydrates (veggie _or_ starch types). Or, horror of horrors, all carbs (especially grains) and no protein. (Like the waffles I made for breakfast on Sunday... with pie for dessert!) That's a fun ride! (for about 15 minutes. ;)

Multiply that by 2 or 3 days and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

The nice thing is that 1) in the grand scheme of things _my_ version of "indulgence" really isn't. Yes, there was more of everything over the weekend, and more of stuff I don't normally have all at once. But it wasn't an evil downward spiral. It was more like a gradual stroll down a hill... and 2) I know how to climb that hill again to get me back on my path.

The interesting part is how winded I get climbing the hill again.

The even more interesting part is how few people were climbing it with me.

As I said, it was hard to get up this morning. It was the first truly cold night - it was a rainy, windy 38 last night! I got buried under a kitty pile and snuggly hubby... it was warm and toasty and I soooo didn't want to head out into the cold, dark world to get to the gym. I also was dreading the parking situation once I got there... I mean /surely/ there would be a TON of people who ate WAAAAAYYY too much and wanted to work it off. Right?



WRONG!

The only time I've seen the gym parking lot as empty as it was this morning was... well... hardly ever. Usually, by 6am on Monday, there are about 30+ cars there. This morning there were about 10... including mine.

I was even more surprised to see the number of 'regulars' that /weren't/ there. But the few of us that were there totally rocked our workouts! No distractions, no interruptions! I loved not having to fight for equipment or weights!

Granted, I struggled through the workout itself, but felt like a million bucks at the end!

I realize that folks may still be traveling, or be caught in the grips of the icky plague that i keep hearing about...

For me, it wasn't really an option to skip my workout this morning. I did my scheduled workouts Thursday & Friday, why would today be any different than any other Monday?

I personally, am dedicated to finishing out 2009 with the best body and health possible.

It doesn't matter where I started, it matters that I keep going and where I finish.

I'm going to make December, 2009, the best month ever!

Are you?!

Pumpkin in a can...

Also known as the Great Pumpkin Race Recap. :)

Also known as, "How do you keep your friends in suspense? I'll give you the details in a minute."

LOL! I crack myself up.

I'm also not that mean... my official stats are:

Overall placement: 311 (out of 406 finishers... I had almost 100 people finish after me! YAY I wasn't last! :)
Time: 38:08.9 (SCHWEET!)
Placement in age group: 16 (haven't taken the time to figure out how many in my age group there were. :)
Average pace: 12:16.7 (doode!)

Now that we have that out of the way, on the fun stuff. :)

Friday night I went and got my packet after work... whoo hoo! /Another/ bag (to add to the 50 bajillion I've already got! LOL! But WAY better than getting a T-shirt!!)


I tried to bribe the the guy to give me #40 instead, but alas, all the numbers were preassigned. So I was lucky #43 instead. I'm good with that.

I got my stuff together much when I got home, cuz that's how I roll. ;)


I, of course, felt like I was missing something, though Julee would have disagreed since it looked like I had enough stuff for a week! (seriously! I had a cooler bag, a bag w/a change of clothes that I didn't need, fanny pack and jacket. Took us both to carry everything out in one trip!)

I had my knee taped up Thursday (sorry for the pasty whiteness) since it was feeling extra tweaky... was glad I did - I had noooo problems and was nice to not have to worry about it. Also had an ice pack for the way home to keep any potential swelling/stiffness at bay.



That night I did a wee bit of carb-loading - had some pasta with my dinner, but not a huge amount. I was approaching the race as a cross between my usual Saturday morning long walk/run, and something special, which it essentially was. I didn't want to overload my system with starch at one meal, since I'm really not used to it... would probably not be a fun night/morning for me, I'm thinkin'.

Saturday morning arrived way too early, as it does, but I got up, got myself ready, had breakfast, coffee & packed in time for the awesome Julee to arrive. I was sooo happy to have her there with me - not only was it a great distraction and getting to spend quality time with her, it was like having my own staff: chauffeur, paparazzi, time keeper and stunt brain, all in one! LOL!

We arrived, I checked in, headed back to the car to get the final swig of coffee, get my number and sign attached...



I had a few last minute donations and didn't have time to add them to the list. Thank you to everyone who donated!!!

...and fuel up.


The course itself was really interesting - mostly hard packed dirt/road. The announcer guy mentioned it was a 'fast' course, but I didn't believe him... Either way I started out at a fast walk for the first 8-10 minutes and planned do to intervals of 4 minutes of faster walking/running and 1 minute recovery. Not a lot of recovery, but it actually did pretty well. Anywho, I hit mile marker 1 and almost fell over. Not from exhaustion or from pain, but from surprise. I got to it in just under 12 minutes! Seriously!? From just walking?!?! Doode!

I was feeling good overall at that point and had enough room around me that I was able to settle into my own pace and happily go along listening to my music. I passed some people, got passed by others, played back-and-forth with a few more. It was fun. I got a bit worried when I hit the pumpkin patch - the rows were covered in slippery straw and very uneven ground - but that too was just part of the experience.

As I hit the 2nd mile marker I was still stunned by my pace and even more so when I hit the 3rd mile marker.


You see, my goal was to finish in under 50 minutes. As you can see from my time, I not only met that goal, I did it all in under 40 minutes... and probably would have had a time of around 37 minutes if I didn't stop to take this photo...


I just had to do a "aaahhh!! In scary corn field" photo! And the funny thing was, a little way in there was a lady taking a photo of her 2 kids that were tucked in amongst the stalks. I joked with her that there really /were/ children of the corn here! She laughed, I went on my merry way.

I was thrilled & surprised with my time, and had a great time overall. I felt great afterwards - basically the 3-ish miles I did last weekend took way more out of me than this did!

After all the results were posted, and awards were started to be given out for the top finishers, we hit the pumpkin patch to fetch us some happy gourds, then head back home.

The experience was fantastic, the atmosphere was fun and the only "bad" thing I had to say was that I was surprised that there weren't any water stations on the course. Being a bit cooler, we didn't really need it as much, and being in AZ, people are trained to bring water with them everywhere... still it was a surprise that there wasn't any except for in check in/congregating area. I'm really glad I had the experience, and I have to be honest, I'm glad it's over, but for a reason you may not expect.

See, I used to be the all cardio, all the time type of a gal. Treadmill & Elliptical, and occasionally the bike... I was all over it. Weights - ::hiss::

NOW I've moved into more of the all weights, all the time with some cardio thrown in for warm-ups and to keep my endurance up.

The few weeks leading up to this event, I sort of flipped back to Cardio Queen mode. 3-4 walk/run interval workouts a week with 1-2 strength training sessions. It was a nice change, but I've been soooo happy to get back to my 'regular' silliness on the weight floor this week!

Will I do it again?

Probably... I might even be silly enough to work my way up to a 10K or a 1/2 marathon in the future... just to see if it could be done.

Just not any time soon. ;)

I feel like Michael Phelps

There's this story about Michael Phelps that I never really *got* till today.

Basically, the swimming Adonis that he is, totally smoked (ooh, bad choice of words, LOL!!) his competition, broke records right and left, won 8 frackin' gold medals, etc... at the end of one of his more spectacular races, he tore off his goggles and tossed them down, majorly skeeved off about, well something.

Was it because he beat his own personal best time? Nope.

Is it that he won the race by an unquestionable margin? Nope.

Is it because he proved, yet again, that he *is* the human equivalent of a merman? Nuh-uh.


(yes, that's him in the forefront)

It's because, get this, his goggles filled with water.

"so, Michael... you just swept the race, how do you feel? Elated? Proud? Ecstatic?"

"Umm... MEH!"

So why would a man who just did something so awesome be SO annoyed?!

Let me tell you why:

I got to the gym today excited it was an 'easy' day... the Workout Of The Day was the Push Press 1-1-1-1-1-1-1.

That translates into 7 sets of 1 rep... the idea behind it isn't to lift 5 pounds 7 times and call it good.* It's about finding your own personal one rep maximum and striving to improve it.

"The best inspiration is not to outdo others,
but to outdo ourselves." - Anonymous

I started out with all the positive expectation in the world. I wrote in the poundage for the last set as a goal - it would be 15# more than the last time I did it, and would be an AMAZING personal record. I pictured it in my head. I OWNED it...

Or at least I thought I did.

Not only did I not make that goal. I didn't finish the workout.

I got to round 6 and my body just said, "Nope."

I took a good rest in between set 5 & 6, was holding the bar, breathing and not only did I have a stray thought of, "Hope my wrist can hold up..." but my arms threatened to fail.



So I reduced the weight.

Not happening.

I reduced it again.

Nope.

It got to where I didn't trust myself to try and lift the empty bar (45#) that I easily moved at the warm up. I stomped my feet a little, re-racked my weights and stormed out.

Oh yeah, and I smacked my nose with the bar on the warm-up lift (on the way up... ::rubs nose:: OW!)

"The point of CF is to get better at life.
Being unable to workout tomorrow because you were pigheaded today
is not in line with our goals." Garddawg

Here's the thing: Set #5 was a personal best of 65#! I've managed 55# but never 65#.

Thing is, I was shooting for 70#.

"Don't place mistakes on your head, their weight may crush you.
Place them under your feet as a platform to your horizons" Trainer_T

Yes, I'm happy I did it once, and I know that 65# WILL be mine next time... more than once! I'm just disappointed because I know I could have done better.

*If you're at the level where 5 pounds IS your personal one rep max... then YOU are a ROCKSTAR! I truly mean that with all my heart!! That means that you have worked your way up through 0-4 pounds and can lift more than you could before.

That ROCKS!

Considering the 4# weights kill me when I do reverse flyes, I totally salute you! (once I can lift my arms again! LOL!!!)

Notes from the gym

To my endorphins : you are awesome! Thanks so much for kicking in and helping me soar through the last set of killer lunges and not letting my carb depleted brain get the best of me.


To the nice gentleman in the weight area: Doode. I appreciate being checked out - it's definitely a confidence booster - but seriously, can you not make it so obvious you're looking at my cleavage? I'm doing frackin' dead lifts. I HAVE to keep my chest out.

To the lovely lady I met in the weight room: YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR!!! Doin' my happy skinny dance for you!!! I saw her herself, walk away, then rush back to weigh again. I thought she was discouraged, but then she's said, "I have officially lost _90_ pounds!" I squeed, applauded and did a happy dance for her, and proceeded to share the news with the other ladies who gave her a HUGE ovation! (it was huge for the 4 of us in there!)

Let March Madness Begin!

Because hokey smokes do I need it! February had me on a steep learning curve and I'm sure I didn't quite get all the lessons I was supposed to, but hey it's still early and I'm a work in progress, no? Which leads me to the most important lesson I did learn:

Progress, not perfection!

Yeah, I stole it from FlyLady, but I'm sure she's ok with that.

And another one from my fave band since High School, the Moody Blues - "admit what you're feeling, and see, what's in front of you, it's never out of your sight."

My stats pretty much drive that point home.

ALL of my measurements went down by 1/2 an inch EXCEPT for my mid-waist (basically right at the belly button.) That went down by _1.5_ inches! (does the little happy dance!!). And my flexed bicep is 3/4 of an inch bigger then un-flexed.



Now here's where the fun starts: my weight is down. YAY! But by 1#. What's even more fun is my body fat %. If I go by the calipers, it's down anywhere between 2-4%; but based on my measurements it's down .5%.

o_O huh?!

If I use the latter, that means I'm down 1.1# of body fat and up .1# in lean body mass.

My inner brats, Veruca & Stevie want to throw a hissy fit and say "ONLY 1 pound!?!? ONLY .5%?!?! But Tom V says we should be down at least 2%!!!" I really wanted to sit and pout as well, not to mention rationalize all the coulda/shoulda/woulda moments (I mean, come on... AF arrived in full force on Friday!), but instead, the semi-adult part of my brain is chanting, "Progress, not perfection... oooommmm... progress, not perfection..." It is what it is - progress. The numbers are just that - numbers, and they're moving in a direction that's acceptable to me and going towards one of the big goals I've set for myself. The frustrating part is that the numbers aren't reflecting how I feel, and the actual physcial changes I'm seeing going on with my body.

Which is why, for March, I decided to toss all this "weight loss" stuff completely out the window!



Sort of...

I am at the point in this journey where all the tracking is starting to really frustrate me beyond belief. I completely believe that, when you're starting out, recording and measuring your food is hugely important. Tracking what you're taking in, the energy your expending, is a fantasic way to come to grips with the reality of your situation and take action to correct it.

While I am not deluded enough to think that I'm now immune from the temptations that surround me, or that I'm a walking calorie/fat/carb/protein encyclopedia and know exactly how much of what I'm eating, I'm also at the point where all the tracking of everything is just plain frustrating.

Now, it's tempting to say that this frustration is part of the struggle and I must be close to a breakthrough, etc... But truth is, I'm close to something breaking, but it's more my psyche and sanity rather than some great plateau/fat loss drop. Honestly, the most progress I made in February came when I took a rest from the intense workouts and recording every little morsel of food I consumed.

So this month's goal is to re-acquaint myself with my intuition when it comes to food. I have a decent handle on what I already eat and need to learn to trust myself to continue that practice. I figure at least 1-2 times a week I'll record everything just to make sure I'm not going off the deep end in any one area, but I don't need to feed that obsession at the moment.

And speaking of obsessions, the big one is the scale. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love that it gives me feedback on what I'm doing, but since my body is so fickle sometimes it frustrates the heck out of me when it goes up when I don't "feel" like it. So alas, our time together will be fleeting this month. Again, the occasional checks in, make sure I'm headed in the right direction, but not depending so much on it for feedback.

Exercise wise I'm going to mostly continue with the same, only a little different. This month I'm going to focus on strength - 3 days worth - and 2-3 days of cardio. I'm totally digging my Saturday morning walk/run at the Rillito path and will continue that as long as the weather cooperates (and my iPod, which is starting to show it's age, and probably suffering the effects of being bounced around a lot lately.) Otherwise I figure 1-2 times a week hitting the gym for an interval workout will suffice. Again, my body seems to need a break from all the heavy duty cardio I was doing... I love my sweat therapy but can definitely get the fix doing weights. And giving myself a break at the end of the month to ease up all around and let my body recover.

That's the plan so far... I figure by mid-March I'll be able to tell if I'm successful at what I'm doing or if I need to re-evaluate. For the moment, I feel pretty good about it.

Why?

"You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

I've been struggling lately. Here. I signed up and got all my books and started studying for the Personal Trainer certification, and now I have doubts about it. I mean, I'm not near my goal weight, I barely know what I'm doing, I'm doubting my abilities and wondering WHY do I even want to do this? Why am I putting so much time, energy, thought, and money into pursuing this path?

Well, that's the $10M question... or at least, that's what the answer will be worth.

So, what happens when you throw a question like that to the universe? The universe usually gives you your answer, subtly at first, then beats you over the head with it. Hard. Although I figured out that sometimes you need to get really, really pi$$ed off about something to get your mind to focus and get to the heart of the matter.

My beating came from 2 sources:

1) I made the mistake of watching the Biggest Loser this wee. I honestly thought I had taken it off the TiVo (and will be doing so lest I risk a threat of divorce or being hog tied and thrown in the closet when it's on. Honest, honey. :) but there it was being recorded, and I decided to check who was still there, etc. That was when the Ms. M proceeded to hit every button I had to hit to the point that I scared the cats because I was screaming at the TV! I do respect what she has to say in terms of motivation and helping people get through emotional issues once and for all. That part rocks and I know she learned a lot of it from her mom, which is way awesome. The rest, she needs to just stop because it's crap. Yes it makes for goodtv , yes it has a small grain of truth in it, but it's crap. Just motivate people and make your people do crazy things in the gym but stop with the rest. Seriously.




I know that people totally idolize her, and that scares me. It's the fact that she may be the only fitness 'expert' that people ever see, and she may inspire or scare people away from working with a personal trainer/coach, and if they take her word as law... yeah, it just scares me.




2) I read my friend Ramona's amazing blog entry about food. It really drove home a) how far I've come in my overall relationship with food, and b) how the whole 'diet' mentality really forces unhealthy attitudes towards food. In the world of weight loss, there are so many articles on how to eat 'healthy', learn to love it, 'banish cravings', 'get rid of the junk', etc. One of the blogs that I enjoy reading is Pasta Queen - this woman literally lost more than 1/2 her body weight through changing the way she ate and exercising. She went from a total sedentary life to running marathons! Amazing!!! but she still is battling her fooddeamons. I've seen/read so many stories where someone has lost a huge amount of physical weight, but is still weighed down by food issues.




There's the other half of that same coin - the new converts that have no tolerance for people who don't eat healthy all the time, that haven't jumped on their bandwagon and/or are trying to force their lifestyle on other people.




It really goes to show me that they haven't actually learned anything. They've adopted a narrow view of how things should be and have an unhealthy attitude towards food. It's either good or bad in their minds, rather than it just being food. Behind it all there is always the fear that, on a bad day, with the stars misaligned, they'll meet their trigger food(s) in a dark alley and there will be no hope for them.

THESE are the reasons WHY I want to continue the path I am on. I am far from perfect, but I have learned a lot along the way - hello, still dealing with hypothyroid, PCOS, and probably the onset of menopause. Whee for me! I feel that I have a skill set to help cut through the crap, get down to solid nutrition, goal setting, efficient exercise, working through issues, etc., and allow people to live a healthy life. Heck, maybe learn to love themselves in the process. Yes, it's more touchy feely than me screaming at someone in the gym, but seriously?! Who does that help? I'm all for tough love, but that's just... well, tough.




And as the quote says, if I can help other people, it helps me live the life I want to live. I love to share what I know, to learn new things and to work with people that want to be better people. I've got a lot of big dreams, and want to see them grow.




So, my friends, that's why I am going to be studying like a mad woman for the next several months and workin' my tail off at the gym (barring any future BONK episodes! eesh! :)

The hard part

Well, this is what I get for putting my intentions out into the world... I guess I've talked about it enough because my fantastic husband made me an offer I couldn't refuse (not like /that/! Geesh!)so I took the plunge and signed up for the ISSA PT cert course. That's the easy part.




There's a BIG part of my brain that's going, "what am I thinking?!" But another little part of the brain is doing backflips. I spent a lot of time with the hubby talking about why I want to do this and what I want out of it and I have a much bigger picture that I'm going for. But at the moment, I'm doing it for me, to learn, to better myself, and to ultimately help people.




Till then, I'm going to calm the part of me that's freaking out and get to work! /That/ is the hard part!