It’s all about the pain. . . the quotable version

This morning at the gym I was reminded of a shirt my Awesome Hubby wears on occasion.

The first time I saw it, I chuckled because of the truth of it. He usually manages to wear it at a time when I’m in the throws of serious muscle soreness (which, if anyone’s done CrossFit style workouts for any amount of time, realizes that it’s more normal than not) and I have to remind myself that my inability to walk up stairs or lift my arms to brush my teeth (the person who invented the electric toothbrush? A saint!) is just my body’s way of dealing with the resistance and motions I put it through, and the muscles are just repairing themselves to they can be stronger and better able to deal with the same thing next time.

This morning at the gym, again dealing with sore muscles, again lifting heavy things and doing all sorts of other silliness (burpees – I have no love in my heart for you) that will make me more sore tomorrow, I was struck by the even deeper truth of the saying because it's something that's been on my mind lately. Not so much for me, though I'm at the point of getting frustrated that I still have the squishy middle, and my physique isn't where *I* think it should be. I mean really, I’ve been at this for /how/ long!?

I digress. I was reminded of what a beautiful, talented friend of mine has voiced to me several times recently: that's she's SO afraid that all the weight she's lost will come back. I’ve come across the same fear and frustration a lot lately, the continual struggle, the weariness, the frustration, the fear.

My first thought: Then you did it wrong the first time. I mean, if you put in the time to develop new habits and make the changes to your lifestyle that support the lower weight and activity level, and you didn't do any sort of extreme effort that's impossible to sustain long term, there's not really any reason for you to re-gain... right?

But that's only part of it, isn't it?

Yes, there’s the fear part - and having a little bit of that can be good to keep you focused on the actions you need to take - but really, it all begins and ends with pain.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
Jim Rohn

Oooh, that “D” word… That’s /really/ it, isn’t it? We don’t want the pain of discipline, or change. We like things the way they are. Even if we /don’t/ like things the way they are, when we decide that there’s need for change, the first thing we do is… rebel.

Wait, what? The first thing we do should be act, right? I mean we want to change so we act!

Not so. Remember my Inner Princesses, Veruca & Stevie? Yeah, this is when I really became aware of them – when I decided to take action to change, do develop some _discipline_ in my life.

Whoooaaaaa Nelly did they act up because, after all, discipline means punishment and restriction and the inner kiddos do NOT like that!
dis·ci·pline [dis-uh-plin]
–noun
1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

Wait... discipline doesn’t /automatically/ mean punishment? Go fig!

But that’s what we think, right? I mean, the only reason to change is because we are bad and need to be punished, to implement super restrictive (Eat only celery! Live on $5 a week! Do marathon cleaning sessions!) and deprivation (No shopping! No chocolate! No fun!) behaviours that only set us up for failure so we can continue to beat ourselves up and realize that we were meant to stay the way we so there. *flop* We take on the role of both the bratty, rebellious child and overbearing, condemning parent.

So… How’s that been workin’ for ya?

I think it’s time to embrace the training/activity/improving skill part of the definition rather than the punishment portion.

It’d mean that instead of being condemning, we need to start being compassionate. Instead of being rebellious, we have to be open.

But that’s hard, isn’t it? It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, it’s SO easy to find fault and lay the blame for our woes outside of ourselves rather than looking in the mirror. Unless, of course, you’re me, then you take the blame for all the worlds’ (including your own) problems and put them squarely on your shoulders. Yeah, that’s fun.

Here’s the thing that most people don’t want to hear: It’s painful to change. That’s why so many people stay in bad situations, get further in debt, health continues to deteriorate.

But it can be equally painful to stay the same.

You have to make a choice

You can choose to stay the same, or you can choose to change. There is going to be emotional wear and tear no matter what, because below the surface we all have emotional stuff that needs to be dealt with. Holding the door closed on the closet that hold our skeletons - THAT is tiring. Trust me. Been there, have the therapy bills to prove it. It’s painful to face it, but if you do, it feels like a huge physical weight has been lifted from you. When you don’t, that weight keeps bearing down on you, threatening to crush you.

"The secret of joy is the mastery of pain." - Anaïs Nin

It’s uncomfortable, it’s not fun, but in the end, it’s worth it… so you can move on to the next /thing/.

“If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.” John Maxwell

I know! Such the cheery ray of sunshine today, aren’t I?

But there’s a reason for it. It goes back to the fear of gaining it back, of going deeper into debt, and why I’m not so worried. It also goes back to the question I’ve been asked several times that I’ve struggle to answer: What was the turning point for me? How did I stop spinning my wheels and finally find traction?

It was the day that I realized that it’s not about the weight, it’s not about the food, and it’s not about the exercise. It’s about the thing was keeping me stuck where I was – and that thing was me.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

The day that I realized that I had to be accountable to myself, to embrace the pain of discipline today rather than live with the pain of regret forever, to look myself in the eye in the mirror and clear out the bad so I could get to the good stuff, /that/ was the turning point. I realized that every struggle had a purpose and the faster I figured that out; the faster I could get through it and reap the benefits. I learned that every time I encountered resistance, not matter if I was pushed back or pushed through, it made me stronger the next time.

“Being fat (or in debt, or surrounded by clutter, or being in a difficult situation) is hard. Losing weight (getting out of debt, clearing out the emotional and physical clutter, making a change in your life) is hard. Chose Your HARD!” - Unkown

"I choose to know the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is." - UNKNOWN

I made my choice… how about you?

Fly By: Universal Truths

Sometimes life goes along all nice and relatively easy... lessons may come my way but they barely make a blip on my general radar screen.

Other times it’s one. thing. after. another.

I mean, I was gonna do an April Fools post about deciding to ditch this eating right and exercising stuff in favor of the oh so awesome “CURE” for excess weight... the fabulous amazing HCG stuffs... Yeah, that was before the roof blew off our house. And my car died. And took the dishwasher with it.

Seriously - what’s up with that?!

So no April Fools jokes for me, thanks... Feeling like the Powers That Be are making /me/ their joke... since They have seem to have a really good sense of humor. But as much as the PTB enjoy having fun at my expense, (and apparently taking their sweet time on my request to be Queen of the Universe... ) I’ve learned a few things along the way - 1) I don’t get more than I can handle (though I question /their/ faith in /my/ ability to not have a complete meltdown at the drop of a hat), and 2) If I don’t get the lesson They’re trying to teach, I get to go through it all. over. again.

So having accomplished #1 - roof all fixed in time for the massive wind and rain storm that hits this time of year, car was an easy and relatively inexpensive fix, and got a ganga deal on a new dishwasher that the hubby made me do all the heavy lifting for, not to mention finding someone to repair our wall and install our gate as a bonus - I had some time to move on to #2... I had some ‘crockpot’ time to simmer and stew... and instead of risking the lather-rinse-repeat of missing the lessons, I’ll do what I do best: Share.

Cuz sometimes my life is an example of what /to/ do... Other time my purpose is to serve as an warning of what /not/ to do. LOL!!!

Anywho, as I’m always fond of saying, the process for change is always the same. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing, if you’re going to be making some changes, big or small, in any area of your life, it’s the same process, and there’s some Universal Truths that go along with it... And the last few weeks have been not so subtle reminders of those...

#1 - If you’re going to get stronger, you have to encounter resistance

I know this one is easy if you’ve ever done strength training: The heavier the resistance, the stronger the muscle. Well... works the same in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to making changes. Sooo many times we want the process of change to be easy, but when something comes easy, you come to take it for granted. When you really have to work for it, you treasure the results.

Lets look at it terms of losing weight. Say you’ve got a significant amount to lose, and you’ve got a pretty messed up diet. You make a few changes and *bam* 10 pounds is gone effortlessly. Whoo hoo! You found the “Easy Button”! This is no problem! I’m gonna do this and happy dance and ... hey, ::poke:: ummm scale... why you not move for a few weeks? And what the... _2_ birthday parties this week?! And a major foodie holiday?!

Resistance. Which leads to …

#2 - It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.

I know, I know, you’ve heard that one before. It’s all a mind set, think positive, blah blah blah...

Whatevs.

No you don’t need to be the bluebird of happiness all the time, but you can make up your mind of how you’re going to react.

So many times when we make The Big Decision - you know the one. The Big Decision to STOP {insert less than healthy behavior/activity here} and START {insert replacement behavior/activity here}.

Then an amazing thing happens - we turn into a 5 year old with no impulse control and want everything. right. now.

What?! Don’t give me that look - I’m including myself in that “we”. Have ya not met Veruca and Stevie? When do you think they showed their bright and shiny, precious little bratty... er... princess faces to me?! After my Big Decision to stop feeling like poo and gaining weight and finally start eating better and exercising.

Whooo doggie was that an eye opener! Nothing like a Big Decision to reduce a seemingly grounded (heh, interesting choice of words) adult into a fit pitching, cranky, entitled 5 year old (and a super emo, distant 13 year old that showed up later on) to test the boundaries and stability of said Big Decision.

Eventually I learned to recognize their ploys, I mean work with them for our greater good... but it took a lot of work when encountering the resistance, learning from it, making better decisions, keeping calm, learning to react differently... and slowly, but surely, results of the changes on the inside started to show on the outside. It wasn’t overnight... it wasn’t in a month... in fact think it took a whole lot longer, but the point is: It took.

Trust me, the cycle of stress to meltdown to near shutdown to resolution to reaction to action that I go through is still there... it’s just shortened significantly, and I spend a lot less time in the first part, and more time in the last bits, by making choices and looking ahead - even the tiniest bit - instead of where I am right now.

Which makes me realize...

#3 - What you do (or don’t do) today will effect you tomorrow.

What you eat, what you spend, what you pick up and put away, what activity you do or don’t do today, will have an impact on my mood, my energy, my environment, my bank account tomorrow.

Don’t believe me? K... lets play a little game.

Think abut where you want to be weight/health/financially in 6 months from now.

Got that picture in your mind? Good.

Now think about your habits _right now_.

Do they match where you want to be?

Moving on...

#4 - Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good

Helloooo perfection! Yeah, this is where my Inner Princesses really shine. Wanna make a change? Ok, we have to do research! Look up all the different ways to do this or that, then pick the way that seems best, then look into how to do it perfectly because anything worth doing is worth doing right, and only right, right? And we aren’t going to do it unless we do it right, right?!

Know where all that got me?! About another couple of inches of spread on my posterior and firmly stuck in the overwhelmed/stressed/meltdown/shutdown part of the cycle. Who can move to action when you’re frozen by fear and indecision?!

Finally I’d had enough and made a deal with the princesses - we’d pick ONE thing... just one, and do /something/ every day towards it. It wasn’t a lot, but it got the mediocre, imperfect, slow but steady ball rolling. And you know what? The world didn’t end. Nothing blew up. The perfection police didn’t show up at my doorstep to ridicule me (though I’m sure I contributed some to the cause... it’s how I roll. Old habits die slow, painful deaths. ;)

Doing something is ALWAYS better than doing nothing. And doing something consistently is MUCH better than starting, then stopping for a looong time, then starting again for a day... then stopping.

Except...

#5

Yeah... think that’s pretty self explanatory. ;)

But it’s a good reminder that …

#6 - There’s always time for teh cute

What?! That was some serious stuffs I just went through - light and fluffy makes me happy. So there. :)

Whatcha think? Do you have any Universal Truths to add to the list? Any life lessons that you’ve learned over and over and over again you want to share? Any life warnings that you want to be an example of? Seen any cute puppies or kittens lately? Play an April Fool’s Prank this year? Anyone else amused that my 'fly bys' are longer than regular blogs? Discuss...

2Fer Tuesday Blogging... Act your age!

I just had to share this article because it's so flippin' awesome and inspiring.

On the theme of looking ahead, having just celebrated the big 4-Oh, this totally made me all giddy to all the things I have to look forward to, because I'm enjoying the heck out of them NOW!

"How you are as you get older is no different then how you are now... It is only reflecting how you live your life now."

P.S. Here's the video featured at the end:

Another Drive By Blog... Looking ahead

Guess what?! There's 23 whole days left between now and December 31st! Whoo hoo!

How many are excited to meet each of those days with enthusiasm and work yourself a little harder to end the year on a high note?

::Crickets chirping::

Ooookaaayy... how many are brushing pie & cookie crumbs from thanksgiving off the ever growing To-Do list and thinking, "Eh... no time... Wait till January, though! I'll be on fire!"

Perhaps you're already imagining your glistening, chiseled Adonis/Athena body that's just waiting for you once the calendar page gets flipped. The boundless energy and amazing health that's just around the corner. Get's you all giddy thinking about it, doesn't it?



Then reality hits.



I wanted to share something I heard on my Monday Night Motivational call yesterday. This is mostly paraphrased: It's easy to get excited about potential success. You have your dream, your end result in your head and it's awesome and exciting and what do you mean I have to go through a process to get there?!

Dream big! Bigger than you think is possible!

Get excited about what you're working towards and do _something_ every day to get you there.
Even if you're not really feeling it, let the excitement of your end result get you going - do that 15 minute walk, take a few extra minutes to make a salad instead of hitting the drive through, shop for instead of ordering your food. Celebrate your actions- the big ones, and especially the small ones - and soon you will be celebrating your success!

I was also reading the Beck Diet Solution this weekend and there's a part in there that addresses change... specifically being _ready_ for change. If you're not ready to really get into the process, to get your mindset in a place that's different from where you are now, then don't. Seriously. Don't force yourself into something that you're really not ready for.

Instead do something. Break it down, find some small thing that you can commit to doing - say having 1 piece of fruit every day, or tracking your food, or taking just 10 minutes out of your day to devote to exercise.

Nothing huge, but something to get you closer to the trail rather than blazing it.

Soon you'll be ready for more.

Soon you'll be setting the world on fire and amazing your friends and family.

Until then, I'll leave you with this last thought from my fave Personal Trainer (aside from my kitten! LOL!)

"All major undertakings are scary. If you look back at the biggest things you have accomplished in your life, you will probably see that they were all scary. Don't let being scared keep you from accomplishing all your fitness and/or weight loss goals!

"Don't let the fear of failure scare you from becoming the high-energy and healthy version of yourself that lies within. This approach is different - no quick fixes - just a highly-effective and simple (not easy) approach to developing healthy habits that will last the rest of your life." Jonathan Roche

YOU are worth it!

I feel like Michael Phelps

There's this story about Michael Phelps that I never really *got* till today.

Basically, the swimming Adonis that he is, totally smoked (ooh, bad choice of words, LOL!!) his competition, broke records right and left, won 8 frackin' gold medals, etc... at the end of one of his more spectacular races, he tore off his goggles and tossed them down, majorly skeeved off about, well something.

Was it because he beat his own personal best time? Nope.

Is it that he won the race by an unquestionable margin? Nope.

Is it because he proved, yet again, that he *is* the human equivalent of a merman? Nuh-uh.


(yes, that's him in the forefront)

It's because, get this, his goggles filled with water.

"so, Michael... you just swept the race, how do you feel? Elated? Proud? Ecstatic?"

"Umm... MEH!"

So why would a man who just did something so awesome be SO annoyed?!

Let me tell you why:

I got to the gym today excited it was an 'easy' day... the Workout Of The Day was the Push Press 1-1-1-1-1-1-1.

That translates into 7 sets of 1 rep... the idea behind it isn't to lift 5 pounds 7 times and call it good.* It's about finding your own personal one rep maximum and striving to improve it.

"The best inspiration is not to outdo others,
but to outdo ourselves." - Anonymous

I started out with all the positive expectation in the world. I wrote in the poundage for the last set as a goal - it would be 15# more than the last time I did it, and would be an AMAZING personal record. I pictured it in my head. I OWNED it...

Or at least I thought I did.

Not only did I not make that goal. I didn't finish the workout.

I got to round 6 and my body just said, "Nope."

I took a good rest in between set 5 & 6, was holding the bar, breathing and not only did I have a stray thought of, "Hope my wrist can hold up..." but my arms threatened to fail.



So I reduced the weight.

Not happening.

I reduced it again.

Nope.

It got to where I didn't trust myself to try and lift the empty bar (45#) that I easily moved at the warm up. I stomped my feet a little, re-racked my weights and stormed out.

Oh yeah, and I smacked my nose with the bar on the warm-up lift (on the way up... ::rubs nose:: OW!)

"The point of CF is to get better at life.
Being unable to workout tomorrow because you were pigheaded today
is not in line with our goals." Garddawg

Here's the thing: Set #5 was a personal best of 65#! I've managed 55# but never 65#.

Thing is, I was shooting for 70#.

"Don't place mistakes on your head, their weight may crush you.
Place them under your feet as a platform to your horizons" Trainer_T

Yes, I'm happy I did it once, and I know that 65# WILL be mine next time... more than once! I'm just disappointed because I know I could have done better.

*If you're at the level where 5 pounds IS your personal one rep max... then YOU are a ROCKSTAR! I truly mean that with all my heart!! That means that you have worked your way up through 0-4 pounds and can lift more than you could before.

That ROCKS!

Considering the 4# weights kill me when I do reverse flyes, I totally salute you! (once I can lift my arms again! LOL!!!)