Yep...

"Forget about sticking to your routines, for it may be better if you don't even try. Your key planet Venus is emotionally charged by high-strung Uranus today. You may feel as if you are going crazy, but rest assured that you are not. Let reliable structures and suppressive relationship assumptions fall away. Everything will settle back down in a day or two and you will be able to resume your regularly scheduled activities.
"Thursday, April 26, 2007

And the horoscope I get texted to me today says: "Your realistic outlook will help you to be very self-sufficient and effective today"

Wow... pretty much echoes what's going on in my little brain today. Been again with the contemplative mood and feeling out of sorts... like there's something that I know I have to do or some thing nagging at my brain, but can't quite figure out what, and it's making me edgey and unsettled.

Well, I sort of figured it out today... at least a big part of it because I'm feeling more settled. It finally hit me that there's really only 2 ways to live your life: proactively or reactively. It seems to apply to just about every aspect of life as well - money, health, home, work, etc. For me, my level of anxiety or calm is directly related to how I'm living my life.

When I'm living a reactive life, I’m always playing catch up, and or skating by to barely keep things going. The house falls back into CHAOS, stuff doesn’t get done, bills get paid eventually but there’s the “Oh crap I forgot that x & y was due… do we have the money?!?!” Time gets away from me and I’m always feeling rushed or behind. I feel vague on everything - like I know I have about X amount in my bank account, and have around 1/2 a tank of gass, and I might have an appointment this week. I get cranky, unsettled, and short tempered, not to mention less tolerant of behaviors that are like my own. I tend to be a little later into work than usual, and looking at my desk right now, it’s a mess… It's the basic idea of, if I fail to plan, I plan to fail.

When I’m living more proactively, things get done, I feel more prepared, and life in general is better… By taking a few minutes to plan meals and go shopping, then doing a few things ahead of time we have stuff for dinner & lunch and it’s not a scramble. The house is in a little better shape, my anxiety level is down, money is more manageable, and my health is a little more in order.

Thing is, I go between the two lives quite a lot and I kind of figured out why… it’s about being consistent and persistent. (gee… where have I heard that one before?!) It’s about how and where the energy and time is spent. Do I spend the energy and time now to be proactive, or do I let it slide and spend more energy and time later? With the latter, it’s a chicken/egg thing… do I let things slide because I’m tired, or am I tired because I let them slide?

I’m also realizing this is a lot of what FLY-ing is all about: Finally Loving Yourself enough to make the CHOICE to live a proactive life, and to make the commitment to be persistent and consistent. After all, isn’t that what commitment is: Doing something when it’s not fun, or easy, or trouble shows up, or other things get in the way? Finally Loving Yourself to do things for yourself and your family, even if they’re not in the same emotional place as you, to do things that need to be done… and doing those things without getting upset because it’s ‘someone else’s job’. It’s about taking that little extra time to do things so that money, food, hearth, home and health are taken care of *before* something blows up, figuratively or not. Being proactive consistently and persistently keeps my mood more stable, my home life more enjoyable, and my participation *in* life more active.

So yeah… time to get to it… 15 minutes at a time.