Wow... it's really been almost 3 months since I've posted something?! I have to say, the last 6 months have been filled with heavy stuff in my personal life - with my health, with my family and friends. I'm still processing a lot of it but for the first time in a long time I'm feeling like I'm in the light, rather than the tunnel.
Me being me, this has been a time of deep introspection and there's been some niggling thoughts bouncing around that would be great for a 'new year' post, or a 'what I learned', or 'How to pick yourself up by the bootstraps, Bootstrap' type thing...
But now's not that time... mainly because I've been short on time to grab one of those niggly thoughts and pin it down long enough to make any sense out of it that wouldn't completely confirm my residence in Crazy Town... Granted if you've been around me long enough, ya'll know I have a lovely home set up there and you're welcome to visit any time.
But I digress.
So instead of a super duper long rambly post, I'll just share something that came about from a discussion with some of my Fly-baby friends. It sort of fits in with the whole new year/get at it/get back at it thing... sort of. :)
Been thinking about routines and habits and how so may of us resist it. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why.
Routines are just the activities we do every day that promote a certain outcome.
Coming home, tossing your stuff here and there and not picking it up, leaving dishes in the sink, waiting till there's a pile of laundry as tall as you to do wash... all promote the outcome a cluttered house and a frantic, anxiety driven life...
Yeah, I saved time right now by not doing it but spent a ton of time later digging for that bill, or digging out the sink so I could cook dinner... you get the idea.
Or I could take a few extra minutes to put the clean out the sink after dinner, put my stuff away when I walk in the door, stand at the dining room table for 2 minutes to toss stuff that doesn't belong there, set my clothes out before I go to bed... that promotes a little bit calmer, peaceful, less cluttered home.
Same with developing habits/routines about your health. You can stay in bed (which you need rest if you're in burnout, but that's a whoooole different story for a different day...), rush around in the morning and grab the closest thing you can get your hand out for 'food', swing through the drive through for lunch and make awesome friends with the waiter at your local eatery... then plop on the couch because you're too tired, too over fed and too under nurished to do anything.... over, and over and over again...
(speaking for myself here, not about anyone else, just to clarify.)
Or you can bite the bullet, do menu planning, go shopping to have things on hand to eat so you feel better to be able to get out for a walk or to lift heavy things when the mood strikes... over, and over, and over again.
Realizing it takes time to develop new routines that promote less clutter, less weight, less debt, whatever, I was more inclined to do what I needed to, do the little things every day that add up to bigger things rather than 1-2 big things once in a random blue moon while, things slowly got better.
It takes time. It requires change (oooh, I know... them's fightin' words... I mean, I know if you're reading this, *you* don't need to change... but *I* need it... and this is all about me, right? ;) It also requires starting _small_, really getting one or two things down pat before moving on to the next thing.
If you don't let go of the old way of doing things, you can open your arms to embrace something new and wonderful.
Isn't that what 'new year' is all about? Being new? Being wonderful? Seeing the possibilities in front of you AND taking action to achieve it? Or is that just me?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Friday, September 9, 2011
Rembering what's important
“When we understand how precious each moment is, we can treat each breath, each moment, as a newborn baby.”
Michelle McDonald
10 years. Has it really been that long? I can’t believe that much time has passed, but here we are, 2011.
It’s interesting... my 40-something brain (wow... sometimes it’s really weird to see that number in relation to MY years) is like a steel sieve... eh, who am I kidding, it’s been like that for years. Drives my mom buggy - she can remember people from my kindergarten class, and I can barely remember who I went to High School with (one of the nice things about Teh Ebil Facebooks... my HS peeps find ME! :) let alone who I talked to last week.
But That Day... 10 years later it’s still burned in my memory. I could practically give you a detailed account of the mad panic feeling I had waking up a little late, the annoyance of my phone ringing off the hook, the kicked-in-the-stomach feeling when I turned on the TV, the helpless feeling I had at work when I got the call from the woman who trained me to take her job so she could move to New York with her husband... her tearful account of watching people perish as she ran for her life to get away from Ground Zero, finding out another friend had two close friends on one of the planes (love ya A! My heart goes out to you even more this year!! Wish I could be there to give you a great big, never ending hug... tell M he has to fill in till I can deliver it myself. ;) my own breakdown when I got home, wondering why? How? Now what?
“The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.” - Milo Bloom
So many times That Day has been referred to as America’s Wake Up call. And here we are, 10 years later. A “big” “anniversary”. ::throws confetti:: A mile marker to take some time to stop, reflect, take in the distance to see how far we’ve come, and where we’re going.
The questions is, how far /have/ we as a people, as a country, as a culture come since That Day? Have we learned the lesson or are we still needing some edjumacating? (sound it out... it’s fun. :)
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for me... and That Day was a wake up call. I know that I have come a long way, but I’m still learning some lessons, and the biggest one is being reminded of what’s really important
“When I did get home this last time, we had all these plans to go out. And then we hardly stepped outside because the time together seemed too precious.”
—EMILY WATSON
Precious.
Ok, I admit, I want to say that all creepy/Lord of the Rings/Gollum like, but really, that word has found it’s way to the forefront of my life lately. Learning what’s really precious - not the stuff, the things that are tangible but forgettable, but the people and the moments because those are fleeting and temporary, but stick to your heart forever.
That Day’s anniversary approaching reminds me that, in a few months, it’ll mark the 10-year “anniversary” that my Memaw was called home (thinking I’ll have to learn to make a proper fried pie to mark that occasion, I’ll leave the coconut cake making to someone else. Bleh. LOL!), and that family - the one your born into and the one you choose for yourself with the friends that surround you - is so much more important and precious than getting in a few more hours at work.
It reminds me that I’m 10 years older... I’ve got a few more miles under my belt, and hopefully I’m a little wiser for the journey.
It reminds me that 5 years ago, I was amazingly lucky to have found a man who puts up with me and my weird quirkiness... and despite all that, is proud to call me his wife.
It reminds me that, even though I don’t have a “perfect” body, I’m alive, and despite self-induced set backs, I still have better health now than I did then.
It reminds me that, even though That Day turned the world upside down, not just emotionally, but economically, and those ripples are still being felt to this day, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. No, I don’t like that so many people are struggling financially, that unemployment is still high and it’s difficult to find a job. But maybe, in the turning-upside-down-ness of things, it helped us all dump out the cr@p that really doesn’t matter, and discover the precious treasure that was buried underneath: Hope. Faith. Love. Time.
I had to this post about some amazing life lessons: http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/09/carrot-ginger-coconut-soup-and-kale-chips/Lesson’s 5-8 are awesome... and the recipe sounds nummy... food for the mind and soul.
Even though the approach of That Day stirs up so many different emotions, I am grateful for the time to remember... the people I never met, the people I have in my life now, the people who have passed, the ones that I have yet to meet.
You all are precious.
Michelle McDonald
10 years. Has it really been that long? I can’t believe that much time has passed, but here we are, 2011.
It’s interesting... my 40-something brain (wow... sometimes it’s really weird to see that number in relation to MY years) is like a steel sieve... eh, who am I kidding, it’s been like that for years. Drives my mom buggy - she can remember people from my kindergarten class, and I can barely remember who I went to High School with (one of the nice things about Teh Ebil Facebooks... my HS peeps find ME! :) let alone who I talked to last week.
But That Day... 10 years later it’s still burned in my memory. I could practically give you a detailed account of the mad panic feeling I had waking up a little late, the annoyance of my phone ringing off the hook, the kicked-in-the-stomach feeling when I turned on the TV, the helpless feeling I had at work when I got the call from the woman who trained me to take her job so she could move to New York with her husband... her tearful account of watching people perish as she ran for her life to get away from Ground Zero, finding out another friend had two close friends on one of the planes (love ya A! My heart goes out to you even more this year!! Wish I could be there to give you a great big, never ending hug... tell M he has to fill in till I can deliver it myself. ;) my own breakdown when I got home, wondering why? How? Now what?
“The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.” - Milo Bloom
So many times That Day has been referred to as America’s Wake Up call. And here we are, 10 years later. A “big” “anniversary”. ::throws confetti:: A mile marker to take some time to stop, reflect, take in the distance to see how far we’ve come, and where we’re going.
The questions is, how far /have/ we as a people, as a country, as a culture come since That Day? Have we learned the lesson or are we still needing some edjumacating? (sound it out... it’s fun. :)
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for me... and That Day was a wake up call. I know that I have come a long way, but I’m still learning some lessons, and the biggest one is being reminded of what’s really important
“When I did get home this last time, we had all these plans to go out. And then we hardly stepped outside because the time together seemed too precious.”
—EMILY WATSON
Precious.
Ok, I admit, I want to say that all creepy/Lord of the Rings/Gollum like, but really, that word has found it’s way to the forefront of my life lately. Learning what’s really precious - not the stuff, the things that are tangible but forgettable, but the people and the moments because those are fleeting and temporary, but stick to your heart forever.
That Day’s anniversary approaching reminds me that, in a few months, it’ll mark the 10-year “anniversary” that my Memaw was called home (thinking I’ll have to learn to make a proper fried pie to mark that occasion, I’ll leave the coconut cake making to someone else. Bleh. LOL!), and that family - the one your born into and the one you choose for yourself with the friends that surround you - is so much more important and precious than getting in a few more hours at work.
It reminds me that I’m 10 years older... I’ve got a few more miles under my belt, and hopefully I’m a little wiser for the journey.
It reminds me that 5 years ago, I was amazingly lucky to have found a man who puts up with me and my weird quirkiness... and despite all that, is proud to call me his wife.
It reminds me that, even though I don’t have a “perfect” body, I’m alive, and despite self-induced set backs, I still have better health now than I did then.
It reminds me that, even though That Day turned the world upside down, not just emotionally, but economically, and those ripples are still being felt to this day, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. No, I don’t like that so many people are struggling financially, that unemployment is still high and it’s difficult to find a job. But maybe, in the turning-upside-down-ness of things, it helped us all dump out the cr@p that really doesn’t matter, and discover the precious treasure that was buried underneath: Hope. Faith. Love. Time.
I had to this post about some amazing life lessons: http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/09/carrot-ginger-coconut-soup-and-kale-chips/Lesson’s 5-8 are awesome... and the recipe sounds nummy... food for the mind and soul.
Even though the approach of That Day stirs up so many different emotions, I am grateful for the time to remember... the people I never met, the people I have in my life now, the people who have passed, the ones that I have yet to meet.
You all are precious.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Under Pressure
You know I’m a total 80’s girl, right? Love Queen... love Bowie... bring the two together and you have a little ditty that totally sticks in your head for days...
Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Then Vanilla Ice had to go and rip it off..
Meh...
Whoo... apparently digression hits early this time of year! LOL!
I’ve been thinking a lot about the amazing effect that pressure has on people in general. Ya ever notice that, when the sh... er... stuff hits the fan, you have this ability to buckle down, focus and get the job done with an efficiency you never thought possible?
Lets say you have a hugemongous project that’s been looming for weeks... and it’s due in 3 days... oh yeah, and you could possibly get a promotion out of the deal... and tada it’s done and you’ve do your best work!
Or you can’t be bothered to pick up the house for months, but company is coming in a week and suddenly even the baseboards are gleaming.
Then there’s the time that payday is still 8 days away, the credit cards are maxed out and there’s a serious echo in your Gringotts vault... somehow that last $15 in your wallet manages to last you 7.
Oooh, then there’s the closet full of clothes that all seems to have shrunk overnight... but with a bit of dilligence a month later seems to fit just fine.
Oof! And that illness that totally lays you out flat and doesn't give you any choice but to rest and recover.
Not that *any* of the above applies to me or is in any way reflective of the events that have gotten me to where I am in my life.
Yeah, can’t type that with a straight face. :P
What’s more surprising about the above scenarios is how /effortless/ it seems to be when you’re going through it. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but you have a darn good reason for that effort and there’s no question in your mind that you need to do what you need to do. The path in front of you is narrow, but all the doubt, the indecision, the what ifs and buts are gone. Just get from Point A to Point B.
Maybe, just maybe, at some point along the way, there was a stray thought of, “Hmm... I don’t know why I took so long to do this... it wasn’t that bad, and it shouldn’t be that hard to keep up.”
Yeah. I know. Its silly, but if it does happen to you, just lie down, the feeling will pass. :)
Then you start to get a little breathing room. The pressure lets up - you have a little extra money left over, you start feeling better, the company leaves, the clothes start to fit a little loose - and you know what happens next?
You start to let up, too.
What is up with that?! Why do we ease up on taking care of what needs to be done /anyway/ as soon as the pressure is off a little?!
I mean, how many times have I (er, I mean you, cuz we’re totally not talking about you!) been so deathly sick that I can’t even roll out of bed and crawl to the bathroom... and then as soon as I (YOU! totally not me!) start to feel better, I’m (Ok fine... we’re talking about me... but if you notice /any/ similarities, I invite you to roll with it) up hauling the laundry basket down stairs and planning a dinner party for friends in a couple of days... or when I have a few extra bucks in the account and suddenly the cats /need/ new sparkly collars that match their eyes... or stepping on the scale to see it drop significantly and celebrate with a trip to Claim Jumper and get Le Bombe* all. for. my. self.
You know the drill: You feel the pressure, you buckle down till it passes and then go back to doing what you were doing before... and starting the cycle all over again.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
So why have I been dwelling on this?
Because I feel the pressure being released in several areas of my life. I mentioned my overtraining/burnout fiasco that I’ve been dealing with... well, I’m starting to feel better, things are stabilizing, my latest self assessment** came back about 10 points lower than when I took it a month ago. And the credit cards are getting paid down, there’s still money left at the end of the month, and while I’m getting frustrated with the squshiness (hello, no exercise/strength training for 6+ weeks at this point), weight is stable and nutrition is doing fine... not great, but not bad either.
This is when the real work starts.
You (ok, *I*) /think/ that the work is what’s done when the _external_ pressure kicks in, cuz that’s when the scrambling and action takes place.
No, that’s just me doing what /should/ have been doing all along, and I finally ran out of options to avoid it.
NOW is when the real work begins because *I* have to decide to either stick with it by keeping myself well, keep being diligent/responsible with money, food, my body, stuff, etc and see it through to the end... you know, being a good steward of what’s been loaned to me and all that jazz...
Or I can choose to say fer-git-it, and do my own thing through like I’m owed something... And start the cycle all. over. again.
Just in case you’re sitting on the edge of your seat wondering, I’m picking Door #1 - Pressing on and pressing through. Doing what I need to do to stay the course, to get it done, regardless if the pressure is external or internal.
You know the saying, well, there’s lots of them, but I liked this one: “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” Peter Marshall (Again... child of the 80’s and total TV culture. :)
So when you find yourself with a bit of breathing room, what do YOU do?
You still have that Queen song stuck in your head, don’t you?
*Total obscure Simpson’s reference, but I was really thinking of the I Declair which I’ve never tried but would like to one of these days... so if you and 20 of your closest friends want to join me one day (or 10, since I see they have a mini version available).**It’s not scientific, but I like this quick assessment tool. Yeah, it’s a site for women and women’s health issues, but men can benefit from the assessment as well.
Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Then Vanilla Ice had to go and rip it off..
Meh...
Whoo... apparently digression hits early this time of year! LOL!
I’ve been thinking a lot about the amazing effect that pressure has on people in general. Ya ever notice that, when the sh... er... stuff hits the fan, you have this ability to buckle down, focus and get the job done with an efficiency you never thought possible?
Lets say you have a hugemongous project that’s been looming for weeks... and it’s due in 3 days... oh yeah, and you could possibly get a promotion out of the deal... and tada it’s done and you’ve do your best work!
Or you can’t be bothered to pick up the house for months, but company is coming in a week and suddenly even the baseboards are gleaming.
Then there’s the time that payday is still 8 days away, the credit cards are maxed out and there’s a serious echo in your Gringotts vault... somehow that last $15 in your wallet manages to last you 7.
Oooh, then there’s the closet full of clothes that all seems to have shrunk overnight... but with a bit of dilligence a month later seems to fit just fine.
Oof! And that illness that totally lays you out flat and doesn't give you any choice but to rest and recover.
Not that *any* of the above applies to me or is in any way reflective of the events that have gotten me to where I am in my life.
Yeah, can’t type that with a straight face. :P
What’s more surprising about the above scenarios is how /effortless/ it seems to be when you’re going through it. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but you have a darn good reason for that effort and there’s no question in your mind that you need to do what you need to do. The path in front of you is narrow, but all the doubt, the indecision, the what ifs and buts are gone. Just get from Point A to Point B.
Maybe, just maybe, at some point along the way, there was a stray thought of, “Hmm... I don’t know why I took so long to do this... it wasn’t that bad, and it shouldn’t be that hard to keep up.”
Yeah. I know. Its silly, but if it does happen to you, just lie down, the feeling will pass. :)
Then you start to get a little breathing room. The pressure lets up - you have a little extra money left over, you start feeling better, the company leaves, the clothes start to fit a little loose - and you know what happens next?
You start to let up, too.
What is up with that?! Why do we ease up on taking care of what needs to be done /anyway/ as soon as the pressure is off a little?!
I mean, how many times have I (er, I mean you, cuz we’re totally not talking about you!) been so deathly sick that I can’t even roll out of bed and crawl to the bathroom... and then as soon as I (YOU! totally not me!) start to feel better, I’m (Ok fine... we’re talking about me... but if you notice /any/ similarities, I invite you to roll with it) up hauling the laundry basket down stairs and planning a dinner party for friends in a couple of days... or when I have a few extra bucks in the account and suddenly the cats /need/ new sparkly collars that match their eyes... or stepping on the scale to see it drop significantly and celebrate with a trip to Claim Jumper and get Le Bombe* all. for. my. self.
You know the drill: You feel the pressure, you buckle down till it passes and then go back to doing what you were doing before... and starting the cycle all over again.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
So why have I been dwelling on this?
Because I feel the pressure being released in several areas of my life. I mentioned my overtraining/burnout fiasco that I’ve been dealing with... well, I’m starting to feel better, things are stabilizing, my latest self assessment** came back about 10 points lower than when I took it a month ago. And the credit cards are getting paid down, there’s still money left at the end of the month, and while I’m getting frustrated with the squshiness (hello, no exercise/strength training for 6+ weeks at this point), weight is stable and nutrition is doing fine... not great, but not bad either.
This is when the real work starts.
You (ok, *I*) /think/ that the work is what’s done when the _external_ pressure kicks in, cuz that’s when the scrambling and action takes place.
No, that’s just me doing what /should/ have been doing all along, and I finally ran out of options to avoid it.
NOW is when the real work begins because *I* have to decide to either stick with it by keeping myself well, keep being diligent/responsible with money, food, my body, stuff, etc and see it through to the end... you know, being a good steward of what’s been loaned to me and all that jazz...
Or I can choose to say fer-git-it, and do my own thing through like I’m owed something... And start the cycle all. over. again.
Just in case you’re sitting on the edge of your seat wondering, I’m picking Door #1 - Pressing on and pressing through. Doing what I need to do to stay the course, to get it done, regardless if the pressure is external or internal.
You know the saying, well, there’s lots of them, but I liked this one: “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” Peter Marshall (Again... child of the 80’s and total TV culture. :)
So when you find yourself with a bit of breathing room, what do YOU do?
You still have that Queen song stuck in your head, don’t you?
*Total obscure Simpson’s reference, but I was really thinking of the I Declair which I’ve never tried but would like to one of these days... so if you and 20 of your closest friends want to join me one day (or 10, since I see they have a mini version available).**It’s not scientific, but I like this quick assessment tool. Yeah, it’s a site for women and women’s health issues, but men can benefit from the assessment as well.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
It never fails...
(word of warning... a blog that starts out with a silly picture just may be trying to soften you up for something... just sayin. ;)
I get myself all worked into a perfectly good tizzy about some little mole hill of an injustice or some little trial that I’m going through that shines light on the untruths we’re told by the Governmental Powers That Be (PTB) that lead to our decline in health, wealth and overall well being... and let me tell you that when we’re wound up, Veruca, Stevie and I can get into a /serious/ whirlwind of justifiable anger and launch on one heck of a good tirade...
Yeah, as happens when I’m about ready to pour out my squirrely wrath unto the unsuspecting blogger population, I get the smack down from the /real/ PTB that take my eyes off the little molehill that I’m so fixated on and point to the mountain that’s the real issue.
Sadly I had that happen this month.
See, I’ve done it to myself... again... seems like its an annual thing... I do really well nutrition-wise, get myself in a good routine, pushing the exercise envelope *just* enough to make progress, pull back *just* enough to recover and not trigger all the chronic fatigue and thyroid party that’s always laying just under the surface... yeah, I get myself in a good place then go and do something silly and sign up for an endurance event... a 5K here, a Warrior Dash there... then ::wham:: I hit that brick wall that lays me up for a couple of months.
It’s not the event itself that’s the issue, its the “training”... and even though I did train smarter for the Dash, I still pushed past my normal, acceptable limits for too long... and then the adrenal party got into full swing. It is a good thing to push... a little bit at a time... but not for 2 months straight, 3-4 days a week.
Basically, I burned myself out.
Again.
Big crash this time.
And I was pi$$ed... heck, I _am_ pi$$ed... at myself, at giving in to the general world view that more is better and that you’re worthless if you don’t just pushpushpush...
*ahem*
But I digress... (whooo did you see that little frenzy getting whipped up there? That’s what I get to deal with in my head every day. So much fun. ;)
Anyway, that’s not the point... that’s not what it, the big IT - life, the universe and everything - is about.
Sadly, I had to learn the lesson of what IT’s about from 2 friends - one that I shall never be able to thank for the lesson he taught because a couple of weeks ago he left this world and is hopefully in a better place. Another dear friend is in the hospital in the midst of a health crisis so severe that I fear I shall lose her as well.
The problem is, both of these folks have had serious health issues that they ignored for too long. Things that were probably treatable with some effort on their part, but for whatever reason, they chose not to face it.
I can’t change that, but I can learn from it. I’m learning that IT is about 1) Letting go, and 2) Being a good steward.
Here’s the thing, both of those are super simple concepts to grasp... but certainly not easy ones to implement.
Letting go is hard. Really hard. I mean I have a house full of physical stuff that I haven’t been able to let go of yet, but when you talk about the mental and emotional stuff... that’s even worse! In order to let go of that, it means you have to actually acknowledge it’s there in the first place... and I know for one that *I* am perfect and don’t have any (more) deep down buried issues, it’s everyone else that has problems!
ROFL! I crack myself up. *wipes tear from eye*
Thing is, it means letting go of what the world thinks, what your own issues are, your hang ups and, really, let go of the willfulness that’s keeping you stuck in the same place/patterns
But once you let go, you can start to become a better steward of what you’ve been given... You’ve been given a great gift of a body to dwell in, money to provide for needs, a home to shelter you, friends and family to support you... you are the warden, the keeper, the guardian of these gifts that can thrive when nurtured.
We get sooo hung up on what the world thinks of us, our actions, our motives and it’s really hard to move away from that path and set ourselves on our own narrower path. We feel pressures from all around us - media, co-workers, family, friends, and worse, our own minds - to more, to work more, to schedule more, to entertain more... and then there’s the spending more to eat more to drink more so we can sleep less and start the cycle all over.
*flop*
The result: over extended schedules, stressed out systems, clutter all over the house that you don’t have time to deal with, clutter all over your body from all the stress, the mindless/random/grab and go/who cares what’s in it as long as it’s food eating... the clutter all over our credit cards because if you don’t spend time doing something (like cooking and cleaning) you’re spending money.
We lose touch with people - we lose touch with *ourselves* - because we’re so busy taking care of everything else... because cutting back on taking care of everything else and shifting the focus back on taking care of US is inconvenient and time consuming.
Yeah, well... as Robb Wolf put it so eloquently in his book Paleo Solution (yes, I just made a total book plug - it’s worth reading)... taking care of your health may cut into your social life and be time consuming, but so will cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and, sadly, death.
Whoo doggie, I’m just a ray of sunshine, aren’t I?
Well, lets shift it all back to me, shall we? Cuz it’s really all about me... ;)
I threw a MAJOR hissy fit (you can ask my friend J... she can attest to it.. and she had one about a year ago) to the smack down she gave me about taking time to REST and RECOVER from my SELF IMPOSED burnout and the stress that was hitting me from all directions.
If ya don’t heed the small, subtle warnings the PTB send your way, they’ll resort to extreme measures to get their point across. Just sayin’.
And oooh it wasn’t easy. Letting go of doing /everything/ that everyone else wanted me to do... super tough. Saying no to going places in order to get rest... really not easy. Leaving the very rare gathering of friends early when I was having a great time - ouch. Sleeping in instead of getting up early for the sweat therapy - ok, that one was only a wimper... Not gonna lie to ya, I enjoy the sweat, but sleeping in is such a joy! :)
The hardest part of all, though, is letting go of the ideas *I* had for myself, what I *should* be doing, and *gasp* what /other people/ would think of me... and shifting to taking care of myself because that seems soooo selfish!
Yep, it is.
If I’m to be a good steward, I have to be.
I didn’t want to have to go through this, but I’m grateful for the time, the experience, and the insight it’s given me.
I know. Deep stuff, huh?
Here, maybe this will help:
I get myself all worked into a perfectly good tizzy about some little mole hill of an injustice or some little trial that I’m going through that shines light on the untruths we’re told by the Governmental Powers That Be (PTB) that lead to our decline in health, wealth and overall well being... and let me tell you that when we’re wound up, Veruca, Stevie and I can get into a /serious/ whirlwind of justifiable anger and launch on one heck of a good tirade...
Yeah, as happens when I’m about ready to pour out my squirrely wrath unto the unsuspecting blogger population, I get the smack down from the /real/ PTB that take my eyes off the little molehill that I’m so fixated on and point to the mountain that’s the real issue.
Sadly I had that happen this month.
See, I’ve done it to myself... again... seems like its an annual thing... I do really well nutrition-wise, get myself in a good routine, pushing the exercise envelope *just* enough to make progress, pull back *just* enough to recover and not trigger all the chronic fatigue and thyroid party that’s always laying just under the surface... yeah, I get myself in a good place then go and do something silly and sign up for an endurance event... a 5K here, a Warrior Dash there... then ::wham:: I hit that brick wall that lays me up for a couple of months.
It’s not the event itself that’s the issue, its the “training”... and even though I did train smarter for the Dash, I still pushed past my normal, acceptable limits for too long... and then the adrenal party got into full swing. It is a good thing to push... a little bit at a time... but not for 2 months straight, 3-4 days a week.
Basically, I burned myself out.
Again.
Big crash this time.
And I was pi$$ed... heck, I _am_ pi$$ed... at myself, at giving in to the general world view that more is better and that you’re worthless if you don’t just pushpushpush...
*ahem*
But I digress... (whooo did you see that little frenzy getting whipped up there? That’s what I get to deal with in my head every day. So much fun. ;)
Anyway, that’s not the point... that’s not what it, the big IT - life, the universe and everything - is about.
Sadly, I had to learn the lesson of what IT’s about from 2 friends - one that I shall never be able to thank for the lesson he taught because a couple of weeks ago he left this world and is hopefully in a better place. Another dear friend is in the hospital in the midst of a health crisis so severe that I fear I shall lose her as well.
The problem is, both of these folks have had serious health issues that they ignored for too long. Things that were probably treatable with some effort on their part, but for whatever reason, they chose not to face it.
I can’t change that, but I can learn from it. I’m learning that IT is about 1) Letting go, and 2) Being a good steward.
Here’s the thing, both of those are super simple concepts to grasp... but certainly not easy ones to implement.
Letting go is hard. Really hard. I mean I have a house full of physical stuff that I haven’t been able to let go of yet, but when you talk about the mental and emotional stuff... that’s even worse! In order to let go of that, it means you have to actually acknowledge it’s there in the first place... and I know for one that *I* am perfect and don’t have any (more) deep down buried issues, it’s everyone else that has problems!
ROFL! I crack myself up. *wipes tear from eye*
Thing is, it means letting go of what the world thinks, what your own issues are, your hang ups and, really, let go of the willfulness that’s keeping you stuck in the same place/patterns
But once you let go, you can start to become a better steward of what you’ve been given... You’ve been given a great gift of a body to dwell in, money to provide for needs, a home to shelter you, friends and family to support you... you are the warden, the keeper, the guardian of these gifts that can thrive when nurtured.
We get sooo hung up on what the world thinks of us, our actions, our motives and it’s really hard to move away from that path and set ourselves on our own narrower path. We feel pressures from all around us - media, co-workers, family, friends, and worse, our own minds - to more, to work more, to schedule more, to entertain more... and then there’s the spending more to eat more to drink more so we can sleep less and start the cycle all over.
*flop*
The result: over extended schedules, stressed out systems, clutter all over the house that you don’t have time to deal with, clutter all over your body from all the stress, the mindless/random/grab and go/who cares what’s in it as long as it’s food eating... the clutter all over our credit cards because if you don’t spend time doing something (like cooking and cleaning) you’re spending money.
We lose touch with people - we lose touch with *ourselves* - because we’re so busy taking care of everything else... because cutting back on taking care of everything else and shifting the focus back on taking care of US is inconvenient and time consuming.
Yeah, well... as Robb Wolf put it so eloquently in his book Paleo Solution (yes, I just made a total book plug - it’s worth reading)... taking care of your health may cut into your social life and be time consuming, but so will cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and, sadly, death.
Whoo doggie, I’m just a ray of sunshine, aren’t I?
Well, lets shift it all back to me, shall we? Cuz it’s really all about me... ;)
I threw a MAJOR hissy fit (you can ask my friend J... she can attest to it.. and she had one about a year ago) to the smack down she gave me about taking time to REST and RECOVER from my SELF IMPOSED burnout and the stress that was hitting me from all directions.
If ya don’t heed the small, subtle warnings the PTB send your way, they’ll resort to extreme measures to get their point across. Just sayin’.
And oooh it wasn’t easy. Letting go of doing /everything/ that everyone else wanted me to do... super tough. Saying no to going places in order to get rest... really not easy. Leaving the very rare gathering of friends early when I was having a great time - ouch. Sleeping in instead of getting up early for the sweat therapy - ok, that one was only a wimper... Not gonna lie to ya, I enjoy the sweat, but sleeping in is such a joy! :)
The hardest part of all, though, is letting go of the ideas *I* had for myself, what I *should* be doing, and *gasp* what /other people/ would think of me... and shifting to taking care of myself because that seems soooo selfish!
Yep, it is.
If I’m to be a good steward, I have to be.
I didn’t want to have to go through this, but I’m grateful for the time, the experience, and the insight it’s given me.
I know. Deep stuff, huh?
Here, maybe this will help:
So whatcha thinkin’? Any stuff that you’ve been ignoring for too long? Are you holding on to stuff that you know it’s time to let go of? Have you been through this and have any advice on how to become more Zen and less Overachiever? Did the cute critter pictures help at all?
Monday, June 13, 2011
The best thing about today...
Is that 5 years and 1 month ago today... this guy and I decided to give life together a shot...
(wow... who are those two!?)Then three years ago today, he made the happiest lady in the world...
(I mean really... who are these people that keep popping up in my photos?!)
And today, he's still the most amazing thing that has happened to my life...
And today, he's still the most amazing thing that has happened to my life...
(AHH... Now *these* people are starting to look familiar! :)
(Yep... that's us... goofy as ever. :)
It hasn't always been the smoothest roads, but then again, that's what keeps life interesting, and keeps us growing and evolving, right? Besides, that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger and leaves us with awsome stories to tell our friends!
In the time that we've been together the Awesome Husband has supported me in so many ways. He helped prompt me to get my health issues more in order and didn't even complain (much) about the gradual change in my eating habits and even (mostly) adopted them for himself! He loved me the way I was, has helped me become the person I am today, and makes me always strive to become the person he sees in me. For that, I am always grateful!
(Cheers, love!)
It is amazing to look back on the last 3 short years and see how far we've come, and to look ahead in wonder at what life has in store for us. I'm sure there will be our share of beautiful, mountain top experiences, and tumbles into the valley until we eventually start climbing back to the next peak, but I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather go through it with.
I could keep on writing something sappy, but will leave it up to someone who's been at this much longer than I and comes with a great reference... (Give our thanks to your bossman, dad!)
http://blog.thedaysman.com/2011/05/23/what-god-has-joined/
http://blog.thedaysman.com/2011/06/08/thats-our-song/
We, too, have different tastes in music, but we have our song, thanks to his countryman Stan Rogers, that sums up how I felt 3 years ago and still do today...
"I want to see your smiling face forty-five years from now!"
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
It’s all about the pain. . . the quotable version
This morning at the gym I was reminded of a shirt my Awesome Hubby wears on occasion.
The first time I saw it, I chuckled because of the truth of it. He usually manages to wear it at a time when I’m in the throws of serious muscle soreness (which, if anyone’s done CrossFit style workouts for any amount of time, realizes that it’s more normal than not) and I have to remind myself that my inability to walk up stairs or lift my arms to brush my teeth (the person who invented the electric toothbrush? A saint!) is just my body’s way of dealing with the resistance and motions I put it through, and the muscles are just repairing themselves to they can be stronger and better able to deal with the same thing next time.
This morning at the gym, again dealing with sore muscles, again lifting heavy things and doing all sorts of other silliness (burpees – I have no love in my heart for you) that will make me more sore tomorrow, I was struck by the even deeper truth of the saying because it's something that's been on my mind lately. Not so much for me, though I'm at the point of getting frustrated that I still have the squishy middle, and my physique isn't where *I* think it should be. I mean really, I’ve been at this for /how/ long!?
I digress. I was reminded of what a beautiful, talented friend of mine has voiced to me several times recently: that's she's SO afraid that all the weight she's lost will come back. I’ve come across the same fear and frustration a lot lately, the continual struggle, the weariness, the frustration, the fear.
My first thought: Then you did it wrong the first time. I mean, if you put in the time to develop new habits and make the changes to your lifestyle that support the lower weight and activity level, and you didn't do any sort of extreme effort that's impossible to sustain long term, there's not really any reason for you to re-gain... right?
But that's only part of it, isn't it?
Yes, there’s the fear part - and having a little bit of that can be good to keep you focused on the actions you need to take - but really, it all begins and ends with pain.
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
Jim Rohn
Oooh, that “D” word… That’s /really/ it, isn’t it? We don’t want the pain of discipline, or change. We like things the way they are. Even if we /don’t/ like things the way they are, when we decide that there’s need for change, the first thing we do is… rebel.
Wait, what? The first thing we do should be act, right? I mean we want to change so we act!
Not so. Remember my Inner Princesses, Veruca & Stevie? Yeah, this is when I really became aware of them – when I decided to take action to change, do develop some _discipline_ in my life.
Whoooaaaaa Nelly did they act up because, after all, discipline means punishment and restriction and the inner kiddos do NOT like that!
dis·ci·pline [dis-uh-plin]
–noun
1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
Wait... discipline doesn’t /automatically/ mean punishment? Go fig!
But that’s what we think, right? I mean, the only reason to change is because we are bad and need to be punished, to implement super restrictive (Eat only celery! Live on $5 a week! Do marathon cleaning sessions!) and deprivation (No shopping! No chocolate! No fun!) behaviours that only set us up for failure so we can continue to beat ourselves up and realize that we were meant to stay the way we so there. *flop* We take on the role of both the bratty, rebellious child and overbearing, condemning parent.
So… How’s that been workin’ for ya?
I think it’s time to embrace the training/activity/improving skill part of the definition rather than the punishment portion.
It’d mean that instead of being condemning, we need to start being compassionate. Instead of being rebellious, we have to be open.
But that’s hard, isn’t it? It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, it’s SO easy to find fault and lay the blame for our woes outside of ourselves rather than looking in the mirror. Unless, of course, you’re me, then you take the blame for all the worlds’ (including your own) problems and put them squarely on your shoulders. Yeah, that’s fun.
Here’s the thing that most people don’t want to hear: It’s painful to change. That’s why so many people stay in bad situations, get further in debt, health continues to deteriorate.
But it can be equally painful to stay the same.
You have to make a choice
You can choose to stay the same, or you can choose to change. There is going to be emotional wear and tear no matter what, because below the surface we all have emotional stuff that needs to be dealt with. Holding the door closed on the closet that hold our skeletons - THAT is tiring. Trust me. Been there, have the therapy bills to prove it. It’s painful to face it, but if you do, it feels like a huge physical weight has been lifted from you. When you don’t, that weight keeps bearing down on you, threatening to crush you.
"The secret of joy is the mastery of pain." - Anaïs Nin
It’s uncomfortable, it’s not fun, but in the end, it’s worth it… so you can move on to the next /thing/.
“If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.” John Maxwell
I know! Such the cheery ray of sunshine today, aren’t I?
But there’s a reason for it. It goes back to the fear of gaining it back, of going deeper into debt, and why I’m not so worried. It also goes back to the question I’ve been asked several times that I’ve struggle to answer: What was the turning point for me? How did I stop spinning my wheels and finally find traction?
It was the day that I realized that it’s not about the weight, it’s not about the food, and it’s not about the exercise. It’s about the thing was keeping me stuck where I was – and that thing was me.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
The day that I realized that I had to be accountable to myself, to embrace the pain of discipline today rather than live with the pain of regret forever, to look myself in the eye in the mirror and clear out the bad so I could get to the good stuff, /that/ was the turning point. I realized that every struggle had a purpose and the faster I figured that out; the faster I could get through it and reap the benefits. I learned that every time I encountered resistance, not matter if I was pushed back or pushed through, it made me stronger the next time.
“Being fat (or in debt, or surrounded by clutter, or being in a difficult situation) is hard. Losing weight (getting out of debt, clearing out the emotional and physical clutter, making a change in your life) is hard. Chose Your HARD!” - Unkown
"I choose to know the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is." - UNKNOWN
I made my choice… how about you?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I Am a Warrior! (Race recap :)
Now that the dust has settled, and the mud has (mostly) been washed off, time to sit back and reflect on yet another goal that I put a lot of hard work into and achieved.And all in all... I kinda kicked butt. :)
I know it was my big 'secret' that I sprang on folks shortly before the event, mainly because I had serious doubts that I'd actually carry through with it. Yeah, I'd paid the hefty race fee and had been 'training' for it, but between some stress and health issues and a bit of wavering on other folks part, I hated to make a big deal of something that fell through at the end.
Eh, live and learn... I can worry all I want, but if it's meant to happen, it'll happen... and happen it did... and of course there was learning to be done along the way.
My friend R & I drove up the night before and got a hotel room so we wouldn't have to do the mad scramble drive up at gawd awful early on Saturday morning. Since we were in the 9:30 am wave, we'd have to leave Tucson at 6, but just didn't want to deal with the potential variables that come along with having to travel 90 minutes to the site. The down side is neither of us slept well at all that night. It happens, you're in a strange place, different noises, a wee bit of excitement/anxiety all make it difficult to get a really restful sleep. Still, we're glad we stayed there.
As a bonus it was a Holiday Inn Express and they have breakfast! Normally I wouldn't eat much before hand, but considering the tummy actually grumbled at me, I gave in... There was 2.5 hours before the race so wasn't too worried, and if I'd wanted, I could have fed any sort of carb craving I'd wanted with the spread they had at the hotel - pancakes, cereal, cinnamon rolls, toast, muffins, etc... I opted for some toast with PB, bacon and some less than mediocre eggs.
(I really didn't think it was possible to mess up eggs... but yeah, they did... sooo happy they had lots of salsa, salt & pepper handy!) and got my caffiene fix as well, which was a good carrier for my protein drink.
We got on site, got our packets with the schwag (Cuz really, the only reason to do silly things like this is to get the schwag!
(Redhead Warrior Brigade :)I have to say that packet pick up was super duper easy - I've only done a few events but this was really well organized. Kudos to them on that!
We checked our stuff in at the "Gear Check" and then... waited... did some people watching and totally loved all the folks that dressed up - it's something that I think is so cool and would love to do, but never come up with an idea in time. *sigh*... anywho, we watched the 9:00 wave take off, cheered them on... then we waited... and waited.
The morning seemed to fly by but the half hour wait between the first wave and ours seemed to take. for. e.v.e.r.!!!Plus it was super sunny and starting to get a little toasty.
Finally it was time for us to queue up and... wait. Luckily they were committed to starting each wave on time and they were good to their word. At 9:30 on the dot, the horns blared, the flames shot up and we were off! All 500-ish of us.
As happens, there's a slow start, then bottle neck, then the pack starts to break up and give some breathing room.
Now, remember how I'd mentioned I'd been doing lots of training runs and workouts for this? Well, I'd done a bit more work than my friend, and while I had a personal goal to finish the course in under an hour (truth be told I was shooting for less than 45 min.) I was more committed to sticking with R through the whole thing.
We started strong, and R was a good sport at trying to keep up a good jogging pace with some walk breaks thrown in, we just couldn't sustain it past the first mile. It was hot, dry and dusty. After the first obstacle (Jump over a 5' wall, duck under barbed wire fence, repeat 4 times) we ended up walking the rest of the route and found our 'pack' of about 4-6 different folks that were all going the same pace, and we were all cheering each other on - it was awesome.
The 2nd obstacle was big dirt mounds that you sprint up then realize almost too late that it's straight down the other side... almost bit it there but didn't. *whew* Then we were climbing on cars and going through tires. Then 'climbing' down into the ravine... then we hit the couple that I was most leary of - the tall stuff... I have an issue with heights, but here I was faced with at least a 20' pyramid of hay bales to climb up and down - fine and dandy because it's solid, then, *gulp* the cargo net. That gave me some serious nervousness but there wasn't any rush and not a ton of folks around me so I just took my time, took some deep breaths and just did it.
And I DID IT! *WHOO HOO!!*
After that, lots of the obstacles are a blur - was getting really hot and extra dry, and was getting to the point of just getting through it. We hit the water station which was fabu, then plowed on through the rest of the course where I met the 2 obstacles that I just didn't do - one was walking on beams that were set about 8' off the ground... I got part way up the first plank and had a vertigo moment... so I walked around it. The next was a 10-15' wall that you had to do a rope climb up then had foot holds/ladders on the other side. Arms weren't cooperating for that one either, so I walked around it. The awesome thing is that the event worker gave me a high five for trying.
The last two obstacles were the most fun - You jump over 2 fire pits (actual fire! I totally jumped 'em and didn't singe anything important. ::chest bump:: ;) and then you hit the mud pit right before crossing the finish line.
I thought I was home free! I figured it wouldn’t' be so bad... first step, in up to my knees... second step where'sthebottom*bloosh*. I think I got a big applause for embracing the
muddiness, others got harassed if they didn’t get in too deep... I had no choice so I went with it. :)
I had mud in places I'd rather not talk about... for. days! (Arizona has tons of clay, so that mud just doesn't want to let go...)
The bestest part, despite walking it and taking our time with the course, we finished in just under 1 hour according to my watch. I have no idea what my official chip time is yet... hasn't been posted, but I'm proud of our efforts and the fact that I don't feel totally wiped out after doing it.
After getting photos taken (will see about posting the muddiness when those are available) we squished over to get hosed down then collect our Warrior spoils.
Cuz it's about the bling, free beer, and food (ok, had to pay for the food but still).(notice the super muddy socks that got tossed in the trash shortly afterwards.)
We sat around for a bit to listen to the band before deciding to pack it in and head home.
Luckily we had a change of clothes in the car and did my best beach towel quick change to not get dirt and mud everywhere and stashed the offending garments in the plastic bag. Everything got stashed outside to dry and to deal with later...
And this is the 2nd rinse!
Finally things came clean after a couple more rinses in the tub then the washer. YAY!
But some things just need to stay dirty. :)
All in all a good day was had, and I get to sport a spiffy hat any time I want to remember my accomplishments.
Not to mention some spiffy banged up shins to show off. :)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So you may be sitting there thinking *I* could /never/ do that! But I'm here to tell you that you CAN!! I have to say I was a little surprised that the course in general wasn't as hard as I expected it to be - everything was completely do-able and, as with other events I've done, everyone that participates is very encouraging and helpful.
If you think this is something you might want to do, or you're already signed up, here's a couple of things that will make life easier for you:
1) bring your own water. I brought a camelback type thing and it saved me! There was only 1 water station for the entire course. While it was well run, it was 3.5 miles and hot! My camelback went through the wash just fine and even if it hadn't, it was better than being super dehydrated along the way.
2) bring your extra shoes & socks at a minimum with you and check them at the gear check. You will be sooo happy you did. Our site was doing a collection of shoes for donation after the event, so you can ditch your old, mud caked shoes and feel good about it. Stash some extra water in your bag as well.
3) bring a BIG thing of water for washing off at the car. Yes they have a hose down area, but it can't get everything... and
4) bring a towel. Any good hitchhiking warrior has their own towel. :)
There you have it... now I'm glad that I'm feeling up to pursuing the next latest and greatest goal I have set before me.
To steal a quote: What have you done that makes YOU feel proud?!
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