Fear and Gratitude

Hi there. I need to take a departure from focusing on health, wellness, and other physical weighty things, and turn to something a little more emotionally weighty.

My name is Stephanie and I live in Tucson, Arizona. I moved here from a smallish community in Michigan in 1992 because I fell in love with the beautiful mountains, the amazing desert, oh yeah, and because I wanted to get the heck out of snow filled winters. ;) But, most importantly, I fell in love with the people. It had that small town feel of a community where you talked to one person and chances where they knew someone you knew.

Since I’ve been here, Tucson’s population has grown to over 1 million people, but it’s kept that small town vibe which is fantastic.

Why is all this important to be sharing? Because on Saturday, January 8, 2011, my town became the epicenter of national news. My congresswoman and 19 other peoples lives were forever impacted because of one person. My town has been effected in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine, because the literal and figurative wounds are still too fresh to even begin to think of healing.

If event itself weren’t bad enough, my town, the innocent bystanders who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, a 9 year old girl for cripes sake, is the becoming the target of a hate group/cult that is descending on Tucson to proclaim to all that we deserved this. That SHE deserved this.

And I am glad, they’re coming, in an odd way, I am glad that this happened... Before you start throwing things at me, hear me out. I am not in any way, shape or form, happy people are dead or injured. It saddens me immensely! I have been carrying around sorrow and anger and fear since Saturday morning. Any time an emergency vehicle rushes by, my heart races. I find myself wondering the what ifs and whys that can’t be resolved. I’ve had a knot in my stomach for days that isn’t showing signs of lessening any time soon.

But because of this horrible tragedy; despite a surge of finger pointing, questioning, and blaming; in the midst of being attacked by a contingent from Kansas, my town, my community, is pulling together like never before. In an instant all labels were evaporated. Young, old, rich, poor, fat, thin, man, woman, geek and freak... all gone when the first literal shot was fired, and only people were left. Strangers have found a small piece of common ground, and I hope and pray that it grows and builds, so we start seeing each other and so we know that we are not alone in this journey and are there for each other.

My neighbors - all million plus of them - are taking the act of one person, or a small group, and using it to motivate them to action, as a chance to say “We’re still here.” In the way that the horrible acts of a few people roused a nation September 11, 2001, the tragedy of January 8, 2011, is bringing a group of individuals together again as a community to protect itself.

To heal.

To grow.

To prove that one person may be capable of unspeakable horrors. But another IS capable of amazing acts that will motivate and strengthen the bonds of this world.

2011: New Year, New Theme, Same Plan

Nothing like a fresh blank page on a brand new calendar to bring out the musing and reflective mind. Thinking about the past, where I've been, what I had planned, what I accomplished, what I didn't. Looking ahead at the wide open space of possibilities. Looking at the past few weeks of oh so much celebrating and welcoming the normalcy of routine that comes with the passing of the holiday 'season'.

Last year, I was all about the basics - basic exercise, basic food, basic plans. I had some lofty goals and sorta kinda hit some of them, and had set backs in other areas. In general I just wanted to continue to create a better, stronger, faster version of myself. And I did... and didn't.

The theme was basic, the lesson learned was humbling. ::Cute Mick Jagger:: You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need. Aawww yeeeeaaah...
::ahem::

What I wanted was a super buff body, to be able to run, jump, swing, and lift whatever and whenever I wanted.

What I got was a body that had less fat on it than when I started the year, and was able to do some of those things better than I started, but there were setbacks.

What I wanted was to be focused and never waiver from achieving my goals, no matter what.

What I got were lessons that kept me focused on more important things: fun, function, flexibility, family, friends.

So I don't have the super buff, super strong body that I set out to attain in 2010. I'm healthy, happy and haven't been sick since not sure when. ::knocks on wood::

Does that mean that I ditched my goals from last year or gave up when I got sidelined?
Far from it!

What I wanted was to get it done and be done with it.

What I got was a greater understanding of living a healthy LIFE, and the meaning of the word tenatious.

I did ditch some things - the obsession, the all or nothing, all about the weight "Diet" mentality.

I gained perserverence, and creativity.

I worked my 'push through' muscles along with my 'push up' muscles.

I learned that any goal worth achieving is worth continually reaching towards it. You may not get it on the first, second, or elebenty-billionth try... but you'll keep geting closer.

My theme for this year picked itself... or rather, was picked for me. The messages all around me said the same thing: Press On

And this passage that was read at church yesterday drove it home: "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12

So this is me, pressing on... anything that I achived, keep at it. Anything that I missed the mark, keep trying. Anything that needs improvment, game on!

What's your theme for 2011?

Any lessons learned?

Myths that prove... it's all the same

December 28th?!?!

Seriously!?!?

How did that all happen?

I'm tempted to write a long drawn out post about what I did and didn't do, the goals I reached and the ones I'm still working on, what I have planned for the next 12 months and beyond...

Nothing like the fast approach of the last line of the last page of a calender to make one feel the pressure to take stock, reflect, plan, dream, etc... The joy of a blank slate ahead of me to create the future I'm meant to live and to tell the world exactly how I'm going to do it.

But I'm not going to.

I'm also feeling the nigglings in my brain to write a definiatve tome of how to truly succeed in reaching your goals of a healthy weight and lifestyle that supports it forever and ever, Amen.

But I won't.

Why? Honestly, I'm tired.

I'm struggling with the perfectionist bug that says if it's worth writing, it's worth writing A LOT.

Reality is, I don't have that kind of time, all the time.

Instead, I'm working to embrace the musings that flutter my way - they don't have to be fully formed, in-depth dissertations. They can be poignent drive by's that leave food for thought. Sowing seeds ala Johnny to bloom where they are planted and all that fun stuff.

And sometimes other people say things a whole lot better than I can.

So today I leave you with the wonderful words of Mary Hunt, one of the people I've chosen as my go to person for all things relating to managing money (Yes, I know Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman and many others are awesome... Mary's still my first love. :). As it turns out, the rules that apply to that are pretty durn close to managing life and anything else you want to improve - in this case your health/weight.

I've added a few of my own thoughts in [brackets]in case you're not able to make the leap. I'm leaving in some of them that *I* had trouble making the leap- feel free to add your take on it in the comments section.

8 Money Myths that Mess Up Your Life 12/20/2010
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Whether you are slightly uncomfortable with your financial [health/weight] situation, up to your eyeballs in money troubles [out of control eating/weight gain/health crisis'], or some place between, the problem might be what you believe about money, credit and debt. It’s almost a new year—a new decade—and I can’t think of a better time to dump your money [health/food/weight] myths and replace them with a nice, big dose of reality.

1 MYTH: If I just had more money [lost this weight], all of my problems would go away.

REALITY: Until you learn how to take care of the money you have already, more money will never be enough.

[Unless you learn how to take care of and _love_ the body you have, get a grip on your current relationship with food, take charge of your health, it won't matter your size, it will never be enough. This sums it up beautifully.]

2 MYTH: I can have it all. I work hard, make a decent living and I deserve to have nice things [have worked out, have been "good", I deserve to eat what I want].

REALITY: You cannot have it all. But you can have enough.

[Really? How has eating what you want worked for you? Ok, that was snarky, sorry... you get the idea, though... Moderation. Learn what is enough for you.]

3 MYTH: Buying things on sale is a great way to save money.

REALITY: Buying things on sale is a way to spend less money (unless you buy twice as much because it’s on sale), but unless you stop at the bank on the way home and deposit the difference between the regular price and the sale price you’re not saving at all—you’re only spending.

[Yeah... I got nothin. ;) ]

4 MYTH: Buying things on credit is a smart financial strategy because you are using someone else's money.

REALITY: Buying on credit isn’t a matter of using others’ money, it is a very expensive rental agreement.

5 MYTH: If I don’t buy things on credit I’ll never have anything!

REALITY: If you don’t buy things on credit you won’t have something, all right, you won’t have debt! If you want something badly enough, save for it first. Then buy it. It is a brilliant concept.

[Here's my take on 4 & 5 - we often eat/blow off exercise, thinking we'll make up for it later and usually don't. The reality is taking the moderate road, creating a healthy, active lifestyle that support the energetic, thinner, healthier you is the best approach, and 'budget' for times of celebration, vacations, holidays, etc. At times you can 'burn it to earn it', but when you don't, don't beat yourself up. Just get back to your habits and the rest will follow.]

6 MYTH: These days it takes two incomes to keep up financially.

REALITY: It is quite possible to live well on a single income provided you are willing to learn how to stretch it twice as far.

[Living well requires you to stretch beyond the person you are right now, and find new, creative ways to deal with things. ]

7 MYTH: If things get too bad, I can always file for bankruptcy and get a fresh start. [Get surgery/take a pill/get lipo/etc.]

REALITY: Bankruptcy is a very serious matter, not an easy way out. It will impact your life negatively for a very long time. Bankruptcy does not represent a clean slate but rather a 10-year sentence.

[This is a touchy one. Many people have gotten weight loss surgeries, or worked with their doctors to get medication that helps them lose weight. Many of those people have had great success! I'm all for medication - getting my thyroid and adrenals balanced through medication and supplements have had a huge, positive impact on my health and weight. But it all comes with a cost, and it's never an easy way out. Those that have been through it will be the first to tell you the hard work they put into it. The point is, it's hard work regardless the route. some of it's physical, a lot of it's mental. But you do have it in you, it's up to you to discover that strength and use it to your advantage.]

8 MYTH: I am a loser and a failure because I am in such terrible financial [health/weight] trouble. My situation is completely hopeless.

REALITY: No situation is completely hopeless. There is a way out. If you will supply the commitment and determination, I’ll promise to provide you the inspiration, motivation and information you need to take back control of your finances [health] and turn your money [weight]life around!

[Nuff said!]

Orignal can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/2b3pxrj

Like I said above, please feel free to add your health/weight related take on some of these in the comments section. Also feel free to add your own myths and realities, as well.

Monday Musings: What's your stake?

I got this in one of my daily emails from the nice "Page a Day Calender" folks.

It's from their One Minute Devotion calendar and is some serious food for thought...

"I tried to appear brave, but I was shaking in my sneakers as we stood within five feet of a six-ton elephant. My second-grade mind didn’t understand the laws of physics, but somehow I knew that the short red-and-white stake ol’ Jumbo was tied to was no match for his brawn. In my mind, I can still see him rocking back and forth, tugging against the stake, but never pulling it up.

My dad took my hand and told me I didn’t need to be afraid. Then he asked, “Billy, do you know why such a little stake can hold a big elephant like that?” He pointed to a baby elephant nearby who seemed to be pulling with more determination than the big guy and explained, “When the big elephant was little, he was chained to a stake just like that baby. He pulled against it over and over again, but it wouldn’t budge. Then one day he gave up. He decided it was no use, he was just not strong enough. And an elephant never forgets.”

I’ve thought about that elephant a lot. The one thing that keeps that six-ton animal from getting away is not a two-foot stake. It’s a thought!! (emphasis mine)

That elephant reminds me a lot of myself sometimes. I live within limits that come nowhere close to my full potential. Some of my limits are self-imposed; some I’ve allowed other people to impose on me. No matter what their source, these limits make a difference in how I see myself.

In order for me to move toward becoming the person God created me to be and fulfill the purpose He created me to fulfill, I must pull some stakes and jump some fences. After all, I’m not what people think I am. I’m not what *I* think I am. I am who God says I am."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What fences do you need to jump? What stakes do you need pull up?

Thoughts for Thursday: I have a dream

It's a seemingly simple dream, but I fear it's one of those 'not in this lifetime' sort of dreams.

My dream: For people to stop apologizing for what they eat.

This whole looking at a meal and searching for the thing that's "bad" about it, or rationizing that the rest of the meal is "good" except this one thing.

Heck, as long as I'm dreaming, it'd be nice for folks to stop apologizing for working out, but 'only' doing X number of minutes or Y sort of exercise instead of more or less of something else... or worse, feeling guilty for taking a break, but that's a dream for a different day.

The way I see it, we already know that there's some foods that are lacking in the nutrient arena, and aren't the best things to be putting into our bodies. We also know that there's some foods that are knock your socks off nutritional powerhouses.

It doesn't mean one food is "good", and another is "bad". It just is what it is: food. Some food is a more ideal choice than another, but it's still just food... And there's room enough on your plate for both.

Putting a good/bad label on anything - food, exercise, spending, whatever, is just a form of control, and a reason to punish ourselves if we step outside of our tight little self or societal imposed boundaries.

The only thing beating myself up ever accomplished was putting me in a bad mood and keeping myself stuck in the same place for far too long.

I think we've all had quite enough of that, don't you?

Life is meant to be enjoyed, not to be complicated with a whole slew of rules, regulations and labels that can change at the drop of a hat...

Not sure what I mean? Here's an example: Eggs are good for you, right? Oh wait, they're bad for me now... Look! They're good for me again. See! It's enough to drive you crazy.

Keep it simple: Eat in a way that promotes a healthy, happy vessel - what ever that means to you.

The rest of the time: Just eat.

All of the time: Throw caution to the wind and *gasp* _enjoy_ what you're eating with wild abandon.

No guilt.

No judging.

No apologies.

Just love for yourself and the maker of the feast (that means a double dose of love if you're cook. ;)

So just for today - for me - don't apologize for what you eat. To anyone.

Let me know how it goes.

Get Real

Get real!

I'm gonna keep this short - or at least, I'm going to try, which for me is saying something!

The past couple of weeks I feel like I've been through the ringer but for a purpose. It all started when I asked myself the question of what the turning point was for me in this journey to get a grip on my health, my weight, and to some extent, my life. When did things change from "diet" to "lifestyle" for me? When did my progress /really/ start to happen? I mean, how am I supposed to help others get to this place when I can't remember how I got here in the first place?

I grappled with that for a while, then I realized when it was - it wasn't a single light bulb moment, but it was just as momentous: It was when I stopped looking outside myself for purpose, for reasons, for road blocks, for excuses. It's when I started doing some serious naval gazing and decided it was time to cut the cr@p and get to the heart - my heart - of the issues once and for all.


I got real. And it helped me.


"We must be willing to dive deep and feel, really feel what is underneath. This is where you will be set free."
DailyOm.com

I shared my fears, my faults, my frailties with others. It helped them.


"People gain so much hope when they know they are not experiencing something alone."
Joyce Rupp
Alive Now, pg. 35

In case I thought I hadn't quite gotten it right, the universe has rewarded me with many not so subtle clues that I hit the nail on the head. I got an amazingly powerful message that I want to share with you and ask 3 things of you at the same time:

1) go read this... now... don't wait, just do it, and grab tissue. Lots of them. It may take 15 minutes of your time, or a few hours, but it's worth it.
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html

2) Go read the follow up, with more tissue: http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/cure-for-perfection.html

...2a) if you feel compelled to do so, leave a comment.

3) Commit - to yourself and to others, to share, to be real, be vulnerable, be kind, and to remember you're not alone, you're not the only one.

After reading those two blogs and the heart wrenching comments, 2 things occurred to me:

1) We truly live in a global society. Because of the great internets I have friends that live across town, across the country, and across the pond. Amazing people I would never have met any other way. But being a global society can be big, and scary, and even more intimidating when you're already feeling small and insignificant.

2) Our society has come to a place of "Don't ask, don't tell" long before it ever became an issue in the US military. The list of Things We Don't Talk About has grown by leaps and bounds over the decades to the point that even the deepest of conversations amongst close friends can seem to be flat and shallow.

I think this is why, for me, I seek out people who are Real. People who talk about the uncomfortable things, who share the heaviness of their hearts - not to bring anyone down, but to lighten their loads. By letting go of that piece of darkness, they can start to see the light, and find joy.


“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Remember: Even in your deepest, darkest hours when you feel most alone, most alienated from the rest of the world, there's someone else out there who feels exactly the same.

YOU. Are. NOT! Alone!

Never _ever_ stop knowing that.

HA! Made ya smile!

Unapologetic Change... Cont'd

Change: [cheynj] verb, changed, chang·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.
2. to transform or convert (usually fol. by into ).
3. to substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind.
And a boatload other definitions

I know! Ya don't hear anything from me for weeks at a time then it's nothing but blog, blog, blog. LOL!

What can I say? When the God-breezes are blowing, sometimes ya gotta put up the sails and go with it. ;)

Which actually brings me back to my last post - I feel like I got caught up in the 'Why are we afraid of change' rather than the actual point I wanted to make of, 'It's ok to change.'

So there, I made my point: It's ok to change, and there's no need to apologize to anyone for it, especially yourself.

But because I'm me, y'all aren't getting off the hook quite so easy. I mean, come on, I'm not one for short and sweet... Nope, I'm the long winded and wordy type... but it's why y'all love me... right?

RIGHT?!

LOL!

Anywho, lets talk about changes... and choices.

I had an interesting experience I wanted to share. Yesterday a co-worker got a salad at the nummy shop next door where every order comes with one of their to-die-for fudgey walnut frosted brownies, which she plopped on my desk because she's nice like that.

Now, I'm usually a cakey brownie person, and prefer the edges to be crispy, but there's something about their brownies that are... NUM! ::drool::

But I digress... If you recall from my previous post, I mentioned that, due to some silliness, I'm currently wheat, egg and dairy free.

And what do brownies have? Eggs and wheat for sure... and I'm bettin' there's dairy in that frosting.

Yep... there it was, sitting on my desk, waiting for me to figure out what I was going to do with it... staring back at me from it's parchment paper wrapping... kinda like the creepy Geico eyes.

Lets put this in a bit of perspective, too. Yesterday was day 3.5 of my freedom from specific ingredients. By default, I've also drastically reduced my sugar intake as well. Not that I was chowing on sugary treats right and left, but there had been some consumed in the course of day to day living that are now absent. On top of it, I've been having some tummy issues and been slightly cranky about not having my usual eggy goodness at breakfast.

So to say that this lump of sweet goodness was tempting, is like saying the Hoover Dam is blocking a stream.

I figured I had 3 choices:

1) "Graciously" give it back to my generous co-worker... and by gracious, I mean refraining from pitching the "WHAT are you doing to me?! I can't have this! I'm not eating this stuff right now, why would you do this to me?!?!" fit.

2) Just eat the d@&m thing and get over it.

3) Shrug, remember that I know what it tastes like, remember that I'm giving my body a break for a while, and take it to another co-worker who's being begging chocolate from me every half hour for a week.

Ok, truth be told, I toyed with options 1 & 2 for about, oooh, 30 seconds before leaping on option 3 and not giving it a second thought... till today when I had said breezey experience about this post. ;)

The only reason I did have a second thought was to realize how far I'd come in my thinking: The "old" me would have probably picked Option 2 while *thinking/stewing* on Option 1, and maybe grumbled at the co-worker for a while before finally getting over it, proving how accepting I am of myself and forgiving I am of my own transgressions, rather than making the better choice in the first place.

What changed? *I* changed... or rather, I changed my mind.

::transition to quotey-quote overload mode… complete::

There a so many people every day who decide that they want/need to/have to make a change in their life. Be it losing weight, getting out of debt, stop smoking/drinking/some other addiction (::coughbloggingcough:: ;) get organized, etc…

But they want to go about it by staying exactly as they are.

“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.” – Albert Einstein

One thing I’ve realized is that, if you can concede to make _one_ change in your life, just one, the biggest favor you can do for yourself is to change your attitude.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter their life by altering their attitude.” - William James

Most times when you’ve reached the end of your rope, hit rock bottom, hit that “ENOUGH” point in your life… the next action you take feels more like a punishment than a reward.

I don’t fit into my fat pants, so I’m going to exercise my brains out and subsist on carrot sticks and green tea; I am sooo far in debt I can’t see straight, so I’m going to cut off ALL spending; My house is SUCH a mess, I’m going to spend ALL weekend in a marathon cleaning session.

Yeeaaahhh…

“How’s that workin’ out for ya?” – Dr. Phil

Here’s a suggestion that’s going to sound really trite and hokey, but stick with me… kay?: Instead of looking at your steps to get out of your situation as a punishment, or what you’re giving up, look at it as an opportunity for something good to come your way, as some sort of reward you’re working toward.

Change your perspective/attitude, change your life.

Seriously!

You’re not giving up fries, you’re _choosing_ a salad so you can fit into your skinny jeans. [Side note: I have to say that when nothing else worked to haul my a$$ out of bed to go to the gym or for a walk, the thought of looking fantastic in my wedding dress…. So NEVER under estimate the power of a seemingly superficial goal.]

When you change your perspective, you realize you have a choice in not only your actions, but also your REactions.

You can choose to pitch a fit, be miserable, resent every. single. minute. of what you’re working on, or you can choose to accept it, roll with it and *gasp* even make it kind of fun.

It’s all in how you _choose_ to think about it.

There’s one of my favorite Tom Venuto-isms that really made things click in my brain about how much our thoughts and attitudes impact our lives: It’s making choices based on your goals, rather than how you’re feeling at the moment.

Let’s say you have a goal of fitting into a bikini by December… (ONLY an AZ girl would think about swimming in December. ;) And let’s say it’s the third time this week a co-worker has brought in delicious smelling home baked goodies and is pushing them in your stressed out face letting you know they’re on her desk.

You look at the goodie and ask yourself 2 questions: 1) If I eat this, is it going to get me closer to, or further from my goal? 2) If it’s getting me further from my goal, AM I OK WITH THAT?

Just taking a couple of seconds to go through that exercise not helps you refocus your thinking, but also shifts your focus to something bigger and better than a momentary experience.

Oh, and here's the kicker with that exercise: If you choose to go ahead and do something that gets you further from your goal, you have to make the choice to really be ok with it. Really.

“You don’t have to think what you’re thinking!” – Joyce Meyers

And remember, if Worst Case Scenario Girl can do it… YOU can do it!

So, what’s one thing YOU can choose to look at differently to make this journey a little easier? Have you already gone through an attitude adjustment?