Musings of a F.I.N.E. mOnkey

My Crockpotting Life

2012-02-03T11:11:00.002-07:00

A few days ago I came across this little gem:

Then I went on a seemingly wonky tangent about cooking appliances… weird, I know, but it all had a purpose… and I’m here to try and tie it all together… I hope. It may not be pretty, or all sorts of funny/happy, but it’s my story… and while there’s no Prince at the end to make all things better (well, actually I do have an Awesome Hubby who’s /way/ better than some fairy tale prince, but that’s beside the point ;) my goal is to offer hope and encouragement, and to finally get out what's been niggling around my brain for some time now.

When I started on my path to get skinny 6-7 years ago, I thought that’s what it was all about – get skinny, lose the lumps all would be right and well with the world and any other issues/problems would magically fall into place, and all of it would happen really, really fast.

I’m human, I’m all about instant gratification, and heck if the magazines show me pictures of fat, frumpy, and miserable Before Mary is ta-da slim, sassy and sax-ay After Mary all of a sudden, then that should be me, right?

Just like the microwave – zap it for a minute on high and your good.

Or not.

I did the stuff that They said to do but was OMG miserable! I’d exercise even though I felt like my arms and legs were sand bags; I’d push through because They said I was a slug and lacking motivation; I’d feel worse instead of better but pressed on because They said it’d get easier, I just need to get used to it and do more; I ate a cr@p ton of “whole grains” and less fat and less meat and extra veggies because that’s what They said was healthy (and we all know how I feel about that word now).

But nothing happened, at least according to that box in my bathroom with numbers on it… or a little bit would happen then it would un-happen… and that went on for a long time. I’d throw myself a Pizza & Beer Pity Party, then decree another go at making huge, sudden, sweeping changes… then repeat.

That got a little boring after a while.

The short-ish version is that I finally got it through my thick skull, er got the idea to do one thing at a time – so I chose to fix the food thing first, then the exercise, then something else, then something else…tweak here, tweak there, finally stuff was starting to happen according to that box. And I research the begeebers out of things till I get the answer *I* want.

I learned that I need to lose fat and build muscle, not lose weight. I learned, even more importantly, that in order to effectively lose that fat and keep it gone, I had to fix the system that had broken down in my body. The excess weight I carried around wasn’t the cause of my problems, it was the outward symptom of the massive imbalances going on in my body.

I also learned the really hard way that all the ‘work’ I’d been doing to correct the outsides was messing up the insides even more. All the cardio and longer workouts were stressing my adrenals and thyroid to the breaking point. The pushing to get my workout done in the name of excuse busting instead of resting was counteracting the work I was doing. The ‘endorphin’ rush I was feeling was really adrenaline coursing through my body, wreaking havoc along the way… and the ‘stress/emotional eating’ that I was blaming on my lack of motivation and will power had absolutely nothing to do with either, and everything to do with my stress and emotions and the impact it was having on my hormones.

That hard lesson forced me into my crockpot and locked the lid down tight.

Don’t get me wrong: I had a choice. I could have kept pushing on cuz that’s what gets me “healthy”, right?! Or I could. just. stop. I chose to stop.

Rather, I ran kicking and screaming “I have to workout/keep moving!! It makes me feel so good!” until I hit the proverbial wall that laid me out flat.

During that time I learned that what and how I ate impacted not only my ability to achieve any sort of fat loss, but also how my body functioned as a whole. If something is broken on the inside, it needs to be fixed and the best way is to give my body the best raw materials (food and nutrients) I can. I’ve learned the hard way – partly through trial and error, partly through just pushing my luck – that if I mess up that piece, a whole bunch of other pieces fall out of place, and I have to do a lot of work to put it back together again.

Essentially, I learned that food is the most potent form of medicine that we have access to… Hence the picture above.

Unfortunately I’ve also learned that information relating to administering that medicine has been greatly distorted (points back to the “healthy” post).

The thing is, people don’t want to hear that it took 6-7 years or that I had to do a lot of work on myself emotionally, physically, and nutritionally, and that it takes continual monitoring of my limits. They want to see my before and after and ta-da! Give me 5 easy steps to achieve what you did in no time at all.

*Bangs head on desk*

Fine, here’s what you do: Fix what’s going on on the inside and change your eating to help achieve that. *coughpaleo/primal/lowcarb/lowstresscough* Here’s why… blahblahblah… here’s a ton of references to do your own reading and make up your mind, etc.

Oh, I can’t do that! There must be something else! That’s too dangerous.

Ok, you asked, I told you, you don’t want to believe me. Moving on.

The part that’s been nagging at me is 2 of those people were close friends of mine. Both had major health issues that were being greatly contributed to by their eating. The powerful medicinal food was being shunned by them, and sadly, the food they were consuming was slowly poisoning them. It aggravated known health conditions, which added to the stress in their lives, which contributed to the food choices… but they chose to stay their course. And sadly it killed them.

Whoa with the Debbie Downer stuffs!

I know. It’s been bringing me down a lot over the past few months, too. All the shoulda coulda woulda opportunities to help them see a better way have been replayed in my mind, even though it didn’t seem to have impact. Thinking over the conversations, though, I did my part, I shared my enthusiasm, I lived to be an example, I was consistent, and in the end it was their choice. I wasn’t better or worse, I’d just made a different choice, even though it took me a while to make it.

There was no amount of fancy dancing or yelling and screaming to get me to make that choice before I was smacked down and sat on good and ready. Same goes for everyone else… I need to keep reminding myself of that. It’s a choice.

And I realize now why they never made that choice: The crockpot time scared them. It’s too long. It’s too hard. It’s too boring. I’d rather try this, then this, then this, then give up.

Been there, done that, have the movie deal in the making (not really ;)

Making that choice means you have to face what you’re really doing, acknowledge that you might not be right or know everything (and by you, I mean you, because, ya know, _I’m_ always right and _I_ totally know everything. ROFL!!! NOT!). It means you have to be open for suggestion and *gulp* correction.

It means letting go of something that you ‘love’ (be that sugar, bread/grains, tons of cardio, constant socializing, the nummy beer, whatever) in order to get something better.

It also means that it takes time, which requires patience… doesn’t matter if you have 10 or 100 pounds to go, it takes time to correct the course your on to one that’s leading you to optimal health, which is THE way to get to an optimal body composition.

Not many people are up for that… they’d rather read that they’re doomed to a lifetime struggle of over exercising and under eating to ‘maintain’ their weight and get back on the treadmill and eat their low fat microwave lunch.

Most folks won’t read/believe that there’s a way to fix it:

I have to say, that choice didn’t put me on the easy road, mainly because it goes against the conventional wisdom of ‘eat less and move more’. It’s a quiet road, but I’ve met some amazing people along the way, and brought a few with me. It was so hard watching my friends struggle, and it’s difficult to watch others struggle without getting in their face offering a friendly suggestion here and there to ease their minds and bodies… But my crockpotting time has given me a little bit of patience, to do what I need to do, and know that to fix the world, I first need to fix myself, so I can be of service to others.

So here I am… doing just that.

Thoughts for Thursday: Crockpotting in a Microwave World

2012-02-02T10:14:00.001-07:00

"The greatest thing is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can be." - Max Depree

I’ve alluded to the roughness of this past year, especially the last half, several times. I won’t go into all the gory details at this point, because it’s the lessons learned from those details that’s really important, because really, if you don’t learn the lesson that’s set before you, you’re destined to go through being schooled over and over and over again.

Trust me when I say that the faster you get it, the better off you are.

Really.
And the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that it’s all about the crockpot.

No, really… it is… Yeah, I’m a card carrying member of Crazy Town, but stick with me, you’ll understand.

But here’s the Readers Digest version: We know we’re going to have trials, tribulations and struggles in our lives, we know there’s changes that need to be done… but we just want them to be over with quick so we can move on… sorta like zapping it in the microwave for a minute on high, *ding* you’re done. Sadly, life isn’t like that… it’s more like the crockpot where you have to sit and stew for a good long while, with the application of constant heat to soften you up, to make the changes last, to help the struggles have meaning, get perspective.

And here’s the loooooooong version… might want to grab a cuppa and get comfy….

Ya’ll know what the crockpot/slow cooker is, right? It’s that happy kitchen appliance that can take the ickiest, toughest piece of meat and turn it into the happiest, melt in your mouth meal you’ve ever eaten… or amazing chili, soup, chicken goodness and you barely have to do anything but flip a switch/push a button and wait… and wait. (you can also make everything from crème brulee to Cream cheese sausage dip [aka mommy crack!] to Christmas ornaments to candles in it too. Serious! Go check out http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ She’s done it all and then some!)

But I digress.

This isn’t about sharing my favorite crock pot recipes (of which I have a few), it’s about the whole crockpot process… which is to say it’s about the slow and the waiting.

As a long haired hippy freak poet whatever once said, “The waiting is the hardest part.” (That’d be Tom Petty for you Gen-whatever-ers that were born after I graduated high school in 1987. ;)

Sad, but true… the fact that I’m fast approaching my 25th high school reunion, and that we have to wait, and that it’s hard.

It’s hard because we live in a microwave world. I think in some ways we always have lived in that kind of world – human beings are, by nature, impatient and this modern age has just made it worse. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at my disaster of a kitchen and thought, “UGH! OMG it will take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to clean that wreck! I can’t even deal with it right now!” So I don’t… and I put it off and then I play this game where I set my timer to /prove/ that it’s going to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r and I’m pi$$ed off every time because it usually ends up taking 10-15 minutes.

Meh.

But not everything is like that. The really important stuff can’t be taken care of in 10-15 minutes, and most times not even 10-15 days… or months.

By important stuff, I mean that icky, ebil word that people don’t like, but have to deal with anyway: Change. I’m talking about deep down, full life change, and that takes time.

At least for me it does… and it’s possible that some of my experience may ring true for someone you know… because far be it from me to go start pointing fingers at people (Well, I want to do that, but I end up getting said fingers broken, so I stopped… mostly… because it’s hard to type that way.)

I’m human, I’m all about instant gratification, and heck if the magazines show me pictures of fat, frumpy, and miserable Before Mary is ta-da slim, sassy and sax-ay After Mary all of a sudden, then that should be me, right?

Just like the microwave – zap it for a minute on high and your good. You can go from this to that in no time!

Or not.

That’s the difference between the microwave vs. the crockpot mentality:

Microwave: All about the short term, immediate gratification.

Crockpot: Looking at the long term.

Microwave: You’re willing to take shortcuts driven by desperation and emotion, regardless of the costs (and trust me, there will be a price to pay), just to get it done now. It could be taking a “fat burner” to lose weight fastfastfast, or doing a marathon cleaning session just to get things clean, or some get rich quick promises that end up costing you more in the end.

Crockpot: It’s all about the slow, the steady and the sustainable. Decisions based on facts and determination, and delaying the gratification till the right time.

How to do you make that escape from the microwave mentality to a crockpot type life? It’s pretty simple actually… And by simple, I mean, well… simple. But not easy, because when you’re immersed in the immediate gratification, it’s really, really hard to give that up and suddenly find comfort that someday in the undetermined future, you’ll get to where you’ve set your sights. I’m all for setting goals, and having defined plans with general timeframes associated with them, but when you’re wanting something different to happen in your life, you have to allow for the process to evolve and grow so it’ll stick around forever… and that, my friends is worth its weight in gold.

How do you start that process? So glad you asked, because you know I’m dying to tell you.

The first thing is the most important and what everything else is built on… and the thing that certainly won’t make me very popular and may not make you very popular with the people in your life.

Ready for it? Ok… you asked for it.

#1 - Repent! I know, I know, you just raised your “oh no she di’int just use a Jesus-freak term on me” shield… Yes. Yes I did… because it serves the purpose and is a great illustration. Besides, I know I just made a few people do a happy dance in the process (or at least they will do the happy dance after they pick themselves up off the floor cuz they fainted from shock.)

I used to hatehatehate that term. It always brought to mind the evil, scary Frodo (from Disney’s Hunchback, not the cutie ring bearer from LOTR, though he got a bit scary near the end...) being judgmental and pious.

Then I really found out what it meant: Stop what you’re doing, and go the opposite direction. Turn away from what’s harmful and go towards what’s beneficial.

Oh. That’s it? I mean, I know there’s a lot more layers to it, but really… that’s it? So I’m diving headlong into a box of doughnuts… I stop, and turn away from them, and go for real food instead. Yep. Or, I’m drowning in debt… I stop using my credit cards, stop spending money I don’t have and start learning to live within my means (again, simple but not easy.) I’m over stressed, over extended (financially, emotionally), over scheduled! I stop saying yes to everything and turn to living a balanced life.

It also means admitting that what you’re doing, your way of doing things, or the way you’ve always been told to do things, isn’t working… and may actually make matters worse (which is a rant in and of itself… for another time.)

Whooaaaa Nelly! You’re doing some serious crazy talk. Besides, that can’t happen overnight!

You are SO right! That’s what we’re talking about…

And brings me to #2: Let time do the work. Instead of trying to do major sweeping changes, taking charge and micromanaging every. little. detail. yourself. Learn to embrace the slow, the steady, the baby steps.

Remember, we’re talking about crockpot type stuff: You toss some stuff in, slap the lid on, set the temp/timer and what? Futz with it till it’s done? No! You leave. it. alone.

That’s so aggravating! I know!! From a someday-to-be-reformed-futzer, it’s sooo hard to not futz! But work with me here. Just once, pick a plan, a budget, a habit, something that’s just one or two things, and just focus on that for some time like 4-6 weeks. Clear your brain of the elebenty billion other things that need to be done and just focus on that. I know what you’re thinking and I’ll take a line from FlyLady, “My house is a wreck and piled to the ceiling with clutter, how the *bleep* is shining my sink going to do anything?!” - ya gotta start somewhere so pick one thing and let that habit seep into your life.

It’s a process: Let it happen.

Lay a solid foundation for change to evolve and grow. Trying to do too much at once is like building a skyscraper on the beach. It’s just a matter of time before it falls over and has to be rebuilt. Starting slow helps you adapt to anything that comes your way.

#3 – Trust that there’s more than you realize going on under that lid. This is the part that’s extra frustrating. With the microwave mentality, if you can see instantaneous changes on the outside – dropping 10 pounds on the scale almost overnight, a beautifully cleared out room, a zero balance on the credit card [and a positive balance in the checking account], etc., that’s motivation to keep moving forward!

But what happens when all that comes to a grinding halt? We hop to the next latest and greatest thing! Then the next… and then the next.

The slow and steady looks at the long term trend. It’s about not making those drastic, quick changes at a moment’s notice due to a tiny blip. Instead it’s about looking at the big picture and the overall impact. There may not be anything on the outside showing you that what you’re doing is working, but under the surface, there’s a lot of beneficial stuff happening.

Think about seeds – even if you’ve never planted a garden, we’ve all planted at least one physical seed in some soil. Maybe it was a grade school project, I don’t know. When you put that seed in the ground, put some water on it, and set it on the window sill, did it suddenly sprout in front of your eyes?! Nope. It took time, maybe days, or weeks, then *poof* there’s a sprout that keeps growing and growing.

This is especially true in the whole ‘weight loss’ area – you may not see physical progress, and even consider it a ‘plateau’, but if you’re going for being truly healthy on the inside, just keep doing what you need to do. That plateau is your body healing so you can stay lean once you get there.

Even if you can’t see what’s going on, trust that something _is_ happening. Just requires patience… It’s said that’s a virtue… I’m still working on acquiring that.

To get you through the waiting game, there’s #4: Find your own serenity.

If you choose to share with others what you’re doing, or even if you don’t tell anyone, people will have opinions and they will share them with you. If what you’re doing is going counter to the mainstream - and let’s face it, if you’re choosing to step off the fast track, drive through, microwave world, you’re going against the grain – there’s going to be nay-sayers, there’s going to be countless articles telling you you’re doing it wrong, there may be family and friends that don’t like the ‘new’ you because the ‘old’ you was more fun.

To that I say! What-e-v-a-r!

Actually, no, I don’t… this one is hard. This is the part that brings a lot of people down and drags them back to the ‘normal’ world.

I really say: I’m sorry. It’s gonna happen, and it stinks to walk a different path from the majority of people in your life. It’s kinda lonely when you find you don’t have as much in common with people you’ve known for years because your attitude on things have changed. You may even be a little (or a lot) grumpy about giving things up, about losing something that’s been part of your life for so long. There may be tears shed.

That’s why it’s important to find serenity in yourself, being firm in why you’re doing what you’re doing, why you’re choosing to be a different, and hopefully better person. It also helps you shift your focus on what your gaining instead of losing. You may discover talents you didn’t know you had, or find you suddenly love to garden, or to read, or go for hikes, or cooking special dinners for your honey, or spending quiet, meditative time with your critters, or something! Do those things that bring you true and deep down to your toes joy.

When you feel lonely and cut off from your ‘old’ life, those will fill your emotional bucket so you don’t need external validation… Eventually you’ll find other people quietly wandering along the same path to help support you along the way… Or if you’re not me and are nice about the changes you’re making, instead of being all finger pointy, maybe those same people who poo-pooed you earlier will join you! All that will help bring you to…

#5 – Rest. Seriously! There’s not enough focus on that. In the rushrushrush world, where you’re considered a recluse if you don’t have every hour of every day jam packed with events, and gatherings, and meetings, and, and… Finding your happy place will help you rest, to relax in your life - be part of it instead of being swept along by other people’s expectations of what to eat, what to wear, what to buy, etc. – to renew your body, mind and soul, and truly find sound sleep – the happiest rest of all! You may start to learn that less is truly more. Busy-ness is keeping you from happy-ness.

By embracing #1, you have to let go of something to get something. By taking the time to allow 2-5 to really permeate your life – to simmer and stew in the process - what you’ll get is something wonderful: YOU!

“Even The Mighty Oak Was Once A Nut, That Simply Held Its Ground.” – Unkn.

Wednesday Drive By: Routine Business

2012-01-04T11:34:00.001-07:00

Wow... it's really been almost 3 months since I've posted something?! I have to say, the last 6 months have been filled with heavy stuff in my personal life - with my health, with my family and friends. I'm still processing a lot of it but for the first time in a long time I'm feeling like I'm in the light, rather than the tunnel.

Me being me, this has been a time of deep introspection and there's been some niggling thoughts bouncing around that would be great for a 'new year' post, or a 'what I learned', or 'How to pick yourself up by the bootstraps, Bootstrap' type thing...

But now's not that time... mainly because I've been short on time to grab one of those niggly thoughts and pin it down long enough to make any sense out of it that wouldn't completely confirm my residence in Crazy Town... Granted if you've been around me long enough, ya'll know I have a lovely home set up there and you're welcome to visit any time.

But I digress.

So instead of a super duper long rambly post, I'll just share something that came about from a discussion with some of my Fly-baby friends. It sort of fits in with the whole new year/get at it/get back at it thing... sort of. :)

Been thinking about routines and habits and how so may of us resist it. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

Routines are just the activities we do every day that promote a certain outcome.
Coming home, tossing your stuff here and there and not picking it up, leaving dishes in the sink, waiting till there's a pile of laundry as tall as you to do wash... all promote the outcome a cluttered house and a frantic, anxiety driven life...

Yeah, I saved time right now by not doing it but spent a ton of time later digging for that bill, or digging out the sink so I could cook dinner... you get the idea.

Or I could take a few extra minutes to put the clean out the sink after dinner, put my stuff away when I walk in the door, stand at the dining room table for 2 minutes to toss stuff that doesn't belong there, set my clothes out before I go to bed... that promotes a little bit calmer, peaceful, less cluttered home.

Same with developing habits/routines about your health. You can stay in bed (which you need rest if you're in burnout, but that's a whoooole different story for a different day...), rush around in the morning and grab the closest thing you can get your hand out for 'food', swing through the drive through for lunch and make awesome friends with the waiter at your local eatery... then plop on the couch because you're too tired, too over fed and too under nurished to do anything.... over, and over and over again...

(speaking for myself here, not about anyone else, just to clarify.)

Or you can bite the bullet, do menu planning, go shopping to have things on hand to eat so you feel better to be able to get out for a walk or to lift heavy things when the mood strikes... over, and over, and over again.

Realizing it takes time to develop new routines that promote less clutter, less weight, less debt, whatever, I was more inclined to do what I needed to, do the little things every day that add up to bigger things rather than 1-2 big things once in a random blue moon while, things slowly got better.

It takes time. It requires change (oooh, I know... them's fightin' words... I mean, I know if you're reading this, *you* don't need to change... but *I* need it... and this is all about me, right? ;) It also requires starting _small_, really getting one or two things down pat before moving on to the next thing.

If you don't let go of the old way of doing things, you can open your arms to embrace something new and wonderful.

Isn't that what 'new year' is all about? Being new? Being wonderful? Seeing the possibilities in front of you AND taking action to achieve it? Or is that just me?

Rembering what's important

2011-09-09T11:34:00.002-07:00

“When we understand how precious each moment is, we can treat each breath, each moment, as a newborn baby.”
Michelle McDonald

10 years. Has it really been that long? I can’t believe that much time has passed, but here we are, 2011.

It’s interesting... my 40-something brain (wow... sometimes it’s really weird to see that number in relation to MY years) is like a steel sieve... eh, who am I kidding, it’s been like that for years. Drives my mom buggy - she can remember people from my kindergarten class, and I can barely remember who I went to High School with (one of the nice things about Teh Ebil Facebooks... my HS peeps find ME! :) let alone who I talked to last week.

But That Day... 10 years later it’s still burned in my memory. I could practically give you a detailed account of the mad panic feeling I had waking up a little late, the annoyance of my phone ringing off the hook, the kicked-in-the-stomach feeling when I turned on the TV, the helpless feeling I had at work when I got the call from the woman who trained me to take her job so she could move to New York with her husband... her tearful account of watching people perish as she ran for her life to get away from Ground Zero, finding out another friend had two close friends on one of the planes (love ya A! My heart goes out to you even more this year!! Wish I could be there to give you a great big, never ending hug... tell M he has to fill in till I can deliver it myself. ;) my own breakdown when I got home, wondering why? How? Now what?

“The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.” - Milo Bloom

So many times That Day has been referred to as America’s Wake Up call. And here we are, 10 years later. A “big” “anniversary”. ::throws confetti:: A mile marker to take some time to stop, reflect, take in the distance to see how far we’ve come, and where we’re going.

The questions is, how far /have/ we as a people, as a country, as a culture come since That Day? Have we learned the lesson or are we still needing some edjumacating? (sound it out... it’s fun. :)

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for me... and That Day was a wake up call. I know that I have come a long way, but I’m still learning some lessons, and the biggest one is being reminded of what’s really important

“When I did get home this last time, we had all these plans to go out. And then we hardly stepped outside because the time together seemed too precious.”
—EMILY WATSON

Precious.

Ok, I admit, I want to say that all creepy/Lord of the Rings/Gollum like, but really, that word has found it’s way to the forefront of my life lately. Learning what’s really precious - not the stuff, the things that are tangible but forgettable, but the people and the moments because those are fleeting and temporary, but stick to your heart forever.

That Day’s anniversary approaching reminds me that, in a few months, it’ll mark the 10-year “anniversary” that my Memaw was called home (thinking I’ll have to learn to make a proper fried pie to mark that occasion, I’ll leave the coconut cake making to someone else. Bleh. LOL!), and that family - the one your born into and the one you choose for yourself with the friends that surround you - is so much more important and precious than getting in a few more hours at work.

It reminds me that I’m 10 years older... I’ve got a few more miles under my belt, and hopefully I’m a little wiser for the journey.

It reminds me that 5 years ago, I was amazingly lucky to have found a man who puts up with me and my weird quirkiness... and despite all that, is proud to call me his wife.

It reminds me that, even though I don’t have a “perfect” body, I’m alive, and despite self-induced set backs, I still have better health now than I did then.

It reminds me that, even though That Day turned the world upside down, not just emotionally, but economically, and those ripples are still being felt to this day, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. No, I don’t like that so many people are struggling financially, that unemployment is still high and it’s difficult to find a job. But maybe, in the turning-upside-down-ness of things, it helped us all dump out the cr@p that really doesn’t matter, and discover the precious treasure that was buried underneath: Hope. Faith. Love. Time.

I had to this post about some amazing life lessons: http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/09/carrot-ginger-coconut-soup-and-kale-chips/Lesson’s 5-8 are awesome... and the recipe sounds nummy... food for the mind and soul.

Even though the approach of That Day stirs up so many different emotions, I am grateful for the time to remember... the people I never met, the people I have in my life now, the people who have passed, the ones that I have yet to meet.

You all are precious.

Under Pressure

2011-07-29T14:29:00.001-07:00

You know I’m a total 80’s girl, right? Love Queen... love Bowie... bring the two together and you have a little ditty that totally sticks in your head for days...

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de

Then Vanilla Ice had to go and rip it off..

Meh...

Whoo... apparently digression hits early this time of year! LOL!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the amazing effect that pressure has on people in general. Ya ever notice that, when the sh... er... stuff hits the fan, you have this ability to buckle down, focus and get the job done with an efficiency you never thought possible?

Lets say you have a hugemongous project that’s been looming for weeks... and it’s due in 3 days... oh yeah, and you could possibly get a promotion out of the deal... and tada it’s done and you’ve do your best work!

Or you can’t be bothered to pick up the house for months, but company is coming in a week and suddenly even the baseboards are gleaming.

Then there’s the time that payday is still 8 days away, the credit cards are maxed out and there’s a serious echo in your Gringotts vault... somehow that last $15 in your wallet manages to last you 7.

Oooh, then there’s the closet full of clothes that all seems to have shrunk overnight... but with a bit of dilligence a month later seems to fit just fine.

Oof! And that illness that totally lays you out flat and doesn't give you any choice but to rest and recover.

Not that *any* of the above applies to me or is in any way reflective of the events that have gotten me to where I am in my life.

Yeah, can’t type that with a straight face. :P

What’s more surprising about the above scenarios is how /effortless/ it seems to be when you’re going through it. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but you have a darn good reason for that effort and there’s no question in your mind that you need to do what you need to do. The path in front of you is narrow, but all the doubt, the indecision, the what ifs and buts are gone. Just get from Point A to Point B.

Maybe, just maybe, at some point along the way, there was a stray thought of, “Hmm... I don’t know why I took so long to do this... it wasn’t that bad, and it shouldn’t be that hard to keep up.”

Yeah. I know. Its silly, but if it does happen to you, just lie down, the feeling will pass. :)

Then you start to get a little breathing room. The pressure lets up - you have a little extra money left over, you start feeling better, the company leaves, the clothes start to fit a little loose - and you know what happens next?

You start to let up, too.

What is up with that?! Why do we ease up on taking care of what needs to be done /anyway/ as soon as the pressure is off a little?!

I mean, how many times have I (er, I mean you, cuz we’re totally not talking about you!) been so deathly sick that I can’t even roll out of bed and crawl to the bathroom... and then as soon as I (YOU! totally not me!) start to feel better, I’m (Ok fine... we’re talking about me... but if you notice /any/ similarities, I invite you to roll with it) up hauling the laundry basket down stairs and planning a dinner party for friends in a couple of days... or when I have a few extra bucks in the account and suddenly the cats /need/ new sparkly collars that match their eyes... or stepping on the scale to see it drop significantly and celebrate with a trip to Claim Jumper and get Le Bombe* all. for. my. self.

You know the drill: You feel the pressure, you buckle down till it passes and then go back to doing what you were doing before... and starting the cycle all over again.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

So why have I been dwelling on this?

Because I feel the pressure being released in several areas of my life. I mentioned my overtraining/burnout fiasco that I’ve been dealing with... well, I’m starting to feel better, things are stabilizing, my latest self assessment** came back about 10 points lower than when I took it a month ago. And the credit cards are getting paid down, there’s still money left at the end of the month, and while I’m getting frustrated with the squshiness (hello, no exercise/strength training for 6+ weeks at this point), weight is stable and nutrition is doing fine... not great, but not bad either.

This is when the real work starts.

You (ok, *I*) /think/ that the work is what’s done when the _external_ pressure kicks in, cuz that’s when the scrambling and action takes place.

No, that’s just me doing what /should/ have been doing all along, and I finally ran out of options to avoid it.

NOW is when the real work begins because *I* have to decide to either stick with it by keeping myself well, keep being diligent/responsible with money, food, my body, stuff, etc and see it through to the end... you know, being a good steward of what’s been loaned to me and all that jazz...

Or I can choose to say fer-git-it, and do my own thing through like I’m owed something... And start the cycle all. over. again.

Just in case you’re sitting on the edge of your seat wondering, I’m picking Door #1 - Pressing on and pressing through. Doing what I need to do to stay the course, to get it done, regardless if the pressure is external or internal.

You know the saying, well, there’s lots of them, but I liked this one: “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” Peter Marshall (Again... child of the 80’s and total TV culture. :)

So when you find yourself with a bit of breathing room, what do YOU do?

You still have that Queen song stuck in your head, don’t you?

*Total obscure Simpson’s reference, but I was really thinking of the I Declair which I’ve never tried but would like to one of these days... so if you and 20 of your closest friends want to join me one day (or 10, since I see they have a mini version available).**It’s not scientific, but I like this quick assessment tool. Yeah, it’s a site for women and women’s health issues, but men can benefit from the assessment as well.

It never fails...

2011-07-21T09:49:00.002-07:00

(word of warning... a blog that starts out with a silly picture just may be trying to soften you up for something... just sayin. ;)

I get myself all worked into a perfectly good tizzy about some little mole hill of an injustice or some little trial that I’m going through that shines light on the untruths we’re told by the Governmental Powers That Be (PTB) that lead to our decline in health, wealth and overall well being... and let me tell you that when we’re wound up, Veruca, Stevie and I can get into a /serious/ whirlwind of justifiable anger and launch on one heck of a good tirade...

Yeah, as happens when I’m about ready to pour out my squirrely wrath unto the unsuspecting blogger population, I get the smack down from the /real/ PTB that take my eyes off the little molehill that I’m so fixated on and point to the mountain that’s the real issue.

Sadly I had that happen this month.

See, I’ve done it to myself... again... seems like its an annual thing... I do really well nutrition-wise, get myself in a good routine, pushing the exercise envelope *just* enough to make progress, pull back *just* enough to recover and not trigger all the chronic fatigue and thyroid party that’s always laying just under the surface... yeah, I get myself in a good place then go and do something silly and sign up for an endurance event... a 5K here, a Warrior Dash there... then ::wham:: I hit that brick wall that lays me up for a couple of months.

It’s not the event itself that’s the issue, its the “training”... and even though I did train smarter for the Dash, I still pushed past my normal, acceptable limits for too long... and then the adrenal party got into full swing. It is a good thing to push... a little bit at a time... but not for 2 months straight, 3-4 days a week.

Basically, I burned myself out.

Again.

Big crash this time.

And I was pi$$ed... heck, I _am_ pi$$ed... at myself, at giving in to the general world view that more is better and that you’re worthless if you don’t just pushpushpush...

*ahem*

But I digress... (whooo did you see that little frenzy getting whipped up there? That’s what I get to deal with in my head every day. So much fun. ;)

Anyway, that’s not the point... that’s not what it, the big IT - life, the universe and everything - is about.

Sadly, I had to learn the lesson of what IT’s about from 2 friends - one that I shall never be able to thank for the lesson he taught because a couple of weeks ago he left this world and is hopefully in a better place. Another dear friend is in the hospital in the midst of a health crisis so severe that I fear I shall lose her as well.

The problem is, both of these folks have had serious health issues that they ignored for too long. Things that were probably treatable with some effort on their part, but for whatever reason, they chose not to face it.

I can’t change that, but I can learn from it. I’m learning that IT is about 1) Letting go, and 2) Being a good steward.

Here’s the thing, both of those are super simple concepts to grasp... but certainly not easy ones to implement.

Letting go is hard. Really hard. I mean I have a house full of physical stuff that I haven’t been able to let go of yet, but when you talk about the mental and emotional stuff... that’s even worse! In order to let go of that, it means you have to actually acknowledge it’s there in the first place... and I know for one that *I* am perfect and don’t have any (more) deep down buried issues, it’s everyone else that has problems!

ROFL! I crack myself up. *wipes tear from eye*

Thing is, it means letting go of what the world thinks, what your own issues are, your hang ups and, really, let go of the willfulness that’s keeping you stuck in the same place/patterns

But once you let go, you can start to become a better steward of what you’ve been given... You’ve been given a great gift of a body to dwell in, money to provide for needs, a home to shelter you, friends and family to support you... you are the warden, the keeper, the guardian of these gifts that can thrive when nurtured.

We get sooo hung up on what the world thinks of us, our actions, our motives and it’s really hard to move away from that path and set ourselves on our own narrower path. We feel pressures from all around us - media, co-workers, family, friends, and worse, our own minds - to more, to work more, to schedule more, to entertain more... and then there’s the spending more to eat more to drink more so we can sleep less and start the cycle all over.

*flop*

The result: over extended schedules, stressed out systems, clutter all over the house that you don’t have time to deal with, clutter all over your body from all the stress, the mindless/random/grab and go/who cares what’s in it as long as it’s food eating... the clutter all over our credit cards because if you don’t spend time doing something (like cooking and cleaning) you’re spending money.

We lose touch with people - we lose touch with *ourselves* - because we’re so busy taking care of everything else... because cutting back on taking care of everything else and shifting the focus back on taking care of US is inconvenient and time consuming.

Yeah, well... as Robb Wolf put it so eloquently in his book Paleo Solution (yes, I just made a total book plug - it’s worth reading)... taking care of your health may cut into your social life and be time consuming, but so will cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and, sadly, death.

Whoo doggie, I’m just a ray of sunshine, aren’t I?

Well, lets shift it all back to me, shall we? Cuz it’s really all about me... ;)

I threw a MAJOR hissy fit (you can ask my friend J... she can attest to it.. and she had one about a year ago) to the smack down she gave me about taking time to REST and RECOVER from my SELF IMPOSED burnout and the stress that was hitting me from all directions.

If ya don’t heed the small, subtle warnings the PTB send your way, they’ll resort to extreme measures to get their point across. Just sayin’.

And oooh it wasn’t easy. Letting go of doing /everything/ that everyone else wanted me to do... super tough. Saying no to going places in order to get rest... really not easy. Leaving the very rare gathering of friends early when I was having a great time - ouch. Sleeping in instead of getting up early for the sweat therapy - ok, that one was only a wimper... Not gonna lie to ya, I enjoy the sweat, but sleeping in is such a joy! :)

The hardest part of all, though, is letting go of the ideas *I* had for myself, what I *should* be doing, and *gasp* what /other people/ would think of me... and shifting to taking care of myself because that seems soooo selfish!

Yep, it is.

If I’m to be a good steward, I have to be.

I didn’t want to have to go through this, but I’m grateful for the time, the experience, and the insight it’s given me.

I know. Deep stuff, huh?

Here, maybe this will help:

So whatcha thinkin’? Any stuff that you’ve been ignoring for too long? Are you holding on to stuff that you know it’s time to let go of? Have you been through this and have any advice on how to become more Zen and less Overachiever? Did the cute critter pictures help at all?

The best thing about today...

2011-06-13T14:55:00.008-07:00

Is that 5 years and 1 month ago today... this guy and I decided to give life together a shot...

(wow... who are those two!?)

Then three years ago today, he made the happiest lady in the world...

(I mean really... who are these people that keep popping up in my photos?!)

And today, he's still the most amazing thing that has happened to my life...

(AHH... Now *these* people are starting to look familiar! :)

(Yep... that's us... goofy as ever. :)

It hasn't always been the smoothest roads, but then again, that's what keeps life interesting, and keeps us growing and evolving, right? Besides, that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger and leaves us with awsome stories to tell our friends!

In the time that we've been together the Awesome Husband has supported me in so many ways. He helped prompt me to get my health issues more in order and didn't even complain (much) about the gradual change in my eating habits and even (mostly) adopted them for himself! He loved me the way I was, has helped me become the person I am today, and makes me always strive to become the person he sees in me. For that, I am always grateful!

(Cheers, love!)

It is amazing to look back on the last 3 short years and see how far we've come, and to look ahead in wonder at what life has in store for us. I'm sure there will be our share of beautiful, mountain top experiences, and tumbles into the valley until we eventually start climbing back to the next peak, but I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather go through it with.

I could keep on writing something sappy, but will leave it up to someone who's been at this much longer than I and comes with a great reference... (Give our thanks to your bossman, dad!)
http://blog.thedaysman.com/2011/05/23/what-god-has-joined/
http://blog.thedaysman.com/2011/06/08/thats-our-song/

We, too, have different tastes in music, but we have our song, thanks to his countryman Stan Rogers, that sums up how I felt 3 years ago and still do today...

"I want to see your smiling face forty-five years from now!"

It’s all about the pain. . . the quotable version

2011-05-10T11:25:00.002-07:00

This morning at the gym I was reminded of a shirt my Awesome Hubby wears on occasion.

The first time I saw it, I chuckled because of the truth of it. He usually manages to wear it at a time when I’m in the throws of serious muscle soreness (which, if anyone’s done CrossFit style workouts for any amount of time, realizes that it’s more normal than not) and I have to remind myself that my inability to walk up stairs or lift my arms to brush my teeth (the person who invented the electric toothbrush? A saint!) is just my body’s way of dealing with the resistance and motions I put it through, and the muscles are just repairing themselves to they can be stronger and better able to deal with the same thing next time.

This morning at the gym, again dealing with sore muscles, again lifting heavy things and doing all sorts of other silliness (burpees – I have no love in my heart for you) that will make me more sore tomorrow, I was struck by the even deeper truth of the saying because it's something that's been on my mind lately. Not so much for me, though I'm at the point of getting frustrated that I still have the squishy middle, and my physique isn't where *I* think it should be. I mean really, I’ve been at this for /how/ long!?

I digress. I was reminded of what a beautiful, talented friend of mine has voiced to me several times recently: that's she's SO afraid that all the weight she's lost will come back. I’ve come across the same fear and frustration a lot lately, the continual struggle, the weariness, the frustration, the fear.

My first thought: Then you did it wrong the first time. I mean, if you put in the time to develop new habits and make the changes to your lifestyle that support the lower weight and activity level, and you didn't do any sort of extreme effort that's impossible to sustain long term, there's not really any reason for you to re-gain... right?

But that's only part of it, isn't it?

Yes, there’s the fear part - and having a little bit of that can be good to keep you focused on the actions you need to take - but really, it all begins and ends with pain.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
Jim Rohn

Oooh, that “D” word… That’s /really/ it, isn’t it? We don’t want the pain of discipline, or change. We like things the way they are. Even if we /don’t/ like things the way they are, when we decide that there’s need for change, the first thing we do is… rebel.

Wait, what? The first thing we do should be act, right? I mean we want to change so we act!

Not so. Remember my Inner Princesses, Veruca & Stevie? Yeah, this is when I really became aware of them – when I decided to take action to change, do develop some _discipline_ in my life.

Whoooaaaaa Nelly did they act up because, after all, discipline means punishment and restriction and the inner kiddos do NOT like that!
dis·ci·pline [dis-uh-plin]
–noun
1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

Wait... discipline doesn’t /automatically/ mean punishment? Go fig!

But that’s what we think, right? I mean, the only reason to change is because we are bad and need to be punished, to implement super restrictive (Eat only celery! Live on $5 a week! Do marathon cleaning sessions!) and deprivation (No shopping! No chocolate! No fun!) behaviours that only set us up for failure so we can continue to beat ourselves up and realize that we were meant to stay the way we so there. *flop* We take on the role of both the bratty, rebellious child and overbearing, condemning parent.

So… How’s that been workin’ for ya?

I think it’s time to embrace the training/activity/improving skill part of the definition rather than the punishment portion.

It’d mean that instead of being condemning, we need to start being compassionate. Instead of being rebellious, we have to be open.

But that’s hard, isn’t it? It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, it’s SO easy to find fault and lay the blame for our woes outside of ourselves rather than looking in the mirror. Unless, of course, you’re me, then you take the blame for all the worlds’ (including your own) problems and put them squarely on your shoulders. Yeah, that’s fun.

Here’s the thing that most people don’t want to hear: It’s painful to change. That’s why so many people stay in bad situations, get further in debt, health continues to deteriorate.

But it can be equally painful to stay the same.

You have to make a choice

You can choose to stay the same, or you can choose to change. There is going to be emotional wear and tear no matter what, because below the surface we all have emotional stuff that needs to be dealt with. Holding the door closed on the closet that hold our skeletons - THAT is tiring. Trust me. Been there, have the therapy bills to prove it. It’s painful to face it, but if you do, it feels like a huge physical weight has been lifted from you. When you don’t, that weight keeps bearing down on you, threatening to crush you.

"The secret of joy is the mastery of pain." - Anaïs Nin

It’s uncomfortable, it’s not fun, but in the end, it’s worth it… so you can move on to the next /thing/.

“If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.” John Maxwell

I know! Such the cheery ray of sunshine today, aren’t I?

But there’s a reason for it. It goes back to the fear of gaining it back, of going deeper into debt, and why I’m not so worried. It also goes back to the question I’ve been asked several times that I’ve struggle to answer: What was the turning point for me? How did I stop spinning my wheels and finally find traction?

It was the day that I realized that it’s not about the weight, it’s not about the food, and it’s not about the exercise. It’s about the thing was keeping me stuck where I was – and that thing was me.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

The day that I realized that I had to be accountable to myself, to embrace the pain of discipline today rather than live with the pain of regret forever, to look myself in the eye in the mirror and clear out the bad so I could get to the good stuff, /that/ was the turning point. I realized that every struggle had a purpose and the faster I figured that out; the faster I could get through it and reap the benefits. I learned that every time I encountered resistance, not matter if I was pushed back or pushed through, it made me stronger the next time.

“Being fat (or in debt, or surrounded by clutter, or being in a difficult situation) is hard. Losing weight (getting out of debt, clearing out the emotional and physical clutter, making a change in your life) is hard. Chose Your HARD!” - Unkown

"I choose to know the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is." - UNKNOWN

I made my choice… how about you?

I Am a Warrior! (Race recap :)

2011-05-03T15:56:00.014-07:00

Now that the dust has settled, and the mud has (mostly) been washed off, time to sit back and reflect on yet another goal that I put a lot of hard work into and achieved.

And all in all... I kinda kicked butt. :)

I know it was my big 'secret' that I sprang on folks shortly before the event, mainly because I had serious doubts that I'd actually carry through with it. Yeah, I'd paid the hefty race fee and had been 'training' for it, but between some stress and health issues and a bit of wavering on other folks part, I hated to make a big deal of something that fell through at the end.

Eh, live and learn... I can worry all I want, but if it's meant to happen, it'll happen... and happen it did... and of course there was learning to be done along the way.

My friend R & I drove up the night before and got a hotel room so we wouldn't have to do the mad scramble drive up at gawd awful early on Saturday morning. Since we were in the 9:30 am wave, we'd have to leave Tucson at 6, but just didn't want to deal with the potential variables that come along with having to travel 90 minutes to the site. The down side is neither of us slept well at all that night. It happens, you're in a strange place, different noises, a wee bit of excitement/anxiety all make it difficult to get a really restful sleep. Still, we're glad we stayed there.

As a bonus it was a Holiday Inn Express and they have breakfast! Normally I wouldn't eat much before hand, but considering the tummy actually grumbled at me, I gave in... There was 2.5 hours before the race so wasn't too worried, and if I'd wanted, I could have fed any sort of carb craving I'd wanted with the spread they had at the hotel - pancakes, cereal, cinnamon rolls, toast, muffins, etc... I opted for some toast with PB, bacon and some less than mediocre eggs.
(I really didn't think it was possible to mess up eggs... but yeah, they did... sooo happy they had lots of salsa, salt & pepper handy!) and got my caffiene fix as well, which was a good carrier for my protein drink.

We got on site, got our packets with the schwag (Cuz really, the only reason to do silly things like this is to get the schwag!

(Redhead Warrior Brigade :)

I have to say that packet pick up was super duper easy - I've only done a few events but this was really well organized. Kudos to them on that!

We checked our stuff in at the "Gear Check" and then... waited... did some people watching and totally loved all the folks that dressed up - it's something that I think is so cool and would love to do, but never come up with an idea in time. *sigh*... anywho, we watched the 9:00 wave take off, cheered them on... then we waited... and waited.

The morning seemed to fly by but the half hour wait between the first wave and ours seemed to take. for. e.v.e.r.!!!

Plus it was super sunny and starting to get a little toasty.

Finally it was time for us to queue up and... wait. Luckily they were committed to starting each wave on time and they were good to their word. At 9:30 on the dot, the horns blared, the flames shot up and we were off! All 500-ish of us.

As happens, there's a slow start, then bottle neck, then the pack starts to break up and give some breathing room.

Now, remember how I'd mentioned I'd been doing lots of training runs and workouts for this? Well, I'd done a bit more work than my friend, and while I had a personal goal to finish the course in under an hour (truth be told I was shooting for less than 45 min.) I was more committed to sticking with R through the whole thing.

We started strong, and R was a good sport at trying to keep up a good jogging pace with some walk breaks thrown in, we just couldn't sustain it past the first mile. It was hot, dry and dusty. After the first obstacle (Jump over a 5' wall, duck under barbed wire fence, repeat 4 times) we ended up walking the rest of the route and found our 'pack' of about 4-6 different folks that were all going the same pace, and we were all cheering each other on - it was awesome.

The 2nd obstacle was big dirt mounds that you sprint up then realize almost too late that it's straight down the other side... almost bit it there but didn't. *whew* Then we were climbing on cars and going through tires. Then 'climbing' down into the ravine... then we hit the couple that I was most leary of - the tall stuff... I have an issue with heights, but here I was faced with at least a 20' pyramid of hay bales to climb up and down - fine and dandy because it's solid, then, *gulp* the cargo net. That gave me some serious nervousness but there wasn't any rush and not a ton of folks around me so I just took my time, took some deep breaths and just did it.

And I DID IT! *WHOO HOO!!*

After that, lots of the obstacles are a blur - was getting really hot and extra dry, and was getting to the point of just getting through it. We hit the water station which was fabu, then plowed on through the rest of the course where I met the 2 obstacles that I just didn't do - one was walking on beams that were set about 8' off the ground... I got part way up the first plank and had a vertigo moment... so I walked around it. The next was a 10-15' wall that you had to do a rope climb up then had foot holds/ladders on the other side. Arms weren't cooperating for that one either, so I walked around it. The awesome thing is that the event worker gave me a high five for trying.

The last two obstacles were the most fun - You jump over 2 fire pits (actual fire! I totally jumped 'em and didn't singe anything important. ::chest bump:: ;) and then you hit the mud pit right before crossing the finish line.

I thought I was home free! I figured it wouldn’t' be so bad... first step, in up to my knees... second step where'sthebottom*bloosh*. I think I got a big applause for embracing the
muddiness, others got harassed if they didn’t get in too deep... I had no choice so I went with it. :)

I had mud in places I'd rather not talk about... for. days! (Arizona has tons of clay, so that mud just doesn't want to let go...)

The bestest part, despite walking it and taking our time with the course, we finished in just under 1 hour according to my watch. I have no idea what my official chip time is yet... hasn't been posted, but I'm proud of our efforts and the fact that I don't feel totally wiped out after doing it.

After getting photos taken (will see about posting the muddiness when those are available) we squished over to get hosed down then collect our Warrior spoils.

Cuz it's about the bling, free beer, and food (ok, had to pay for the food but still).
(notice the super muddy socks that got tossed in the trash shortly afterwards.)

We sat around for a bit to listen to the band before deciding to pack it in and head home.

Luckily we had a change of clothes in the car and did my best beach towel quick change to not get dirt and mud everywhere and stashed the offending garments in the plastic bag. Everything got stashed outside to dry and to deal with later...

And this is the 2nd rinse!

Finally things came clean after a couple more rinses in the tub then the washer. YAY!

But some things just need to stay dirty. :)

All in all a good day was had, and I get to sport a spiffy hat any time I want to remember my accomplishments.

Not to mention some spiffy banged up shins to show off. :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So you may be sitting there thinking *I* could /never/ do that! But I'm here to tell you that you CAN!! I have to say I was a little surprised that the course in general wasn't as hard as I expected it to be - everything was completely do-able and, as with other events I've done, everyone that participates is very encouraging and helpful.

If you think this is something you might want to do, or you're already signed up, here's a couple of things that will make life easier for you:

1) bring your own water. I brought a camelback type thing and it saved me! There was only 1 water station for the entire course. While it was well run, it was 3.5 miles and hot! My camelback went through the wash just fine and even if it hadn't, it was better than being super dehydrated along the way.

2) bring your extra shoes & socks at a minimum with you and check them at the gear check. You will be sooo happy you did. Our site was doing a collection of shoes for donation after the event, so you can ditch your old, mud caked shoes and feel good about it. Stash some extra water in your bag as well.

3) bring a BIG thing of water for washing off at the car. Yes they have a hose down area, but it can't get everything... and

4) bring a towel. Any good hitchhiking warrior has their own towel. :)

There you have it... now I'm glad that I'm feeling up to pursuing the next latest and greatest goal I have set before me.

To steal a quote: What have you done that makes YOU feel proud?!

Thoughts for Thursday:The Next Big Thing

2011-04-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

You know what’s interesting? Reading someones blog who is insightful, and open, and transparent about the things going on in their life... and apparently very modest (and by “someone”, I’m referring to the “royal” me, but I digress ;) and think, “Wow! She’s an over-sharer!”

Yeah, well... I am, and I looove to share way more than is appropriate at times, except for the times that I don’t.

Like right now.

I’ve been keeping something from you - my loyal blog readin’ peeps. And I feel (mostly) bad about it.

But it’s confession time...

*deep, cleansing breath*

I... I don’t know how to say it, but... here goes....

I signed up for an endurance type race.

::crickets chirp::

Yes... really... that’s it. That’s huge!

Don’t believe me? Go back to this time last year and look at the many (I’m too lazy to look ‘em all up) moanings and groanings of ‘training’ for the Race for the Cure 5K... I’m a lifter not a runner demmit!

And swore that it would (probably) be my last (that year) for. eber. (till later anyway)

Then I totally rocked the race... but burnt myself out (thank you thyroid and stressed adrenals!) and totally swore off doing events. They’re not for me thankyouverymuch.

Except for this one... http://www.warriordash.com/register2011_arizona.php

That was the first one in a long time that made me sit up and do a ::head tilt:: of interest.

I get to run, jump, swing, play, swim, climb AND drink beer then they give me a silly hat?! Serious?! It’s like a CrossFit playground for bada$$ wannabes to test their stuff!

So I hemmed. And I hawed. Then a friend said she’d do it with me... then another one said she’d do it... so I sent in my moolah and omg it’s. on. Saturday!

Here’s the amazing thing (aside from keeping it mostly to myself for 4+ months): I haven’t *trained* for it. Not in the sense that I felt like I /had/ to /train/. Instead, I modified my workout schedule - started with focusing on building more strength, then slowly incorporated more cardio type workouts in the form of intervals to slowly increase my running endurance - doing any where from 4-8 minutes running, and 2 minutes recovery. It did get to the point of feeling like I /had/ to do the run workouts, and it also felt like that was taking over, but if you’re “training” for a sport, you have to *do* that sport.

I’ll be durned if I didn’t do pretty darn well with it as a whole. I can run on average an 11 minute mile now! And can lift a decent amount (but still no full-on pull ups, yet... grrr...)

The only thing I didn’t build into the schedule: Periodization. Ooops... Had some rest days, but didn’t build in low volume time to offset the higher volume. As a result, I’m doing serious rest this week to make sure I *can* do the event on Saturday...This is me living, and learning...

And looking forward to the next thing on the agenda.

Which, right now, is NOT another endurance race (though the hubby planted an idea of a 1/2 M-word in my brain... and it’s for the Marines... dang it... at least it’d be over a year away to rationalize or worm out of. ;)

Again with the tangent, sorry. :)

Anywho, one thing that I’ve realized that is so very important as part of this journey to not only fit into a smaller jean size, but also to really achieve optimal health, is that “motivation” is tricky, and temporary. It’s great for getting you going, but doesn’t /keep/ you going... it’s those habits you build along the way that sustain the healthy life you’re creating that propel you forward.

It’s also looking at achieving a milestone/goal as a launch pad, not a stop sign. Cool, you just did X! Take some time to soak it in and bask in the beautiful glow of that moment... then figure out what to do next.

It took me a while to figure that out. For instance, I was _so_ focused on getting into my wedding dress that after the awesome day, I was stuck, unmotivated, and floundering, and dind’t know why. Ok, partly it was because I was so bloody tired from all the work that went into it, I was pooped! But beside that, I had nothing to look forward to accomplishing afterwards. So, after many naps, I found something else to work towards...

Then I found something else... then something else… and kept up that cycle.

Ya always have to have something to look forward to/fill the void with because if you don’t, someone else will.

At this point I’m really looking forward to: 1) a week off to recover from the Warrior Dash (and some other life stuff that’s happened along the way), 2) taking a vacation with my hubby that will involved hiking, hot springs, celebrating with family and spending time with friends for a couple of weeks, then 3) getting back to work to really start building some serious strength. I know that some of the obstacles on the Dash course will expose some areas that I really need to work on, namely upper body strength. And even though I did a pretty good job of balancing cardio with heavy lifting, the latter is what I miss the most when I feel a little too cardio heavy. Not to mention it’s starting to get flippin’ hot here in southern AZ... perfect excuse to stay in air conditioned comfort. ;) Oh, and there’s the matter of getting to work on my CEU’s for my Personal Trainer cert, and figure out what the heck I want to do with that in the first place...

So how about you? Any big, deep dark secrets you’re keeping from folks? How do you keep yourself moving forward? Any big event you’re working towards right now? Any words of wisdom for my event? Or do you just jealous I’m doing it and you’re not (cuz you know you want the hat. ;)

Fly By: Universal Truths

2011-04-08T14:51:00.007-07:00

Sometimes life goes along all nice and relatively easy... lessons may come my way but they barely make a blip on my general radar screen.

Other times it’s one. thing. after. another.

I mean, I was gonna do an April Fools post about deciding to ditch this eating right and exercising stuff in favor of the oh so awesome “CURE” for excess weight... the fabulous amazing HCG stuffs... Yeah, that was before the roof blew off our house. And my car died. And took the dishwasher with it.

Seriously - what’s up with that?!

So no April Fools jokes for me, thanks... Feeling like the Powers That Be are making /me/ their joke... since They have seem to have a really good sense of humor. But as much as the PTB enjoy having fun at my expense, (and apparently taking their sweet time on my request to be Queen of the Universe... ) I’ve learned a few things along the way - 1) I don’t get more than I can handle (though I question /their/ faith in /my/ ability to not have a complete meltdown at the drop of a hat), and 2) If I don’t get the lesson They’re trying to teach, I get to go through it all. over. again.

So having accomplished #1 - roof all fixed in time for the massive wind and rain storm that hits this time of year, car was an easy and relatively inexpensive fix, and got a ganga deal on a new dishwasher that the hubby made me do all the heavy lifting for, not to mention finding someone to repair our wall and install our gate as a bonus - I had some time to move on to #2... I had some ‘crockpot’ time to simmer and stew... and instead of risking the lather-rinse-repeat of missing the lessons, I’ll do what I do best: Share.

Cuz sometimes my life is an example of what /to/ do... Other time my purpose is to serve as an warning of what /not/ to do. LOL!!!

Anywho, as I’m always fond of saying, the process for change is always the same. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing, if you’re going to be making some changes, big or small, in any area of your life, it’s the same process, and there’s some Universal Truths that go along with it... And the last few weeks have been not so subtle reminders of those...

#1 - If you’re going to get stronger, you have to encounter resistance

I know this one is easy if you’ve ever done strength training: The heavier the resistance, the stronger the muscle. Well... works the same in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to making changes. Sooo many times we want the process of change to be easy, but when something comes easy, you come to take it for granted. When you really have to work for it, you treasure the results.

Lets look at it terms of losing weight. Say you’ve got a significant amount to lose, and you’ve got a pretty messed up diet. You make a few changes and *bam* 10 pounds is gone effortlessly. Whoo hoo! You found the “Easy Button”! This is no problem! I’m gonna do this and happy dance and ... hey, ::poke:: ummm scale... why you not move for a few weeks? And what the... _2_ birthday parties this week?! And a major foodie holiday?!

Resistance. Which leads to …

#2 - It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters.

I know, I know, you’ve heard that one before. It’s all a mind set, think positive, blah blah blah...

Whatevs.

No you don’t need to be the bluebird of happiness all the time, but you can make up your mind of how you’re going to react.

So many times when we make The Big Decision - you know the one. The Big Decision to STOP {insert less than healthy behavior/activity here} and START {insert replacement behavior/activity here}.

Then an amazing thing happens - we turn into a 5 year old with no impulse control and want everything. right. now.

What?! Don’t give me that look - I’m including myself in that “we”. Have ya not met Veruca and Stevie? When do you think they showed their bright and shiny, precious little bratty... er... princess faces to me?! After my Big Decision to stop feeling like poo and gaining weight and finally start eating better and exercising.

Whooo doggie was that an eye opener! Nothing like a Big Decision to reduce a seemingly grounded (heh, interesting choice of words) adult into a fit pitching, cranky, entitled 5 year old (and a super emo, distant 13 year old that showed up later on) to test the boundaries and stability of said Big Decision.

Eventually I learned to recognize their ploys, I mean work with them for our greater good... but it took a lot of work when encountering the resistance, learning from it, making better decisions, keeping calm, learning to react differently... and slowly, but surely, results of the changes on the inside started to show on the outside. It wasn’t overnight... it wasn’t in a month... in fact think it took a whole lot longer, but the point is: It took.

Trust me, the cycle of stress to meltdown to near shutdown to resolution to reaction to action that I go through is still there... it’s just shortened significantly, and I spend a lot less time in the first part, and more time in the last bits, by making choices and looking ahead - even the tiniest bit - instead of where I am right now.

Which makes me realize...

#3 - What you do (or don’t do) today will effect you tomorrow.

What you eat, what you spend, what you pick up and put away, what activity you do or don’t do today, will have an impact on my mood, my energy, my environment, my bank account tomorrow.

Don’t believe me? K... lets play a little game.

Think abut where you want to be weight/health/financially in 6 months from now.

Got that picture in your mind? Good.

Now think about your habits _right now_.

Do they match where you want to be?

Moving on...

#4 - Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good

Helloooo perfection! Yeah, this is where my Inner Princesses really shine. Wanna make a change? Ok, we have to do research! Look up all the different ways to do this or that, then pick the way that seems best, then look into how to do it perfectly because anything worth doing is worth doing right, and only right, right? And we aren’t going to do it unless we do it right, right?!

Know where all that got me?! About another couple of inches of spread on my posterior and firmly stuck in the overwhelmed/stressed/meltdown/shutdown part of the cycle. Who can move to action when you’re frozen by fear and indecision?!

Finally I’d had enough and made a deal with the princesses - we’d pick ONE thing... just one, and do /something/ every day towards it. It wasn’t a lot, but it got the mediocre, imperfect, slow but steady ball rolling. And you know what? The world didn’t end. Nothing blew up. The perfection police didn’t show up at my doorstep to ridicule me (though I’m sure I contributed some to the cause... it’s how I roll. Old habits die slow, painful deaths. ;)

Doing something is ALWAYS better than doing nothing. And doing something consistently is MUCH better than starting, then stopping for a looong time, then starting again for a day... then stopping.

Except...

Yeah... think that’s pretty self explanatory. ;)

But it’s a good reminder that …

#6 - There’s always time for teh cute

What?! That was some serious stuffs I just went through - light and fluffy makes me happy. So there. :)

Whatcha think? Do you have any Universal Truths to add to the list? Any life lessons that you’ve learned over and over and over again you want to share? Any life warnings that you want to be an example of? Seen any cute puppies or kittens lately? Play an April Fool’s Prank this year? Anyone else amused that my 'fly bys' are longer than regular blogs? Discuss...

This is the end.

2011-03-23T14:25:00.001-07:00

Sort of.

But not really.

I’ve been having the thought/realization that I should put together a ‘wrap up’ blog about the Whole30... experience... thing. I mean, it’s been almost a couple of weeks, it’s about time, right? But have been struggling with it, mainly because I really don’t like the whole ‘this is what I eat’ thing... I mean, I loooove food - eating it, cooking it, baking it, talking about it... think that’s been established many times over. But this seems... different, mainly because it’s about more than the food.

It really goes back to that ‘lifestyle’ change that so many people talk about.

Besides, PrimalToad did a much better summary of his experience (which I didn’t realize was taking place at the same time as mine. Great MI minds think alike! :) and he came to a much similar conclusion as I did about the experience and going forward.

So the multiple choice question of the day: When you find yourself at the final days of a change your eating/elimination... thingy, how do you transition back to “normal” eating?

a) very, very carefully
b) by enjoying a meal at a Mexican place with your parents
c) question why you want to transition back to whatever “normal” was before
d) all of the above

For me, I picked D. I went in knowing it wouldn’t be a full 30 days, but I still got a lot out of it... the biggest conclusion I arrived at is that, left to my own devices, I could continue to eat this with no issues, and will continue to eat this way, with no complaints (except for butter... that’s the 1 thing that has to give. I can live without the honey in the coffee - actually helped me cut down on drinking coffee which I needed anyway, but gimme mah buttah! *ahem* But I digress. ;) When the choice isn’t up to me, it makes things more difficult.

Hence the whole 80/20 rule, which is what I did for the last week+... and it’s a really good contrast to how the last 4-ish weeks went, because even though I know that nutrition is at the very least 80% of the equation to great health, it’s amazing to me the difference I felt when I departed from my usual grazing path. And it’s even more amazing to me what I would consider my ‘big indulgences’ now - In comparison to what it used to be, my ‘off the wagon’ meal is what I would have considered ‘super healthy’ a few years ago! LOL!

So the question that’s probably whirring around peoples minds is what were my results?! I mean, yeah, it’s great, I learned this or that, but seriously, how much weight did I lose??? Inquiring minds want to know! I mean, people don’t do this sort of thing unless they’re going to lose weight, right?!

You’re right! People don’t usually choose to make some sort of big change in their way of eating unless a drop in the scale is part of the package... unless you’re me because this was about so much more than weight.

Sure, I would take a smaller number on the scale at the end of this time frame, but that wasn’t what I was going for... what I really wanted was to feel _good_! (cue James Brown :) And to tell ya the truth, I didn’t weigh myself at the end so I honestly don’t know how it impacted me in that way... but I do know the body composition changed... cuz I’m sittin here rockin my size 6 pants. (Rockstar pose!)

Ok, so weight /was/ a teeny part of it... Hellooo... human and occasionally have superficial motivations. Sue me. ;)

BUT the biggest things I noticed was after the low carb silliness was corrected, that I not only was able to get all 4 workouts in during the last 2 weeks of this experience (my consistency before this was seriously lacking), but my energy level, endurance and strength were starting show serious signs of improvement. Recovery was still taking it’s sweet time, but I wasn’t as OMG-filled-with-hot-lead sore as I’d been. It was replaced with “why do you hate me” messages from my muscles...Not to mention that it helped bring the PMS stuff down to a dull roar - I know, TMI, but factor all those things together? Oh so worth it! :)

I also learned a lot about me. It’s interesting, I had someone who was struggling with self confidence issues - so very much been there, done that, have the t-shirt and selling the movie rights to the highest bidder - ask me how I over came it... My first reaction “I over came it?! Thought I was still living in Insecurity-ville. Huh.” Be that as it may, I realized that I’m moving closer to the ‘burbs rather than the crowded downtown area, and I got there by just doing it. Confidence comes with just trying something that you don’t think you can do... and doing it. It started with something seemingly small like getting up 20 minutes earlier so I could go for a 10 minute walk... and is at a place where I can not want to hide when I’m wearing a bathing suit in public cuz heck, I can leg press a couple hundred pounds and back squat over 100.

Transferring that to food, I’ve gone from near panic if I went more than 2 hours without a food source to knowing I can not only go extended periods of time without grain/dairy/sugar/legumes/etc., I also am at the point (like today) where I almost forgot about breakfast. I can leave the house without a full compliment of just-in-case snacks without breaking into a cold sweat. That wasn’t a result of this particular ‘challenge’ but it did help me pay attention to my body and dial in my nutrition a little more to make things work even better.

What’s next?! Sticking with the “Paleo” path or ditching it entirely to move forward to the iron age?! Eh… a bit of both – Similar to PrimalToad, I don’t see the ‘end’ of this challenge as an end at all, but more of a point that I’ve realized the benefit of sticking pretty close to that plan, but allowing for life to happen. Not stressing when I can’t be 100%, and enjoying the benefits of the time that I am eating and moving as optimally for my body as possible.

I figure, if I’ve got another 60 years in me, I’ve gotta commit to taking care of things best I can now!

Will I start sporting a Barbara Bach style cheetah bikini & Pebbles hair-do? (I know – totally dating myself!) Maybe, but only at Halloween, and only for the hubby… and _only_ if I get my abs more defined. LOL!

How about you?! Ready for a change or at least mix things up? What’s one thing you can change today to improve your health in the long term?

Joyeux Mardi Gras

2011-03-08T11:14:00.002-07:00

Whoo hoo! It's Mardi Gras, or also (not so nicely) known as "Fat Tuesday"... It's the last day of indulgence, last day to whoop it up and party yer pants off before strictness/structure/self- or faith-imposed restrictions of the 40 days Lent.

It's that time whe you have one last fling with your favorite foods, your favorite beverages, stay out late being all wild and wooly with your friends (Ok, maybe not, I mean who puts a holiday like this on a school night?! Seriously! ;). We indulge today because tomorrow we 'diet'.

Hmmm... sounds like the whole December 31st/January 1st cycle all over again, doesn't it?

Why do we do that? We set our minds to start something that's beneficial for us mentally, physically, spiritually, yet riiight before embarking on that wonderful journey, we load up on cr@p that can potentially set back the starting mark several feet?

We bemoan that (insert super dramatic, hand flung to forhead voice here) "As God is my witness, I'll never be able to eat chip's/cookies/cake again!" ::flop:: So we seek out (usually in excess) that which we're removing from our path. Or if it's a money/budget thing, how do we prepare ourselves? By going on a spending spree...

Here's a wacky, wild, harebrained thought which is probably a foreign concept to some, but here goes: Why not do the opposite and UN-load the cr@p today, before getting started tomorrow. Feeling like spending? Go through the stuff you have and see if there's any excess you can get rid of. Feeling like diving into the 'soon-to-be-forbidden-food'? Clean out the pantry and/or do some menu planning and see how much you're hanging on to.

You get the idea- do something today to set up your tomorrow for success.

So whatcha think? Too out there or right on target?

Or is it just a day to say scr*w it and pass the paczki's? (and you get double bonus points in my book if you know what that is. ;)

Monday Musings: MIA

2011-02-28T15:37:00.002-07:00

Doncha love it when people do blog posts about big, huge, drastic, sweeping changes they're doing in some aspect of their lives... then you don't hear from them for 2 weeks?

::blush::

Yeah, leaves ya wondering if they did a horrible miserable fail and dove head first back into their old ways so deep that it'll take them years to dig out so they're back where they started...

Or (if you're more a more positive thinker than I am ;) you figure they're doing so well with things they are in happy lala land and have no need to be validated or report to others.

Yeah... those are usually the two I come up with as well.

To catch folks up to speed, I decided to embark on the 'Whole 30' plan which follows the paleo model of no grains, no sugar, no dairy, and no legumes, and also removes alcohol from the equation for 30 days... As with most 'elimination' type eating plans, it's designed to remove the major inflammation offenders from the diet to give the body a chance to rest, heal, and get back to healthy. The caveat is to commit completely 100%, no cheating, no 'sliding', nothin...

For me, I went in not planning to do the "whole" 30 days, but closer to 25 days to line up with the parental units visit... but decided to do it to see how it'd make me feel to commit 100% to something. I'm sittin here at day 15 and (because I do need validation and feel the need to report/be accountable to others) I'm happy to report I'm actually closer than the 2nd option than the first.

Here's a little touch base/update on things so far:

What I did:

- Met the change in eating with a good attitude. I looked at it for what it could bring to my life and my health... the fact that people were having great results (hitting personal records, sleeping better, living happier) all were compelling reasons to get to it.

- Looked at what I could have food wise, which is a great variety.

- Was willing to experiment with food. I looooove me my butter, but was willing to find out if I really needed it on some stuff, or if I could find a better alternative to make do during this time.

- Listened to my body. If it was hungry, I ate... if it was full, I stopped. If it was screaming at me to give it sugar, I had a chat with it to figure out what was really going on, and offered something else (usually food in general helped). When it was tired, I put it to bed.

- Ate more fruit! (I'll get to the significance in a bit)

What I didn't do:

- Stress... at least not too much. I will be 100% honest - I followed the plan 100%... for 10 days. Then I went away for the weekend and while I planned well (I packed a cooler with some salads, meat & snacks), there were still opportunities that I encountered when I CHOSE convenience over consistency. Did you get that? I made a choice to go off the eating plan. I didn't slip, no one made me, and I'm living with it. Cheese on the egg, dinner out with family that included a bit of pasta/bread, a piece of toast rather than waiting another hour to get breakfast, a glass of limited ed. beer with my hubby that I hadn't seen in almost a month rather than saying no. There was some GI issues with a couple of the choices, but for the most part no major blips, and went back to the plan at the next opportunity.

- Bemoan/focus on what I couldn't have... yeah, I miss the smidge of honey in my coffee in the morning, or butter on my broccoli, but I'm dealing. (Though out of all the stuff that I thought I'd "miss"... those are the only 2 things that I actually do miss.)

- Count down the days when I'd be done. One of the things I was bouncing around in my brain was if this was something I could live with long term. So instead of waiting till The End, I was counting UP the days that I did stick to the plan... and since I'm a total geek, my inner princesses & I had a lot of fun putting gold stars on my calendar for the days I did 100%. (seriously, you HAVE to make it fun! :)

- Eat enough. Yeah, this was fun... I couldn't figure out why I had no energy, but when I recorded the food for a couple of days it was glaringly obvious, my calories were way too low to support any sort of intense activity... like waking up, or showering, let alone sitting at a desk all day at work.

- Eat enough carbs. This part was extra fun... again, I couldn't figure out why I was feeling like total poo... and we all know I'm all about avoiding the poo. Well, I was already eating at the lower end of the carb range, but take away the morning toast, and add in more fiberously dense, but calorically light veggies, you've got yourself a pretty low carb eating plan. Here's the thing, cutting your carbs in half like that (for me it was going from about 100g to 50 grams) will encourage your body to expel a lot of water, and with it, essential nutrients - sodium, potassium, magnesium to name a few. Those nutrients are electrolytes and if they're low, you're not doing much of anything for long. So hence, more fruit... and bananas (and parsnips, which will made my dad smile. :)! Oooh and the happy, nutrient rich salt (not the regular bleached white stuff, we're talking Pink, Grey and nearly Black stuff... NUM!) Once I got those back in line, all was right and happy with the world again.

What I didn't expect:

- Creativity! This whole experience, short as it's been so far, really got the mental juices flowing. It got me thinking a lot more about the role/relationship with food in my life... and looking at a few other areas that haven't quite gelled yet, but are still niggling around the brain.

- Feeling like cr@p. Seriously, was annoying that I felt like poo so early on when so many people report feeling AH-mazing when they get going... glad I figured out what it was early on.

- The sugar monster that apparently was lurking deep within me. I had blocked out the daily chocolate fix (a hershey kiss here, a mini reeses there, etc...) so when I chose to stop it, I discovered how many times I did reach for the sugar. I could act all better-than-you and say that fruit is all you need, but I won't. Because when the brain is telling you that only processed white stuff will do, belive it. That's what it's been programmed to run on for the last however many years, and it does not like changing to lower octane fuel without a fight. Be prepared. And have dried fruit & nuts handy at all times.

- NOT having as much of an issue with the all-or-nothing thinking. I was really expecting this to be a battle of wills between the Princesses & I, but there really hasn't been much of an issue, much to my happy surprise. When I made once choice early on in the day to not stick to the plan, it didn't open the flood gates to keep on 'messing up'... in fact I think Stevie & Veruca did more to help keep that in check than I did for myself. The inner kiddo's did more parenting than the 'parent' by serving to remind me that it's just meaning that I won't get the full health benefits from sticking to it 100%, but I'm still getting a lot out of it.

So my summation:

The last 15 days has been a serious learning experience, but a positive one, and one I'm looking foward to seeing how the next several days go.

Is it sustainable? Absolutely... and will most likely continue with it to a good degree, but I love butter too much to keep it this restrictive. :)

So how about any of you? Have you committed yourself 100% to any changes? Share your experience!!

Monday Musing: And so it begins...

2011-02-14T11:00:00.002-07:00

You ever notice how you make a decision to make a change in your life, you make the plan, you feel the love and excitement for what's to come...

Then you then start to feel the bulls eye shaped tattoo appear on your forhead and/or back. It's like every where you turn something pops up that blocks your road, that threatens to derail you, or pull you off course before you even get started.

What is up with that?!

Well, there's 2 reasons:

1) Once you made the decision, you start to become hyperaware of that area of your life.

Things you didn't pay any attention to before - the box of doughnuts on your co-workers desk every. single. friday.; the daily use of you debit/credit card for little things that you didn't need in the first place; the small piles that magically appear around the house that you're trying to clean up - all those things are "suddenly" in sharp focus because that's where your attention is.

2) You really do have a bulls eye shaped tattoo on your forhead/back.

Ok, it's a figurative one, not a literal one, but it's there... It's said that, when you're really committed to something, when you're on the right path to your dreams and goals, the Universe will conspire on your behalf to achieve success.

Sometimes, though, that conspiracy comes in the form of a pop quiz. Those things that come out of nowhere to throw you off course - The surprise lunch for a friend who has great news to share the first week of your "induction phase" eating plan? A test. The chance to go on a once in a life time trip the month you're dedicated to not using your credit cards any more? Sure enough - it's a test. Starting a new ::coughWhole30cough:: eating plan on Valentines day, only to face fancy cupcakes and dark chocolate goodness first thing in the morning? You betcha it's a test.

You can side step the majority of potential tests that can come your way by simply being prepared: Look at the calendar to see if there's any events coming up that could cause you to act in opposition to your goals; practice in your mind how you will act in different situations; most importantly, continually remind yourself of your long term goals, and why it's more important to reach them than it is to have the momentary experience.

Because that's part of the test - planning and preparing for your success.

When life throws something at you that you're not prepared for, you still have a choice in the matter: Decide what IS worth the momentary experience, the temporary detour, and what's not, and if you're ok with the decision you make.

That's also part of the test - learning to live with the concequences of your actions.

Sometimes you'll sail through the tests with flying colors without missing a beat.

Sometimes you'll fall flat on your face. But sailing through doesn't mean you passed, and falling down doesn't mean you failed.

You sometimes can fail by skating through because you didn't really see what was going on.

You pass by picking yourself up one more time.

The only time you really and truly fail is if you missed the lesson of how to do better next time, or you let it stop you completely.

This morning, with working through at least 3 tests before the sun came up, I was rewarded with this gem from Greg Laurie:

The Devil says, "Play and enjoy now... pay later."

God says, "Pay now, and enjoy forever."

Whatcha gonna choose?

Same Stuff, Different Day

2011-02-12T13:33:00.002-07:00

Same Stuff, Different Day

There's times when I am amazed at how far I've come in my journey. I see habits that have developed to establish a lifestyle that supports a leaner, healthier, happier, active mind and body. I've learned so much along the way and grown in ways I couldn't have ever imagined.

Then there's times when I'm dumbfounded by how far I still have to go... almost like I haven't moved from the starting gate at all.

Case in point... earlier this week I was re-re-reintroduced to a web site/blog that, every time I visit it, I think, "They've so got it going on!" I don't agree 100% with all their views, but they've done enough background work and research, that I can respect them, agreeing to disagree.

Part of their site is a challenge to jump in with both feet to change, not only the way you eat for 30 days, and in their hopes, you'll change the way you live your life for the better. They've updated it a few times, honing, expanding, and expounding on some of the finer points, but it's remained the same at the core.

Where I diverge from them is 1) I'm really starting to detest the whole "Paleo" label because, like too many 'named Diets', people get wrapped up in the details (and a lot of times get wrapped up in the Better-Than-You-ness of those details) while missing the spirit of things, which is to figure out what's best for YOUR body and makes YOU healthy, and 2) I don't agree with Cordain who deems dairy & saturated fat of the debil. Whatevs...

After re-re-relooking at the site, the plan, the philosophy, and talking with a friend of mine about it, we decided... we're in! I've stepped up to the line but never completely crossed over.

Anywho, why I'm sharing this is for a couple of reasons, and none of them really have to do with food - I'm always hesitant to share information about what *I* eat because not only are food choices SO personal, and as I reference back to my "H" word post, what's good and happy for me (the meatetarian ;), isn't so good or happy for others.

No... the reason for sharing is purely mental: As in *I* feel mental about it! LOL! I'd just read an article recently about how people never really know the effectiveness of a program - any program, be it fitness, nutrition, financial, business, whatever - if you don't completely comply with it 100%. So many times people read the "rules" and say, "Ok... that's all well and good BUT I don't like/won't do X, and Y," then wonder why they're not getting the results they want. Or someone makes a valid suggestion and it's dismissed completely out of turn without even being considered.

Or worse, you decide you're all in, you're excited, and ready to take on the 'challenge'... then after a few days the compromises/negotiations happen... which is where I'm at.

Seems like my inner braaaa...er... princesses, Stevie & Veruca, were on vacation until a couple days after I decided to jump in to this challenge.

Me: "Tralala... no grain, sugar, dairy for the next few weeks... that's ok. Need to give the body a break anyway and will be interesting to see how I feel afterwards."

Them (dropping their bags at the door): "WHAT?! What do you mean no sugar or dairy!??!"

Me: "Welcome back! Missed you girls!"

Stevie: "Whatev! Start talking about this craziness about taking away my cheese!"

Veruca: "And my chocolate!"

Stevie: "Yeah! And the honey and cocoa in our coffee!"

Me: "OK! Calm down, let's talk..."

Them taking turns ganging up on me: "I mean it's not like we have /thaaat/ much of any of those things! Oooh, but we can still have butter, right!?! Cuz that's butter, not dairy. And since we're starting on Monday we better get all the goodies we can right now and and and... "

Me: "Enough! No Mardi Gras talk!!!"

Them: ...

Me: "Thank you! Here's the thing - this is an experiment! It's short term to see how we feel and weren't you just saying we'd like the size 6 jeans to fit a little less snug?"

Stevie (quietly): "yeah."

Me: "And weren't you saying you wish we'd just pick something and stick with it?"

Veruca (pouting): "yes"

Me: "So, this is a way to see if it really does make us feel a lot better... and we'll figure ways around..."

Veruca: "But there's cookies in the freezer!!! what about those?!"

Me: "they'll still be there at the end... and hopefully we'll be in a smaller jean size and feel tons better!"

So the negotiations continued for a while till a truce was achieved. All parties agreed to give 100% to this change... because the potential pay off is pretty cool.

And that's really the crux of it - why we resist, why we negotiate, why we only do half hearted efforts: change.

It's all about change, or rather resisting change. Change is uncomfortable. And change usually means we have to say "no" to something. Change means we have to let go of something.

But here's the other side of that coin: When you let go of something (usually a bad habit), or say "No" (to something that's not good for you in the first place) it opens up the door for something bigger and better. Saying "no" to the fancy-schamancy latte can add up to a down payment for a new car. Giving up a few minutes sleep to go to the gym could mean a better doctor visit and maybe a smaller pair of pants. One small change builds on another and another until you suddenly realize you're not the same person who started, that you're actually achieving those goals instead of bemoaning another unresolved resolution.

So instead of grieving the potential loss, why not get excited about the potential gain? If you're like me, you'll get even more than you bargained for in bigger and better ways than imagined... though you'll still have your Inner Princesses/Princes to remind you of how things "used to be".

So what are you still holding on to? (I'll give you a hint... it's that thing that you respond, "I would /never/ do that!" ;) What are you ready to let go of for something better?

The "H" Word

2011-02-01T10:07:00.003-07:00

Dear Powers That Be,

Hello and good day to you. I hope this missive finds You well and happy.

I am writing you today in hopes that you will consider my petition to become Queen of the Universe... I see many things going awry in this world, and many misguided people and feel that my experience and knowledge base will help me help others so they too can live a peaceful, enlightened, fulfilled lives.

If my petition is granted, I shall make it my first priority in office to banish the use of The "H" Word... Healthy.

Yes, PTB, you read that right... I wish to banish the word "healthy" from the vocabulary of the modern age.

I did not reach that decision lightly, and there were several words, especially in the weight loss world, that were considered. Words like "diet" and "clean", not to mention the range of "named" eating plans... then there were words like "Only" which diminish the positive actions of the person stating it (I /only/ did 15 minutes of X activity... which is a HECK of a lot better than _NO_ minutes.) And there's the whole concept of resolutions that, honestly, I wouldn't know where to begin.

So I decided on tackling what seems to be at the heart of the matter and cause for much confusion: "Healthy" ...

Just as the Eskimo's have elebenty billion words for snow, Healthy has elebenty billion and one different uses, implications, and concepts... it has gotten to the point where, to quote the great philosopher Indigo Montoya, "You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means.

Let me 'esplain:

Plain and simple, the definition of Healthy is this:

adj.
1. possessing or enjoying good health or a sound and vigorous mentality: a healthy body; a healthy mind.
2. pertaining to or characteristic of good health, or a sound and vigorous mind: a healthy appearance; healthy attitudes.
3. conducive to good health; healthful: healthy recreations.

So, one could conclude, that possessing or pursing these things, one would be considered "healthy." Rightly so! Possessing a sound and vigorous body and mind /should/ be something to celebrate and chase after with pride and passion.

Sadly, that's where the masses diverge from the path and have taken the word "healthy" and turned it into a judgment, a standard, and almost a 4-letter word, _especially_ in reference to food.

My take: Healthy is in the eye of the beholder, and what promotes vibrant health of the mind and body in one, can destroy it in another.

The word itself is tied to many things that, on the surface, do seem to good for the masses - less processed food, more foods that are closer to their natural state. Move more, sit less. All good ideas in general, but it's the specifics where folks get bogged down.

For example: Some say that a way of eating that is rich in whole grains is the way to go... but to a celiac or someone with serious gluten/grain intolerance issues, that's a one way trip to Loo-ville, or worse, the hospital.

A way of eating higher in carbohydrates is great if you're an endurance athlete, but for a Type 1 Diabetic, or someone with insulin resistance it's a roller coaster ride of sugar highs and lows that can lead to bad, bad places.

For some, building a foundation of eating based on just plant based items may be the key to vitality, but put that salad or veggie dish in front of someone with Crohn's Disease, might as well offer them a plate full of nails.

A plateful of critter protein and minimal carbohydrate accompaniments may do wonders for energy and focus for one, but make another sluggish and want to curl up for a nap.

A recipe could be labeled "healthy" because it swaps out whole wheat flour for all purpose, but still contains over processed grain that's been bleached beyond recognition. Or it could gain that illustrious title because it's reduced the amount of fat, which also reduced the capacity for some of the vitamins contained within to be absorbed.

Sitting in any lunchroom is like putting yourself in a judgmental war zone where you are praised or ridiculed by the amount of vegetable matter on plate.

You see from these few examples, dear PTB, that the rampant misuse and abuse of a positive word needs to be stopped?! I didn't even touch on the confusion that occurs when one tries to identify what is or isn't considered healthy (Milk, for example, the wonderful, vitamin rich elixir which apparently is also of teh debil and must be avoided and consumed at the same time.)

You now see the reason for my petition to become Queen of the Universe so that my ~~Reign of Terror~~ era of help and kindness can begin as soon as possible. So the focus can be taken off of imposing on the masses what is perceived as "healthy", and put back in the hands of the individual to determine what brings about good health _to them_ and empower them to continue on that path.

In closing, I hope that you consider my plea as I am only looking out for ~~myself~~ the mental and physical well being of those around the globe.

I look forward to your quick and positive response, granting my request.

Your most humble servant,

S

Friday Fly-by... Plan B

2011-01-21T10:47:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, like every day, I had a Plan A. Some days my Plan A is vague and general, but lately the Plan A has been a bit more specific. The day to day Plan A falls in line with the goals I have for the week, and the month, and the quarter, etc. You get the idea.

So yesterday... my Plan A was destined to be a low carb/no grain day. No big, same as the day before, food was pre-planned accordingly. Then, before the sun even though of peeking over the horizion, Plan A was pushed out my 2nd floor bedroom window... rather uncerimoniously and thoughtlessly, I may add.

And I was happy to do it.

Why am I not gripped with guilt and shame?

Because Plan A turned to Plan B because of one lovely moment that would have been missed otherwise...

You see, my Awesome Hubby (henceforth referred to as AH... Cute, no? ;) is working in town this week. When he's working here, it's not the best of situations since I'm asleep when he gets home from work, he's asleep when I get up and he's gone before I get home.

Sorta stinks, actually... but I digress.

Yesterday, though, he woke up with a coughing fit - love the dry AZ winters! He went downstairs so he didn't wake me and while he was calming his cough, the coffee pot started brewing it's happy dark elixr.

::romantic lightbulb moment::

He prepared a tray with coffee, coffee cake and some other snacks to wake me up with so we could sit and spend some quiet time that we hadn't been able to have in a few weeks.

My first reaction: OMG someone's breaking in or something's very wrong! (what?! I was sound asleep when I heard much rustling around me! What was I supposed to think?)

Second reaction: My AH is up, why is my AH up?!

Third reaction: YAY Coffee and... cake?! But... is low carb day! Eh, I've got the rest of the day to have Plan B be pretty darn close to Plan A, this is special me & AH time.

I /could/ have pitched a fit... I mean, didn't he /know/ what my Plan A was?! Seriously! How did he not pick up on my thoughts and unspoken/unwritten plans?!

Yeah, what does that accomplish aside from hurt feelings, guilt, and a reactionary bad mood? Not to mention it greatly reduces the chances for such a rare, but sweet gesture to ever happen again.

I /could/ have figured that, if I couldn't do Plan A, I wouldn't do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g so there. ::arms crossed, tongue stuck up and flop on the floor with a *neyh*::

Again, doesn't really accomplish much (see above).

No... The transition from Plan A to Plan B went super smooth, with hardly a bump felt in the greater scheme of things.

Thing is, the food and the Plan... just things. Things that can be modified, things that can make life easy or difficult if you choose, but things just the same.

The moment and the experience with the AH... that's precious, and fleeting, and meant to be savored.

Times like this that make me gaze in wonder at myself: Who the heck am I? LOL!!

No, I'm not 'perfect'. No, I'm not better-than-you. I'm just working on continually being better-than-me-yesterday.

"If you must compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to yourself yesterday." ~ Unknown

Sometimes you can recover Plan A with a Plan B... sometimes ya have to go all the way to Plan ZZ. And that's ok... maybe next time you'll stop at Plan ZY, and eventually you'll work your way up just Plan A.

How about you? Is it Plan A or nothing? Do you have Plans A - ZZZZZ? Ever gotten a happy breakfast in bed surprise?

Fear and Gratitude

2011-01-11T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I need to take a departure from focusing on health, wellness, and other physical weighty things, and turn to something a little more emotionally weighty.

My name is Stephanie and I live in Tucson, Arizona. I moved here from a smallish community in Michigan in 1992 because I fell in love with the beautiful mountains, the amazing desert, oh yeah, and because I wanted to get the heck out of snow filled winters. ;) But, most importantly, I fell in love with the people. It had that small town feel of a community where you talked to one person and chances where they knew someone you knew.

Since I’ve been here, Tucson’s population has grown to over 1 million people, but it’s kept that small town vibe which is fantastic.

Why is all this important to be sharing? Because on Saturday, January 8, 2011, my town became the epicenter of national news. My congresswoman and 19 other peoples lives were forever impacted because of one person. My town has been effected in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine, because the literal and figurative wounds are still too fresh to even begin to think of healing.

If event itself weren’t bad enough, my town, the innocent bystanders who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, a 9 year old girl for cripes sake, is the becoming the target of a hate group/cult that is descending on Tucson to proclaim to all that we deserved this. That SHE deserved this.

And I am glad, they’re coming, in an odd way, I am glad that this happened... Before you start throwing things at me, hear me out. I am not in any way, shape or form, happy people are dead or injured. It saddens me immensely! I have been carrying around sorrow and anger and fear since Saturday morning. Any time an emergency vehicle rushes by, my heart races. I find myself wondering the what ifs and whys that can’t be resolved. I’ve had a knot in my stomach for days that isn’t showing signs of lessening any time soon.

But because of this horrible tragedy; despite a surge of finger pointing, questioning, and blaming; in the midst of being attacked by a contingent from Kansas, my town, my community, is pulling together like never before. In an instant all labels were evaporated. Young, old, rich, poor, fat, thin, man, woman, geek and freak... all gone when the first literal shot was fired, and only people were left. Strangers have found a small piece of common ground, and I hope and pray that it grows and builds, so we start seeing each other and so we know that we are not alone in this journey and are there for each other.

My neighbors - all million plus of them - are taking the act of one person, or a small group, and using it to motivate them to action, as a chance to say “We’re still here.” In the way that the horrible acts of a few people roused a nation September 11, 2001, the tragedy of January 8, 2011, is bringing a group of individuals together again as a community to protect itself.

To heal.

To grow.

To prove that one person may be capable of unspeakable horrors. But another IS capable of amazing acts that will motivate and strengthen the bonds of this world.

2011: New Year, New Theme, Same Plan

2011-01-03T11:05:00.001-07:00

Nothing like a fresh blank page on a brand new calendar to bring out the musing and reflective mind. Thinking about the past, where I've been, what I had planned, what I accomplished, what I didn't. Looking ahead at the wide open space of possibilities. Looking at the past few weeks of oh so much celebrating and welcoming the normalcy of routine that comes with the passing of the holiday 'season'.

Last year, I was all about the basics - basic exercise, basic food, basic plans. I had some lofty goals and sorta kinda hit some of them, and had set backs in other areas. In general I just wanted to continue to create a better, stronger, faster version of myself. And I did... and didn't.

The theme was basic, the lesson learned was humbling. ::Cute Mick Jagger:: You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need. Aawww yeeeeaaah...
::ahem::

What I wanted was a super buff body, to be able to run, jump, swing, and lift whatever and whenever I wanted.

What I got was a body that had less fat on it than when I started the year, and was able to do some of those things better than I started, but there were setbacks.

What I wanted was to be focused and never waiver from achieving my goals, no matter what.

What I got were lessons that kept me focused on more important things: fun, function, flexibility, family, friends.

So I don't have the super buff, super strong body that I set out to attain in 2010. I'm healthy, happy and haven't been sick since not sure when. ::knocks on wood::

Does that mean that I ditched my goals from last year or gave up when I got sidelined?
Far from it!

What I wanted was to get it done and be done with it.

What I got was a greater understanding of living a healthy LIFE, and the meaning of the word tenatious.

I did ditch some things - the obsession, the all or nothing, all about the weight "Diet" mentality.

I gained perserverence, and creativity.

I worked my 'push through' muscles along with my 'push up' muscles.

I learned that any goal worth achieving is worth continually reaching towards it. You may not get it on the first, second, or elebenty-billionth try... but you'll keep geting closer.

My theme for this year picked itself... or rather, was picked for me. The messages all around me said the same thing: Press On

And this passage that was read at church yesterday drove it home: "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12

So this is me, pressing on... anything that I achived, keep at it. Anything that I missed the mark, keep trying. Anything that needs improvment, game on!

What's your theme for 2011?

Any lessons learned?

Myths that prove... it's all the same

2010-12-28T15:25:00.002-07:00

December 28th?!?!

Seriously!?!?

How did that all happen?

I'm tempted to write a long drawn out post about what I did and didn't do, the goals I reached and the ones I'm still working on, what I have planned for the next 12 months and beyond...

Nothing like the fast approach of the last line of the last page of a calender to make one feel the pressure to take stock, reflect, plan, dream, etc... The joy of a blank slate ahead of me to create the future I'm meant to live and to tell the world exactly how I'm going to do it.

But I'm not going to.

I'm also feeling the nigglings in my brain to write a definiatve tome of how to truly succeed in reaching your goals of a healthy weight and lifestyle that supports it forever and ever, Amen.

But I won't.

Why? Honestly, I'm tired.

I'm struggling with the perfectionist bug that says if it's worth writing, it's worth writing A LOT.

Reality is, I don't have that kind of time, all the time.

Instead, I'm working to embrace the musings that flutter my way - they don't have to be fully formed, in-depth dissertations. They can be poignent drive by's that leave food for thought. Sowing seeds ala Johnny to bloom where they are planted and all that fun stuff.

And sometimes other people say things a whole lot better than I can.

So today I leave you with the wonderful words of Mary Hunt, one of the people I've chosen as my go to person for all things relating to managing money (Yes, I know Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman and many others are awesome... Mary's still my first love. :). As it turns out, the rules that apply to that are pretty durn close to managing life and anything else you want to improve - in this case your health/weight.

I've added a few of my own thoughts in [brackets]in case you're not able to make the leap. I'm leaving in some of them that *I* had trouble making the leap- feel free to add your take on it in the comments section.

8 Money Myths that Mess Up Your Life 12/20/2010
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whether you are slightly uncomfortable with your financial [health/weight] situation, up to your eyeballs in money troubles [out of control eating/weight gain/health crisis'], or some place between, the problem might be what you believe about money, credit and debt. It’s almost a new year—a new decade—and I can’t think of a better time to dump your money [health/food/weight] myths and replace them with a nice, big dose of reality.

1 MYTH: If I just had more money [lost this weight], all of my problems would go away.

REALITY: Until you learn how to take care of the money you have already, more money will never be enough.

[Unless you learn how to take care of and _love_ the body you have, get a grip on your current relationship with food, take charge of your health, it won't matter your size, it will never be enough. This sums it up beautifully.]

2 MYTH: I can have it all. I work hard, make a decent living and I deserve to have nice things [have worked out, have been "good", I deserve to eat what I want].

REALITY: You cannot have it all. But you can have enough.

[Really? How has eating what you want worked for you? Ok, that was snarky, sorry... you get the idea, though... Moderation. Learn what is enough for you.]

3 MYTH: Buying things on sale is a great way to save money.

REALITY: Buying things on sale is a way to spend less money (unless you buy twice as much because it’s on sale), but unless you stop at the bank on the way home and deposit the difference between the regular price and the sale price you’re not saving at all—you’re only spending.

[Yeah... I got nothin. ;) ]

4 MYTH: Buying things on credit is a smart financial strategy because you are using someone else's money.

REALITY: Buying on credit isn’t a matter of using others’ money, it is a very expensive rental agreement.

5 MYTH: If I don’t buy things on credit I’ll never have anything!

REALITY: If you don’t buy things on credit you won’t have something, all right, you won’t have debt! If you want something badly enough, save for it first. Then buy it. It is a brilliant concept.

[Here's my take on 4 & 5 - we often eat/blow off exercise, thinking we'll make up for it later and usually don't. The reality is taking the moderate road, creating a healthy, active lifestyle that support the energetic, thinner, healthier you is the best approach, and 'budget' for times of celebration, vacations, holidays, etc. At times you can 'burn it to earn it', but when you don't, don't beat yourself up. Just get back to your habits and the rest will follow.]

6 MYTH: These days it takes two incomes to keep up financially.

REALITY: It is quite possible to live well on a single income provided you are willing to learn how to stretch it twice as far.

[Living well requires you to stretch beyond the person you are right now, and find new, creative ways to deal with things. ]

7 MYTH: If things get too bad, I can always file for bankruptcy and get a fresh start. [Get surgery/take a pill/get lipo/etc.]

REALITY: Bankruptcy is a very serious matter, not an easy way out. It will impact your life negatively for a very long time. Bankruptcy does not represent a clean slate but rather a 10-year sentence.

[This is a touchy one. Many people have gotten weight loss surgeries, or worked with their doctors to get medication that helps them lose weight. Many of those people have had great success! I'm all for medication - getting my thyroid and adrenals balanced through medication and supplements have had a huge, positive impact on my health and weight. But it all comes with a cost, and it's never an easy way out. Those that have been through it will be the first to tell you the hard work they put into it. The point is, it's hard work regardless the route. some of it's physical, a lot of it's mental. But you do have it in you, it's up to you to discover that strength and use it to your advantage.]

8 MYTH: I am a loser and a failure because I am in such terrible financial [health/weight] trouble. My situation is completely hopeless.

REALITY: No situation is completely hopeless. There is a way out. If you will supply the commitment and determination, I’ll promise to provide you the inspiration, motivation and information you need to take back control of your finances [health] and turn your money [weight]life around!

[Nuff said!]

Orignal can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/2b3pxrj

Like I said above, please feel free to add your health/weight related take on some of these in the comments section. Also feel free to add your own myths and realities, as well.

Monday Musings: What's your stake?

2010-11-01T10:59:00.001-07:00

I got this in one of my daily emails from the nice "Page a Day Calender" folks.

It's from their One Minute Devotion calendar and is some serious food for thought...

"I tried to appear brave, but I was shaking in my sneakers as we stood within five feet of a six-ton elephant. My second-grade mind didn’t understand the laws of physics, but somehow I knew that the short red-and-white stake ol’ Jumbo was tied to was no match for his brawn. In my mind, I can still see him rocking back and forth, tugging against the stake, but never pulling it up.

My dad took my hand and told me I didn’t need to be afraid. Then he asked, “Billy, do you know why such a little stake can hold a big elephant like that?” He pointed to a baby elephant nearby who seemed to be pulling with more determination than the big guy and explained, “When the big elephant was little, he was chained to a stake just like that baby. He pulled against it over and over again, but it wouldn’t budge. Then one day he gave up. He decided it was no use, he was just not strong enough. And an elephant never forgets.”

I’ve thought about that elephant a lot. The one thing that keeps that six-ton animal from getting away is not a two-foot stake. It’s a thought!! (emphasis mine)

That elephant reminds me a lot of myself sometimes. I live within limits that come nowhere close to my full potential. Some of my limits are self-imposed; some I’ve allowed other people to impose on me. No matter what their source, these limits make a difference in how I see myself.

In order for me to move toward becoming the person God created me to be and fulfill the purpose He created me to fulfill, I must pull some stakes and jump some fences. After all, I’m not what people think I am. I’m not what *I* think I am. I am who God says I am."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What fences do you need to jump? What stakes do you need pull up?

Thoughts for Thursday: I have a dream

2010-10-28T11:21:00.002-07:00

It's a seemingly simple dream, but I fear it's one of those 'not in this lifetime' sort of dreams.

My dream: For people to stop apologizing for what they eat.

This whole looking at a meal and searching for the thing that's "bad" about it, or rationizing that the rest of the meal is "good" except this one thing.

Heck, as long as I'm dreaming, it'd be nice for folks to stop apologizing for working out, but 'only' doing X number of minutes or Y sort of exercise instead of more or less of something else... or worse, feeling guilty for taking a break, but that's a dream for a different day.

The way I see it, we already know that there's some foods that are lacking in the nutrient arena, and aren't the best things to be putting into our bodies. We also know that there's some foods that are knock your socks off nutritional powerhouses.

It doesn't mean one food is "good", and another is "bad". It just is what it is: food. Some food is a more ideal choice than another, but it's still just food... And there's room enough on your plate for both.

Putting a good/bad label on anything - food, exercise, spending, whatever, is just a form of control, and a reason to punish ourselves if we step outside of our tight little self or societal imposed boundaries.

The only thing beating myself up ever accomplished was putting me in a bad mood and keeping myself stuck in the same place for far too long.

I think we've all had quite enough of that, don't you?

Life is meant to be enjoyed, not to be complicated with a whole slew of rules, regulations and labels that can change at the drop of a hat...

Not sure what I mean? Here's an example: Eggs are good for you, right? Oh wait, they're bad for me now... Look! They're good for me again. See! It's enough to drive you crazy.

Keep it simple: Eat in a way that promotes a healthy, happy vessel - what ever that means to you.

The rest of the time: Just eat.

All of the time: Throw caution to the wind and *gasp* _enjoy_ what you're eating with wild abandon.

No guilt.

No judging.

No apologies.

Just love for yourself and the maker of the feast (that means a double dose of love if you're cook. ;)

So just for today - for me - don't apologize for what you eat. To anyone.

Let me know how it goes.

Get Real

2010-10-25T11:36:00.003-07:00

Get real!

I'm gonna keep this short - or at least, I'm going to try, which for me is saying something!

The past couple of weeks I feel like I've been through the ringer but for a purpose. It all started when I asked myself the question of what the turning point was for me in this journey to get a grip on my health, my weight, and to some extent, my life. When did things change from "diet" to "lifestyle" for me? When did my progress /really/ start to happen? I mean, how am I supposed to help others get to this place when I can't remember how I got here in the first place?

I grappled with that for a while, then I realized when it was - it wasn't a single light bulb moment, but it was just as momentous: It was when I stopped looking outside myself for purpose, for reasons, for road blocks, for excuses. It's when I started doing some serious naval gazing and decided it was time to cut the cr@p and get to the heart - my heart - of the issues once and for all.

I got real. And it helped me.

"We must be willing to dive deep and feel, really feel what is underneath. This is where you will be set free."
DailyOm.com

I shared my fears, my faults, my frailties with others. It helped them.

"People gain so much hope when they know they are not experiencing something alone."
Joyce Rupp
Alive Now, pg. 35

In case I thought I hadn't quite gotten it right, the universe has rewarded me with many not so subtle clues that I hit the nail on the head. I got an amazingly powerful message that I want to share with you and ask 3 things of you at the same time:

1) go read this... now... don't wait, just do it, and grab tissue. Lots of them. It may take 15 minutes of your time, or a few hours, but it's worth it.
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html

2) Go read the follow up, with more tissue: http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/cure-for-perfection.html

...2a) if you feel compelled to do so, leave a comment.

3) Commit - to yourself and to others, to share, to be real, be vulnerable, be kind, and to remember you're not alone, you're not the only one.

After reading those two blogs and the heart wrenching comments, 2 things occurred to me:

1) We truly live in a global society. Because of the great internets I have friends that live across town, across the country, and across the pond. Amazing people I would never have met any other way. But being a global society can be big, and scary, and even more intimidating when you're already feeling small and insignificant.

2) Our society has come to a place of "Don't ask, don't tell" long before it ever became an issue in the US military. The list of Things We Don't Talk About has grown by leaps and bounds over the decades to the point that even the deepest of conversations amongst close friends can seem to be flat and shallow.

I think this is why, for me, I seek out people who are Real. People who talk about the uncomfortable things, who share the heaviness of their hearts - not to bring anyone down, but to lighten their loads. By letting go of that piece of darkness, they can start to see the light, and find joy.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” (C.S. Lewis)

Remember: Even in your deepest, darkest hours when you feel most alone, most alienated from the rest of the world, there's someone else out there who feels exactly the same.

YOU. Are. NOT! Alone!

Never _ever_ stop knowing that.

HA! Made ya smile!

Unapologetic Change... Cont'd

2010-10-07T12:06:00.001-07:00

Change: [cheynj] verb, changed, chang·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.
2. to transform or convert (usually fol. by into ).
3. to substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind.
And a boatload other definitions

I know! Ya don't hear anything from me for weeks at a time then it's nothing but blog, blog, blog. LOL!

What can I say? When the God-breezes are blowing, sometimes ya gotta put up the sails and go with it. ;)

Which actually brings me back to my last post - I feel like I got caught up in the 'Why are we afraid of change' rather than the actual point I wanted to make of, 'It's ok to change.'

So there, I made my point: It's ok to change, and there's no need to apologize to anyone for it, especially yourself.

But because I'm me, y'all aren't getting off the hook quite so easy. I mean, come on, I'm not one for short and sweet... Nope, I'm the long winded and wordy type... but it's why y'all love me... right?

RIGHT?!

LOL!

Anywho, lets talk about changes... and choices.

I had an interesting experience I wanted to share. Yesterday a co-worker got a salad at the nummy shop next door where every order comes with one of their to-die-for fudgey walnut frosted brownies, which she plopped on my desk because she's nice like that.

Now, I'm usually a cakey brownie person, and prefer the edges to be crispy, but there's something about their brownies that are... NUM! ::drool::

But I digress... If you recall from my previous post, I mentioned that, due to some silliness, I'm currently wheat, egg and dairy free.

And what do brownies have? Eggs and wheat for sure... and I'm bettin' there's dairy in that frosting.

Yep... there it was, sitting on my desk, waiting for me to figure out what I was going to do with it... staring back at me from it's parchment paper wrapping... kinda like the creepy Geico eyes.

Lets put this in a bit of perspective, too. Yesterday was day 3.5 of my freedom from specific ingredients. By default, I've also drastically reduced my sugar intake as well. Not that I was chowing on sugary treats right and left, but there had been some consumed in the course of day to day living that are now absent. On top of it, I've been having some tummy issues and been slightly cranky about not having my usual eggy goodness at breakfast.

So to say that this lump of sweet goodness was tempting, is like saying the Hoover Dam is blocking a stream.

I figured I had 3 choices:

1) "Graciously" give it back to my generous co-worker... and by gracious, I mean refraining from pitching the "WHAT are you doing to me?! I can't have this! I'm not eating this stuff right now, why would you do this to me?!?!" fit.

2) Just eat the d@&m thing and get over it.

3) Shrug, remember that I know what it tastes like, remember that I'm giving my body a break for a while, and take it to another co-worker who's being begging chocolate from me every half hour for a week.

Ok, truth be told, I toyed with options 1 & 2 for about, oooh, 30 seconds before leaping on option 3 and not giving it a second thought... till today when I had said breezey experience about this post. ;)

The only reason I did have a second thought was to realize how far I'd come in my thinking: The "old" me would have probably picked Option 2 while *thinking/stewing* on Option 1, and maybe grumbled at the co-worker for a while before finally getting over it, proving how accepting I am of myself and forgiving I am of my own transgressions, rather than making the better choice in the first place.

What changed? *I* changed... or rather, I changed my mind.

::transition to quotey-quote overload mode… complete::

There a so many people every day who decide that they want/need to/have to make a change in their life. Be it losing weight, getting out of debt, stop smoking/drinking/some other addiction (::coughbloggingcough:: ;) get organized, etc…

But they want to go about it by staying exactly as they are.

“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.” – Albert Einstein

One thing I’ve realized is that, if you can concede to make _one_ change in your life, just one, the biggest favor you can do for yourself is to change your attitude.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter their life by altering their attitude.” - William James

Most times when you’ve reached the end of your rope, hit rock bottom, hit that “ENOUGH” point in your life… the next action you take feels more like a punishment than a reward.

I don’t fit into my fat pants, so I’m going to exercise my brains out and subsist on carrot sticks and green tea; I am sooo far in debt I can’t see straight, so I’m going to cut off ALL spending; My house is SUCH a mess, I’m going to spend ALL weekend in a marathon cleaning session.

Yeeaaahhh…

“How’s that workin’ out for ya?” – Dr. Phil

Here’s a suggestion that’s going to sound really trite and hokey, but stick with me… kay?: Instead of looking at your steps to get out of your situation as a punishment, or what you’re giving up, look at it as an opportunity for something good to come your way, as some sort of reward you’re working toward.

Change your perspective/attitude, change your life.

Seriously!

You’re not giving up fries, you’re _choosing_ a salad so you can fit into your skinny jeans. [Side note: I have to say that when nothing else worked to haul my a$$ out of bed to go to the gym or for a walk, the thought of looking fantastic in my wedding dress…. So NEVER under estimate the power of a seemingly superficial goal.]

When you change your perspective, you realize you have a choice in not only your actions, but also your REactions.

You can choose to pitch a fit, be miserable, resent every. single. minute. of what you’re working on, or you can choose to accept it, roll with it and *gasp* even make it kind of fun.

It’s all in how you _choose_ to think about it.

There’s one of my favorite Tom Venuto-isms that really made things click in my brain about how much our thoughts and attitudes impact our lives: It’s making choices based on your goals, rather than how you’re feeling at the moment.

Let’s say you have a goal of fitting into a bikini by December… (ONLY an AZ girl would think about swimming in December. ;) And let’s say it’s the third time this week a co-worker has brought in delicious smelling home baked goodies and is ~~pushing them in your stressed out face~~ letting you know they’re on her desk.

You look at the goodie and ask yourself 2 questions: 1) If I eat this, is it going to get me closer to, or further from my goal? 2) If it’s getting me further from my goal, AM I OK WITH THAT?

Just taking a couple of seconds to go through that exercise not helps you refocus your thinking, but also shifts your focus to something bigger and better than a momentary experience.

Oh, and here's the kicker with that exercise: If you choose to go ahead and do something that gets you further from your goal, you have to make the choice to really be ok with it. Really.

“You don’t have to think what you’re thinking!” – Joyce Meyers

And remember, if Worst Case Scenario Girl can do it… YOU can do it!

So, what’s one thing YOU can choose to look at differently to make this journey a little easier? Have you already gone through an attitude adjustment?

More Basics: Unapologetic Change

2010-10-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

Basic: [bey-sik] –adjective. Something that is fundamental or basic; an essential ingredient, principle, procedure, etc.

—Synonyms1. elementary, essential, key, primary; basal; underlying.

Back in my SCA days, at any event, around any firepit, a story or three would be shared that invariably would start out, “No *bleep*, there I was...”

That’s how my life feels some days... “No *bleep*, there I was... minding my own business when life, the universe and everything happened. And what’s with the fish?”*

It’s interesting how you can really grapple with something, finally come to terms with it, accept it and yourself and share those thoughts with others - case in point, my unapologetic eating treatise. It drives home the fact that, when ya put something out there that, it’s like you making a Double Dog Dare to the Universe to point out the error of your ways.

The Universe, being what it is, looks at you and says, “Ok.”

**BAM**

Well, it wasn’t as dramatic as that, but you get the idea.

Basically in re-embarking on my quest to get brilliant with the basics, and come to terms with some issues that have been niggling at my brain, I also decided that it was time to start doing the things I know I need to be doing, and stop doing the things that, well, I know I need to stop doing.

But that would require me taking action to change - which I wasn’t - not digging in my heels - which I was.

I was *finally* /comfortable/ darn it... I was just getting to know who I was, right here and now, dang it.

::points back to the Universe/challenge thing::

Yeeaahhh. The short-ish story is that I was SO confident and SO comfortable in my unapologetic eating patterns that I pushed it one day and went waaay overboard ::coughbreadbendercough:: and paid dearly for it. For. 3. Miserable. Days.

Those things, that I know I should/shouldn’t be doing... and wasn’t willing to change my actions? Guess who been bread free for a week? And just cuz it threw /everything/ out of whack, guess who’s also egg & dairy free at the moment? And guess who is extra miserable at breakfast?!

Yeah, that’d be me…

Fine, so I’ve been through some serious intestinal upheaval... but it gave me a compelling reason to finally make the changes that I know I needed to make to keep from feeling like poo.

Food and tummy issues aside, it brought up an interesting question that I’m still pondering... what is it about human nature that so bitterly resists change? Yeah, we’re creatures of habit, but when the need for change is staring you in the face, when there is compelling, meaningful evidence supporting it, when your current life is making you miserable and the change is for something so much better... still we resist. We resist change until there’s a really compelling reason not to.

I mean, my hubby smokes - he knows it’s bad for him, he knows it’s bad for me, he /knows/ the health dangers, costs, etc... but he’s not ready to make a change. A few years ago *I* knew that the way I was living, eating, not exercising was bad for me, held serious health dangers for me, but I hadn’t hit that point of *enough* until I had a reason to make a change.

Here’s the thing: If that change is meant to be in your life, it’s going to happen...

With or without your participation.

That saying of identifying what you want and the Universe will conspire on your behalf to make it happen... It should come with a disclaimer of: Really! We’re serious! The Universe WILL conspire on your behalf...We can do this the easy way or the hard way. /Either/ way, hold on and get ready for the ride!

My lesson - or at least 2 lessons wrapped into 1 - learned from this: The time that I’m finally content and comfortable with who I am is the time that the Universe has me right where wants me: most ripe for change to move to the next level.

What level?

The level that’s a bit closer to me being the person I’m meant to be - physically, mentally, spiritually.

The level that takes me closer to being the most basic me.

What changes are you resisting making in your life? Is the Universe dragging you along for the ride?

----
*Bonus points if you got the reference... here’s your towel. ;)

Unapologetic Eating

2010-09-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love food. Seriously! I could read, learn and talk about food, and cooking all. Day. Long.

And baking?! Fuggedaboudit! (Oh the love I have for kingarthurflour.com products and their step by step blog for feeding my carb need... *sigh*)

Not only do I have a love for preparing, learning about, and of course eating food, I love learning about the nutritional aspects of food and how the body responds to food, not only for fuel, but also as some wicked powerful medicine.'

Ironically, that love also put me in a bad, bad place of info overload and self doubt for quite a while... It wasn't a pretty place.

The problem arose from getting too much information of the same thing, and then getting into comparison mode - how does what I eat compare to how other people eat and is my way better than theirs or vice versa. I know I've made a lot of changes in the way I eat over the last few years and how I relate to food is vastly different now than how I started...

I also know that the quickest way to get on someone's bad side is to critique how someone eats. You can kick their dog, insult their sister, and call their clothes ugly... no problem, you can still be BFFs till your dying days.

Point out possible improvements they can make in their food choices and it. is. ON.

Food has so many applications and contexts. It can be public and social but when it comes down to it: food is deeply personal.

For me, personally, I realized that I was trying really hard to put a label on my eating, put myself in a tight little niche that was defined by someone else, but it just wasn't working for me. All it was doing was making me want to apologize for how I was eating.

I've alluded to a disdain for "Trademark" diets because of that very fact - they try to make people think of eating in black and white terms when eating is a technicolor rainbow. It makes people strive for the authors version of perfection that may work for some, but not for all. Sure, I've gleaned the info I've needed from those "Trademark" diets, and a multitude of other sources - and in my effort to be brilliant with the basics, I had to figure out what the basics meant for me, come to terms with it, embrace it, and not apologize for it...

So I'm back to basics with my eating, and to me it boils down one simple principle: I eat real food. If God created it, it's good enough for me... if man mucked it up, it's put under serious scrutiny.

The more detailed version is this (only because I feel compelled to share. ;)

I eat meat. I love it, I eat it daily. I tried to be vegetarian ages ago and was miserable... so the only time I'm a veg is when I'm eating my side dishes.

No, my meat isn't grass fed, free range, sustainably grown. I get the quality I can afford, which usually means commercially raised. While I'm moving towards higher and higher quality all the time, and my heart goes out the horrible conditions critters are raised in, I'm not at a place where I can spend $30 on a chicken or a beef/pork roast, or $6 for a dozen eggs... If someone wants to gift me with a side-o-free range critter, I'll make room in the freezer. Throw in nitrate free bacon and I'll give you my first born. (Ok, he's getting up there in years, and kinda cranky... and furry... but he'll warm up to you eventually. ;)

Fruits & Veggies - love 'em, and find new ones to love all the time. Sometimes I'll shop from the organic section at the store, but most times I get the regular produce that's most likely covered in pesticides, but I do know that most of my produce hasn't traveled more than a few hundred miles, rather than thousands. I'm not low carb by any stretch, but it's low enough to keep my insulin levels stable.

Speaking of carbs, yeah, I eat bread and some other grains, but they're the exception rather than the rule. I make my own bread and baked goods that are full fat, full sugar, and full flavor. The only time I have any regret for for eating them is when I've had more than my body can handle and I pay for it... luckily that's a rarity, and it certainly doesn't make me primal by any stretch.

Fat - LOVE IT! I'm certainly not one who bought into the low fat lie for long. Like trying to go Veg, I dipped my toe in the low fat lake for a bit, only to have seriously messed up energy levels and have my blood sugar go completely hay wire. Give me peanut butter, nuts, seeds, coconut oil, olive oil and good old fashioned butter any day of the week.

Speaking of butter, I eat dairy - love me some good quality cheese, the occasional cream in my coffee, and yogurt when I have a hankering for it... So if the consumption of grains didn't kick me out of the Paleo club, this certainly clinches the deal.

There's times when I feel like I'm the worst advocate for weight loss because I couldn't tell you the calorie count of any given food, but I can give you the general breakdown of fats, carbs, and protein.

There's times when I feel like the best advocate for a healthy _lifestyle_ because after a point, the calories and ratios stop being important, and eating to fuel and enjoy a healthy, vibrant life become top priority. Does it make you feel like poo? Stop eating it, or as much of it. Does it make you feel good? Eat enough to keep feeling good, but not too much, or you'll feel like poo.

See... it's all about avoiding the poo. LOL!

I know in reading this, it does sound very apologetic, and it is, but it's meant more as an apology to myself, the part of myself that wants to do everything perfect, to achieve a level of better-than-you-ness... or even just a higher state over better-than-I-am-right-now-ness... It's a means to an end of facing the reality that I'm far but perfect, but doing the best I can. And it's also acknowledging that I'm doing pretty darn good - I've taken the time to figure out what works for me, based on a sustainable foundation that can work for anyone: Eat real food.

The rest are just details.

What about you... what are your basics? Do you prefer to label your style of eating or forge your own path?

Ch-ch-cha-changes

2010-09-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

It's not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.

- Charles Darwin

It's funny... I do this whole long outpouring of my soul, about keepin' it real, getting back to basics, being silly and then recovering from the silliness.

I had this itching desire (I know, there's a cream for that ;) to get back to the 'old routine', get the calluses built back up on my hands, to feel the lungs getting stronger, endurance increasing, yadda yadda...

But I didn't.

In clearing the cobwebs out of the way, something else happened. The discomfort settled in... big time.

In the process of healing... I actually got healed. The stuff I was doing - the suppliments, the rest, the feeding my body well - was actually working! All signs were pointing to my body systems responding really well to what I was doing.

And there was much rejoicing!?!

::gets confetti ready to toss::

::Crickets::

*ahem* I said... There was MUCH REJOICING!

::Chirp Chirp::

Really?

Actually, it was just the opposite - I was actually annoyed and upset, and there was much pouting on the part of my Inner Princesses.

They sang a chorus together: We were broken! We /couldn't/ be getting better! We may actually be getting worse! Lie down, I think you're hallucinating. Besides, someone might /see us/!

Seriously?! I mean... how messed up is that kind of thinking?!

Being the adult ::cough:: in this situation, I sat my dear Princess' down and explained to them how they /obviously/ were way off base, and just how messed up /they/ were.

Lets just say, I got schooled: It's about as messed up as doing a lot of hard work only to step on the scale and not believe the 2 pound drop is "real". Or studying a lot for a test that you really want to pass, and not thinking you deserve the 92% you got. Or doing all sorts of planning and prepping to get married to an amazingly awesome guy, only to wonder if he was going to show up.

Yep. _SO_ Messed. Up.

Why, after all this time, after all the personal and emotional growth I've done, would this come up now?!

Because: Things never happen the same way twice. (Just saw Prince Caspian recently... and have re-read this several times... There's some not so nice language, but really hit home some points for me... stoopid Aslan making way too much sense.)

Just because I've gone through something similar before, doesn't mean I'm the same person now that I was then. Same test, new rules, new me, new results waiting for me on the other side.

The test? And obstacle course. The obstacles? Change.

I guess my sweet little Princesses got a little too comfy being mushrooms, hiding in the dark for the last couple months... getting used to /not/ getting much attention, that the thought of getting back on the path towards that bright light full of what we're capable of... well... it's scary. It's back to that big world full of "What If's" again - what if I do something stupid again (I will)?! What if I do something smart (I hope I do)?!?! What if I don't make it (I won't)?! What if I succeed (I might)?!?!

Wait… What if...I CHANGE?!!?

Now THAT is the $10,000 question!

I used to think that it was all about the fear of success. I mean, come on: We all know how to /not/ meet a goal - especially in the weight loss/fitness arena. We set a date, we set a number, and most times (not always, but most times) the date and the number rarely match. Some just revise the date, some revise the number, some throw out both and walk away.

And we all also know how to succeed in hitting a goal: If you've ever stepped on a plane that you bought a ticket for, congratulations! you've achieved a goal. If you've made it to a doctor/hair/dentist/etc appointment on time, or before the appointment. You've achieved a goal. If you've turned in a paper/project/assignment on time... Yep. Goal met! Did you freak out? Probably not... See where I'm going?

So there's fear involved somewhere, but it's not in either end of the spectrum: It's square in the middle of the road. See, that's where it's comfy to sit... just going along, doing our thing, 'maintaining'. We're not doing too great, or too bad. Just. . . comfy.

Comfy, until we start to notice something: The only thing in the middle of the road is yellow lines and road kill (thanks Pastor Scott for that visual!) BUT on either side of the road are some pretty amazing things. The butterflies in the tummy start to stir, we start to see potential, and an idea pops in our head - "Why not?!"

Then a car zooms by, reminding you of the dangerous obstacle course that you’re going to have to maneuver through to get to the other side. There’s cars waiting to flatten you, there’s speed bumps, pot holes and (if you’re in AZ) the occasional tumbleweed rolling along that could either carry you somewhere else, or just explode in your face. LOL! Oh, I crack myself up some times.

Now, if you runreallyreallyfast, you may be able to make it to the other side in one piece, panting and wheezing, but no harm, no foul, no fanfare, little change.

You always can play it safe, and stay right where you are... again, no change needed.

Or, you can muster up your courage, and take the first step facing the obstacles that come, rolling with them rather than fighting them.

But it means you have to change – willingly, or kicking and screaming the whole way, it doesn’t matter. It means you have to face those things you’ve been avoiding. It sounds trite, and so over used, but it’s the truth: "If you keep doing what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten. If you want things you've never had, you'll have to do things you've never done."

It’s not the easiest, most comfy way to go, I know – and most times I make the process harder than it needs to be, but it’s gotten me where I am now, which is somewhere I’ve never imagined I’d be. No, things won’t happen the same way twice, but the result will be the same: Me growing, changing and evolving into the person I’m meant to be.

What obstacles are you facing? Are you still in the middle of the road or are you in the process of moving to the other side?

Being Brilliant with the Basics

2010-09-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

That’s what I ‘dubbed’ the theme for 2010... Last year I declared it to be the year I got comfortable with discomfort... and right now is the time I’m asking myself “How’s that working out for me?”

I've been thinking a lot lately about my journey, about it's start, where it's taken me, the hills and valleys, what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, what I’m still working on, and how it impacts me right here and now...

Best to go grab some coffee, because I’ve got a lot of brain dumping to do. ;)

I think a bit more detail is needed to understand what’s brought up this introspective trip down memory lane. See... I did something really stupid a couple of months ago. I was doing really well, able to exercise regularly, eating well, etc., feeling energetic, etc., then I ran a 5K in April... It was fantastic, and awesome and I finished in a great time... and it was the start of the burnout for me.

After that I went back to my regular exercise schedule without taking much of a rest, and was also working on increasing my dose of bee pollen to help with my allergies... and in late May/Early June I started having some serious issues - 1/2 a cup of coffee would wind me up, I was jumpy/anxious/paranoid, exhausted but not sleeping, along with a few other issues. The only other cause: stressed out thyroid and adrenal fatigue (or in fitness/health geek talk: My sympathetic and parasympathetic systems were pi$$ed off at me and fighting back.)

So I took a “break” and refocused on getting rested and well - kind of the Ross & Rachel break, but I fully intend to get back together with my active life... and even though I say it’s a break, I’ve still had visits with it from time to time.

I forget that for 'normal' people, they can do that sort of exercise plan and have minimal side effects from it... for me, the first ‘enough’ I deal with is always walking a fine line between doing just enough to be slightly under trained, but risk doing too much to be way over trained... and for me, that line keeps moving.

Backing up even more, when I started on my lose-weight-morphing-into-healthy-living path, I had several things stacked against me, not the least of which was dealing with an un-/under-treated low thyroid condition which then lead to some fibromyalgia-like symptoms and chronic fatigue (because the longer a thyroid goes un-/under-treated, your adrenals have to do a lot more work). Once I started getting proper treatment for that, combined with massive improvements in my eating, my body was then able to move and do more, which moved me on the progress path much easier.

Thing is, the thyroid/adrenal “stuff” is part of me, and is always part of the thought process when I’m doing/planning pretty much anything. It’s also something that I don’t really talk much about, because I really dislike giving too much importance. I could choose to have it label me, define me, and be a crutch, or I can acknowledge it, respect it, and move on.

Another thing happened during my break - I got back into ‘learning/research’ mode, which caused it’s own problems. I’ve always known I’m really impressionable (or gullible, depending on how you look at it. ;) I also read a LOT of different blogs, articles, books, etc. On the surface, that’s not a bad thing - there’s a lot of inspiring stuff out there, lots of really good info, and when you’re struggling, or looking for ideas, there’s no better place for help than from someone who’s been there, done that, has the T-Shirt.

The down side is the information paralysis/overload that can come with it. For me, it can quickly trigger the perfectionist/people pleaser/have to do everything right right now part of my brain. I get stuck in the minutiae and the teeny details (which is one of the major issues I have with “Trademark Diets”... but that’s a story for a different time) , I get distracted with what I’m not doing and don’t appreciate/celebrate what I am doing.

Basically, I miss the bigger picture...

The BIG lesson I’m learning is that the Devil really IS in the details. What to be overwhelmed and feel stuck? Give in to the naggy voices that say I’m not good enough, look at aaaallll the reasons why I can’t, and take my eyes off the end goal that’s totally achievable and that I’m completely worth working towards. Want to get distracted from your path? Start listening to the all the nay-saying voices that are in your head or from the people around you.

In the midst all this turmoil, and testing, and healing, and resting, I had a moment of clarity that came with a single thought: “There’s /no/ reason I can’t.” That was all I needed to stop the run away/worst case scenario brain that had dark broody clouds every where, and to start seeing a sliver of sunshine.

I knew what I needed to do - get brilliant with the basics...

But what does that mean?!?! Must. Research! Must. Define! Must... procrastinate... longer...

Whaaatever! (That was the battle cry of my Inner Princesses, by the way. ;)

Ok fine... one thing with the basics: Keep it simple!

The ironic thing that I’ve found: The more you get ‘back to basics’, the more uncomfortable life can be. You see... simple, basic philosophies goes against a lot of conventional wisdom and modern practices. Keeping things simple goes against /my/ usual devil detailed/make things complicated MO. It can cause some friction with people who don’t see things the same as I do. It also means not listening to the roar of the crowd, instead it means taking the time to listen when your quiet inner voice is telling you something.

The upside: Keeping things simple and basic and enduring the discomfort often produces brilliant results.

I’m good with that.

I will remember you...

2010-09-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

9 years. Really? Has it been that long? Some days it feels like moments, other it seems like some made for TV disaster movie. Like something plausible enough, and would have the feel good parts to show the strength of the human spirit in the face of unimaginable tragedy, but couldn't possibly happen.

Not here, anyway...

But it did, and we're still here to tell the tale - it's this decade's JFK/MLK/Challenger moment.

A moment that we can _not_ forget.

I did not personally know anyone who was there that day, but I remember them all.

You, sitting on the plane, flipping through the latest SkyMall, or trying to settle in to sleep, or contemplating coffee or a cocktail.

Or you, getting into work, chatting with co-workers in the breakroom, bemoaning another day, another dollar.

Or you, starting your day at the station, wondering what types of calls would come in today.

Or you... plotting and scheming, waiting for the moment all your planning will become action.

The ones who stood up and fought back, who had the chance to say goodbye, Who made the choice to keep other safe.

You, who had no choice.

You, who ran towards the ever growing pile of rubble instead of away from it.

Me, feeling helpless, alone, and shocked. Here? How?! Who's next?

And the rest of us, wounded, but determined, and united behind a single purpose - heal this wound and never. let it happen. again.

So here we are, 9 years and some odd hours later. Have we healed? Will we ever truly heal?

The weeks leading up today has been fraught strife, conflict, finger pointing, name calling and all sorts of other less than honorable behavior. The smoke and mirrors of small people have clouded the magnitude of what took place 9 years ago. Our eyes are averted to petty matters, rather than staying focused on hope.

I will remember what is important: United we stand. Divided, we fall.

I will remember: That's what they wanted 9 years ago. And I'm willing to bet they haven't forgotten.

Train Nekkid!

2010-09-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

***Please Note!!! Before you rush to hide the kids eyes and/or clickity click the "inappropriate" button thinking I'm going to talk about some sort of sax-ay, naughty type stuff, keep one _very_ important thing in mind: My parents read this blog. So, seriously, do you think I'm gonna talk about that kind of stuff? No... this is a family show, we keep it low-ish key and mostly mundane.

Sorry to disappoint. ;)***

Ok, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, back to the task at hand.

Training nekkid...

Cuz I just like saying it. :)

I know I've been extra quiet lately, and have been in a "Hanging on the vine" mode, as the lovely Joyce Myers puts it. Sometimes ya gotta just step back and take time to heal, process, mend, and listen.

I have been healing and mending, and during that time, I'm learning to listen. Thing is, when you take that time to find a bit of stillness, you learn that the Universe is talking up a storm.

There have been lots of lessons and messages that have come my way lately, and one of them is about distractions. Holy Macaroni are there distractions galore these days! Heck, with my spiffy new phones (which is still smarter than I am, darnitall) I find myself jumping at the first hint of a vibration to see "Is it a text?! Is it a voice mail?! Is it an email?! New photo? Updates for the way too many apps?!"

One of the hubby's co-workers has a new hand implant, also know as a CrackBerry... ::whispers:: Huh? Oh, sorry... my bad... I guess they're really called BlackBerry. Whatever.

Either way, distractions are everywhere, they always have been and always will be, and now they're even more accessible than ever. I don't know how many times I've been driving on city streets to see a DVD playing in the back seat of a vehicle for not so little ones... and they live in town!

So what does all of this have to do with gettin' nekkid?! I'm getting there... and it all started with reading one of Carla's always insightful blogs.

She discusses the use (or not) and love (or not) of the fitness gadgets.

I myself am a HUGE fan of the gadgets! LUBS me my iPod and my heart rate monitor! The numbers, the tunes, the feedback, the podcasts, the fun, the shiny! When its just me and the road or the weights, it's like I have my own personal trainer on my wrist and soundtrack on my arm. I can turn on, tune in and drop out with the best Tim Leary fan around... (and yes, I'm old enough to know who that is, but young enough to have missed most of his influence. If you don't know who it is... go ask your parents. ;)

But the problem is, I've felt like I've been tuned out for a while lately... a little too connected to the wrong things. I remember a moment of panic a while back when I got to the gym and realized I'd forgotten my gadgets! What ever would I do?! How would I manage? I seriously considered not going ahead with my planned workout because it involved pretty close time checking. I decided that I was there and would make the best of it, and ya know what? The world _didn't_ end! *gasp* I know! And *gasp again* it was kind of nice.

Then there was a morning I decided to just do a walk around the neighborhood rather than an intensive training day... and half way through I realized that I, again, was technologically nekkid! What ever was I to do, how would I mana.... er, wait... I already /was/ doing and managing fine... Hmmm... I could get used to this.

With the last couple of months being focused on mememememe - my health, my well being, my mind and heart getting back to where they need to be - most training has taken a back seat to my vine hanging time. If a work out happens, it's incidental, purposefully done, and purposefully unplugged. I need to take the time to listen - to my body and the world around me on a physical and spiritual plane. My walks may not be done as quickly this way, but I actually get to stop and see the bunnies, listen to the quails, annoy the $#!%ing pigeons, and pet a few neighborhood kittens that cross my path.

Ironically, this morning I got Mark's weekly newsletter that not only touched on this very topic (told ya... the Universe speaks volumes), and it had some startling and insightful info about what all the distractions are doing to our brains (hello T-ADD, the latest and greatest development of the technology distractions)

I know that I will never completely walk away from my happy gadgets because they totally have their place for different purposes - training, progress, feedback, necessary distractions, etc. Like the scale, they are great tools, but they aren't necessary to just do, and just be.

I'm learning to be more comfortable going nekkid once in a while...

How about you? Do you ever train nekkid?

And just like that...

2010-07-25T12:46:00.001-07:00

It's done.

Apparently... yesterday was my day for passing tests.

Not only did I overcome some personal and emotional challenges, but the nice folks at ISSA seem think that I know a thing or two about health and fitness.

As of 8:02 PST this morning, I'm an official ISSA certified Personal Trainer!

I've been trying to think of something really insightful to say about this accomplishment or something inspiring about pursuing your dream, continue working on your goals, yadda, yadda, yadda... but I can only come up with one thing:

SQUEE!

Now to spend some quality time meditating on what to do next. I'll try not to take as long with that as I did the first test. :)

Today is the day...

2010-07-24T18:21:00.001-07:00

Oh, how many times has that phrase crossed each of our lips? That verbal line in the sand - enough is enough! Today is it!

Sometimes it's uttered in frustration, but sometimes it's uttered in a calm, serene voice. One that is echoed through ever fiber of your being. Today. You know you're making the right decision for you. You feel it from the calm in your heart and the butter flies in your tummy.

It's almost like a tiny seed, full of potential, has just been handed to you that promises to grow into something big and powerful and amazing and beautiful.

But... Yet...

Alas.

Something gets in your way. The seed is forgotten about, put aside, ignored, discarded as a foolish pursuit.

"Don't dig up in fear what has been planted in faith." - Unknown

But... yet... Maybe...

I first read those words a few weeks ago, Tweeted by my wannabeBFF Carla aka MizFit (she of the arm-licking pearl of wisdom). The words were like a ClueX4 on my soul.

You see, a couple of years ago, I was handed a seed. It was a really spiffy seed, too. I turned it over and over and over in my hand. I told people about my seed, how cool it was, and how much cooler it was going to be.

I'd set it aside, then pull it out again.

Then, a little over 18 months ago, with the help of my hubby (read: I'm making this call so you stop talking and start doing.) the seed got planted. I made the plunge: My journey to getting my Personal Trainer Certification had begun. Oh it was so exciting!

But... Yet... Alas.

The journey has had a multitude of stops and starts... ok, way more stops than starts. Many molehill mountains sprung up around me that I can even count. I did the procrastination dance to perfection on many, many occasions. I blogged about it. I whined about it. I set goals and deadlines that piled up around me like the dishes I did instead of what I should be doing.

I put together a huge shovel made up of "what if's and worst case scenarios" and headed to that proverbial garden.

"Don't dig up in fear what has been planted in faith."

But... yet... maybe...

I put the shovel aside... and got out my watering can.

Oh that shovel was still there, staring at me, taunting me any time I sat down. I never finish anything. Who am I to think I can actually help other people. Oh, and my latest favorite: I'm a horrible advocate for helping people get healthy, fit, strong! But I realize that the seed had been given to me. It was a gift that someone somewhere thought I had the talents and abilities to make grow into something big and beautiful and amazing. Who was I to question that?

But... yet...

Today...

Today is the day I saw the first sprout from that seed. The test has been taken. The essays have been written. The plans have been created. The 'send' button has been pushed.

It's now in the hands of The Powers That Be at ISSA to decide if I pass and get a pretty certificate, or fail and have to do it all over again.

Either way, I have won. I've passed a test of my own design - I left the seed right where it was, planted in fertile grown, to continue grow in faith.

Ironically… this was today’s message on my page-a-day calendar, given to me by my awesome hubby at Christmas:

“You can have seeds from every kind of tree, plan, or flower tucked away in a drawer for years, and nothing will happen. Those seeds are full of tremendous potential waiting for the right environment. The same is true for the seeds inside of you. Those seeds may have been lying dormant, but you are still full of tremendous potential.. It’s time to change your internal environment so those seeds can grow and produce the harvest for which they are intended.”

How many seeds to you have hidden away, discarded, forgotten about?

How many times have you dug up something in fear?

Is today /your/ day to plant them - or just one - in faith?

I read the news today... Oh boy...

2010-07-12T11:06:00.001-07:00

The hubby and I got a spiffy new Blue Ray DVD player that not only plays high def DVD's but also allows access to such internet marvels as NetFlix (OMG the love of not having to watch movies on my desktop computer!) and Pandora... I never really saw the use of Pandora initially, but now I have a very fond love for it and especially the Beatles Radio Station... it also comes in extra handy when trying to come up with a blog title. :)

Granted, I could also call this "The one that gets me in serious trouble"... But I digress...

I had a moment of disbelief, annoyance and sadness this morning when I looked at the paper.

There, on the front page, was a headline of the FDA reviewing 3 new weight loss drugs, and one showing promising results with the least amount of side effects.

Here's the article if you would like to read it yourself:

I also came across a similar report in today's SparkPeople Health News Update

Things like this used to hold a little interest for me - it was a matter of "oh it would be so nice if I just could take a pill to lose weight." But with the Fen-Phen scares, and side effects a mile long on all the others on the market (umm... this causes /what/ kind of leakage?!) it's a really scary road to travel down. I will be the first to not cast any stones because I have had my share of dalliances with "fat burners" that all resulted in major "FAIL" - wonky blood sugar levels, jitteriness, anxiety, and a whole slew of other issues that made me just out right avoid them.

Thing is, I was looking for salvation in a box from my dietary and inactive sins. I was looking for the easy road without really looking at what I was getting into... or what was getting into me.

Looking at these new medications coming on the market, there's a scary mix of pharma-soup that's about to be unleashed unto the general populace. One medication is a mix of the Phen part of the Fen-Phen club, which is amphetamine based, mixed with an anticonvulsant medication. The other medication takes the anticonvulsant and mixes it with an antidepressant. The final one effects serotonin levels in the brain, which is what many antidepressants do as well... oh, and by the way, that's what the "Fen" claim to fame was as well.

Reading the statistics that accompany this article, along with many other statistics on obesity in America, I can understand the motivation behind these and many other medications. This article states that 35% of Americans fall into the obese category on the BMI scale. In another article 27% of all young adults are not eligible to serve in the military due to their high weight.

These articles focus on individuals falling into the "obese" category, a category that, until a couple years ago, I was a near permanent resident. I finally decided to steel myself for the long, hard, old school road that was slow, steady, sustainable and oh. so. boring: exercise, good nutrition, rest, and a whooole lot of self discovery. Basically, learning to listen to my body again... or maybe for the first time since I was a kid

Yes the ads for this or that pill, powder and potion were really tempting. Images of sad and flabby being transformed into happy and buff from one photo to the next really pack an emotional punch when the scale hasn't moved in a month (or 6), workouts are becoming boring, and family/friends/co-workers are bemoaning the fact that I used to be so much more fun when I didn't 'care' what I ate.

But there are many times in ones life when faced with having to make the choice between what's easy and what's right.

Even though the choice can be challenging to make, I for one am grateful for articles like this that give me a reality check, and let me know that I am not alone on this journey... reminding me to take a deep breath, take things in stride and that I really do have it in me to reach my goal... it's all about moderation.

And you know what, you do to.

We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.
Vince Lombardi

It always seems impossible until its done.
Nelson Mandela

What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.
Tony Robbins

What is awesome?

2010-06-17T18:24:00.001-07:00

"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle."
Albert Einstein

I recently stumbled across a blog that totally rocks: 1000awesomethings.com

This takes the Einstein quote and runs with it... finding the awesome in every day things we take for granted.

It inspired me to compile my own little list of awesome at a time when I'm feeling, well, like I'm not.

See, the last couple of weeks, while the writing bug hasn't bit in a while, some other bug has. It's some stoopid, low grade something that has me feeling just cruddy and run down enough to not feel great, but not so cruddy or run down to lay me out for a few days. I was worried for a bit it was a 20 year relapse of mono, or my thyroid giving out on me just a bit more. But the hubby just let me in on the fact that he's been feeling the same way, and the sinusy-ness on top of the achy, sore throaty, super easily tiredness pointed to it most likely being a cold/flu thing.

Even though I knew better, I pushed the envelope a little with trying to workout - nothing strenuous, just short walks, and some body weight exercises thrown in... Ultimately I've heeded my body's singular call: Rest!

And ya'll know I'm a HUUUGE fan of rest and taking breaks when you need it! I personally don't think the human body is designed to go full boar 5+ days a week, week after week, for an hour or more... with no down time for rest and recovery. May work for some, but not for me... that's my personal recipe for over-training he$$.

In fact, I've had my greatest results from switching to 15-30 minute workouts, 4 times a week. Short. Intense. Done. And I also know that as a hypothyroid gal, I need more rest than the average bear.

I also know that that this time spells anything _but_ disaster for my health, weight, or future workout schedule. In fact I'm looking at this down time as a less distraction from being able to eat well and letting the muscles rest so I can experience some controlled "newbie" muscle gains.

It's all about making that switch to the lifestyle of a healthy person, not being on a diet.

But I digress... So back to the awesomeness.

A few events from the last few days warrant creating a list to refer back to when I'm feeling a little down on myself, and hopefully act as a seed to grow into a hugemongous list of awesomeness factors.

1) Being told that I look fantastic and like I'm still losing weight, even though I have been feeling a little squishy from the lack of activity

2) Being able to hoist and control a 35# pail of kitty litter while filling up the boxes

3) Hucking around/deadlifting other peoples boxes (upwards of 50#) during our recent office move... in heels (now /that/ is a serious CrossFitChick!)

4) Having even more muscle definition despite the 2 week hiatus.

Awesome!

So... whats at the top of your List of Awesome for the day? Week? Month? Year?

Dinosaur shake with a side of bug juice, please...

2010-06-12T12:03:00.001-07:00

Pardon me while I wax a bit soap box-ish for a bit. Today's rant is brought to you by the business section of the news paper. You see, I was perusing this article when this little snippet caught my eye: "You can't even escape petroleum products with a cool fast-food milkshake, which probably has a petrochemical-based thickener."

Excuse me?!?! I mean, I know I'm all about 'eat real food, no unpronounceable ingredients' But really?! Dinosaur goo in a milkshake?! Made me want to swear off fast food right there and then... in fact, that was going to be the main crux of my rant: Want motivation to stick to eating healthy? One word: Petrochemicals.

I sat down with my favorite google seach bar and typed in "Petrochemicals" to find (forgive the pun) fuel for the "Eat Real Food" fire ... and in the first 3 suggestions was "Petrochemicals in food". YES! I apparently am not the only one pi$$ed off about Big Food Companies messing with the unsuspecting public.

After reading through a few articles I was bombarded with how prevalent, wide spread and subversive the use and presence of petroleum products are in this modern day world we live in (seriously! It's worse than high fructose corn syrup!), not to mention the reality of the impact on our health: In that article, Carnegie Mellon chemistry professor Terry Collins stated rather succinctly, "Many of these chemicals are disrupting the human hormone system."

Think about it - the rise of 'minor' endocrine related issues like fibromyalgia, thyroid disorders, adrenal/chronic fatigue, poly-cystic ovary syndrome, metabolic syndrome... not to mention things like Alzheimer, autism, and the much more serious cancers. Most are related to a disruption in human endocrine system controlled by hormones.

After reading this article I was outraged (especially the bit at the end about the bug juice.! It's in the food we eat, the water we drink, the air we breathe, the products we use to wash our bodies, our dishes, our cars, and on and on and on...

It was so overwhelming that /MY/ worst case scenario brain was overloaded... to the point of finally thinking, "Hmmm... That's nice. When's breakfast?"

It would be so very easy at this point to take one of two paths: One path would have me jump on the betterthanyou bandwagon, judging people who go to fast food joints regularly and/or rely on boxed/bagged/frozen food-type products to get a meal on the table and start spewing out all the reasons why people should takeout another mortgage on their house to buy only organic/free range/grass fed foodstuffs (though it would be nice if that was more common place than the problematic mass produced/farmed foodstuffs we have now... but that's another rant for another day.)

The other path would be just giving up and giving in - oh well, it's here to stay, why fight it, just keep pumping these things into our world and into our bodies and sign me up for chemo and the latest & greatest pharma cocktail.

Oddly, after getting a bit overwhelmed and saddened, I realized there is a third path - the middle road. (Imagine that! Me of the 'all things in moderation, even moderation' camp finding a middle road! ;) And ironically it's right on the path of the theme of the week.

I realize that we as a species created this problem ages ago, we're just dealing with a lot of the aftermath right now. Since the dawn of man, humans have been looking for an easier, more efficient way of doing things. Finding the easy button isn't something new at all. Do you think when our hunter/gatherer ancestors moved to an agricultural way of life they had conversations on the long term effects on health, sustainability and environment? No, I'm sure they were just happy they didn't have to risk life, limb and possible starvation tracking down their next meal. Then moving into the industrial age brought about new ways of trying to find the easiest, fastest most efficient ways of producing mass quantities of food for large numbers of people. Enter our current way of life - always on the go, over scheduled, over worked, under rested - and there's an even bigger push to have food be even easier and faster to acquire.

Thing is, when something is all about fast, easy and efficient, there's one thing that's sacrificed each and every time: Quality.

Just like when you're trying to build something, finish a project, etc., and take shortcuts just to get it done, it make look good on the surface, but doesn't have substance.

As I said, this has been a theme for the last several weeks: quick fixes, shortcuts, impatience, etc. These can be the root of the problems that most of face. If we're impatient in the kitchen (ie not take 30-45 minutes a week to plan meals, then 20-40 minutes a day to prepare dinner) we choose the short cut of ordering pizza or going out to eat. That puts a strain on our budgets, and our waistline, which makes us scramble for a quick fix to reverse the effects, turning to pills, potions or crash diets that only make us feel worse and create their own problems.

But I digress... lets go back to that middle road - yes, there's a lot of things in this world that are slowly poisoning us, but instead of rushing headlong into it, we can limit the exposure easily with the beautifully simple principle put forth by Michael Pollan: Eat real food, not a lot, mostly plants.

It's not a huge revelation, or new concept. Even in a seemingly toxic world, the body has the remarkable capacity to heal itself when given good, real food to nourish it.

If your life is stuck in Shortcuts-ville, it's going to take some creative thinking to get yourself out of it to get settled into Real Food Land. Old habits are going to have to left by the way side and new ones are going to have to be established. Solid habits that support a healthy life will carry you to a healthy weight, and keep your health risks to a minimum, not to mention will negate that worry of 'will I gain it back?!'

It's not easy, instant or quick, but it is worth it.... and YOU are worth it!

Playing the "What If" game...

2010-05-22T09:03:00.001-07:00

Here's my horroscope for today:

Libra - 5/22/10 (from Tarot.com) "You are on edge today because it feels as if a storm is on the horizon, yet you are unable to see it. Preparation is complicated by your inability to tell where the trouble is coming from and when it will arrive. Instead of spending your time fearfully battening down the hatches, raise your sails and get ready for an amazing adventure. If you are ready, you could be pleasantly surprised by an unusual friend who offers you a helping hand."

Hi! My name is Stephanie. I have "worst case scenario" brain. (Or WCSB for short ;)

I know... sounds silly, doesn't it? But really it's a talent to take any situation and immediately come up with the worst possible out come.

Sometimes it comes in handy, like keeping the cell phone charged and extra water & a protein bar with me in case I get stranded in the desert eleventy-billion miles from civilization. (I guess that would be Mars, huh?)

Other times it's just a fruitless game of "what if" that induces anxiety more than it produces any sort of results. It's also the reason I can't watch most natural disaster movies - I had to leave the theater during "Dante's Peak" and "Deep Impact"... what's worse is that "I Am Legend" kept me up for 2 nights... not because it was such a bad movie, but because it gave my WCSB more fuel for the what ifs.

And the WCSB isn't limited to big things that are wildly out of my control. No, I'm an equal opportunity WCSB. Little things like starting a new project, making plans with friends, picking a color to paint the walls... they can sometimes send me into a "What If" tailspin that, if I'm not careful, can easily end up in Why Bother-ville.

Luckily, as my awesome hubby got to know me, he didn't run screaming for the hills... which is one of the first indications that maybe, just maaaybbeee my WCSB wasn't a good indicator of reality. (Ya think?!) Instead he played the What If game right along with me... only every time I actually had the courage to voice a WCS, he'd have the audacity to counter it a BCS (or Best Case Scenario).

The nerve!

Even worse, he's just as good at that game as me!

Me: Well... what if we go careening out of control down a raging river of death?!

Him: What if we don't?

Me: What if we plan this and no one shows?

Him: What if everyone we love shows up? (Note: ok, that one could also be a no-win situation, but that's just me. ;)

Me: What if I do this and I fall on my face?

Him: What if you do it and do better than you expect?

Me: What if I need this later on and can't afford to buy a new one?

Him: What if you don't need it? Or what if you can afford to buy an even better one?

See what I mean?! Annoying, isn't it?! Cutting off a perfectly good tizzy in it's prime!

Thing is, he's starting to make a little sense. Granted there have been times when my over planning has come in handy, and there are times when the worst case does actually happen, but not when I'm expecting it. For the most part though, 99.99999% of my What If's have never come to pass. I've wasted so much time and energy _fearfully_ battening down the hatches, that I missed raising the sails, and honestly, I'm pooped!

So why am I sharing yet another vision into my crazy land?

Because I have a feeling I'm not alone in this.

In fact, I know I'm not, especially after reading this blog from Charlotte Hilton. It's heart wrenching and uplifting at the same time, it also touches on her deep struggles with eating disorders, abuse, and body acceptance issues.

It also touched me deeply - not because I've had to deal with any of these issues, something I feel blessed and grateful for, but for this reason she sums up so eloquently: "It had never occurred to me before to consider that my self-flagellating belief served a vital purpose in my life. It saved me from failing. From not living up to my potential. See, if I'm broken then I have no potential so anything good I do is just gravy."

How many of us have hidden behind our broken-ness (be it real, self inflicted or self perceived) to keep from doing something? To keep from failing?

It's time to start playing my hubby's version of the What If game - What if you couldn't fail? What If you ARE an awesome person? What if you really /are/ that smart/funny/talented.

I've been hearing so much these past weeks about how America has an obesity 'apocalypse' , and how young adults are failing the health/fitness requirements for joining the military. On a smaller, more personal scale, I read daily of people's struggles with just getting started, fearful they won't be able to stick to a healthy eating and movement plan. Fearful that they can't change their ways.

What if America can become the fittest nation in the world? What if it turns into the "American Paradox" rather than the "French Paradox".

What if you CAN make good choices consistently? What if you CAN stop with just one cookie, piece of cake, small serving of chips or fries? What if you CAN take small steps that add up to big, wonderful, healthy changes in your life? What if you DO inspire someone else to make changes and you CAN stay consistent with your new behaviors?

Heck, while we're at it, what if all the changes that we, as a population, make in our lifestyles make organic veggies and free range, grass fed, happy critters the become cheapest thing at the grocery stores, and chips, cakes and candies are $12.99 a pound?

I know, crazy talk... but it could happen.

Have you been playing the WCSB What If game? What's your worst what if? Are you ready to stop battening down the hatches and raise your sails for an amazing adventure?

What if that WCS is holding you back from something wonderful that you _deserve_?! Are you ready to accept that you're worth it?

I am.

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around me. I am meant to shine, as children do.
I was born to make manifest the glory of God that is within me. It's not just in me; it's in everyone."

"Dear God, Please make me
who You would have me be
That I might do as You would
have me do. May I be a blessing
on others That I might feel
Your blessing on me. Amen"

~Marianne Williamson

I would NEVER!

2010-04-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

Why do I feel like I should start off with "bless me, readers, for I have lapsed... it's been over 2 weeks since my last blog..." Oh! The bloggers guilt of leaving people hanging, with nary a hint of the multitude of things going on in my brain.

Ok, truth be told, there hasn't really been a _whole_ lot going on in my brain. As tends to happen, though, there's been an overarching theme of late that's been annoyingly persistent and must be dealt with. ;)

Part of it has been prompted by the fact that (cue fanfare) I'm finishing my personal trainer cert, dammitall! I've got 2.5 questions left and I'm way ahead of my self-imposed deadline of June 13. Once I pass that test (being positive and optimistic ;) it means I will have earned the right to tell people what to do! Whoo hoo!! Watch out world!

The other part came when I discovered a friend from high school had a blog - I know, in an age when /everyone/ and their cat has a blog, it shouldn't be a such a surprise. What was the surprise is the content, or rather my response to it. He has discovered a love for barefoot running and has since run a few half and full marathons ala the primal hobbit - just skin and road.

I know! I thought the same thing! Why on /earth/ would you want to run a marathon?! (ducks and hides from all my awesome marathonin' peeps that I looooove dearly!) I can totally dig on the barefoot part (or at least in the spiffy Vibrams because I'm a tenderfoot clutzy wuss that would step on the only shard of glass in a mile of me) but oy the marathon part... the stress and strain and OMG hours of training! I would /never/ do that!

Hey now!!! Before you unsubscribe or send me off a nasty gram... hear me out.

That of course has prompted me to think about my own journey down the weight loss road and take a look back at where I started and where I am now. I realized there's a lot of times along the way that I've said (or at least thought) "I would _NEVER_ do suchandsuch!" and realized that those are the things that have now nestled themselves into my life for good.

I feel like the times when I say, "I would /NEVER/..." The universe says, "Yesssss! A challenge has been issued!"

/NEVER/ giving up pasta/bread/grainy/starchy goodness!! Yeah, well... I haven't entirely but I can go several days without a second thought or hankering for any of the above.

/NEVER/ running unless I'm being chased by a bear! Helloooo... 2 5K's under my FuelBelt.

/NEVER/ getting married! Whee! Comin' up on 2 years in June. YAY!!!

/NEVER/ lifting really heavy things! Ok, this one never crossed my mind. I've always harbored a secret love of bodybuilding that, now, I can fully embrace. I just never thought that I would actually lift _really_ heavy things with ease... still working on those full body weight pull-ups, but I know that, on my current path I can achieve the look and strength needed to step on stage... but I would /NEVER/ do that! ;)

See what I mean?!

When I look back over the last 3 years, I am AMAZED at what I have accomplished and things that I've switched my attitude on because I finally saw the value in doing so. I didn't set out from the get go to run a 5K, but it eventually became a new and exciting goal to achieve.

Now I'm feeling a bit nervous since I know there's a lot more "I never's" that have been put out there... wondering which one's going to be next!

How about anyone else - is there anything you're doing now that you /never/ thought you'd do?! Or do you still have a long list of "I would /NEVER/ do..."?

Tuesday Thoughts... on Being

2010-04-13T17:10:00.001-07:00

I know this is usually a Thursday thing, but there's a few things that have been thunking me in the brainpan of late.

That's what happens when you open yourself up and are silly enough to ask The Powers That Be, "What am I missing?!"

You get an answer...

From the amazing and lovely CJROMB: Just Be...

From the minimalist folks...

myla and jon kabat-zinn on simplicity
by joshua becker on April 11th, 2010
When sitting, just sit.
When eating, just eat.
When walking, just walk.
When talking, just talk.
When listening, just listen.
When looking, just look.
When touching, just touch.
When thinking, just think.
When playing, just play.
And enjoy the feeling of each moment and each day.

(via becomingminimalist.tumblr.com)

And a touch of Zen...

"Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” ~Zen proverb

“When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” ~Zen proverb

“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

From me, myself, and I... don't get so wrapped up in what seems like the BIG stuff that you miss the small stuff... because really, the small stuff IS the BIG stuff on a less spectacular but more meaningful scale. The stress, worries and anxiety will still be there, waiting for you, but will your life? Your love? Your dreams? Your health? YOU?

You remember You, right?

That person that you sometimes make eye contact with in the mirror. That person who is beautiful, talented and has an amazing smile? When's the last time you spent a little quality time with You?

It's so easy let the little BIG things swallow up your day, your week, your year.

In the midst of the chaos, once in a while, take time to just sit. Just look. Just play. Just be.

It's NEVER too late.

Run for a Cause

2010-04-12T12:38:00.011-07:00

As y'all know, I participated in the Race for the Cure 5K on Sunday, April 11th. It was an amazing event and there were a lot of take home lessons from not only the process of getting ready for it, but from just being there.

But first, the specifics: Finished in 34:20 which averaged an 11 min mile pace. Not only was that a personal best for me, it's also 4 minutes faster than my first 5K! (and as you see some of the photos, I probably could have finished faster but who care... I had a need to document everything. ;)

::does the happy dance::

Now for the general recap/thoughts/insights (cuz you know I've got a lot ;):

I'm not gonna lie: I really, really hated getting ready for this race. Up until about a week ago I was a lot more focused on me, my 'training', my struggle than the bigger picture. At several points I really thought about not doing it, but didn't want to let my friend, A, down.

Lesson Learned: Sometimes the buddy system really works!

It was her first race and I wanted to be there with her and run with her, even if it was only for a few minutes. If I quit/dropped out, I would have missed out on not only the overall experience, but the chance to bond a little more with her. Besides, she would have dragged my butt out of bed anyway, so why say no? LOL!

Once I stopped focusing on the memememe of the process, looked at the bigger picture, then changed my perception from 'training' back to 'working out with a purpose', it all fell into place and I _really_ started to look forward to race day.

And what a day it was!

I got my stuff ready the night before and between A & I we finally figured out how to put the chip on our shoes. Seriously - the directions were either written for a 2 year old or a MENSA member! It was quite amusing watching us trying to figure it out but eventually we did what looked reasonable and seemed to be ok with the computer system so guess we did ok.

I got all decked out that morning, rechecking everything to make sure I had what I needed:

We got to the site a little before 7 am and got to hit the booths for some spiffy swag.

Lesson Learned: Always bring along a Sherpa! LOL!

I was sooo grateful that one of my awesome SparkFriends, Barbara, came out to support us and offered to hold the bags for us because I was _not_ looking forward to figuring out how to manage it during the run.

The best part of the morning was things like this:

The Bra-brella just totally made me giggle and the bra/b00b related puns were everywhere! Where else can you literally let your undies hang out and be totally fine with it?! There were men sporting sax-ahy silky bras (in a 'supportive' way, rather than mocking ;), women with bra banners, etc, and a sea of pink everywhere I looked.

We met up with the rest of Team Fights Like A Girl and they all totally rock!

Salina (on the far right in dark pink) ran her first 1/2 marathon a couple of weeks ago so for her, this was easy peasy. ;) And here she's sporting her mad stylin manicure:

We all joined in the warm up and I was able to snag this photo of some of the race training participants as well:

I can't remember most the names but the lady in the bright pink "Survior" shirt is a total rockstar! She started with the training group in the 'beginner' group because she wasn't sure if she could do it... and ended up moving up to the 'advanced group' and literally running circles around us!

Thing is, when I saw her that morning, the BIG picture of the event really hit me.

All along I knew that it was for a good cause, yeahyeah raising money for cancer research, blah blah, a lot of races are to raise money for stuff, lets get going.

But when you are at an event that is so focused on a single issue, and surrounded by people who have been effected personally by that disease, it is immensely powerful. When I saw my training buddy there, standing proud in her bright pink shirt, she was more than a survivor, she was victorious! She had shared a bit of her story before so it wasn't a surprise, but seeing her suddenly made the thousands of bright pink shirts pop out of the crowd.

Lesson Learned: Doing something for a cause you believe in will motivate you like nobody's business.

This is one event, in one city, and this was probably only a small percent of the men and women who are living to tell the tale. I realized that this wasn't just about raising awareness, this was about making a stand and I was doing my small part to help others fight that battle.

We hit the start line in time for the count down and we were off!
Wow what a rush! The course was all on surface streets that had been blocked off for the event so it was a nice wide path! Along the way there were lots of groups of people cheering us on like these folks:

There were even cheer squads from the U of A and from some high schools. I felt like I had my own cheering squad!

I was extra surprised at how I did and I managed to keep up with Salina for most of the race because I kept focused on her and another couple that were at about the same pace. They were easy to spot in their pink camo shirts with their 'names' on the back: Ramb00b and Pvt. McTi!!y. LOL!

The last 1/2 mile was the worst - my knee was feeling a bit tweaky (I was grateful I taped it!), my shins were getting a bit sore (past due for new shoes!) and I had to go to the bathroom (Lines were too long before the race!), but I pushed through. The result was a slightly astonished look on my face to see my time as I crossed the finish line.

Shortly after I crossed it, I saw a hand reaching out from the crowd to give high fives to the finishers. I raised my hand in response but the second we made contact, I stopped.

I turned to see a beautiful woman there in a bright pink shirt. She grabbed my hand harder and we gave each other a big hug and at the same time we both said "Thank you for being here!" to each other. Tears were running down our faces as I walked to the end to see Salina & Barb waiting for me.

It was one of those moments that could never be planned, duplicated, or believed until you experience, and left me speechless.

Lesson Learned: Never under estimate the power of the smallest gesture.

In that moment, I felt her struggle, her uncertainty, her faith, and confidence. And at that moment I really, really got why I was there, and why I know I'll do it again.

I know that I said that I probably wouldn't do another race, but at the time, I didn't have a good reason.

Now, I do.

It made me realize that whole runner vs. Runner argument I've been having with myself is a moot point. It's not about the chip time, or my placement, or my collection of bibs, or my overall mileage that matters.

It's about being there. It's about showing up to help the greater good and let someone know you care enough to do something silly like run 3 miles in honor of them, their families, their friends.

Oh yeah, and having a little fun in the process.

Though next time, I may have to wear a cape. :)
What cause are _you_ willing to walk/run/ride/get up and move for?

Why I run...

2010-04-02T11:35:00.001-07:00

I find it interesting, when I feel myself ramping up to full-on "Rant Mode," something always comes along to knock me down a few pegs and point me to a bigger purpose.

Today was no exception.

I've been ruminating over a random thorn in my side that recently got stuck there, and, as one is want to do, formulating a little 'high horse' blog about it. Then I got an email from my fave Personal Trainer (well... a very close 2nd to Tom V. ;) Jonathan Roche, about him running his 15th straight Boston Marathon and is a member of the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute team, and has been for (I think) the full 15-years.

His email really drove home /why/ he was doing what he was doing, and who he was doing it for - the impact that the disease has had on his family and people he loves. It was a great reminder that the little things really are just that: little.

In a little over a week, I will be running in my 2nd 5K as one of the multitude of participants in the "Race for the Cure".

It's Not near the endurance limit-pushing event of a marathon, but in some ways it's felt like I've been preparing for a marathon rather than a piddly little 3 miler, questioning why the heck I'm putting myself through this.

Now I understand why: Because I've made it all about me.

Yeah, it is a little about me - my fitness and wellness journey. Being fit and well enough to even consider entering a competitive race is a huge step that I won't discount. Just being able to take time to 'train' is a blessing. Even though I feel like it's been an up hill battle emotionally and physically, I've been able to _do it_ to know it feels like a struggle.

Reading Jonathan's email reminded me I really don't know struggle.

Granted, just like the Who's that Horton encountered, a struggle is still a struggle, no matter how small. But I'm now facing the privilege I have of participating in an amazing event with a bigger and better purpose.

I'm grateful I've never had to sit, wringing my hands, waiting to hear the words, "You have cancer," spoken to me, my husband, my parents.

I am grateful that I haven't had to up-end my life to make way for treatments, sickness and overwhelming tiredness.

I know that no matter how "meh" I feel about this race, my feet will be driven by something bigger than me, by the thoughts of people much stronger than I. People I know, people I love, people I've never met.

It's not for the funds raised (though it can be important), it's by the awareness raised.

The "C" word has a multitude of names and faces, more than it should, and it is for them that is why I run.

Thoughts for Thursday - The A-ha! Edition

2010-03-26T11:38:00.001-07:00

This is a drive by blogging because I have too much bouncing around my brain to leave it there. LOL!

I've had a few moments of reading something a hundred times, then the 101th time I read it, thought "OH! /That's/ what it means!" moment? Obviously it's because I'm at a point where I need to read/hear it, and since I"m so into sharing, I thought others may be at a similar place and benfit from hearing it as well.

"To take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the whole staircase: just take the first step." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Most times I saw this, I focused on the last part: just take the first step. Stop procrastiating, start to channel your inner Nike ad and Just DO IT!

Then I picked up on that middle bit: You don't have to see the whole staircase.

You see, I'm a fact finder. When I embark on something new or different, I gather all the info (to the point of overload usually) and either I get fed up, frustrated, or fired up and plow through. I usually get stuck in the 'what if' cycle and fixate on silly, nit-picky details that really don't mean a lot in the grander scheme of things.

Basically, I not only had to /see/ the whole staircase, but I had to see the plans, build it, inspect every inch and walk it a few times before I'd be willing to test the first step.

To use another metaphor: Horse - snoozin' in the barn. Cart - down at market all unloaded.

Where does it get me? Absolutley nowhere. I get wrapped up in the perfectionist, all or nothing thinking that leaves me _looking_ like I'm doing something, but really, the wheels are just spinning and I'm getting burned out.

Solution: Make a decision, get a little bit of info to get you started, and take that first step. Then get a little more info and take the next one. Have faith that you'll have the resources and support you need, when you need it, down the road. In the mean time, stop using the details as an excuse to not get started.

"Love Your Neighbor As Yourself"

This one has been niggling at my brain for a while. The husband & I recently found a church that we now call home and the pastor always has an amazing message to deliver. He's used this phrase a few times and I started to get the full impact of it.

I was going to put the specific book/verse only to find out that there are at least/ 8 times it's used in the bible spefically in that form. ( www.believers.org/believe/bel208.htm has references to the verses plus a few more in one handy dandy place) And not to mention all the similar type phrases that are sprinkled throughout it. I think this is a phrase that we've all heard, regardless if you're a Sunday school graduate or not.

We all get the first part: Love your neighbor. Similar to the "do unto others" message, be nice to other people.

But what about that last bit? As YOURSELF.

Think about it for a second: The message isn't to love others/treat others BETTER than yourself. Nope. It's all about putting yourself on the SAME level as those around you.

How many women put themselves on the way bottom of the priority list? (that is, if they've even made it on the list in the first place.) How many times have you gushed and loaded compliments on a total stranger or your best friend, only to say something hurtful to yourself in public or the privacy of your own brain?

I know I'm guilty of it.

The Ah-ha! of it is this: If you don't love and respect yourself & treat yourself well, how can you give another the love and respect they deserve?

Taking care of yourself the same as you take care of others isn't selfish. It's survival.

Eating well, moving your body, getting rest, laughing and speaking kindly to yourself are the recipe to keeping your internal batteries charged so you /can/ be a good friend, sister/brother, wife/husband, mother/father.

You (yes, YOU!) are an amazing person! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise - including yourself.

Thoughts for Thursday: The hardest step

2010-03-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

Motivation...it's a fickle thing.

Sometimes your goal is burning brightly in your brain and your heart, making you so excited you can hardly sleep. You have no trouble sticking to the plan because you are soooo motivated to keep moving forward.

Other times... not so much.

But you have to take that first step.

These last two weeks have been in the "not so much" category. (Points to the "Smackdown" blog from last week)

Is it that I'm not excited about my goals? That I don't want to accomplish my Great Things? It's not that at all.

It's more the fact that I'm human and sometimes the Great Things get trumped by the Little Things, which takes energy away from the Great Things.

Some days I love the tracking and monitoring and being proactive. Some days I just wanna say scr$w it.

And that makes the first step a really, really hard one to take.

When I feel the scr$w it times coming on, I scale back... this week, for example, I absolved myself of any guilt of not getting to the gym 4 days, and being perfectly content with my 2 treadmill runs and joining the training group on Saturday. After all, I have fun family time to focus on and _finally_, after 2-3 weeks of hideous allergy issues (like having to use my inhaler for the first time in well over a year!) the paper ran a feature declaring that Tucson is having the Worst. (and earliest). Allergy. Season. E-V-A-R! Duh... I coulda told 'em that!

This morning, that first step was a doozie!

Way back when I was first getting myself into the exercise habit, and keeping focused on the end goal (aka looking hawt in my weddin' dress - by the way, NEVER discount the power of a "superficial" goal! You can say you're doing it to get healthy all you want, but really, what's more motivating most times: Being healthy or lookin' good in your jeans?)

I would have arguments in my head with my inner princesses. Usually the adult me wanted to sleep in, the princess me's wanted to get my butt out the door and on the road to hawtness.

This morning, the princesses were sound asleep and the inner argument was with myself.

I should get more rest so I don't wear myself down and get sick. *sniff*

I should get my butt to the gym so I don't keel over on the training run Saturday morning. *snuff*

Then repeat.

Ultimately I took that first step.

I got up and out of bed (dragging sniffy and snuffy with me) and the plan that I would do 3 instead of 4 intervals, cutting the workout short by about 5 minutes.

At the gym, I stood on the treadmill, staring at the bright green "START" button. Just had to push it to get it started... Gah! Ok fine. I pushed the button.

I took the first step... and the second. By 10 minutes in, my coffee started to work and I felt a little perkier. By 15 minutes in, I was a Supah-Stah!

By my final 25th minute I was sweaty and tired, but ready to take on the world.

I just had to take that first step.

Dinner Dilemma: Solved!

2010-03-05T16:08:00.001-07:00

And I had to email my dad to tell him what was on the menu.

Why would I do that?

I'm glad you asked - funny story, actually.

Out of all the memories I have from the past *mumblemumble* years, there is one that stands out above all others.

And really, considering I can barely remember what I did an hour ago, that's saying a LOT! LOL!!!

Growing up, I was blessed to have a mom with mad cooking skills and she exercised those skills with abandon. While we would always have nummy food any night of the week, it was Friday night dinner that reigned supreme!

You see, Friday night was the night reserved for the fun foods: Spaghetti! Taco's! Burgers & OMG nummy homemade fries! Pizza (homemade, of course!)!

It was The Night. It was worthy of missing sleep overs for. It was the thing that made me not mind being late to high school football games to hang out with my friends.

Except for that night... the dreaded night.

I came home from school but wasn't met with any sort of fabulous baking/greasy/tomato-y type of smells... I was perplexed.

I went to the kitchen to see a pot on the stove... but nary a sauce or stick of pasta was to be found.

"Um..." I asked nonchalantly, "So... what's for dinner."

My mom replied, ever so casually, "Soup."

Before I could engage my brain/mouth filter... oh wait, I was a pre-teen, I hadn't developed a brain/mouth filter yet... I went on a good 5 minute tirade. "SOUP?!?!?" I exclaimed.

"SOOOUP!?! It's Friday! We doing have soooooop on Fridays! Sooooup?!? Who heard of having soooooup on a Friday! Seriously! It's not even anything chili or clam chowder!"

Dad got home and I confronted him: "We're having SOOOOUP!"

Expecting outrage for my cause, all I got was, "Oh, sounds good."

In my pre-teen dramatic way, I stormed around for a bit longer, probably went to my room and pouted before I finally went down and begrudgingly ate my sooooup.

Needless to say that we never had sooooup again on a Friday night while I was living at home.

And the rare occassion that I have sooooup on a Friday, I have to call my parents so we can have a good giggle.

So... one guess what I'm having for dinner tonight?

Friday Free For All

2010-03-05T11:24:00.002-07:00

(that's really just a nice way of saying that I'm about to share the random jumble of things that have been bouncing around my head. ;)

Awesome quote that I had to share... Apply it to everything - money, fitness, health, hearth, home, heart.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life. So don't dwell on past mistakes, that willl get you nowhere. Instead, focus on what you can and will do today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life, and all of the great things that will happen because of your actions. Get strong, be strong, stay strong. Have a great weekend and come back on Monday ready to tear it up." - Craig Ballentine

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A very special shout out to Miz "Runs with a Tiara/tutu" Fit [ www.MizFitonline.com and www.twofitchicks.org ] Carla Birnberg who is Orlando bound to run in the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon on Sunday.

I have expressed several times how much I *heart* MisFit. And listening to one of the latest podcasts about her training, I felt like she was was talking to me.

True to her "Unapologetically Myself" creed, she basically admitted not liking the whole process. She's committed to the 1/2 marathon, excited to do it, and super excited for it to be over. In her words, "I'm a Lifter, not a Runner." Then, to paraphrase, added that she will never run a marathon, and she's ok with that.

It's a timely message to me because last night I made the realization that I, too, am not a capital "R" Runner.

Now, before I get a slew of comments about anyone who runs/jogs/gimps along is a runner, lemme say I don't disagree with you. In fact, I do _now_ consider myself a runner (little "r").

Considering I was someone who vowed they would NEVER run unless being chased by Zombies (ok, don't need to run, Zombies are slow ;) or a rabid wild animal (squirrels can be scary, ya know!) it's a biiiig step to say that I am a runner.

In fact, I love to run... once in a while. As part of my overall fitness regimine.

What I'm learning is that I hate to Run. As in the I have to do it because I have a race coming up and need to do x, y and z runs to accomplish that.

I know! As much as I am all about the 'stay focused on your goals and act according to the boundries of those goals', I don't like getting caught up in the have to/must/need to aspect of it rather than just living it.

I'm working my way back to the "just mixin' it up and adding in new workout stuffs to what I normally do" mindset I had for my first 5K so I can get back to livin' it, lovin' it, and rockin' it, rather than dreadin' it.

Which means I may or may not do another competitive run after this. And there's a 99.999% chance I won't ever consider/train for/enter/participate in anything more than 5-10K.

And I'm ok with that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Speaking of rockin' it... my pants?

Size 8!

::strikes a SUPAHSTAH pose::

No lonely pants for me today!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And finally, for the first time in ages I have absolutely no clue what to make for dinner. Thoughts? Suggestions?

March Madness!

2010-03-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

So, first off, a BIIIIG shout out to my Canadian Peeps!!! Congrats on getting the most Gold Medals of all the Olympics, and for the Gold in Women's Hockey and the Gold & Silver in Men's hockey (I know the folks who won the silver were wearing USA uniforms, but really, we all know they were Canadian ;)

Secondly, how the heck did it get to be March 1st?!?! Seriously, it was /just/ February 1st! I was fired up! I was focused! I... well, I didn't fail... though I didn't do all that great either.

Here's my Feburary 'report card':

-Tightening up my eating by weighing and measuring my food to ensure I'm getting appropriate amounts of carbs, fat & protein

*I did track my food several times during Feb., which is more than I had done in quite a while. I give myself a C for Consistency.

- Eating a wide variety of raw and cooked veggies, limiting my grains, and enjoying lean protein.

*Got that covered! While this past weekend was seriously lacking in green stuff, I felt very good about my eating. Grade: B+

- Doing 5 workout sessions a week - 4 crossfit workouts + 1 walk/run session to prepare myself for my upcoming 5K

*Yeah, not so much. Dealing with stress and sinus issues kept me, for the most part, at 4 workouts a week. Grade: B for keeping the minimum.

- Allow myself to 1 adult beverage a week (2 for the hubby's b-day dinner) While I enjoy sharing a beverage with my hubby, more than this is counter productive to achieving my short term goals.

*::blush:: see the note above. Stress, tired, and a whole lotta "Meh, whatever" lead to at least 2 on the weekends... the upside is I did keep it to the weekends. Grade: C

- Allow myself 1-2 desserts a week

*FAIL! LOL! Sometimes the sugary, carby goodness win. Grade: D

- I maximize my fat burning potential by creating an efficent calorie deficit though exercise and controled food portions.

*I actually did pretty well with this one. My eating (despite the dessert/beverage blips) still has me at a decent but not overly agressive calorie deficit. Grade: B+

- I continue to work through, and remove limiting beliefs that keep popping up and blocking my success.

*Be careful what you wish for! There were a lot of things that popped up this month and things are still lingering. I did well at identifying the issues, and am spending some brain power each day working through them. Grade: A

-At the end of the month, I am excited to see the scale reflect 5 pounds of pure fat gone from my body forever

*This one I can't answer since I refuse to step on the scale until next weekend. Again, stress, AF, and lingering limiting beliefs aren't condusive to seeing the scale as a tool rather than the enemy right now.

Overall grade: B/B+

That leaves me looking forward to March and the goals that will bring me to the end of my first 12 week cycle of 2010!

Workouts: This is where the fun stuff happens (hence the March Madness theme. LOL!)

1) My big goal is to complete all the "Girl" workouts from the CrossFit site.

I was initially going to do them in order but figured, with several pull-up heavy workouts, it was an equation for overtraining... so I'll be mixing them up so that I only have 2 workouts with pull-ups each week, 4 total.

2) Adding in _3_ training runs to get in shape for my upcoming 5K.
Before anyone (including myself) freaks out about the increase in volume the up side is that most of the Cross Fit workouts are short and sweet, as are the initial 5K training runs. I had my first "group" run on Saturday and had a blast. They handed out their suggested training plans and was instantly in love - 3 sessions a week (including the Saturday one) and they start out at 15 min. the first week, 20 the next, and doesn't go over 30 minutes. Now THAT I can handle.

Nutrition - keep on keeping on:

3) I continue to enjoy a wide variety of fruits and veggies, lean protein and healthy fats. Grains are enjoyed in moderation.

4) I enjoy up to 1 adult beverage each week. Reaching my weight and fitness goal is important to me and alcohol hinders my progress towards those goals.

5) I enjoy 1-2 desserts a week. I choose the quality and quantity of these items wisely and based on special occassions, not on emotions.

Mental stuff

6) Continue to identify and work through limiting beliefs that emerge as part of this process.

I am looking forward to my fitness level increasing, and seeing the scale reflect the weight of 140 pounds and my measurements reflecting a drop of at least 2% of body fat.

Race for the Cure!

2010-02-22T09:28:00.002-07:00

Hey all! Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be running in the competitve 5K Race for the Cure on April 11th to raise awareness of breast cancer and the impact it has on everyone!

I'm super excited since this is my 2nd competitive race (I had a blast during my first race!) and am proud to support my friend during her first race!

I decided to participate in this event for many reasons. Not only am I looking forward to bettering myself and my fitness level, I have many friends who's lives have been touched by this disease. The women who endure the treatments and the strength they display during the challenge it brings to their lives and family is inspiring to everyone around them.

Eleanor Roosevelt described it perfectly when she said, "A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."

These women prove to me what it means to "fight like a girl" and as such, I have created a team by the same name! I would love to share this event with everyone! And the great thing is, there's a 'sleep in for the cure' . Not in town on race day? Not a morning person? Hate to exercise? NO PROBLEM!!! You can stay home, comfy in your jammies and still play an important role in raising funds for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure®. You will be sent a special gift, along with a T-Shirt (perfect for sleepwear, lounging and being a couch potato) and you don't need to get out of bed!

Here's the info on my team page: tinyurl.com/JoinFightLikeAGirl

My main goal for participating in this event is not to raise a ton of money, but to increase awareness for this disease and for the Susan G. Komen For the Cure Foundation. Since it's inception in 1999 the foundation has raised over $5 million, with some of that money benefiting the men and women of Southern Arizona. Seventy five percent of our net revenue helps uninsured and underinsured women have access to lifesaving programs of screening, education and treatment throughout Southern Arizona. If you fel so inclined to donate to this organization so they can continue to do their work, I have set up a personal donation page: http://tinyurl.com/SponserSteph (yeah, I know it's spelled wrong... coffee hadn't quite kicked in. :)

Regardless if you are able to donate or join in one of the many Race for the Cure events around the country this year, I ask that you take a moment to think of anyone you know who's life has been touched by breast cancer and say a small prayer for them.

They may be at the beginning of this journey, a survivor, or be one of the fallen.

Send them love and strength and help them (and their familes) to fight like a girl!

And think of me in the wee hours of Sunday, April 11th - send thoughts of strong knees and fast feet!

Friday Follies: Non Scale Victories

2010-02-19T10:58:00.002-07:00

Looove me my NSV's!

You know what they are - if you've been in the health and fitness* realm for any amount of time you hear about it. When you hit a 'plateau', that's when the NSV advice comes out of the woodwork, usually under the title, "Other Measures of Success."

These are hints and tips that can either be annoying or helpful, depending on where your mind is when you hear them: Use measurements, how your clothes are fitting, your energy level, your fitness level, etc., basically, use ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE SCALE to measure the progress towards your goal of a healthy weight.

"Research has shown the best way to lose weight is not to diet but rather to work towards a healthier lifestyle that you are able to maintain for the rest of your life." - From Leanne Ely's "Healthy Foods" Newsletter

I have to say, before my Inner Princesses, Veruca & Stevie, and i got on the same page, I *hated* NSV's.

There would be stomping and pouting and screaming! Who cares if my pants are falling off my bum! So what if I can run a little faster (heck, the fact that I can run is huge!) But... But... The scale hasn't MOVED! Why do I/we even bother?!?! Seriously??!?! What does it matter if I have carrots or cake if this is where it gets me!?!?!

::Bangs Head on Desk::

It wasn't until I got seriously sick and tired of a 12" square box telling me what kind of mood I was in that I understood the benefit of NSV's.

In fact, it wasn't until the Princesses' & I shifted our focus to our _actions_ (ie number of fitness minutes/calories burned, number of fruits & veggies per day, cooking at home vs. eating out, getting enough sleep, increasing weight lifted, etc.) rather than results (ie the number on the $@&% box) that wonderful things started happening.

Namely, I finally saw a consistent drop in the numbers on the box, and decrease in the tape measure to go along with feeling great, eating well, and having pants falling off my bum.

I've already shared one NSV this week and I'm happy to share another one...

I am wearing something today that, to my recollection, I have NEVER worn before!

I think it was a bit of foreshadowing when I shared the bracycling info because I hit the JC Penny's last night to take advantage of their "unmentionable" sale.

I am stunned to report that, after trying on several sizes and varieties of "unmentionable" holders that I'm no longer dwelling in the land of the double letters!

I knew my girls were looking rather deflated of late, I just didn't realize they were /that/ deflated.

In fact, this morning when I put on my spiffy new "unmentionable" it was a little looser than it was last night... so I may be down even more than I realized!

[Ok, for the more direct interpretation of all this: Went bra shopping and I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't a DD...I think I went from 0 to DD in a matter of months during puberty. Yeah. That was interesting. At one point I was wearing a 40DDD! As of last night's shopping venture, I'm at a 36D! I'm actually pretty close to a band size of 34 and possible a C! Guess I rocked what I've got a little *too* much! LOL!]

This weekend, I venture into the land of jean shopping - my order fell through and JCP has a sale on Levi's. Hope to be sporting some non-lonely jeans soon! Not to mention working on my pull-up form cuz darnitall I *will* do a full on pull up one day soon!

How about all of you? What NSV are you celebrating?!?!

---------
*Because of where I am emotionally and in my journey through life and towards a healthy life overall, this ceased to be a "weight loss" journey long ago and has become focused on living an overall healthy LIFE. Don’t get me wrong; I'm all for blasting excess fat from your body and increasing your fitness and nutrition level, and want to help people achieve that in their own life.

I personally feel there's too much focus on "Weight Loss" - the actual pounds lost according to the scale. There are enough people out there who will cater to this type of thinking and will be more than happy to talk up and down about it... I'm just not going to be one of them.

Thoughts for Thursday: Body Image (or Rock it!)

2010-02-18T10:37:00.002-07:00

First off, I fear a monster has been created... or at least the beginnings of one.

When I sent out the call for help with my shopping aversion, I had no idea what would transpire after that! Not only did I receive a huge out outpouring of love, sympathy and good sense advice, it also inspired me to delve into the scary world that is "fashion"... ok, maybe not fashion, but fabric constructed in ways to decorate my body.

I was happy that I was feeling a little excited about a future shopping trip to make my outsides look good.

What I wasn't prepared for was where it was going to take me mentally and emotionally: I'm learning that my distain for shopping for clothes is a much deeper issue. Much like achieving a healthy weight is about more than exercise and nutrition; clothing, for me, is about much more than fabric, color and fit.

Before I delve into that, there's always a back story... which I'll attempt to keep short. Ish. :)

For the past year+ I've increased my exposure to the world that is body acceptance/fat acceptance/size acceptance/body image improvement/health at any size/yadda yadda yadda.

There's a whole lot to the movement – some of it fantabulous, some of it down right scary – but at the heart of the matter is what I perceive as one basic principle: Love thyself, inside _and_ out.

It's something that's heard a lot about any process of change - if you don't like _yourself_ now when you're at an undesirable weight, in debt, in a cluttered house, single, etc., you won't like yourself when you're at a desirable weight, a clean home, out of debt, married, etc.

I have to admit, there have been times I haven't liked myself very much. Now, I'm pretty happy with myself and can enjoy the company of just me, myself and I.

But this darn clothing thing: It's a thorn in my side.

It wasn't until I admitted that I think that spending money on clothes for myself to look good is frivolous, that I found the root of the problem.

I love my innards... my mind, my heart, my spirit! It's the physical package I was still having trouble with.

This weekend shed a lot of light on how to correct it.

First came from my hubby on Sunday. He prefers I don't wear make up. I prefer /to/ wear make up. We had a discussion of why I felt that I needed it, if I was made perfect than why would I feel like I needed to improve on it, etc. I didn't have an answer other than it makes me feel good when I see myself in the mirror.

Then I had a mini-What Not To Wear marathon that I got more hints, a little more understanding [and a whole lot of 'what were they thinking?!' LOL!] It planted other seeds of ideas and thoughts that were niggling at my brain but I just couldn't quite grasp... They go into a lot of ‘dress the body you have now’, and ‘play up your strengths’, but I kept feeling like they were sidestepping something… or [more likely the case] I was missing something.

Then I listened to a Missus Smarty Pants podcast, hosted by Leslie, sister to the Dinner Diva Leanne Ely, and part of the ever growing resources that’s part of the FlyLady family - that was the water I needed to help those seeds bloom in my brain.

I had downloaded it because it featured Caitlin of Operation Beauitiful fame as a guest and finally *got* it.

Leslie summed up what I've been told over and over again... but was finally ready to hear: (total paraphrasing) Every woman is beautiful! Every woman has features that are stunning and every woman has features _she_ is not so thrilled about. The key is to find the features you love about yourself and play those up, and learn to come to terms with the rest of it.

Caitlin, who is wise beyond her 25 years, added on to that: You gotta rock what ya got from your mamma!

Wowza!

Clothes shopping is so much more than the clothes themselves. It's about learning to really LOOK at my body, learn to love it and all it's perfect imperfections and find what I do have to rock, while covering the rest. My whole body is a reflection of the goodness in the world and my heart. Time to remember and remind myself of it regularly.

Just like I’ve learned and accepted that I can’t eat whatever I want, and that there’s certain foods that just don’t work for my body, I need to learn and accept what I can and can’t wear. It’s a process that I have to go through. It may be a long process or I may get lucky.

Two things I’m looking forward to with this process:

1) Getting an idea of what size my body _really_ is. I’m not talking the arbitrary number on the label, I’m talking the actual physical space my body occupies (or doesn’t occupy as the case may be)… I have a certain concept of my shape and size that’s stuck about 20-30# back, and it’s time to have my mental image catch up with my actual body.

2) Learning to accept that it's ok to rock what I've got, that I deserve to rock what I've got, and that it's ok to do something "selfish" and "frivolous" for _me_.

To answer the make up question – It’s my one way that I have actually embraced the ‘rockin’ what I’ve got’ concept. My eyes have always been what I feel is my strongest feature and while I don’t do the super duper drama eye makeup, I do like to have them featured as part of a polished looking face. That’s one thing that I can feel confident with my abilities, and I prefer to see my face with even skin tone and a little make up to highlight those features. Time to move that to the rest of my body, eh? :)

What about the rest of you – what are your strong features? What do you find really beautiful about your physical self? Where are you in your body acceptance journey?

One for the "girls"

2010-02-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

I got this link from another blog and wanted to share: brarecycling.org/

From their site: "We are a textile recycling company, specializing in recycling bras and providing deserving women in our communities who are facing challenges with a basic lingerie staple."

As we all know, when you lose weight, you lose it from aaalll over, and that means the 'girls' start to get a little deflated and the band starts to get really loose. This is a great way to pay forward your 'abundance' (or lack of, as the case may be ;) by sending your quality, lovingly used over the shoulder boulder holders to sisters in need of support. (Yes, I'm trying to go for a record ;)

The great thing is, if you're in the Phoenix/Tucson region of AZ or in Dallas, TX, there are drop off locations available. For all others, there's an easy form to complete and just pop those bad boys (bad girls?!) in the mail.

Spread the word!

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

2010-02-16T14:59:00.002-07:00

It's Mardi Gras y'all! Or, if you're not French, Happy Fat Tuesday! Whoo hoo!!!

Yeah, sounds so much nicer when you say in French. :)

Today is the day our medieval ancestors started the tradition of gluttony, drunkenness and debauchery, for tomorrow we fast. S

orta reminds me of the New Years Eve/New Years Day dichotomy: Celebrate, party, get in those last 10,000 calories because at the stroke of midnight everything stops! We repent for our past diet and exercise sins, we give penance at the alter of the the salad bar and the treadmill, so that we can be reborn in the land of the thin and healthy lifestyle. While there are other people who can explain Lent, its significance and observation much better than (though I could bore you to TEARS talking about the special entrance on Notre Dame Cathedral that's use was reserved for Lenten penitents), there's two parallels that I am happy to draw: 1) It all the same, and 2) it's never too late, which goes back to #1.

You see, it doesn't matter if your New Years resolutions were left on the dance floor at 12:01 on 1/1/10, or if you've picked up that ball and ran with it, but find yourself struggling right now.

You may have had a heckova Valentines weekend and ate your weight in chocolate and are feeling like doing pennence right now. There may have been that 'slip up' of a cheeseburger and extra large fries last week when you had planned grilled salmon and steamed veggies. Slept in when we should have hit the trail/treadmill.

Wisdom is knowing the right path. Integrity is taking it.

You know the right road to walk, but sometimes it's not easy to take.

Sometimes you get sidelined, or side tracked, but resist the urge to beat yourself up over it.

Instead, treat it like Mardi Gras and Lent. You indulged today. Reflect, abstain and act tomorrow.

Every day you're given a chance to start over. Every minute you're given a chance to make a better choice.

Don't look back in regret. Look forward in hope and plan for success.

A Bittersweet Victory

2010-02-15T09:43:00.001-07:00

Today I had one of those moments that made me do a happy dance and caused me to be a little sad at the same time.

I had to change the weight on my Heart Rate Monitor.

I have one that calculates your calories burned, which means it needs info like my weight. It's something I change every 5 pounds or so, and for the longest time it's been set to 150.

I realized today that I'm now a lot closer to 145 than I am to 150 and that ROCKS!!

But it stinks because it means I have to work harder to burn the the same amount of calories I did at 150. And the fact that my fitness level continues to improve, and my body becomes more efficient, I also need to bump up the intensity to get the same benefits.

So Yeah... awesomeness! With a tinge of "aw man!"

And yes, I realize there's people reading this that want to throw things at me right now. You too will soon have this fun problem! I have faith! :)

A Thought for Valentines Day

2010-02-13T08:48:00.001-07:00

I got this from one of my inspirational daily emails and wanted to share...

For most of us, Valentine's Day is a time when we exchange loving sentiments with those closest to us. I already know that before the day ends, my husband, David, will surprise me with some sweet gift and a card that expresses his love. And, of course, I have a card and a special surprise with his name attached. Our family valentine exchange extends to our children, to our mothers, and to others we hold especially dear.

But recently, I learned that valentines, love notes, and other tokens of affection were once sent anonymously.

That sparked an idea: Why shouldn't I be someone's secret admirer this year? I could send flowers to that once-in-a-lifetime grammar school teacher who doubled my confidence level the year I was in her class. Attaching a simple thank-you note signed "one of your grateful students" would most likely speak for a hundred others besides me.

And that lonely man I know who lost his wife. I wonder . . . if I took the time to bake a pie today and left it on his doorstep with an unsigned note, wouldn't it make him feel less lonely?

Wonderful "valentine opportunities" are all around, it seems. With the tiniest effort, it becomes a day for widening my circle of love.

Love is a gift I will pass on to another on this Valentine's Day.

-Pam Kidd

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Even before reading this I was getting my shopping list together and one of the stops I was planning on making was a store where I could pick up a few valentines day cards for my awesome hubby. Yes, it's the day before the holiday but it wasn't to give to him tomorrow. It was to have a stash on hand so that I could leave him little love notes throughout the year.

I won't delve deep into my personal thoughts on the holiday, but the gist of it this: it's a nice day to celebrate the love you have in your life - not just romantic love, but also family, friends and self love - but, like Christmas, if you only celebrate it one day out of the year, is it really that special?

Share the love, joy and kindness all year round. Treat everyone (starting with yourself!) with respect and a little more patience. Be someone's secret admirer. Those flowers that are super duper cheap right now? Go buy them and put them in your nicest vase and proudly display them. Pull out the nice china, the good crystal and the candles and have 'special' dinner on a Tuesday.

There are a multitude of ways to take the spirit of Valentines Day and make it last for the next year and beyond.

So... what is your favorite way to share the love?

Friday Follies, follow-up, and fill in the blank

2010-02-13T08:46:00.001-07:00

This week has been full of a lot of stuff and a lot of nothing. Life is nothing if not a series of learning experiences.

This week I'm learning that spending a day standing on a concrete floor in a freezing stadium wears me out a lot more than I would expect. I've made it to the gym twice this week, and both workouts left me feeling more 'meh' than I would have liked. And the one day on my feet left my body a wreck. I'm sooo happy I have a patient and able chiropractor who's willing to put my hubby & I back together again when we're silly.

I've also learned that taking an active 'easy week' is me still being active - it needs to be a week of extra rest days instead... Last week I tried to dial it down a few notches in intensity... apparently not enough.

This week I'm also starting to get more of a grip on what the heck I'm really doing in terms of my health/fitness goals and subsequently my life... because you do realize that your health and fitness are _part_ of your life, right? And you do realize that YOU are responsible for your actions.

This 'epiphany' hit me as I was looking at a recipe for a super nummy looking cake/cup cake recipe. I was toying with making it - it is, after all Valentine's weekend and Mardi Gras is coming up too... but I kept coming back to: Why? There's been pie and brownies already the last 2 weeks, do I need to add that to the mix?

No. No I don't.

It comes down to this: am I really committed to living a 90-95% healthy, sustainable lifestyle that enjoys a treat on /special/ occasion?

If I am, then I need to acknowledge that a weekend doesn't qualify as a special occasion.

It's not that the cupcakes are OMG so evil and other things we say to demonize food to try to avoid it. It's that right now, it's not going to do anything to help me get to where I want to go. It's not that I don't trust myself in the presence of baked goods. It's not that I've been deprived of 'treats', I haven't stuck /so/ close to my eating plan for any length of time that I feel I am entitled to it. It boiled down to the fact that it was the weekend, I wanted to do something that I don't have time during the week to do... and it sounded good.

And that's not good enough of a reason for me to do it right now.

Doing laundry, getting stuff together for a trip to good will, and cleaning the cat boxes - THAT is a better way to spend my time.

As for an exciting follow-up announcement: I bought a new pair of jeans!!! Ok, I ordered them, but still, it's a baby step in the right direction.

After my hubby pointed out that every pair of pants I own is hanging off me and exceeds my own rule (of being able to take them off without undoing them)... and HIS pants meet the same criteria [I put on a pair of his jeans inadvertently... they were on my side of the closet!] And 90% of my tops are way too big as well. It Was Time.

I decided to take the plunge and ordered a pair of jeans from the myshape.com site.

This wasn't an easy decision, but I was getting the ClueX4 to the head and it was time to make that stop. See, it's not that I don't love or accept myself. It's not that I don't have the money (ok, I don't really, but I have some, so it takes away a bit of the excuse). It's not that I don't have the time or resources [aka stores].

It's that I think it's frivolous to spend money on clothes for me to decorate my body in a flattering way.

There, I said it.

This realization came after watching an episode of What Not To Wear (See, I listened to my peeps! I am trying to become a good student! :) One of the ladies was very proud of the fact that she never spent more than $20 on a piece of clothing in her closet... and most were under $10.

It showed. Low quality material, bad fit, not so flattering colors/styles, etc. Even *I* could see that... but then I looked at my own closet. I've spent a bit more on my clothes, but really, I hate to part with money for clothes. And having made clothes, I can recognize shoddy construction... but that happens when you look for clothes at Target instead of Nordstroms.

Yeah, so it was time for me to put those Big Girl Panties on and spend some quality cash on quality clothes. I wear the heck out of clothes, so I need something to stand up to that kind of abuse.

So I just spent ::gulp:: $55 on a pair of jeans.

In reality, if I am able to wear these jeans for the next year, it will be money well spent. More than that it will be double bonus!

I am also looking for a person to do alterations on my dress pants. I've only had those 3 months and don't want to buy a new pair. That way I have money to buy a few new tops to last me a little longer.

One "Ah-ha" moment I had was while watching WNTW... they gave the ladies poloroids of the outfits to refer to... I had the /brilliant/ idea to print off a few of the suggested outfits from MyShape, and use that as 'inspiration' of what to look for. That way it's less aimless wandering, it's more 'search and destroy'. LOL!

One other thing that I've been putting off - I finally registered for the Race for the Cure 5K! YAY!!! I am not seeking out donations, but if you are so inclined, I will post a link to my page when I can.

I have also set up a team: Fights Like A Girl if you would like to join in the fun... I love that they have a 'sleep in' option for the race - pay the fee, but don't have to do it. ;)

To add to the excitement, while I'm generally an antisocial/solitary exerciser, I got a notice that they're starting a training group in a couple of weeks that seems like a great idea to meet new people and pump up my endurance a little in the process.

Finally, the Fill-in-the blank section... of the different themes swirling around me this week, this one has stuck out. You know the rules (no wrong answer, keep it clean, answer as many times as you like)...

Fill in this blank:

Healthy is _____________

Inmates running the asylum

2010-02-09T10:51:00.003-07:00

That's at least what it feels like in my brain of late.

First off: Insert standard apologies for not visiting/responding/keeping in touch with folks/their blogs/groups/etc. here. I have been thinking of everyone a lot! SparkTime has become a precious commodity of late, and I've been trying to jump in where I can rather than spend a huge amount of time catching up.

Secondly: Yes, I've been quiet. Yes, I'm ok. No I haven't fallen off the non-existent wagon and suddenly gained back 50 pounds. And my candy dish is still full. Just been busy with work which is a good thing, and little to no brain power/desire to spend time on the computer when I get home. This may or may not change any time soon, so just givin' folks the heads up that, if I'm quiet, feel free to give me a nudge to make sure I'm still breathing. ;)

Finally... the inmates.

Yeah... this is one of '(re)learning about myself' blogs, so feel free to move along if you are so inclined. ;)

Yesterday was one of those chaotic brain days - every little thing annoyed me and I couldn't wind things down. I usually listen to music when working out and yesterday I couldn't even tolerate that - the competition between the roar in my brain, my ears, the music in the gym and the extra blasty spinning class music just drove me over the edge. The day got worse from there and culminated with me invoking the "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" privilege toward my DH, and sending cranky @$$ to bed (You're right _Ramona, that DOES make my bum seem more valuable! :) by about 9.

I'm sort of feeling the same way today, but too tired to really care thanks to kitten intervention last night... apparently they were trying to save me from my Wacky Bobo Dreams^TM by waking me up every 20 minutes or so, whether I needed it or not.

Turns out that an over busy schedule + minimal down time - (adequate sleep + optimal nutrition + forearm licking) = one stressed out monkey!

It's all about balance, and the last couple of weeks I haven't had much. I'm all about focusfocusfocus workworkwork because, well, there's a lot to be done...

And it's making my Inner Princesses very annoyed.

It's now to the point where Stevie & Veruca have taken matters into their own hands.

Super Brat Powers: Activate!

I've been feeling rebellious, been resentful of "having" to do things, and starting to dwell in the land of the "Poor Me's"...

To which Stevie and Veruca reply: Now that we have your attention, can we puh-leeeezzee start having a little fun again?!?!

Looking back at their "Promotion Promises", I'm realizing I certainly have not kept up my end of the bargain by any stretch:

1. Everything can be a game.
2. Don't walk when you can run.
3. If you don't like it, don't eat it.
4. Laughter feels good.
5. Playtime is important.
6. The world should be full of color!
7. It's always more fun with friends around.
8. Adventures are found outside, not inside.
9. It's important to use your imagination. (I had to leave the extras on this one! You can be Captain Fantastic or Stupendous Woman [YAY! Stupendous Woman!] any time you want. Give yourself permission to believe in your own super powers and let your mind take you wherever it wants to go.)
10. Anything is possible.
11. You have your whole life ahead of you. Here's your chance to do it right.

Life is much more fun, and a lot easier, when you learn to play with your Inner Princess'. They are much less demanding of things like cookies, cake, and sleep-ins, and I seem to get more done without wanting to bite people's heads off.

So... lessons learned, sleep will be had, breathing will begin, and forearm licking that doesn't involve copious amounts of wine, beer or cookies will commence!

Thoughts for Thursday: The Thyroid Post

2010-02-04T10:48:00.008-07:00

Anyone who has been around this blog and/or known me for any amount of time can discern 3 things about me:

1) I have waaaaay too much info rattling around my brain
2) I lovelovelove to help people
3) I’m exceptionally passionate about 3 things (aside from my hubby, family, friends and kittens, that is): health/wellness/nutrition; girlie reproductive issues/health; and thyroid issues.

The things I’m most passionate about have become so because they are things that I have had issues with in the past, have found frustration with conventional wisdom (that isn’t), and have been compelled to do a lot of research and brain picking to get to the best “truth” I can find.

And truth be told, I start looking into a topic because that particular issue has become a burr in my bum. Something going on in my life that I’m just not satisfied with the usual answer of “Don’t worry about it. The labs/tests are normal.”

That’s how I came to have a brain loaded with info on hypothyroidism. And with the stuff going on around me of late – the plethora of people close to me getting the “normal” brush off, stories of doctors refusing to treat a patients, etc.

While I would love to take tons of time to dump my brain onto all of you, my unsuspecting blog public, I don't want to bore you with all the details of my life, my past, my progress, and my current plans... unless you /really, really/ want me to (ie... just ask, I'll spill! ;)

I do want to share what I know so that you know how smart I am (LOL!), and also to know that I feel your pain and frustration at feeling like your lazy and crazy and fat and tired and sick and tired and achey and tired and freezing and tired and oh yeah, the doctor doesn’t want to hear about it anymore so just go on a diet, lose weight and you’ll be fine.

::bangs head on desk:: (by the way, that’s now my “official” “Indian” name… LOVE IT! Thanks Julee!)

The other reason for sharing is to give some hope. Yes, there’s a loooot of people struggling with issues that can be related to their thyroid, that are either diagnosed and un/under treated (Hellooooo Oprah!), or undiagnosed because hey! Your labs?! They’re “normal”. Get over it. But there are some of us out there who are finding a way to get the right treatment from a medical professional (I heart my Naturopath!), find what works for our bodies nutritionally and physically, and how to take care of ourselves emotionally.

I believe that it is possible to go from this:

To this:

To this:

(which isn't me...yet. ;)

Despite that silly little gland in my throat.

After all... you've seen my before/progress photos:

My overarching disclaimers:

#1, I’m not a doctor, nor to I even claim to play one on the internets. I’ve thought about it, but the time and money involved is too great.

#1a. Anything you read here is no substitute for actual medical advice.

#2 This is in no way, shape or form an assumption or assertion that everyone with a weight issue has a thyroid issue. People with truly normal functioning thyroids have weight issues, just as people with no weight issues have malfunctioning thyroids. It’s a “here’s the info, if the shoe fits, I’ll show you how to find a cobbler to fix said shoe” type of post, and again, an opportunity to empty my brain. If it empowers you to take charge of your health, all the better.

#3 The symptoms I list below may or may not indicate a thyroid issue. There's a LOT of different illness that are similar, and can be co-occuring with each other such as Fibromyalgia, chronic/adrenal fatigue, PCOS, metabolic syndrome, etc. Checking the thyroid first is a good first place to look when you know something is wrong, and can help open the door to the true heart of the matter.

First and formost, Here's a list of common symptoms:
Fatigue [not the oh gee I'm tired... it's the full body achey/weary/tired to the core fatigue]
Headaches & Migraines
PMS
Easy Weight Gain
Depression
Irritability
Fluid Retention
Anxiety & Panic Attacks
Hair Loss
Poor Memory
Poor Concentration
Low Sex Drive
Unhealthy Nails
Dry Skin & Hair
Cold Intolerance /
Heat Intolerance
Low Motivation
Low Ambition
Insomnia
Allergies
Acne
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
Asthma
Hives
And a whole lot more

Secondly, here's a mess of links for you:

The 'official' guidelines on Hyper & Hypothyroidism (the hypo stuff starts on page 7, and the TSH lab range is in the 2nd to last paragraph on page 6.)
www.aace.com/pub/pdf/guidelines/hypo_hyper.pdf

[quick TSH 101 lesson: a low TSH indicates that the thyroid is functioning normally or is over active, ie processing too much of the T3 & T4 floating around your body. The higher the number, the lower the thyroid is functioning... think of a wet sponge - it can't absorb anymore liquid so any excess just sits there.]

If you have nodules on your thyroid:
www.aace.com/pub/pdf/guidelines/thyroid_nodules.pdf

Info on lab ranges:
www.thyroid-info.com/articles/aacereversal.htm

Article on "normal" ranges
thyroid.about.com/od/gettestedanddiagnosed/a/normaltshlevel.htm

and another one...
thyroid.about.com/cs/testsforthyroid/a/newrange.htm

[Side note: the less than scientific 'ideal' range where a lot of people to feel good, asymptomatic and highly functional is 1.0-1.5.... if you're TSH is in the 2.0+ region and you have a lot of the symptoms, talk to your doctor, endo, naturopath, whomever about getting treatment.]

A checklist:
thyroid.about.com/cs/basics_starthere/a/hypochecklist.htm

Another great site that also deals with hypothyroidism, but from a different approach, and looks at complementary medicine as well. This one helped me a lot when I was in the info gathering stage:

www.wilsonssyndrome.com/

This site has some good info, but it took me a while to appreciate it because it’s very ‘in your face’/ activist oriented. If that appeals to you, this will help get you geared up for a talk with your doctor.
www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/

And my friend Julee's SparkPeople group that has way more info than I could even hope to contain here:
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individual.asp?gid=22376

Finally, YOU are your own medical advocate! Most of the stuff I included just scratches the surface but has reputable/reliable information, and enough to plop a binder on your doctors desk and say "here... educate yourself". Do NOT be afraid to ask for a test to be run and then ask for a hard copy of your lab results. It's YOUR blood that was tested, it's YOUR medical information, you have the right to it. You may have to sign a release, but who cares if that means the difference between knowing what's going on in your body or being told what's going on.

That all being said, hope this was helpful and if you have questions or want more info on my experience, let me know!

Fired Up and Focused February

2010-02-01T13:14:00.001-07:00

February is Focus, Focus, Focus month!

They say that a dream that isn't written down is just a wish. I want to make my dreams a reality!

I am continuing my journey towards 140 pounds or less, and torching body fat like nobody's business!

I am holding myself accountable by doing the following:

-Tightening up my eating by weighing and measuring my food to ensure I'm getting appropriate amounts of carbs, fat & protein

- Eating a wide variety of raw and cooked veggies, limiting my grains, and enjoying lean protein

- Doing 5 workout sessions a week - 4 crossfit workouts + 1 walk/run session to prepare myself for my upcoming 5K

- Allow myself to 1 adult beverage a week (2 this week since tonight's the hubby's b-day dinner) While I enjoy sharing a beverage with my hubby, more than this is counter productive to achieving my short term goals.

- Allow myself 1-2 desserts a week

- I maximize my fat burning potential by creating an efficient calorie deficit though exercise and controlled food portions.

- I continue to work through, and remove limiting beliefs that keep popping up and blocking my success.

I look forward to achieving my goal and sculpting the body of my dreams!

At the end of the month, I am excited to see the scale reflect 5 pounds of pure fat gone from my body forever!

Follow-up/Fill-in-the-Blank Friday

2010-01-29T11:04:00.001-07:00

YAY! We made it through the week and what a week it was... Wanted to take a few moments to sip my coffee, chat with my peeps, and do a little follow-up/touch base/check in. So pull up a chair, grab a cuppa, and hang with me for a while, this is gonna be a long one...

I'm realizing that I blurt out a lot of things, make a lot of 'goal' type statements and then let them flop around in the blog-o-sphere/recesses of my brain and don't do much to actually be accountable for them, one way or another.

So here goes... First off, thank you to EVERYONE who 1) listened to my self serving rantings in my previous post about the dread of clothing shopping, and 2) offered suggestions, hints, tips, resources or the "OMG ME TOO!" Please keep 'em coming!!!

I'm feeling much more empowered to seek out professional help. Heck, it helped my brain (yes I just admitted that, and no, I have no problem talking about it.), why not my closet? It will be put slightly on hold for now due to 1) time to spend a day in Phoenix and 2) money to drive up there and either take a friend with me (Ohhh Juulleeeee...) and/or meet with some friends up there (::cough:: Michele, Abby, mOnkey ::cough::). No matter when I do it (I wrote on my 2010 to-do listy of love that I would go 4/15/10) I'll provide a full report! Promise!

In my angst, er, fear, I mean thinking about all this, I did come across a wonderful resource: www.myshape.com You create a free account, take a mess of measurements, they determine your 'shape' and show you a whole mess of outfits that match your shape for purchase.

ALL of the outfits I saw were Ah-Mazing! Totally the styles I like and could see myself wearing. The measurements I put in were half-a$$ because I really need another person to help with a couple of them. I'm going to enlist some help this weekend to get proper measurements done not only for the site but for my own use...

Bringing me to my next goal update: my "goal" weight. I've been really, really, really struggling with this one. I committed to this first 12 week cycle to fat burning and getting through that "last" 10 pounds.

I will spare you all the internal turmoil that thinking about that goal has caused me [trust me, the Princesses & I were near all out rebellion and I almost completely ditched the goal].

The gist is that the Awesome Ramona, supplemented with Two Fit Chicks , helped me have a HUGE A-Ha moment, remove my fear of finishing, shift my thinking away from the scale again and reminded me that living the lifestyle and taking time to tighten the reigns short term to be extra focused on my goal can coexist peacefully in my mind.

So I've readjusted the short term goal a bit to reduce my body fat by 5% or more, and if the scale happens to show a 5-10# drop, all the better. I'll be doing measurements once a month with my Accumeasure callipers and using this website. I'm not looking for accuracy in measurements, just for a consistent measure.

I shall reserve the rant on body fat calculations for another day... till then, I shall let you chew on this for a while.

That brings me back to the article I shared in my previous post. The reason I *wanted* to share it got lost in the quagmire of my rantings, but I'm now reminded of it after re-reading the article from Mark's Daily Apple(an awesome resource, BTW, for a truly getting a grip on the lifestyle aspect of this journey. You may not adopt his way of eating - I haven't - but you can learn a LOT about developing a chilled out attitude.)

The whole point of both of these is this: The number really doesn't matter.

The size on your pants, the number on the scale, the notch on a calliper, a tick mark on the measuring tape, the results on a lab report* - all numbers, all measures of a single moment in time, all as accurate as the method used create it.

Do what you will with those results, the measurements, the numbers, but don't make them of supreme, singular importance. Use the numbers as tools and make informed decisions based on them of how you are going to proceed from that moment to the next.

Think of it this way: You could have 3 pairs of pants, each measures 18" across the top when laid flat, yet each one has a different number on the tag. If each pair fits you the same way, does the one with larger number make you 'fat' while the smaller number makes you 'thin'?

Nope.

It means the people who made your clothes can't agree.

So stop making the numbers so important and focus on consistently doing something each day to get you closer to where you want to be, and soon you will see your numbers/measurements of each instance in time falling more in line with what you want them to be.

-----
* Yes, I do realize that some numbers on the lab result are important, and need to be watched closely... I'm not trying to minimize a high glucose level, or out of control triglycerides, but we're not getting into that kind of detail. I'm talking conceptually, no specifically. K?

k.
-----

Speaking of food, weight and goals... remember these little goodies from a couple of weeks ago

Yeah... they're still there. Though I gotta say the Kinder egg's days are numbered. Not because I want the chocolate - because I want the toy inside! :)

As for other goals I'm working on, I've gotten about 30 miles into my Walk to Rivendell, I'm still plugging away on my test, and I'm still 'training' (aka looking forward to, and doing what I can to build my endurance) for the Race for the Cure (but need to pay the entrance fee still... oops!), and I'm so happy to report that the hubby & I have had dinner at the dining room table nearly every night this week (which means it's been consistently clear of clutter!

yay!)

*whew*

And /finally/ we come to the 'fill in the blank' portion of the blog! ::throws confetti::

If you made it this far, YOU are a trooper!

Today's fill in the blank is inspired by the awesome MizFit herself, Carla. I was listening to the podcast on goals (Go! Listen!) and she blew me away with how she applied the principle of the Zone to all aspects of her life... The concept of "you're only as far from the Zone as your next meal."

She took it a step further:
I'm only as far from being an awesome mom as my next interaction with my child.
I'm only as far from finishing my book as my next sentence.

Without further adieu, fill in the blank:

I'm only as far from ______________ as my next____________.

Remember: No wrong answer, answer as many times as you'd like, feel free to steal from others.
Have at!

Thoughts for Thursday: The source of my frustration...

2010-01-28T11:29:00.001-07:00

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you have heard me reference my feelings about going shopping for clothes.

If you're new, let me sum it up:

You want me to floss your rabid pekinese? Consider it done!

You want me to take apart your car, detail it, wax it and give it back to you? No problem-o

You want to string me up by my toes & make me sing "Danny Boy" from the top of the Empire State Building in nothing but feathers & a tiara? I'm am so your gal!

You want me to go to a store to find clothes for myself? ::insert Steph shaped poof of dust as I bolt through the wall ala Wiley Coyote:: (And that's only a few seconds slower than I'd take off if you were mention bra shopping, but that's another story all together.)

I bring all this up because it's that time again... I made a deal with the hubby that I would go shopping when I could consistently take my pants off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.
He's been dropping hints that it's almost time. I deny it. He tugs at my pants. I poof out my belly and take a wide stance. He gets my pants to my hips with ease. I pout and say it's still not time. He tugs... you get the idea.

(I know, I know, it's TMI... and Dad, if you're reading this... just forget that last bit, k? k.)

If you have taken a look at my progress... seen recent photos... or have a hint at my 'before' weight/size, you're probably rolling your eyes, thinking, "Who wouldn't LOOOOVE to go shopping to slip on smaller sizes! The clothing world is your oyster! Go forth and shop your heart out!"

To which I reply, "Pffffff" (the blog equivalent of a raspberry ;)

I shall point to this article as the basis of why it's so bloody annoying to step into a store for me.

No two size (fill in blank) are the same... even by the same manufacturer! Try on everything!

UGH!

Add to this that I'm curvy, I'm picky (read: perfectionist... see, that way I can avoid actually making a decision or a purchase, and can continue to complain about how I can't find anything that fits me well!), and honestly the styles right now are wholly unflattering!

Size 8 or 18... doesn't matter.

Pttui on shopping.

Hugs & Kisses,

Veruca & Stevie
Resident Princesses of Power

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok, now that I've let the girls have their say, I shall now attempt to speak with a bit of reason, but will mostly be a brain dump/cry for help.

I realize I have a bad attitude about this. Every time I think about facing the prospect of shopping it fills me with angst and dread.

I've made steps to look at things more positively. I've worked on being kind to myself and feel worthy of having nice clothes that fit well and are flattering to the body I have right now.

And I think that last bit is a big part of it... And Stacy, Clinton & FlyLady would have a tough love field day with me about that.

See... I've been doing the "Get me by" shopping for... well... all my life. The clothing that, despite all it's potential, beauty, style, structure, grace and other attributes, has come into my life as "until" pieces.

You know those things... Not what I want/is ok/will hold me over UNTIL... I get into a smaller size/I find something I like better/I have more money/etc.

I have a closet full of Untils, and now that I am closing in on my goal body size and shape, it's really time to stop dwelling into valley of the Until, and start collecting clothes that flatter the body and enhance the spirit.

And this is where I pitch a fit and demand attention...

::ahem::

I mean, I throw myself upon the mercy of the kind and generous folks who happen upon these words, and ask for your assistance, suggestions and feedback.

Here's where I need help:

1) Style!
As in, I have none. My 'clothing personality' tends more towards Classic, with a touch of Romantic - structure with a bit of frill (think 40's, 50's & 60's clothing - ala Katherine, Jackie, Chanel, Marilyn, Dior, Elizabeth, etc.) I'm so not the 'trendy' kind of person. I like classic, enduring pieces that last from season to season, and are constant. You know, stuff that I don't have to constantly go out and buy the latest and greatest version of. ;)

I know, big shocker on all that. Think you'll have a heart attack and die of not surprise, right? I'm nothing if not transparent! LOL!

HELP! Where do I start?! Please recommend designers, stores, websites, resources, etc... I'm in Tucson, AZ, which has the usual department stores, and a few smaller 'boutiques', and can make the trip to Phoenix if need be.)

2) Shopping!
As in, How do you do it?! Divide & conquer? Go in for one thing at a time? Shop for 'capsules' (ie 4-5 pieces that can be mixed & matched for multiple outfits)?

HELP! I'm thinking the list of stores/designers to start with will help... but any other suggestions are encouraged. Anyone tried personal shoppers? Anyone know where to find one?

3) Fit!
I don't even know what my body shape really is, or what looks good on me right now... trendy clothes tell me that I'm supposed to have loooow rise pants and hiiiiigh rise tops that are loooow cut.

But I don't want to look like a ... yeah. I'll let you fill in that blank.

And the fun is if I find a pair of pants that fits well, sits in a happy place to not show all the stuff that God gave me at birth when I sit down, the next time I go to the store, they are no where to be found; replaced by 100 new styles that aren't. quite. right. Or tops that are too narrow in the shoulders but long in the sleeve...or just the opposite.

I know this one layers on the style and shopping/fling a lot of spaghetti and see what sticks, er, fits... but it's probably the most frustrating.

HELP!!! I'm so tempted to find a seamstress and plop a bunch of fabric on his/her lap and say "make it!" Ideas?!?!

Thank you all in advance for your help, encouragement and/or rantings/success stories!

A "Blueberry" kinda day... and linky type love.

2010-01-26T10:47:00.001-07:00

A while back... I was in a mood.

OOOH was I in a mood and everyone around me was making it worse.

I sent my fabu friend Mon an email ranting and raving about [insert less than flattering adjective here] co-workers and [insert really nasty adjective here] computers and darnitall if the sky was just too stinkin' blue that day.

She responded that I should imagine the co-workers (and anything else that annoyed me for that matter) blowing up like Violet in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - looking like a huuuuge blueberry and rolling it down a hill.

That made me giggle. It broke some stress. No one got hurt.

Now anytime we have a frustrating kind of day or situation, the battle cry to tackle it is "BLUEEEEBERRRIEEESSSS!"

Today... is sort of one of those days. Not really in a "OMG I'm cranky, get out of my way" kind of day - mind and heart are feeling clear... just having lots going on and being kept extra busy at work but feel like everything is an uphill battle.

Speaking of up hill battles... I read about this, this morning... www.mountlemmonmarathon.com/ HOLY MACARONI!!!

Though there's a part of me that says, "Hmmm... if I start training now... and convince some of my awesome running/marathon trainee/veterans to come out to Tucson and celebrate my b-day by doing a hard climb with me... could be intriguing."

And more of the linky type love to share... I lubs me the MizFit for so many reasons, and found out today she started life as a counselor like the Awesome Ramona (I dub thee Awesome, darlin'!) and that sort of prompting for being your best self comes through in all she does... Her personal motto and mantra for all is to be "unapologetically myself", something that I keep aspiring to in my own life, and release the fear of just being "Me", but that's a whooole different story for a different day.

I shared this entry with the Amazing Julee (yes, that's my name for her... no, she doesn't have a cape. Yet. ;).

It prompted a really good discussion of how each of us 'licks our forearms' (or rather, don't)... and realized we both have a long way to go in the healthy, self-soothing practice.

Please, go read and let me know how YOU lick YOUR forearms.

And to continue the MizFit love, I listened to the premier podcast of Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone

OMG LOVE LOVE LOVE! (I don't even hold it against DietGirl that she hearts Jillian Michaels. LOL!) Get thyself to the site and subscribe! And listen. Now!

And on that note, I shall leave you with one last thought in the spirit of Vince Lombardi... instead of getting caught up in the minutiae of details that don't matter... All it's doing is giving you an excuse not to get started or reach your goals. Focus instead on being brilliant with the basics. (yep, it's my theme for the day and yep it's something that I'm taking my own advice on. ;)

The latest view from here...

2010-01-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

Since we don't get much variance in the weather here in S. AZ, it's always exciting when something different happens... and last night we had a milder repeat of what happened on Thursday evening. Lots of rain, a little wind, a whole lotta snuggling under the blankets with the kitten pile!

And this is why it's all worth it...

(as of 10:30 am)

I've always said that if the beauty of the mountains ever stopped taking my breath away, I was either dead or it was time to move...

Glad to say I'm still alive and happy to stay. :)

And just for kicks, here's the view from the Mt Lemmon web cam just a bit ago...

(from www.snowrental.net/skiing/united-states/mount-lemmon/mount-lemmon-webcam.html )

The good news is that it means the power has most likely been restored... the "bad" is that it's buried under an inch or 2 of snow. :)

From the beautiful, big, dark floofy clouds forming to the east and south of us, I'd say we're in for a bit more fun this afternoon...

I do so love to see the snow lining the Catalinas like that... and so love that it stays up there. ;)

The view from here...

2010-01-22T11:31:00.001-07:00

Apparently I missed a LOT last night.

We don't have cable and didn't want to deal with the whole converter/antenna thing... so that means no TV! (Yes, I'm serious... No I'm not totally crazy, and really, it's not that bad.)

That means I missed out on the fun of the tornado watch, the hail storms and various other sorts of havoc unleashed by Mother Nature last night in Tucson.

This was the sky yesterday at 4:00...

(Images courtesy of www.cs.arizona.edu/camera/ )

(love the wall of dust and cloud blocking the mountains... that normally look like this:)

Pretty, no?

This is what I saw driving into work this morning...

And this is how it looks right now (at 11-ish).

Yes it's clearing, and behind those clouds is a bunch of snow... oooh, the mountains are so pretty with a white blanket... but there's more crud on it's way.

The poor folks living in the midst of those clouds on Mt Lemmon are without power and all roads in and out are closed. Period. The end.

People living in Phoenix had their own fun with the airport closing down, the wash filling up so fast that it overflowed the banks and shut down a highway for the afternoon. (Michele - how'd you fare yesterday?! You get effected by any of that?)

Flagstaff & Sedona are buried under many inches of snow.

Cats & dogs... living together. Mass hysteria!

I know, all the peeps in the Northern climes are wondering what the big deal is. It's winter, it snows, get over it.

It's SOUTHERN ARIZONA! That's what's the big deal! We're practically Mexico - land of fun and sun, and more sun... and then there's the sun! And miles and miles of kitty litter, er, sand, as far as the eye can see.

We don't deal well with rain and snow. And this is a lot, even for the areas that are used to it.

The good news is that it may help cut down on fires later on this year, and heck, it's something different besides the amazingly georgous weather we normally have... And my house didn't get blown away to Oz last night and the only little people I saw this morning were my kittens. Though one of them kept changing a rainbow of colors...

and was tugging at the curtain... I'm sure that was all perfectly normal... right?

::pokes nose out::

2010-01-19T13:40:00.001-07:00

Yep... still here.

I know... I go and post about my huge goals and then not a peep.

I appreciate all of you who have checked in to see if I'm still breathing. I am... breathing heavy but still breathing.

Worked picked up a LOT last week (always a good thing to be wanted, needed and busy.) Home life was busy in different ways, and by the weekend I was just pooped. I did get some rest, but still feel like I could use more... I'm blaming that on the weird but wonderful rainy weather we've been having... But it's been cold (for me anyway) it puts me into hibernation mode and makes me feel even more hypo than usual with the cold creeping deep into my bones. My love to all of you in colder climates, especially in Canada - there's a reason I moved to southern AZ from Michigan; I'm glad there's some that really enjoy that weather... or at least can tolerate it.

Anywho, amid my busy, sleepy, hot herbal tea fill days & nights, my brain's been whirring away - my poor hubby (bless his heart!) has had to put up with me yakking on and on and on about stuff that I'd normally write out.

I've been thinking about everyone and will be posting proper blogs any day now... till then, I shall leave you with this little drive by thought:

I've seen more instances of emotional eating issues on people's status of late and it worries & saddens me... It took me a long time to get past it, it wasn't easy and it wasn't very fun some times, but it ultimately freed me from

Being able to identify that you're doing it is HUGE and you need to give yourself credit for it!

Just because you don't dive head first into a bag of chips or pint of ice cream doesn't mean you don't have emotional eating issues (that was me... I didn't see me reaching for a Reeses mini when I hit panic/overload as emotional eating... but it was.)

First and foremost, remember that hunger is _never_ urgent (ok, it is if you've gone 12+ hours without eating... but that's not what I'm talking about here) and rarely specific. Your body's signal for chocolate/cookies/chips/fries STAT is _N O T_ hunger related.

Secondly, recognize it for what it is: a coping mechanism, and an unhealthy one to boot. It doesn't matter if you to consume an extra 50 or 500 calories of healthy or unhealthy foods, you're basically avoiding dealing with the true issue - your emotions, your feelings, your reality - by turning to food instead of turning towards the truth.

Third - You don't have to take the time right that second to break down all the emotional stuff... but what you can do is to start developing new coping strategies.

My favorite is to procrastinate! We all do it, so don't act like it's something you would never do... this time use procrastination to your benefit! If you're starting to become aware of your emotions triggering a craving, acknowledge it head on - denial only makes it stronger.

Say to your self, "Self, I understand that we feel like we want that cookie/chips/candy/fries/etc. right now, and that's fine... we're just going to wait 15 minutes first."

_Most_ times, by the end of the 15 minutes you don't remember that you were craving something. Or the craving has lessened. If the craving is gone, CONGRATS! If you still have it, that's ok - indulge the craving with the control you gained by giving yourself some time and allowing the feelings to de-escalate.

This is a learning process and sometimes you win, sometimes you have another chance to learn.

Finally, make a commitment to yourself to do some regular soul searching, navel gazing, praying or meditating on each situation that comes along that triggers emotional eating. Ask yourself some pointed questions: what happened? why did it happen? why did I want to turn to food? What food did I crave? What memories do I have tied to that food?

Keep digging until you can see your early connections - sometimes it will be easy, sometimes it will be buried under new issues that aren't so plesant to deal with... keep some tissues handy - and work on forgiving yourself and letting go of those connections.

Just remember: It's _never_ about the cookie, it's about why the cookie is so darn important.

YOU are worth finding out what that reason is!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And as luck would have it, the Weekly Spark highlighted an article on hunger vs. cravings.

An update of sorts...

2010-01-12T12:04:00.001-07:00

So here we are... it's the 12th day of January already! What's up with that? The month nearly half gone and I'm still stuck on creating my goals, and getting my body to catch up with where my head is in this whole game! :)

First off, they say confession is good for the soul and it certainly was the case here - I am continually amazed and humbled at the support the SparkPeople members provide! Not just in the 'there there it's ok' way, but genuine insight into my journey, and their own lives. L-O-V-E it! After the brain dump on Friday and the therapeutic/tiring time with the hubby and out of town this weekend, I'm feeling a lot better mentally and physically.

Next I've been thinking about the general goals that I put out there and wanted to update and firm up some of them.

The Test! I put out there that my A. #1 goal: Get that *#$& test DONE! January 15th! That's it!

I've got 2 assessments and one essay DONE!, Have 2 training plans and 5 more essays to write between now and Friday. I have a schedule, I have accountability, I consider it DONE!

Movin' on...

I also threw out the idea of doing 2-3 competitive, endurance activities... well, if you say my status update, I'm considering doing 2 of them within a month of each other. One is a definite going to do - April 11, 2010, I'm joining my friend Alyssa (and possibly a few others) in the Race for the Cure 5K. I decided to join in mostly to support Alyssa because it will be her first 5K, but also because so many people I know have been touched by this disease. It will be an privilege to run in their memories/honor.

The second one, which will actually be before the Race for the Cure, is undecided... Not that I don't think I am capable, but because it would mean $70 in race fees. (Hey, part of my goal is to be more financially responsible!) I am giving myself until 1/30 do decide on that one since the entrance fee goes up on 2/1.

As for how that impacts my short term goals - it can only help because I'm committed to focusing on fat burning for the next 11 weeks. I'm not really changing up my exercise routine much - the shift will be to doing the more metabolic CrossFit workouts and minimising the straight weight lifting workouts.

It also means getting in at least one extra cardio session this week, every other week starting in Feb... then every week in March (baby steps, remember! ;). Weekend cardio is TBD, but will most likely be the same plan.

My goal is to not only be able to _run_ the whole 5K in April, but also be carrying at least 10 pounds less fat on my frame.

Other stuff:

Still clarifying those, but here's a general idea:

Financially, I will pay down my debt by 20%, donate $1,000 to a combo of my church and charities, and build my savings to $1,000.

Personally, I will read 12 books this year (including the last 3 Camolud books, and the first Templar book, Facing Your Giants, Think and Grow Rich, and Power of Positive thinking... the rest of the list TBD.)

Home wise, I will continue to clear through the clutter so I can have a home that brings me peace of mind and that I am happy to open my doors to hosting small dinners, movie nights and game nights with friends (new and old) without worry or stress.

Physically, I'm sticking with the goal of getting to the point where I can support/lift my body weight consistently so I can do Handstand Pushup & Unassisted Pull ups & dips. Once I can do 15-20 of those, start working on Ring dips, Muscle ups and Rope Climb.

Not to mention... Body weight deadlift, back and front squat. I'll work on the body weight chest press next year. ;)

I think that's enough to work on for now. :)

You're the next contestant on the dating game!

2010-01-11T14:07:00.001-07:00

For those of you who have read my blogs for a while, you know I'm very fond of saying, "It's all the same," meaning the process of getting/growing from Point A to Point B is fundamentally the same. This weekend was yet another reminder of that.

See, I had a fantastic weekend with my hubby - we worked the 2 day Bridal Fair in Phoenix (yes, I was in Phx, no I didn't call anyone, yes I'm a horrible friend, no we didn't do anything fun aside from beg snacks off of other vendors. ;)

Working at a bridal fair gives me an interesting perspective on things (not to mention getting to see just how out of touch I am with "fashion" trends. OY! When did bobby pins become hair accessories and not things you need to hide? Seriously!) It's so fun to see the ladies being giddy about planning their wedding; I feel the pain of the ones that are overwhelmed by the choices or the costs or the pressure to put on a party that meets someone else's standards impossibly high standards (ie have the "Perfect" wedding); I do a happy dance when I see guys as excited (and sometimes more excited!) about the planning process and the event as their beautiful bride to be.

The best part overall about being there, especially with my hubby, is it gives me a chance to relive those moments, rekindle the giddy happy feeling of dating, getting engaged and knowing I was getting to spend the rest of my life with my awesome hubby. When we work a show together, we get lots of comments like, "Awww... did you /just/ get married/engaged?" as we tend to get a bit sappy and smoochy.

I also rediscovered that little twinkle my hubby gets in his eyes once in a while this weekend. It got me thinking - did it go away or did I stop looking?

It struck me how the relationship journey - dating, building a relationship, and marriage - and the journey to achieving a healthy weight, lifestyle changes and healthy habit building are really the same thing.

And ya'll are staring at the screen thinking, "She's finally completely lost it this time."

LOL! Probably... but I do have a point... and connections to be made... work with me. (and keep in mind I'm going to speak in generalities... Don't bog me down with specifics, k? ;)

The "Dating" phase

You're lonely, you want companionship, you go out and find someone, or they find you, to hang out with, go to a movie with... "date". You don't like them, you move on to the next person and repeat... you sorta like them but it doesn't work out for whatever reason so you keep repeating the process.

Or maybe you're into serial monogamy where you date one person exclusively for a while, get bored, break up and find the next person... then get bored, break up, find the next person.

Either way, you're focused on putting up the best image possible, looking at possibilities, taking a bit of extra effort to look good, be on good behavior, etc.

How often have you done that with eating and exercise plans? You get excited about the potential, you have fun with it for a while, you try extra hard for a while, only to get bored, get side tracked, or find a new, shiny, big promises plan to move on to.

Thing is, you're stuck in a cycle... it may be fun, but it's not very fulfilling.

You start to think, "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I stick with someone/a diet?! Why can't I find a person/plan that makes me happy?"

Then maybe, just maybe, the thought occurs to you no one and no thing can _make_ you happy, that possibly happy comes from _inside_ of you, not from an external source.

So you take a bit of time, get your feet under you, start becoming comfortable in your own skin and head back out into the "dating" realm... but not to look for someone/a plan that YOU fit with, but someone that fits WITH you. Lets say that *poof* you find them/it and you move into...

The "Relationship" phase

This phase is similar to the dating phase with the wining and dining and excitement and getting all dolled & looking to go that extra step for the other person, with a minor difference: You're looking at this for the long haul.

You pace yourself. You start to reveal your true self more and more, bracing yourself for them to accept you or run screaming from the room (which I have /yet/ to hear of anyone having that happen to them, by the way!)

You're still excited when they call, but elements of comfort and complacency start to sneak in. When you recognize it, you do something to shake things up, keep things interesting. You're focused on growing as a couple, working out your differences, and moving toward that one goal: the alter; or building the foundation for a healthy marriage, not just a pretty wedding.

This is the the "lifestyle" change part of the health journey. You're working towards a goal: a certain number on the scale or pant size. It keeps you motivated, it allows you to get past the small disruptions and get back on track toward your end goal.

The "marriage" phase

Either way you look at this - be it interpersonal relationships or weight loss - the marriage phase is the maintenance phase.

It's the time when you've done all this workworkwork and /finally/ you cross the finish line. It's the time when one is inclined to think, "I've done so much, I've gotten this far, time to throw it into auto pilot and keep on coasting," right?

YES! and NOOOO!

Yes, it's time to celebrate your achievements, maybe take a little bit of a break, but it's also the time to stay in the game, or at least practice "Constant Vigilance!"

Going back to the hubby's sparkly eyes... there's been some stress in our lives of late, and we both admit that it's been wearing on us. We started getting a little snippy at each other, being less than patient... things that could be also be considered part of the 'honeymoon stage' wearing off. It also meant we both stopped really paying attention to each other.

Not ignoring each other, just more mindful of our own personal space rather than the other person occupying it with us.

Situations improve, as they do, and we had a good laugh this weekend -a REALLY good laugh, one like I haven't had in a long time where you just keep giggling long after the moment has passed and the giggles are more contagious then the piggy flu!

Thing is, it would be so easy to keep along that personal space trail until a few years later you think, "Who is this person living in the house with me?! Where is the person I married?" It doesn't matter if the eyes are sparkling 24-7 if I don't take the time to look.

It's like that with health/weight/fitness. It's great that you got yourself to a place where you have a healthy weight, good level of fitness, etc., but what happens when you stop paying attention and slip into auto pilot? You get comfy where you are, you have 'just a bit more' of this or that, portions start to creep up, exercise time starts to creep down... in a few years you look in the mirror and think, "Who is that person and why are they wearing my clothes?!"

But you have a choice, and it doesn't mean you have to go aaaaalll the way back to the dating phase, it means hanging out in the relationship phase more often than not. Doing those little extra things you used to do: Parking a little further away, keeping the cookies and wine for special occasions, saying thank you, sitting at the table & talking instead of eating dinner in silence in front of the TV.

And if you think you're off the hook because you're single, you're not... you deserve to treat yourself just as well as you would a partner. ;) And it doesn't matter where you are on your journey - still dating or moving into the marriage phase, you still deserve to continue to treat yourself as if you're on your own personal honeymoon!

ps... for those still wondering, the candy is still in the dish... ;)

Routines, Slippage, Treats and other randomness

2010-01-08T15:04:00.001-07:00

Yeah, that's how my brain has been operating for the better part of this week, especially today! There's been a lot that's been rattling around by brain and what is the bestest way to release it?!

A blog of course!

The biggest thing is I feel like I've been slipping. I joined Tom Venuto's 50 day holiday challenge on Thanksgiving day. The goal of this challenge was to stay focused on healthy habits and to be in better shape at the end than you were at the beginning.

Did great at the beginning and up until my little over training issue before Christmas I was totally kickin' butt.

Then I hit wall of tired.

Then the oddness that is Christmas/New Years hit with the wonky schedule, little events thrown in here and there, leftovers galore but no set menu or food plan to speak of.

Oh then this week happened. I was soooo looking forward to re-embracing my routine.

The the not-so-great-but-not-so-bad-feeling hit (you know that feeling where you /could/ get sick, but you're not, but you don't feel great, but you're not feeling crappity either?)

Monday's workout was ok, Tuesday's ... M-E-H!, Wednesday was cruddy & sore feeling rest day, Thursday was work and body imposed rest day, Today ROCKED.

Ok, the workout rocked, body wise I still am in mediocre feeling land.

The last 2 week+ weeks I've been feeling "it" slip away... but not sure what "it" was... not my desire to get fit, to eat well, to move more, to be better...

Then it hit me: "it" was my mindset. My forward thinking, proactive not reactive, go get'em tiger attitude.

Re-reading my accountability and updates the past few days I was shocked... I... _I_ was giving excuses and (ugh) WHINING! I was falling into the indecisive, "can't schedule" trap.

This realization came when I was talking about things that were coming up - all the "special challenges". Working a bridal fair all weekend, parents coming for a visit. If I /really/ wanted to stretch, MLK day & Valentines day are around the corner too.

It occurred to me that it's a case of 'be careful what you wish for' - I commented not too long ago that maybe I'm *too* scheduled & regimented, that I need to be more flexible and learn to work my plan into any situation rather than feeling annoyed when the schedule changes and my routine doesn't.

Instead of looking at it like a crisis, time to shift back to the positive and see it as _getting_ a lot of opportunities to practice being flexible.

It's all an excuse - there's order in the most chaotic situation... the question is: do you have the energy to find it and embrace it, or do you just go with the flow?

Then this morning I got hit with another choice/reminder...

I had a total girl crush moment - a lady working out next to me was doing 135# bench presses... near as I could figure, that was at or over her body weight.

*swoon*

Told her she was a rockstar and my hero... she laughed.

I decided that it's my goal by the end of the year is to be able to do bodyweight lifts like that. It's sort of worked in there, but it was solidified in my mind this morning.

I was excited! That's the thing with making that shift from "must. lose. weight." to "improving fitness/strength" When you focus on fitness goals, the weight can fluctuate up and down and while I may not be thrilled it's not that important. It's all about doing a little better each time, improving bit by bit, not being a slave to the scale.

But then I remembered... I made my decision to have the next 11.2 weeks be about fat burning and I need to get back into that mindset.

*drat*

I'm also realizing that I'm at that "last 10-15 pounds" stage... and to blast that last bit of fat from my body is going to require even more dedication than in the past.

There's a part of me that says, "Bah! I'm good where I am! Who cares about the scale?!" The other part that sees the squishy belly bits and knows it's time.

I've so happily embraced the rather intuitive lifestyle, even with incorporating the Zone 'rules', but it's time.

Time to go back to consistent* tracking of food. Time to increase the cardio driven workouts. Time to reduce the days I put that wee scoop of hot cocoa, and to measure the honey I put in my coffee because it all adds up.

And that leads me to the treats...

These beauties have been sitting on my desk since before halloween. Anyone who's been around me for any length of time knows that I luuuubs me my peanut butter... and the KinderSurprise egg... well, they just rock in their own German/Italian/French fusion way (got these in Edmonton cuz the US is the only place you can't get them easily.)!

I mean it's light and milk (real milk!) chocolate (really, it's like they spray nummy white milk type layer on the inside part) That surrounds a plastic capsule containing a wonky silly prize. (and those of you in other areas of the world now know what to get me for by b-day. ;)

Who else but the German/Italian/French fusion folks would put silly cartoon kissy fishes over real kissy hippo's?!

Ok, I digress...

Before you think that I totally dove into the treat stash after snappin the pic, let me assure you, I didn't.

And no, I didn't toss them in the trash either.

Instead, they're sitting on my desk, much like they have for the past 90+ days. They stay there mostly as a reminder and a little bit of security. If things get really, really, /really/ rough and I truly am desperate for chocolate (or a new toy ;) it's there.

Mostly, though, I regard them the same as when I put them on my desk... Goodnight, treats. I'll most likely eat you in the morning.

-----
*Consistent meaning tracking a few days a week, not daily. I've learned that it's a very, very good tool at the beginning, but it can trigger all sorts of bad crazy in my brain if I do it for too long.

I see your paradigm...

2010-01-04T16:52:00.001-07:00

...and shift you, ever so slightly...

A Paradigm Shift: a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change.

I was going to share all these fun statistics I found about how X% of people have given up on their New Years Resolutions and why "diets" fail...

Yeah, how positive and encouraging is that? You know where you are on your journey, your goals, your dreams... I don't need to point out either the obvious or opposite of where you are.

Besides it so not what I'm about.

Anywho, back to the paradigm thingy. Ever have those days where you have a feeling that the universe is trying to tell you something?

Well, for me, the last couple of days, it's been more than a feeling - it's been like a big 'ol ClueX4(tm) smack upside the head. LOL!!!

Over all the message is: Get a different perspective.

And the interesting thing is that I got it from lots of different sources: different email newsletters, a link to the Mayo Clinic's "diet" (I love their "are you ready?" article by the way.) but I think my pastor presented it best as part of his sermon: Do you have a "have to" or a "get to" attitude.

Think about it... There's always stuff we know we should be doing...and some of that stuff we actually /are/ doing. But what's your attitude towards it? Are you doing it grudgingly or gratefully?

Do you lay in bed in the morning when your alarm goes off and think, "Ugh! I /have/ to go to the gym and do my workout."

Or is there a bit of excitement at the privilege of _getting_ to workout?

It's 5:30 pm, do you groan at the thought of _having_ to make dinner?

Or are you happy that you have wholesome food that you _get_ to prepare for yourself and your family?

One of the things that I struggle with is being grateful. When you're faced with things you'd rather not do, you're heart just isn't into it right this moment, or it feels like life dumped a whole pile of karmic poo in your lap, it's hard to see that silver lining.

But every so often, it's good to shift your thinking, ever so slightly... looking at things as a privilege, something you GET to do, like some great service or gift you're bestowing on someone... only that someone is YOU!

What do you say? Ready to set off a revolution in your life with a slight change in thinking?
Ready to challenge yourself the next time your energy is faltering and you feel like everyting is a "have to"? Give the "get to's" a try! You might like it. :)

Steph's 5-S approach to Success!

2010-01-01T13:43:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year!!

It's January 1st! It's the first day of not only an new year, but a new decade!!

It's also the day that a lot of people are quickly regretting the announcements and resolutions they made last night in a champagne loaded stupor. I know for me, I was much more inclined to stay snuggled in my bed, enjoying the start of a 3 day weekend than I was to hop up, go out for a walk run, get started putting away decorations, start decluttering the living room and balance my check book (all part of my goals for the coming 12 months.)

But I did eventually haul myself up, tie on the trainers and head out for a very nice walk with the hubby.

For those of you who are coming across this blog either for the first time or 100th time, and you may be in the exact place you were one year ago, or you've been fine getting started on your resolutions/goals/dreams, but can't seem to hold the course, or maybe you've enjoyed the 2-3 month break at the end of the year and are now scratching your head at where to begin... this is for you.

A few humble hints on how to get and keep yourself going on whatever it is you want to accomplish. Doesn't matter if it's get out of debt/save money, lose weight/get healthy, clear the clutter out of your home so next year you have a place to host the New Years party, the steps are all the same.

It's what I'm coining the 5 "S" approach. It's 5 things that really helped me and, while some of them may come across as tough love, they helped me to love myself a lot more along the way than anything else - and heck, my name is Stephanie so it's a fun coinkidink. :)

The rest of you - you can enjoy time off from reading... or if you have hints or tips to add, please chime in! :)

[by the way, this is gonna be long... might want to grab a cup of water and/or coffee & get comfy ;) ]

1. Slow

This is number one for a lot of reasons, but the biggest is that most people find themselves in a situation where they are desperate to make changes and throw themselves into a project, only to find themselves burnt out in a matter of days, giving up and never looking back. Instead of rushing headlong into an all-or-nothing induced failure, do something radically different: take the slow road to success!

Instead of trying to do everything NOW, start the process slow - rather than paying off $10K in credit cards, digging out your overstuffed home and losing 50 pounds in January (the biggest changes people want to make in their lives on January 1), pick one thing you want to accomplish in the next 30 days - tracking your spending/eating, spending 5 minutes tackling the pile at the end of the couch where your mail ends up, etc.

Be patient. Don’t expect miracles overnight. If your goal is to shed excess pounds, focus on being healthy and feeling good rather than how much weight you’ve lost. Most people don’t see results for 6-8 weeks.

2. Steady

This is the fun one! This is the everyday/consistent one that I know I struggled with for soooooo long. It's that "Motivation" thing that baffles so many - how can you keep going so long after you've started?!?!

Easy peasy!

(Ok, I'll wait for the laughter to die down before I continue... better now? Ok... lets get back to it ;)

I refer you back to #1 - start slow. When you make changes out of desperation (must. lose. weight. NOW!) you usually say "I'm going to exercise for 2 hours every. single. day!" Well, that's hardly slow... and not very easy to keep up on. But if you broke it down, and opted for the slow road of, say 15 minutes of movement each day, it's a whoooole lot easier to find that stretch of 15 minutes than it is to find 120. And you're not so wiped out afterward that you can't function.

Steady doing something every day, rain or shine, tired or bouncing off the walls, rich or poor, until it becomes a habit. Once you build that habit, go back to #1 and find the next thing to add on to your plate and apply #2 to it.

3. Sustainable

sus-tain-a-ble: adj. Capable of being continued with minimal long-term effect on the environment

This is a 'define it for yourself' approach. For me, it means not doing anything now that I'm not willing keep doing for the long haul. When you get started on a goal that seems insurmountable - shedding yourself of 50+ pounds, clearing out tons of clutter or digging out of a lot of debt (to continue with the examples given at the beginning) - you usually are inclined to take BIG action at the beginning so you can see immediate results. That's all fine and dandy...

Thing is, the results, and the effort needed to achieve it, is something most people can't maintain for a long period of time. Restricting your eating/spending, over extending yourself with exercise or putting money out towards bills, doing a marathon 3-day cleaning session - all those things will give you a result you can SEE, but you're too pooped and/or stress to keep it up and end up falling into old patterns.

To use the marathon as a metaphor - ask anyone who's ever run one, thought about running one, heard of running one, or, on a dare, looked at a training and race plan (heck, forget a marathon, lets dial it back and do a 5k!): You never, ever sprint at the beginning. Ok, you might off the starting line because of the excitement, but you learn early on that if you don't pace yourself, you'll be completely spent before you hit mile 2, let alone mile 26.2!

When you go #1 Slow, and #2 steady, you'll achieve small successes along the way that will propel you forward so you can keep the habit up, build on it, and finish the race strong. Then maybe, just maybe you'll be ready to take on something new when you're "done".

4. Support

This is the second biggest gift you can give yourself when you embark on any sort of life and/or behavior changing journey. (The biggest is #5)

Find someone who encourages you, inspires you, has gone through what you are going through now... here's the kicker, though: find someone who is where you _want_ to be, or at least is a few steps ahead of where you are now.

Let me explain - One thing I loved when first joined SparkPeople.com was the abundance of people who were going through _exactly_ what I was: They had a similar amount of weight to lose as I did! They were single with cats too! They had desk jobs! They had hypothyroid! They had PCOS! All LIKE ME!!!

We bonded, we commiserated, we planned... and we all stayed exactly the same.

Then one day on a whim I did a bit of searching and came across a few people who had very similar stories to my own. I saw their struggles reflected in my life. I experienced their challenges because they were my own.

The only difference was that they over came them. In the smiling faces I saw myself and I saw something that I lacked - Confidence! Victory! Achievement! At that moment I dared to think, no... I dared to believe: If they can do it, why can't I?!

Go forth and find that person or person's that inspires you to move just a bit past where you are now, to set you on the road to where you can be. There is only one difference between them and you - they dared to believe they could do it.

And so can you!

5. Self

This is a cheater one because it wraps up 3 "S's" that are separate, yet very connected, into one:
Self-improvement
Self-examination
Self-discipline

The connection is best drawn by Peggy over at thebratfactor.com (the name will be changing soon by the way) in her email today:

"Webster says that self-discipline is "the correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement." Getting to know, love and ultimately guide my inner child Nelly has been the key to my self-discipline and improvement in several areas of my life. Until I met Nelly, I didn’t realize how much of an affect I could have on myself for the sake of improvement.

"Playing with your inner kiddy puts a playful spin on self-discipline! Today, pick one action you will take to correct or regulate yourself. It could be to announce that you will not be eating any sugar today, or you are going to walk for 15 minutes or limit computer time or act out of kindness. You decide and then stay awake to what your inner kiddy has to say about it."

I'm sure you read that all and thought, "You said #5 was THE most important gift I could give myself... I still don't get it."

Here's the thing that I discovered - In the relm of weight loss/health improvement, we go about things in a very backwards way. All the information, the media, etc., tell us that all we have to do is buy this book, follow this plan, use this piece of equipment, and we'll be slim, trim, toned and awesome in no time.

We give it a whirl over and over again, and are still frustrated by the starts, stops, derailments and disappointments. "I'm eating and exercising the way they say, why am I not able to stick to it and/or gain it back when I lose it?!"

Because, while diet & exercise are key, they aren't THE key.

You want to know what it is? It's YOU!

Ok, it's a little broader than that - it's your past. All those things that have happened to you, the habits you've developed, the attitudes you have towards food, the comfort you associated with chocolate chip cookies that developed as the one happy moment you spent with your mom in 4th grade, the hurt you felt when someone you respected spoke harshly to you that caused you turned your emotions inward, the elation you feel when you go out on the town and enjoy your favorite celebratory food.

All of those things have brought you to this moment.

All of those things have created an environment in your mind that is content to keep things just as they are.

And all of those things need to be addressed before you can make long term, lasting changes in your life.

I'm not saying you have to go through any sort of therapy, unless you choose to. I'm merely suggesting that while you're on your slow, steady, sustainable path to success, and you have found someone to model your own success after, you take a bit of time to do a bit of navel gazing and look at what /really/ makes you tick.

You see, you can choose any sensible eating and exercise plan you want... it's you, your goals, your attitudes and habits that will help you either stick to that plan for the long haul, or pull you from it at the first sign of trouble.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*whew* Finally! I'm done!!!

If you made it this far, KUDOS to you!!!

There you have it.

While the approach may be simple, it won't always be easy.

When was the last time you accomplished something great without being scared? Honestly, think about this. Being scared about your goals means that you are challenging yourself and are setting yourself up to do something beautiful and amazing - like discovering your true passion, your gifts and finding out just how amazing YOU really are!

I believe in you! I believe that you are worth the effort... Are you ready to believe it for yourself?

Thoughts for Thursday: Happy New Year! (Video!!!)

2009-12-31T07:02:00.000-07:00

My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy!
May the problems you had forget your home address!
In simple words ............
May 2010 be the best year of your life!!!

Thank you all for being part of this amazing year and I can't wait to see what 2010 brings for all of us!

I'll be posting a few 'success tips' over the next few days that have helped me get started and keep moving!

Till then, Many hugs and best wishes for an amazing year!!!
Steph